Of course, different children will have different ideals. Unfortunately, parents often use their own thinking to deny their children's ideals, which is actually denying their children's values.
We often see two situations like this:
Situation 1:
Parents: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Child: "I want to be a scientist when I grow up!" " "
Parents: "Well, that's right, good boy. Mom will make you a good meal. "
Situation 2:
Parents: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Child: "I want to be a farmer when I grow up and plant a lot of fields ..."
Parents: "Why are you so worthless? You should ... "When you grow up.
What attitude should parents take in the face of children's values? Yes or no? Many parents will choose according to their own thinking, and children will choose according to their own living environment.
A reporter went to a remote mountain village in Shaanxi to interview and met a child on the way. As the sun sets, I ride on the back of a cow and hum a Shaanxi tune. The reporter asked, "Son, what are you doing?"
The child replied slowly, "I am herding cattle!" " "
"Why are you herding cattle?"
"Cows make money!"
"Why make money?"
"Make money and marry a wife!"
"Why do you want to marry a wife?"
"marry a daughter-in-law and have children!"
"Why do you want to have children?"
"Give birth to a baby and herd cattle!"
This is the child's values. The purpose of his life is to earn money, marry a daughter-in-law, have children, and then let his children herd cattle. We can't say that such values are wrong, because the environment in which this child lives is different from ours, so their ideas are different from ours.
In today's society, parents often set a future for their children, such as what university they should go to, what job they should do and what kind of person they will become in the future. ...
And children will also have their own ideas: what they want to do in the future, what kind of person they want to be ... Many times, parents' ideas will conflict with children's ideas, which will lead to contradictions between children and parents. This is a two-way choice process, and the final decision is still in the hands of children. The only thing parents can do is to help their children establish their own values.
So what should parents do? 1. Appreciate children's choices
For children, I don't know what kind of work is good and what kind of work is not good. In their minds, there is only the difference between likes and dislikes. Parents must take this into account when helping their children to establish values, and don't stifle their children's thinking, which is very unfavorable for their growth.
Mom asked Xiaobo, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" Xiaobo cocked his little head and said to his mother, "Mom, our aunt who makes cakes downstairs is so amazing that she can make such a beautiful birthday cake." When I grow up, I will learn from her and make a beautiful and delicious birthday cake. "
Hearing what Xiaobo said, her mother scolded Xiaobo unhappily: "It's no use just eating. I thought you were going to be a national cadre, so that mom can enjoy it! " "
Mom's words were so loud that Xiaobo didn't know how to answer them. From then on, Xiaobo was always tired because he always felt like a "loser", but Xiaobo's mother never found the reason.
This behavior of Xiaobo's mother is a typical behavior that she doesn't appreciate her children's choices. Her educational methods are undoubtedly wrong. She will not only discourage children, but also lead them astray, thinking that only promotion can be considered promising.
But in foreign countries, their educational model is fundamentally different from that of China.
A China scholar visited an American elementary school. When he asked about the ideals of American children, the children's answers surprised the scholar: shop assistants, street performers, mannequins, train drivers, clowns and so on. These occupations, which are regarded as "inferior" in China, were originally the "ideals" pursued by children, but their teachers looked at these little guys with appreciation.
In the eyes of parents in China, these children are so short-sighted. How can they become useful people when they grow up? In fact, appreciating children's choices can encourage children more than helping them choose, and it is much bigger. In modern families in China, few people pay attention to this. They always want their children to do great things when they grow up, but they don't know that the higher their ideals, the greater their disappointment.
2. Try to get rid of the bad influence of the outside world.
With the increasing influence of movies and the Internet on children, children's values are also changing with the changes of adult values. In other words, many children apply adult values through the film and television network, which is very unfavorable for children's growth. As parents, we should pay attention to this.
Although xiaoyang is very clever, his academic performance is not very good. For this reason, his parents often call him "worthless". Once, the school teacher assigned homework-an ideal composition. Xiao Yang wrote in his composition: "Although my academic performance is not good, my parents always criticize me for being worthless, but I also have a lofty ideal: my ideal is to be a big official and manage a large number of small officials under my command. In the future, I want to earn money first. I still buy the first prize of 5 million in the lottery, and then use the money to buy a big official in a foreign country to let everyone know what I can do ... "
Seeing Xiao Yang's composition, the teacher called him to the office and asked him why he had such an ideal. Xiaoyang casually said to the teacher, "It's all played like this on TV."
It can be seen that under the influence of film and television and other media, children's values have obviously begun to be distorted and secularized, and even the phenomenon of comparison has appeared, which is also a manifestation of the influence of values.
Speaking of children's comparison, there is such a joke:
Several children are chatting:
"My dad is older than your dad. My dad is the section chief, take care of your dad. "
"My dad is richer than your dad, and my dad is the big boss."
"Your dad is not as good as my dad. My father's right hand has six fingers ... "
Although this is a joke, we can see the seriousness of the problem from this joke. As parents, we should try our best to get rid of the negative influence of the outside world on our children. Even if children have incorrect ideas, parents should educate their children on values, so as to guide them to establish correct values.
Don't impose your ideas on children.
No matter how small a child is, he is also an individual and has his own ideas. As parents, it is often easy to impose their ideas on their children. For example, when a child says that he wants to be a farmer who owns a variety of land in the future, it is easy for parents to blurt out: "What's good about being a farmer? ……"
For children, I really don't know what is good about being a farmer. They just choose their future careers according to their hobbies. Of course, this choice often changes according to the child's experience. Maybe when children think catching fish is fun, they will say that they want to be a fisherman when they grow up. So at this time, are parents going to hit their children again? Generally speaking, children have their own lives, and parents can't impose their ideas on their children. Because no one knows what the child will do in the end. The only thing we can do now is to help children have mature values as soon as possible. Even if this value is not so glorious in the eyes of parents, parents should encourage it.
4. Pay attention to the influence of the surrounding environment and yourself on children's ideals.
As we all know, the environment has a great influence on a person, as well as on children. How the living environment around has a great influence on the formation of children's values. Many parents have heard the story of "Meng Mu's Three Movements", so let's think about it, why did Meng Mu "move three times"? The purpose is clear, to find a good growth environment for children. Let's review this story and find some enlightenment for educating children.
Mencius was very naughty when he was a child. Meng Mu made great efforts to get him a good education. At first, Mencius and his mother lived next to the cemetery. Mencius learned to bow down and cry and play funeral games with his neighbor's children every day. Meng Mu frowned when he saw this: No, I can't let my children live here! Meng Mu then moved to live next to the market with Mencius.
When he arrived at the market, Mencius and his neighbor's children began to learn how businessmen do business. Bow to welcome guests, entertain guests and bargain with them. What a wonderful performance! Meng Mu knew this and frowned: This place is not suitable for my children to live in! So they moved again.
This time, they moved near the school, and Mencius began to be orderly and polite, and liked reading. At this time, Mencius' mother nodded with satisfaction and said, This is where my son should live!
In this story, we not only see Meng Mu's painstaking efforts to cultivate Mencius, but also see Meng Mu's wisdom. She knew the influence of environment on children thousands of years ago and successfully avoided the environment that was not conducive to children's growth. It is precisely because of this that thinkers like Mencius emerged. It can be seen that as parents, when children have not established their values, they can often take their children to a different environment, get in touch with some ambitious, purposeful and positive people, help them integrate into it, and let their children establish lofty ambitions.
5. Give the child a hint about the ideal.
Many parents report that their children have no ideals and goals. It seems that these children are born carefree. Of course, this kind of "carefree" is not a good thing.
Faced with such a situation, what should parents do? Of course, there are many ways, but all of them are nothing more than one thing: giving children an ideal hint. That is, parents help their children find their own ideals and establish their own values by giving them hints.
Xiaofeng was originally a carefree child with no ideal. His life is obviously divided into three parts: eating, resting, playing and going to school, and nothing else. Parents are very nervous about this, and they have tried many ways, but all of them are useless, because children always resist their parents' ideas.
Finally, Xiaofeng's mother decided to give her children some hints to let Xiaofeng find her ideal.
Speaking of doing, Xiaofeng's mother asked Xiaofeng that day, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Xiaofeng naively replied, "When I grow up, I will help my mother wash clothes and help my father buy shoes."
Mom knew Xiaofeng misunderstood the meaning, but she still gave Xiaofeng a positive answer: "Well, Xiaofeng is really filial, so what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Xiaofeng thought for a moment and replied, "pancake seller!" "
Xiaofeng's mother knows that Xiaofeng is clamoring for pancakes every day these days, which is probably related to this. When leaving home, Xiaofeng's mother consciously pointed to the blue sky and said to Xiaofeng, "Xiaofeng, look at how beautiful the blue sky is." Birds flying in the blue sky must be very happy. "
Xiaofeng looked at it for a while and said to her mother, "Mom, I want to be a bird, but I have no wings!" " "
Mom: "You don't have wings, but we can fly. Can't we still fly in the blue sky?" Look, Uncle Yang Liwei can fly not only to the blue sky, but also to the moon! "
Xiaofeng: "Mom, when I grow up, I want to do the same job as Uncle Yang Liwei and fly to the moon."
Mom: "Uncle Yang Liwei's job is called astronaut. Do you want to be an astronaut when you grow up? "
Xiao Yun: "Yes, I want to be an astronaut."
Hearing the child's answer, Xiaoyun's mother breathed a long sigh of relief. In the later life, Xiaofeng has another hobby besides eating and playing: reading popular science books.
In real life, there are not a few children without ideals. If the child doesn't know what to do in the future, the mother might as well give the child a hint that "being a teacher can be with a group of carefree children all day" and "being a doctor will be honored as' angels in white'" ... If the child is interested in this aspect, he will naturally set these as his own ideals and work hard to realize them.
6. Know how to motivate children
Influenced by social environment and other factors, children will talk about some unexpected ideals, such as being a baker, an air conditioner cleaner, a sanitation worker and so on. At this time, mothers should not criticize their children's ideals because they are too vulgar. In fact, with the correct encouragement of the mother, the child's ideal will soon return to the correct value track.
When his mother asked Hao Hao what his ideal was, Hao Hao solemnly told his mother, "I want to be a baker when I grow up!" " "
Mother was taken aback: "What is this ideal?" However, she patiently asked Hao Hao, "Why do you want to be a baker?"
Hao Haotian really replied, "Because I know my mother likes bread, I will make her the best bread in the world."
Haohao mother listened to the child's words, and her heart was sour. Knowing that the child was for herself, she said to Haohao, "Haohao is really good. When you grow up, you will make the best bread in the world and give it to the mothers of those children to let them know that the best bread in the world is made in our family, okay? "
Haohao happily replied: "Good!"
Hao Hao's mother is encouraging her children to set up correct values: to be the best bread in the world, instead of being an ordinary baker. In addition, parents should pay special attention to the misleading of children's ideals by modern media. Once the child is found to be influenced by some distorted values, the mother should make positive incentives in time to guide the child's values on the right track.
7. Put an end to children's "fantasy"
Some children's ideals belong to "fantasy", and they just talk without practice. In this case, mothers should find ways to let their children realize their ideals with the help of external forces. For example, if a child says he wants to be a scientist, you can take him to visit some scientific research units and even some science and technology museums, and show him some scenes so that he will stop talking and have to work hard to create conditions to realize his dream. It is best for children to understand the truth: if you are still in the fantasy stage, you will be farther and farther away from your ideal.
Nannan is a naughty boy. When someone asks him what he wants to be when he grows up, he always replies, "I want to be a policeman and catch bad guys." But when everyone was in class, he was still playing with sand and water guns, and he didn't take the teacher's words seriously at all.
Nannan's mother knows that Nannan's so-called ideal now only stays in the fantasy stage. If it continues, it is likely that Nannan will stay at this stage all the time, and even become a "visionary" when he grows up. This is a very terrible thing.
In order to put an end to children's fantasies, Nannan's mother took Nannan to a police school through her friends. At the police academy, Nan Nan finally saw "how the police are trained". Nannan's mother took the opportunity to educate Nannan: "Nannan, don't you want to be a policeman when you grow up?" Then you should practice and study hard every day like these brothers and sisters! "
Nan Nan: "Mom, I know."
Sure enough, since then, Nan Nan has become a very self-motivated child, and sometimes she even goes to the park to run and exercise with her grandparents.
Nannan's mother sees it in her eyes and enjoys it in her heart.
8. Put an end to children's vanity
Vanity is very corrosive to people, especially to children, and this effect is more obvious. Nowadays, the society is in a relatively rich material stage, and children's material requirements are prone to the psychology of keeping up with the joneses.
Summer vacation is coming to an end. Xiaoman's mother is helping her children prepare for school, but Xiaoman says she doesn't want to go to school. This makes Xiaoman's mother feel very strange. Xiaoman used to like going to school very much, and his academic performance has always been sharp. Why don't children want to go to school after a summer vacation? Are you really heartbroken Mom didn't think too much and asked Xiaoman directly, "Why don't you want to go to school?"
Xiaoman had tears in his eyes: "I just don't want to go, because the classmates will laugh at me!" " "
Mom: "Why are they laughing at you?"
Xiaoman was in tears and cried to his mother: "They all laughed at my' old hat' because my schoolbag has been carried for a year and has not been changed."
Mom thinks so, too. The child's schoolbag has really been carried for a year, so it's time to change it. So she took the child to buy a new schoolbag, and the child went to school happily.
But a few days later, Xiaoman asked her mother to buy herself a new pencil case.
In a few days, a new pencil sharpener ...
New clothes ...
New shoes ...
A new umbrella ...
New bag ...
Endless, of course, Xiaoman's grades began to plummet.
Children are vain and love to compare with others. What should parents do? This requires parents to pay attention to skills when educating their children and choose appropriate methods to guide them to get rid of this bad habit. For example, if you use story guidance skillfully, you can buy some inspirational story books for your children, and you can also use the truth derived from the story to let your children know what is good behavior and what is bad behavior earlier. There are many ways, but there should be only one purpose: to keep children away from vanity and comparison.
As parents, don't satisfy children's vanity just because you love them, and help them compare with their classmates. For children, this is not a kind of love, but a misleading. This behavior of parents can easily lead to children falling into the abyss of comparison and being unable to extricate themselves.