Speaker | Lin Jian (a pseudonym), who was led astray by his girlfriend.
I slapped her ass ten times with all my strength, but she was slightly soaked in sweat and bit her lip for breath. "Come again, come again."
This provocative remark makes me feel very embarrassed. On the one hand, I feel sorry for my right hand. As an ex-girlfriend, I have been with me for more than 20 years, but today I feel as painful as Newton's third law in front of my real girlfriend. More importantly, I never expected that with my confident efforts, she was as steady as a pine and teased me with pornography. The internal force is so deep that I sigh that this ass is probably not made of iron!
She is my girlfriend, Red Bean. Before that, we had been in love for three years, and there were signs of indifference to each other. I tried many ways to make up for it, but it didn't work. For example, some time ago, on the third anniversary, I hid the condom in the cake and wanted to make a surprise and romantic smack with her. I didn't expect her to eat it in one bite. Finally, I went to the hospital to take a laxative and pulled it out. I was allergic all over, which is also commonly known as the "three-year itch".
Because I have systematically studied the theory of relativity, I can fully understand why others itch after seven years, and we begin to itch after three years of love. This is probably the relativity principle of time.
When we first started to fall in love, when both sides had leisure time, WeChat phones bombed in turn. "Sanitary napkins are very comfortable to wear like this, and you will cry if you don't look at them! She will share more than a dozen such private articles with me a day; When I ordered takeout for her, I also made various remarks. Please attach a note to the lunch box, "don't drink water when eating, take care of your stomach." "If you don't do it, the script will be badly reviewed.
But dongfeng evil, Le Bo. Unconsciously, I have been away from the cable for several years. After a long time, we gradually became a state of mutual incompatibility. Go home to play games, and red beans go home to watch plays. I often work overtime on Saturdays. At this time, the girlfriend will become Schrodinger's red bean, always hovering between "just going out with my best friend" and "coming back soon" This wonderful state happens to cats, which excites physicists and my friend k9 happens to me.
Gossip people always think that I am green, and I am committed to finding clues to prove my conclusions. The reason why these k9 friends can survive in front of me is mainly because I haven't practiced king kong palm, so I can't slap them to death.
All in all, this relationship seems to have entered the rhythm of mixed eating and waiting for death. Oh, yes, in the past, we used to stay in the sweet kitchen for half a day and cook some food to satisfy our hunger. However, due to the philosophical question of "who will clean up who will wash the dishes", it was declared eternal after many red-faced arguments, and mixed eating became a delusion, and now it is only waiting for death.
A kitchen waiting to be cleaned
"I think our relationship needs to be improved, otherwise it will be over soon." I probably think our relationship with the walking dead has long since lost its flavor. One day, Red Bean put the mask on the sofa, and suddenly a sentence popped up in his mouth.
I was so excited when I was playing games in front of the computer that I didn't hear everything but the word "change". "Change! Be sure to change, be sure to change, daughter-in-law, don't be angry, you tell me where I am wrong, and I will change it right away! " According to the big data summary of previous quarrels, I blurted out the standard answer in order to make things smaller and trivial and not delay me from playing games.
"Wrong your sister! Do you know that apologizing and admitting mistakes can't be tough? " A drum of red bean-like cheeks has lost half of its mask.
Tough? What does this mean? For about five minutes, I fell into a thoughtful silence.
Feeling that the world was a little strange, I shook my head. I still remember the four golden sentences summed up when I quarreled with my girlfriend: it's my fault, I'll change it right away, you're right, trust me again; I ran to the bathroom to wash my face before I dared to come back and carefully asked, "You mean, shouldn't I admit my mistake and apologize?"
"Yes, can't you see I'm being unreasonable?" Red beans grabbed a pillow and threw it in my direction. "You apologize for being unreasonable. Your understanding is 0! Oh, it's annoying! "
"Let's just say you're not angry that I'm unreasonable?" Red beans are stuck in the waist.
"angry."
"Do you want to hit someone?"
"think."
"Hit me."
"What did you say?"
My own understanding of "SP"
Red beans confessed everything to me in my surprise. From the beginning, she had illusions about SP. She doesn't always go shopping with her girlfriends on Saturdays, but occasionally she goes to some small circle parties and munches, which makes her affirm her fantasy, but she never dares to show her cards to me, for fear that our three-year relationship will be wasted directly.
So time came to the night when the article started. From then on, I deeply realized how a harmonious and interesting life can stimulate the demand growth of both sides and promote the harmony between husband and wife.
The only small problem is that my hand hurts.
For a moment, I was really thinking about signing up for a crash course in king kong palm, because the fear of being dominated by red bean ass is still fresh in my mind. The next day, my hand was swollen, and the speed of writing code was 72.4% slower, which was accused by the leader of inefficiency. This situation made me burst into tears, thinking of the humiliation of being beaten by the teacher in primary school, unable to write my homework, and continuing to be slapped the next day.
But king kong palm is difficult to practice, and the process may be more painful than my present situation, so I suggest to Hong Du that we use tools, such as clothes hangers, pointers and shoes. My dad used to hit me with these when I was a kid. Take good care of your body, relaxed and free, with a loud voice and smooth blood flow; I also worry and save effort, and my hands will not be destroyed; Kill two birds with one stone.
Red beans listened and criticized me deeply. She thinks I don't love her, and I don't even want to touch her. But when sleeping at night, she held my right hand tightly to her chest and rubbed it gently until she fell asleep.
Two days later, I received a courier. When I opened it, it was a rubber racket. Red bean said, your hand is not as comfortable as it is. Please use this later.
I nodded, ecstatic, and in this way, a small problem that affected us was finally solved. I have to say, this leather hand pat with poor texture has become the most popular object at home every night when desire is fermented. Just like the air conditioner remote control, if the weather doesn't turn around a few tens of degrees, it won't be found lying in the drawer, but if the racket is misplaced, Red Bean and I will look for its whereabouts every three days.
Red beans are scratched by this skin every time, but they always enjoy it. I nicknamed her "Iron Ass", and she always replied to me with the tone of Yida's advertisement "You didn't eat!" Uncle! "
Leather hand pat
I thought that life was so complicated, and God helped us solve all our troubles. But a few weeks ago, Hongdu's company went bankrupt and the boss absconded with the money. Hongdu received a lot of information from the working group, and he didn't have to go to work anymore. Our income was cut by half at once, and the pressure of life was all on me for the time being, which made me have a bad temper for several days in a row.
When I came back from the interview with Hongdou very late, I was having a dark lunch with some friends, and we were chatting with each other.
"Wow, your girlfriend is not at home. You won't eat chicken at home. She is eating chicken outside. "
Several bad friends burst into laughter, and the cheerful laughter even reached the ears of red beans. Red beans came over and grabbed the microphone and said, "Yes, I went out for dinner with your wife."
After taking a bath at night, red beans ran over and rubbed my hand, which was the agreed signal between us. I took out my hand and dimmed the lights, with ten strokes on the left and ten strokes on the right as foreplay. It's customary.
The lonely moon hangs high outside the window, and the roaring light rail masks the sound of skin slapping the body. Red beans lie on my knees, and two lines of tears flow down.
Red beans have never been beaten and cried by me before, so I quickly asked her what happened.
She wiped away her tears and said, "It hurts."
I'm a little at a loss, because before only Hongdu said I didn't hit hard enough, and I never said it hurt when I hit. I helped her to the sofa, and my hand holding the racket sweated slightly. "Where does it hurt?"
Red beans leaned against me and tears flowed into her neck. She kept pressing her chest, breathing heavily and short. "Do you believe me? I am not cheating, I will find a job. "
I was embarrassed for a moment. To tell you the truth, I really haven't thought about these problems. Do I believe in red beans? It should be believed that at least people who get along with each other day and night should believe more than online friends; Or to say the least, should I doubt it? Two lonely people wandering in a strange city just need mutual comfort and an ordinary life. Doubt will only make life worse.
But I can't tell Red Bean that I don't doubt her, not because I believe her, but because I don't want to ruin my life now.
Red beans saw the fleeting hesitation in my eyes. She tilted her face. Her nose is about to touch mine, and her breath is wrapped around my breath. "I don't like this beat at all. If I were an iron ass, would you like to practice king kong palm for me? "
I stood there and didn't speak. I really don't like the burning sensation in my palms. This will make it difficult for me to sleep, affect my work, make me eat badly, and make me tremble when I hold chopsticks. I can find too many reasons to refuse her.
The light in the red bean's eyes gradually faded, but the body was still in my arms and did not move away.
She was too close, too close, and even my heartbeat rhymed with mine, which made me suddenly see the vows of eternal love, joys and sorrows when I first met, and the time that had long been forgotten by my memory. At that moment, it seemed that life, work and troubles were not important, which made my raised hand fall heavily. That was the sound made by king kong palm when he collided with his iron ass.