After two days of workshops, I was deeply impressed by what the teacher said: good consultants are all the same, and bad consultants have their own disadvantages. I have a special feeling for this sentence, and I can also say that I have a special personal experience.
After listening to xu teacher's sharing in these two days, from theory to case, I see that psychoanalysis technology is not so important in teachers' consultation. The most important thing is sincere care for visitors: establish a close relationship between consultation and visit, and be willing to be honest with yourself; Dealing with the counselor's own anti-communism.
Establishing a close relationship between consultants and visitors, or establishing a consulting alliance, is the most important topic throughout the whole consultation. Whenever a visitor builds trust in the consultant, the consultant can help the visitor. Without the foundation of trust, nothing will happen. Facing yourself is often facing your inner anger, shame and inadequacy. In the technical terms of psychoanalysis, it is to recognize your own anti-communism, see your homework that has not been broken, and be honest with your homework. In the interaction with visitors, I saw that xu teacher regarded him more as a consultant, as a person's feeling. When he began to feel his inner feelings, he then connected the visitors through his inner feelings, connected the visitors' hearts through his own open heart, let his inner intuition flow out, and guided the consultation through his own open heart. That kind of consultation is to reach the visitors' point with the fastest speed, which can best support the visitors' consultation.
I don't think xu teacher used psychoanalytic technology to analyze visitors coldly at the spiritual level, just like an authority and expert who was indifferent to other people's lives. In fact, the consultant is neither an authority nor an expert, and the visitor does not need a powerful authority or expert to comment on his life. Through the practice last night, I also saw how rampant this analysis is among our novice consultants, and how terrible it is to analyze for the sake of analysis. I think this is what the industry calls barbaric analysis. I can imagine that when visitors don't accept our analysis, our counselors may explain their refusal in the name of resistance. This kind of analysis is really a kind of violent injury to visitors.
14 entered the field of psychological counseling; /kloc-started his own workshop and personal consultation in 0/5, and set up his own psychological consulting company; 16 years began to bring growth groups; /kloc-start the instructor training class in 0/7; 18, I started the second tutor training, and more than 60 people punched in for consultation. The four growth groups start classes every week, with 3 to 6 consultations every day and a workshop every 1 2 months. I became a consultant who never advertised and was unknown. In fact, I was completely busy. I know that this is in the field of consulting, and this growth is rapid.
I've always wanted to share with the right people how I grew up rapidly in the consulting field. After listening to xu teacher's workshop today, I know more clearly that I was actually so lucky to take a shortcut. I attended the primary psychoanalysis workshop of Mr. Zeng Qifeng in 14, and I was fascinated by this theory at that time. Later, I joined the growth group of a senior local psychoanalyst. But I didn't go deep into this field, because I met my current tutor, and the intimate relationship tutor I studied was not mainly about technology, but my inner growth as a consultant and my ability to connect and leap with my feelings anytime and anywhere. Now I know how important this is to a consultant.
After listening to xu teacher's lecture these two days, I found that what I did in the consultation was completely consistent with the core values of a senior consultant like xu teacher, so the market also gave me such great recognition. I have seen xu teacher repeatedly emphasize the importance of building relationships, and as an intimate relationship instructor, I pay special attention to the relationship with visitors, because intimate relationships focus on feelings and hearts. All our personal growth is related to training us to connect with our feelings. Therefore, when I hear the visitor's story, I will naturally feel the same in my heart and quickly establish a heart-to-heart connection with the visitor. We don't even emphasize * * * emotion, because * * * emotion still has a lot of brain skills, and when a counselor has an open and soft heart (this is the result of our long-term training, not only in work and courses, but also in real intimate relationships), he doesn't need to think about * * * emotion, and he has * * * emotion to the extreme.
Value neutrality and the doctrine of the mean are rarely mentioned in the intimate relationship system. Intimacy emphasizes that visitors come to us for consultation with only one purpose to help us grow internally. Therefore, in consultation, we should be connected with our inner feelings, go through the inner process of the counselor, then keep returning to the center, and then support the visitors from the peace, love and wisdom of the center, so that every consultation will help the inner growth of the counselor and be the best support for the visitors. This is called the perceptual cycle in intimate relationships. When a counselor judges a visitor or even gets angry, it has nothing to do with the visitor, but touches the counselor's inner powerlessness or old pain. The perceptual cycle means that while the psychological counselor keeps paying attention to the visitors, he can perceive these inner painful feelings and realize that it is only related to the psychological counselor himself, realizing that this feeling is only pure energy, and let this feeling flow. The psychological counselor once again returns to the peaceful inner center, and is connected with the essential love, wisdom and intuition to accompany the visitors. Such companionship is completely with the visitors, so it is easy to grasp those important and key information (intuition is so keen), and at the same time, it can completely moisten things and silently support the visitors to realize themselves (in the flow, it is so natural).
To be honest, in my life, at the moment of conflict, I will still judge and be angry with my partner, children and employees (I can't face it now, but I will go my own way in the future, and I can never really let go and let love flow again), but in my consultation, I successfully accepted 65,438+000% visitors at the moment of consultation. The reason for this is that I have more awareness in the consulting state and can more keenly capture my inner discomfort. And I faced this discomfort at the moment of consultation, and my essential love and peace flowed out in consultation. I found that I didn't need to know what I should look like at all (such as moderation, such as value neutrality). I just accepted the visitors easily and completely, or I couldn't help it at all. Even, I am full of gratitude and appreciation for him from the bottom of my heart.
I'm glad that although I didn't feel stuck or blocked in consulting and teaching, I'm still willing to come out and listen to the courses of senior consultants from different schools. This kind of study helped me broaden my horizons, deepen my understanding, let me have a deeper understanding and understanding of my own consultation, and let me know that visitors are our teachers.
What I especially admire about xu teacher is that he is really honest. When he shared with us that he learned that one of his visitors had committed suicide, he called his wife, burst into tears on the phone, and wrote a long repentance book to the visitor to deal with his grief. Hearing this, I was particularly moved and burst into tears. In fact, I hope xu teacher can share this part more, so that we can all follow him to feel the great guilt that a consultant will inevitably encounter in his career. This guilt is not good enough. And this is also an experience that we were born to be human. But to my surprise, some of us immediately asked whether the child's death was related to the parents' education methods. At that time, I will have some kind of sadness and powerlessness. I saw our counselor, and my inner feeling channel was completely blocked. Because I believe that when xu teacher shared this story, there would still be a surge of sadness in his heart, but when we heard this, we completely shut down the ability to love him. Our brains work so fast, but our hearts are completely numb. In my opinion, this is the biggest problem in consultation. When I shared this part, I realized my heart, whether I have superiority and judgment. Did I see it? I just feel sad and not good enough, because my classmate's reaction is actually just a mirror of me. I saw myself through his questions, and there will still be times when my mind is full of how things are going, but I just can't see this person's inner feelings and needs, and this is where I will always grow and break through with vigilance.
Thank you for your appreciation of xu teacher and our team.