Aging, crisis, stress and anxiety are the lessons that every post-80s woman who is about to enter middle age has to face.
How to resolve middle-aged anxiety and anxiety and solve middle-aged crisis?
Robbie Ludwig, a famous American psychotherapist and marriage expert, in her "The Best Time is Now", with a large number of examples and scientific arguments, leads us to explore the youth model, dig deep into the causes of stress and anxiety in middle age, help us master the methods of restoring youthful vitality, establishing intimate relationships and getting rid of mental stress, and let us redefine middle-aged life and rebuild a beautiful, energetic and free second spring of life.
This book has 25 1 page 10 chapters, which can be summarized into the following three parts:
First, in the face of aging, restore a healthy, young and energetic life.
Wang Xiaobo once had a mean evaluation of middle-aged women: "Middle-aged women are natural disasters in China."
In many people's subconscious, when it comes to middle-aged women, an image of unkempt, juryman, carrying a child's schoolbag in one hand, swearing and pushing a child immediately comes to mind.
Women who take care of their careers and families in China get old at some point when they get married, work and take care of their husbands and children.
In many people's minds, beauty only exists at the age of seventeen or eighteen. In many TV dramas, women in their thirties are "leftover women"; A forty-year-old woman has become a "yellow-faced woman"; The fifty-year-old woman is old, pale and haggard.
As the author analyzes in this book: "The beautification of youth by society makes some middle-aged women feel anxious and gradually lose control of their lives. This kind of anxiety often comes from fear-fear that with the growth of age, I will get rid of the world that is more suitable for young people, fear that I have lost my ability to choose, or fear that I have no time to pursue my dream life. "
In short, when a woman reaches middle age, what she really fears is not aging, but the loss caused by aging.
The 30-year-old "leftover woman" is afraid of losing more choices; The forty-year-old "yellow-faced woman" is afraid that her husband will cheat and lose the happiness of her family; A fifty-year-old woman is afraid of losing her health and becoming a burden to others.
Many middle-aged women "when they notice the decline of middle age, they will be very worried about what they will become when they reach the age of 80, so they completely ignore their current state." So we naturally lose confidence in ourselves and give up the possibility of a better life. "
How to face up to aging and restore a healthy, youthful and energetic life? In this book, a large number of examples, data and psychological methods are used to reveal the answers for us.
But what is most worth sharing with you is that the author at the beginning of this book tells us with a short story of his own personal experience: "If I have a young heart, wearing leggings and a ponytail, then my age is just a number. At this moment, my age seems insignificant. Even from time to time, someone asked me to show my ID card to see if I was an adult. "
Yes, as long as you keep a young heart, what is there to be afraid of when you get old?
Think back to those elegant grandmothers with red lips and skirts in foreign movies. Looking back at Carmen Dell; The 83-year-old supermodel has been blooming on the runway for 72 years; Iris Apfel, 9 1 year-old who is still shooting fashion blockbusters; Jacquie Murdock is still a model at the age of 82. Their beauty is beyond their age and has already penetrated into the bone marrow.
Why did the sisters in the recent variety show "Braving the Wind and Waves" trigger all kinds of media craze? Because they are still breaking through themselves at the age of 30+, and they have broken the long-standing inherent impression of "middle-aged women".
What about 30+? Age is never a person's bondage.
Wisdom, experience and maturity are the unique charm of middle-aged women!
Second, in order to make a living, you must enjoy your work.
Unlike the post-90s generation who resigned without saying a word, for many middle-aged people in their forties, age, energy, physical strength and learning ability are no longer advantages, and most people's wages are gradually declining. At the same time, parents' alimony, children's education expenses, mortgage, car and medical expenses, etc. Family expenses continue to rise and economic pressure suddenly increases.
Many times, what we call middle-aged crisis is money anxiety and livelihood anxiety.
As mentioned in this book, Forbes magazine published a survey conducted by Allianz Insurance in 20 13, and the results showed that 49% of women were worried that they would be bankrupt or even homeless. This fear is the famous "wandering old woman syndrome". Among the people with this kind of "wandering old woman syndrome", there are many people who are already rich in middle age and have achieved temporary success.
Ask yourself, where is the source of anxiety?
Maybe, as the book says, "We may be tired of our present life, exhausted, or need to earn more than we do now. But more importantly, always doing repetitive work will make us start looking for new goals in life. Your salary may be your initial purpose, but gradually, you will find yourself losing the fun of working. "
Gallup's 20 13 national career survey report shows that only 30% of American employees are enthusiastic about their jobs.
How to choose between making a living and enjoying work?
In The Best Time Is Now, the author introduced a middle-aged female role model named Judy Schederin, a media person who appeared on TV and wrote her own best-selling book. Before the age of 52, she was one of the few female judges. Judy is very attentive to her second job. She said, "Everything I have now is not from luck, but because I have made full preparations before, and I am being myself."
Judy told us: "You must decide everything you have-it's your own business." "I learned that some women have to work, the heavy burden of life makes them unable to give up their jobs, and they have no freedom not to work. But even so, you can do something that makes you feel passionate. It is very important to ensure that you have private space to do what you like. You never know what will happen in the future, and you never know which door will open for you in the process. "
Therefore, when you enter middle age and feel tired and dissatisfied with your work, we need to take some time to rethink how to combine love and work. Think about what we can want outside of work and what role we can play outside of the office. It doesn't matter if you can't make a living from your own interests. You can still integrate your hobby into your life and enjoy the wonderful moments it brings you.
Third, embrace change and explore new life.
Some people say, "people are as timid as mice in middle age."
When people reach middle age, they have more worries and fears. They are always afraid of change and the uncertainty behind every change.
Therefore, even though many middle-aged women really feel: I am really unhappy, I want to do something else now, this job can no longer meet my needs, and this relationship is no longer as sweet as before, but they are still taking the old road and unwilling to accept new changes.
But as the thinker Spencer Johnson said, "the only constant is change itself." Life is a constantly changing process. People who are afraid of change are always particularly vulnerable in the wind and rain. Give yourself some courage to embrace change, and you may have a different life.
How to embrace change and explore a new life?
The author of this book tells us: "The most important change in middle age is internal, and it is the growing demand for a sense of belonging, new changes and control over one's own life." "Spiritual belief can help middle-aged women gain a sense of accomplishment and happiness."
Citing the theory of psychologist carl jung, the author points out that middle age is a period when we change from "full of energy and paying attention to physiology to paying more attention to spirit and philosophy". Once spiritual needs appear, it opens the door to a lifelong path of self-discovery, mental health, happiness and overall life satisfaction.
It is particularly important for middle-aged women to be women with richer spiritual world and build their own spiritual home.
In The Best Time Is Now, the author lists some simple ways for us to enter the spiritual world, such as volunteering, accompanying children or learning cooking skills, all of which are likely to get spiritual satisfaction.
Middle age is not a scourge.
Middle-aged women should learn to live in the present and smell the fragrance of the soul from the secular noise. Experience middle age with your heart-this is the best time.
Use experience to solve middle-aged anxiety and wisdom to solve middle-aged crisis-"The best time is now", recommended to you who are about to enter the middle-aged ranks!
I'm @ Jinse Wutrace, a post-80s baby mother, a family education lecturer, a psychological counselor, a Chinese scholar and an educator of Baihua Garden. I want to discuss parenting, emotions and social topics with you.