A- fans (headphones, star magazine in hand)
Internet worm (phone book, computer)
C-dieters (bodybuilder's dress, Nanjing accent)
D- salesman (disguised as a man, holding a mobile phone, Shanghai accent)
E- nameless (backpack)
F- small cadres
[Opening-Scene 1] Dormitory
A (sitting by the bed, wearing headphones and humming pop songs)
B (get up and hurry. Run straight to the table. While talking to himself): "The netizen asked me to call her again. Where is the phone book? (Keep looking, the phone book can't be found, see A): "Hey, have you seen my phone book? "
A listened, took off the earphone in one ear and said slowly, "What do you see?"
B shouted, "My phone book!"
A: "How do I know what your phone book is like?" (Continue listening to music)
Look under the computer desk. Suddenly shouted excitedly): "Oh, I found you!" " (b) get up. Pick up the phone in a hurry and turn over the phone book.
A glanced at him, shook his head contemptuously, put on his headphones again, touched his face and looked down at the star magazine. B dialed the phone and was very excited. ): "hello? Tide? Why don't you surf the internet and call me these days? Have you forgotten me? By the way, I haven't eaten Pizza Hut for a long time. ..... What, it's too expensive? You are so stingy! Well, it's cheaper for you this time, so McDonald's. Half past twelve! Goodbye, goodbye! "
B hung up the phone and started surfing the internet, laughing from time to time. )
A looked up and took off an earphone: "What are you laughing at? No quality. "
B: "You don't understand, this is surfing the Internet. What can I do except hum a few songs that no one can hear clearly? Groans all day.
A: "moaning without illness?" Whether it's weird or not is a style "(singing and clearing his throat):" I don't, I don't, I can't think any more, I don't ... "
I don't care. Ok, now let's practice our Mandarin. You Jay Chou, oh, Jay Chou, what's the big deal. A: (Angry) You are not allowed to destroy Ajie's image in my heart. He is my heart, he is my liver,
B: He is three quarters of my life!
You know, what is this? I even wrote a poem for him! "This dream according to his best, and his line, is zero contact, but this dream has been awake! Hey ~ ~ ~
B: (making vomiting) What's the use of your love? Can you stay with him? Idiot talks in his sleep. That's lying to you girls. Practical, high-tech and modern like me-online dating. "
A: "Come on, stop it. I have no feeling about GG on the Internet. Only the real Jay can touch my heart. "
(b) Repeated vomiting.
[Scene 2] (C takes the newspaper and believes it) C: (One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight) Hey! Today, I summed up a simple question (A, B see C) and asked, "What is weight loss? Losing weight is love, the process is hunger strike, and the result is to catch handsome guys, hahahahahaha ... (C to B) C: Hey, you don't want to be beautiful, too.
B looked up: Am I not beautiful?
C: That would be even more beautiful! By the way, give me an online and see if there is a wonderful slimming plan.
Nice try? I'm chatting with Mei Chuan Necho!
C: Wow, no underwear!
No, no, that's the screen name. Plum blossoms, mountains, and inner "inner" pretending to be cool. What good is it if I show it to you?
C: I'll just watch it for a while, just for a while. I later set up a VIP card of the slimming center and gave it to you for free!
D.D.: Don't show it to me! Nong doesn't know, does he? You see, last time I said I wanted to buy fitness ointment, I borrowed it from 1000. It's not like you didn't know you were wearing ointment. A month later, it increased by 20 kilograms.
Oh, okay. I didn't persist at that time, but I will completely change myself this time. I'm going on a hunger strike again! I will lose weight, I will do plastic surgery, I will do beauty. I want to be Kim Hee Seon. Hum!
(C sits reading the newspaper, D talks on the cell phone)
D: Brother Zhang, it's not that I'm not coming. These two days have brought inconvenience to people. ............., no, no, you misunderstood. I have been playing truant at school for the past two days. When the gust of wind passes, I will come ... Zhang Dage, Zhang Dage, hello! Hey! Hello? Fuck it, I'm not afraid. Isn't there boss Li? (make a phone call)
A (stand up and write a poem, D go out to make a phone call, A circle slowly, B) There was a sincere love in front of me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me another chance, I will say: Ajie, I love you. (Shandong dialect) If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is ... 100,000 years!
What's your mother's name? (Everyone is speechless, A sits underground)
D (in): it doesn't make sense? Boss Li and I have a good relationship. Why is he so angry with me?
B: Boss Li asked me to tell you not to call him. Call him once and scold him once.
D: what's the matter
B: He said that his wife almost lost her face after using the cosmetics you promoted last time.
D: Look how heartless this boss Li is. If you don't want cosmetics, don't! The breast cream he bought last time didn't work well! That is, one side is big and the other side is small. There are additional agents, that is, the middle football field and barbed wire on all sides. Forget it, I won't look for him. I also have (undressing and showing my business card) and Manager Wang.
B: Manager Wang said that he was not interested in your batch of XO perfume and told you not to contact him.
(E, D are startled, C message rings, clapping and shouting after reading) c: *! Look, what makes sense! I can't believe you broke up with me because you called me fat!
You are really a fat man. Look at your black face, where is the bad luck!
C: Look at what you are selling. That breast cream has freaks, not to mention that extra medicine! That XO perfume only attracts bees, not butterflies. That's hilarious.
Thank you. I thank Shannon! (whispering: thanks to the farmer). My products are imported from abroad, and He Li Xiu speaks for them. There has never been one in the domestic market, only our company has it. Do you want beauty? You want to be a star, please tell us about our OK products. On the first day, Dong Shi changed into a surname; The next day, Shen Dianxia changed into Brigitte Lin; On the third day, Zhao Benshan changed into He. If you buy early, you will benefit. If you buy now, you can get 50% discount. Suitable for all ages, men and women. Whether you are eight or eighty, as long as I have something for you. ...
(c makes a helpless gesture)
F: (I) Attention, Director, there will be a public welfare activity of the Youth League Committee this afternoon, and representatives of all dormitories will meet at the school gate at two o'clock this afternoon. (at the bottom, everyone is speechless. d)
Why are you looking at me? Don't look at me. It's no use looking at me. Although I am the housemaster, I am very busy. As you can see, I didn't get through a few calls just now. I must go there myself this afternoon, or I will lose a lot of money. I think it's small and quite idle. You can be the representative!
No, Jay will release a new album this afternoon. I want to snap up. I heard that the top 100 people may get his photo poster. You don't know, this poster grabbing is like shooting. The key is to watch the ball go in. When the goalkeeper pounces, the ball can be shot again. Grab this poster and I'll kill myself. You don't want anything to happen to me.
D: This little B, you'll get arthritis if you sit there surfing the Internet all the time. Let you go to the activity this afternoon!
No, I can’t . I've made an appointment and I'm leaving soon. Be a credible person.
D: It seems that you are the only one left in Little C. ..
C: You see, I don't even eat to lose weight. To lose weight, we must stick to it. I must do aerobic exercise in the afternoon. And you don't want me to give up halfway. It's up to you (everyone looks at E)
Dear classmates, I miss you very much.
Let me introduce you first.
A: My name is Guo Liangliang.
My name is Zhao Pangpang.
A: Pangpang, are you a freshman? If there is anything I can do for you in the future, please let me know and I will do my best.
Oh, of course. Boss, did you get good grades?
A: Just so-so.
B: Then why are your grades so good?
A: Because I was honed from the bitter experience of "frying shredded pork with bamboo board", I have deeply realized that I will be beaten if I fall behind.
B: Well, heroes have the same experience.
Can you be more specific?
B: Women's singles score below 80, men's singles score below 70 and mixed doubles score below 60.
What do you mean?
B: Mom under b:80 hit me, Dad under 70 hit me, and Mom and Dad under 60 hit me together.
Did you grow up in this environment?
B: Who cares how bitter my heart is and where I will go tomorrow?
Oh, my poor classmate, but it doesn't matter. Sooner or later, your body will become indestructible, and then you will live forever.
B: Hey, senior, I've heard that you stand out from the crowd and monopolize the glans penis. Please introduce your study method to me.
A: I couldn't stop singing last night, and my dream of winning the championship was shaken back. It's already midnight. I got up and washed my face with cold water, and then I desperately picked up the window lamp and concentrated on becoming famous. White leaves fall in front of the window, blocking the way. I want to talk to Yao Qin. It's impossible. I have no time at all.
But I just can't learn well, even if I stay up late.
A: You study during the day, study at night, eat and go to the toilet. Study hard before you study.
B: That won't do. If you study all night, you have to sleep during the day. Reading while eating, twice stuffing rice into nostrils, three times stuffing it into ears and four times stuffing it into other people's mouths. I'm afraid to read in the toilet.
What are you afraid of?
I'm afraid of falling in. I won't swim there.
What do you do at school?
B: I am at school, jumping, crying, laughing, hitting, hanging against the wall, sleeping during the day and shooting at night. I got under the bed and bit the mouse.
A: If you don't study hard, you might as well go home and sell sweet potatoes. If you don't study hard, you might as well go home and farm. Forget it, stop suffering here and go home. Hey ... What are you talking about? What's so great about you? Just study hard. I want to make your family restless.
What do you want?
I'll call your home. Hello, is this Guo Liangliang's mother? I have some sad news for you. My lovely classmate Guo Liangliang was hit by a car yesterday morning, hit by a stone, kicked by a donkey and bitten by a dog. Now she is being rescued in the hospital.
A: Where is it?
B: Urumqi, Heilongjiang.
Why do you say so far?
B: Let her take her time to find it by car. The fare is all inclusive.
Well, you are cruel. Look, everyone, that's him calling anyone with a phone number like this.
To tell the truth, I do have difficulties in my study.
A: What's the difficulty?
B: Reading makes me sleepy, thirsty and hungry, and I want to go to the toilet.
That's easy to handle.
B: What shall we do?
Answer: Drink red bull when you are thirsty and hungry, red bull when you are sleepy and tired, and red bull when you have frequent urination and urgency. Red bull, red bull, neither red nor cow.
B: But we only have yellow cattle, not red cattle.
A: Forget it. I'd better tell you a few stories to stimulate your interest in learning.
I like stories.
Have you ever heard of Che Yin Capsule Firefly, Sun Kang Xue Ying and Kuang Heng?
I haven't heard of it. What happened?
A: As for Che Yin, when he was a child, he loved reading very much, but his family was poor and had no money to buy lamps. So he caught a lot of fireflies, put them in bags and read books at night.
B: Then let's catch fireflies.
What do you want fireflies for when you have electric lights and sticks?
B: Only in this way can I show that I study hard.
A: Please, fireflies will glow. Can it shine? Fireflies can fly. Can you fly?
What about Sun Kang Xue Ying?
A: Sun Kang wants to study at night, but his family is poor and there is no light, so he studies in the snow by the light of the snow.
B: I don't think it's snowy either, but how cold it is outside. Studying outside is not sleepwalking, but also mental derangement. Let's listen to the people who steal from the wall. I also want to learn.
A: That was Kuang Heng stealing a lamp from the wall, and Kuang Heng's family was poor, and there was no lamp to study at night, so he dug a hole in his wall and studied with the lamp of his neighbor.
But there is a pigsty next door to my house. Besides, what if the pig next door peeks at me taking a bath?
I introduced them to you because I want you to learn their hard-working spirit. That's how genius is born.
B: Geniuses make money every day.
Why do you care so much about money? Well, since you can't learn from China, learn from a foreign country. Newton.
B: Cows like elephants are slow to react.
A: ostrovsky.
B: You're going home to marry an old hen?
A: Dalton, the father of modern chemistry.
B: I've never heard of chemistry since I was a child. I have a father. Who the fuck is that?
A: Well, well, let's stop studying and talk about your life.
Ah, my life here is so wonderful. I think I live in sweet happiness.
Yo, be specific.
One day I went to the canteen to eat. After dinner, I put my rice bowl in the canteen and it was gone the next day.
What about you?
B: So I posted a notice at the entrance of the canteen: Dear classmate, you accidentally took my job. I am deeply sorry for this, because I have hepatitis A, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, liver cirrhosis, myocardial infarction and meningitis. I hope I can put my job back.
Is this still alive?
A: what happened later?
B: I went to the canteen door the next morning and saw more than 200 rice bowls piled up at the door.
A: More than 200? So what do you do?
B: I chose three of the most beautiful ones for rice bowls, two for urinals, one for washbasins, and the rest were sold to waste collectors. They sold for more than 65,438+000 yuan, enough for me to eat for a day.
A: Great. Then try again.
B: But I have sold all the jobs in our dormitory. Otherwise, you can try.
I am not as kind as you.
Oh, I'm flattered.
A: fickle and heartless.
B: Senior, let's change the subject.
A: Of course. ..... How?
B: sensitive and exciting.
A: What?
B: Puppy love.
I exercise every morning to see how good my health is. See if my biceps are fake? (action)
B: I'm not talking about this, I'm talking about that.
Which one?
B: Hmm.
A: Oh, I concentrate on my studies and have no distractions.
I also attach importance to study, but those girls always make eyes at me.
A: What eyes?
B: Radio waves in autumn.
What do they all look like?
B: everyone is better than cattle. I can scare the hell out of Shi with a twist of my head. I can't stand it any longer. I'm going to kill myself.
Answer: Slow down, there is no sorrow in life and no pain in death. Everyone has a lock that can't be opened and just wants to open it.
Yes, I want to forget it. I'll write them a love letter as soon as I want to forget it. One day, I stuffed a love letter into a girl's textbook.
Did she see it?
Of course, I am very excited.
A: Then what?
I called the police.
Did you call the police? What did you write?
B: I've been following you for a long time, hehehehehe.
How do you intimidate others?
B: I haven't written it before I knew this would not work, so I changed it.
What did you change?
B: You are from Yuanmou, Yunnan, and I am from Zhoukou, Beijing. Grab your furry hand and take a gentle bite. Love makes us walk upright.
A: How about this time?
B: She smiled after reading it.
Yo, smile?
B: Then open your mouth and tell me, you protein!
Wow, you made it!
B: No, her protein is an idiot and neurotic.
A: So it's over?
B: It's over.
What a sad love story! Let me borrow your shoulder.
B: My first love died in the womb and collapsed mercilessly.
A: Hey, Xiao Pang, life setbacks are inevitable. Suffering and sadness are a person's spiritual wealth. The road to study is hard. Don't covet the scenery on the road. It's not too late to appreciate it when you arrive. Men are born to men's mothers, and women are born to women's mothers. Once a man is mixed with a woman, he will become neither a man nor a woman. Students should focus on learning, be pure and indifferent, cultivate one's morality and cultivate one's nature, so as to show the true nature of men.
So am I really wrong?
A: Youth is fleeting, so we should cherish it. Don't wait to fool a teenager's head before you feel sad.
B: I want to get rid of the ocean of addiction and make progress.
A: Then show everyone your determination.
B: There was a precious time before me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The saddest thing in the world is this. If God gives me another chance, I will study hard. If I have to put a restriction in front, I hope it will be a lifetime.
All right, chubby, walk home and do your homework.
Campus sketch script: short script lines of funny and humorous cross talk sketches
Campus sketch
Characters: Communist Youth League Secretary, Xiao Ai, Xiaoling and Xiao Wu.
Scene: classroom
League branch secretary: classmates, classmates, comrades and compatriots. . . Same. . . Why? Please listen to me!
Three people: Go ahead.
Communist Youth League Secretary: Are you listening?
Three people: I'm listening!
Communist Youth League Secretary: Really?
Three people: Really!
Communist Youth League Secretary: Are you sure?
Three people: OK.
Communist Youth League Secretary: No remorse?
Three people: no regrets.
Communist Youth League Secretary: Are you serious? Did you lie to me?
Three people: Do you want to talk or not?
Communist Youth League Secretary: Oh, I'm starting to talk! -What am I going to say?
Three people fainted.
Youth League Secretary: Ah! ! ! ! exactly
Three people sit up.
Youth League Secretary: I really forgot what I was going to say!
Three people fainted again.
Communist Youth League Secretary: Well, get to the point, you can't get drunk again! You should keep working hard, be self-reliant, volunteer, stand on your own feet, stand on your own feet, stand on your own feet. . . Make good changes and boycott Japanese goods!
Xiaoling: What a mess!
Communist Youth League Secretary: Xiaoling! Why do you sleep in class?
Xiaoling: I was sleepy and fell asleep!
Communist Youth League Secretary: Why don't you sleep in the dormitory?
Xiaoling: I think! But the teacher won't let me go!
Communist Youth League Secretary: Can't you sleep after class?
Xiaoling: I sleep after class!
Communist Youth League Secretary: What to do in the evening?
Xiaoling: What do you do at night?
Communist Youth League Secretary: Go to sleep!
Xiaoling: We have the same habits!
Communist Youth League Secretary: What do you do besides sleeping?
Xiaoling: It's very important! -Eat!
Communist Youth League Secretary: What about studying?