What should I do in my twenties to avoid regrets in my thirties and forties?
Some time ago, I saw an article like this in Weibo, "Beipiao's 25-year-old white-collar king feels very vulgar", which was deeply touched.
Because this article describes the state of many contemporary young people, and I am one of them:
When I first graduated, I was always full of passion. If I find a good job, the aura of the enterprise gives me great confidence, so I especially like being asked where to work and feel that I am awesome.
But after a few years in the workplace, I only learned the skills of using excel, making ppt and 100 English abbreviations. ...
High-end restaurants that I couldn't afford before can't afford it now, and the clothes in the closet will always be Taobao goods.
Of course, I can still live like this, and it won't be too bad, but I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't know what to do.
Are you so confused? If so, then this article is worth reading.
0 1
I once saw a TED talk by Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, called "Why is 30 not the new 20?" 》。
Meg Jay described her first experience of receiving visitors when she was young.
Jay was a doctoral student in clinical psychology at that time. The visitor is a 26-year-old woman, Alex, who looks quite ordinary. She came to talk about "questions about men"
Compared with the arsonists met by other students, Jay thinks she can certainly handle such an ordinary consultant.
Because there are many such young people, they are young, energetic, have plenty of time, but a little confused.
Jay, who was only in his twenties at that time, thought that the confusion of these young people was no big deal, and life would be on the right track sooner or later with the growth of age.
So, in that consultation, she just easily echoed the story told by Alex.
Until one day, Jay's mentor told her that Alex, a consultant, should be asked to seriously consider her love life.
"If she is drifting away from a fool now, she will marry a fool sooner or later. And the best time to give her advice is before marriage. "
The tutor's teaching made Meg Jay suddenly understand that Alex's 20-year-old should not be stranded like this. This is an important lesson in Jay's career:
"30 years old is not a brand new 20 years old."
Because more than 20 years old is a period with strong plasticity. For example, when we are in our twenties, our personality changes far more than other periods, and women's fertility reaches its peak at the age of 28. ...
In the twenties, the human brain will experience the second development and then tend to be stable; At the age of 30, people's lives have gradually stabilized.
Therefore, the twenties are not the time to indulge themselves, but the period of intensive cultivation. However, many people are wasting this time.
If we can't understand this truth earlier, the gap between us and our peers will get bigger and bigger in our thirties and forties.
Others have a monthly salary of over 10,000 yuan, and you still have a salary of three or four thousand yuan; Others have established their own fields from scratch, and you are still working hard for the boss's dream at the bottom. ...
So, what should you do in your twenties to avoid being at a loss when you are thirty?
02
First of all, know yourself and figure out what you want.
Many people live in a muddle, busy and mediocre life. The reason is that they didn't seriously think about what they really wanted, so they began to go with the flow.
If others say this movie is good, you should go and see it.
If others say that the work within the system is good, you will take the civil service exam;
People say that they are 25 years old, so they should get married and have children quickly, and just find someone to make do with it.
Success is a multiple-choice question. It is mentioned in the book that the pursuit of inner world access is the highest goal pursued in human history. Buddhism calls this goal "Buddhism", that is, the correct life.
India's Bhagavad-gita is almost devoted to the pursuit of Buddhism. In the book, Chris said to student Zhou Na, "No matter how imperfect one's Buddhism is, it is better than others' perfect Buddhism. "
If you can't face up to your deepest desires, even if you succeed again, you can't experience real happiness.
If you take the road of 1, you may eventually be promoted, become a boss and partner, and live a glamorous life in the eyes of others, but you will feel that life is increasingly lacking in meaning and sense of accomplishment.
And if you take the road 2, even if you fail for a while, the work itself is a reward, and your life is still more meaningful.
If you can't find your inner dharma, you can ask yourself: Who will you be in five years? /kloc-where are you after 0/0 years?
Actor Zhou Xun 18 was confused. At the suggestion of the teacher, she began to infer from herself after 10:
10 years later, at the age of 28, she hopes to be the best actress and release her own music album.
Then, at the age of 27, she must have a complete musical work in addition to receiving the plays of famous directors;
At the age of 25, she needs to study and think constantly in her acting career, and at the same time she has begun to record her works with music.
At the age of 23, you must receive all kinds of training and exercise, including music and physical training;
At the age of 20, I will start to compose music, write lyrics and take on a bigger role in the performance.
10 years later, she really became a popular actress and also had her first album "Summer".
03
Secondly, play hard in the field you love.
The new elite career planner said classically: A good life is to work hard in the field you love.
This is a truth that all children know. They can always find their favorite field and work hard in it, but they can laugh at the result.
When you find what you really want, you should do your work to the extreme in the field you love.
At this point, we should learn from the Japanese craftsman spirit.
In Japan, there is a famous pastry chef named Chunxiong Yokogawa.
His dream when he was young was to open a dessert shop. Now, the dessert shop he founded maintains a high passenger flow every day and enjoys a good reputation all over the world.
His desserts have no gorgeous appearance, but they are almost paranoid about the ingredients and taste of desserts.
For example, sachertorte, which he created himself, is very strict with the chocolate in the cake.
The viscosity and freshness of chocolate need constant research and preparation. In order to confirm the viscosity of chocolate sauce, Mr. Henggou even directly touched chocolate sauce100 C with his hands.
It is a solid and time-consuming job to scrape and cool chocolate repeatedly on the chopping block to produce small crystals, but Mr. Yokogawa has always insisted on doing so.
Mr. Henggou's craftsmanship is an ability to work deeply.
The book Deep Work mentions:
Deep work refers to focusing on professional activities without interference, so that personal cognitive ability reaches the limit. This kind of effort can create new value and upgrade skills, and it is difficult to replicate.
In fact, working hard in the field you love is to deepen your interest in the position you are interested in through continuous learning and bring your interest to the extreme.
Only by cultivating the ability to work deeply in the twenties can it become irreplaceable in the future.
04
Third, get out of the familiar circle and expand your comfort zone.
We all like comfortable feeling, so we always stay in the position of habit, play the role of habit and get along with familiar people ... in short, everything is familiar to us.
However, once this "comfort zone" is established, it is easy to become dependent, thus confining itself to this area and staying in a certain state, which will eventually bring laziness in thought, stagnation in action and slackness in style.
Just like boiling a frog in warm water, the final result is that it is boiled to death by hot water unconsciously.
According to the "comfort zone theory" of pedagogy, people who stay in a comfortable environment for a long time will not want to use their brains because of the ease of life; But if you take people to a more sinister environment and experience challenges and pains, they will become mature.
In one study, researchers tested subjects' memory by showing them pictures, which were divided into three levels: unfamiliar, familiar and very familiar.
The results show that when researchers show strange pictures to subjects, their test results are the best; The second is a familiar picture.
In other words, although repetition helps to remember, it is also important to participate in new information.
However, stepping out of the comfort zone can not only improve memory, but also enhance personal expression ability, stimulate creativity and enhance learning ability.
Because putting ourselves in a new and unfamiliar environment will lead to the release of dopamine (an exciting natural chemical) from a specific part of the brain, and it will only be activated when we see or experience new things.
When you get used to discomfort, you will feel comfortable again, your comfort zone will expand and you will get better and better.
So, what can we do to expand the comfort zone?
Do something new every day. For example, change the route to work and listen to some unfamiliar music.
② Learn a new skill. For example, learning a new language, learning sports that you have never been exposed to, and so on.
(3) Come bit by bit. It takes courage and time to expand the comfort zone. The key is to start slowly and do it firmly. If you have social anxiety, don't force yourself to ask questions to the crowd at once, just say hello to them.
There is an old saying in China: Stand at thirty.
Everyone knows this sentence, but there is another sentence: it is not enough to stand without breaking.
For "breaking" here, my understanding is to break my original boundary and find a new one. That is, get out of the comfort zone and expand the boundary of the comfort zone.
If you are now in your twenties, perhaps you should understand that twenties are not the transitional period of adulthood, the extension of youth, the preparation period of entering society, but the key period of adult development.
If you are still confused, you might as well ask yourself in your spare time:
Live like this,/kloc-where will you be in 0/0 years?
If the answer is not what you expected, it's time to make a change.