However, the utopian assumption of perfection is the source of power to push forward many people in the world through the ages. It is precisely because it exists in our hearts that our chaotic society has become more orderly and can be pushed forward by the iron arm of civilization.
Perfection can represent a kind of holiness to some extent, but a perfectionist who always pursues perfection will be dissatisfied with many things and think that he is more or less defective and has all reasons to change.
In real life, there should be many such people. Unfortunately, I used to be a perfectionist, although I don't want to live like this. However, this is the weakness of human nature. A clear truth, always can't control my id, and must go the wrong way.
Maybe I've been a little different since I was a kid. I am very competitive, and I expect perfection. In the circle where I used to live, I always wanted to be superior. When I was three or four years old, when children of the same age were still playing with mud, I talked with adults about current events and the Ming and Qing Dynasties. When I was five or six years old, I would compare a dollar with a bag of sugar. In the first grade of primary school, I drew a decent map of China from memory; In the third grade of primary school, I got the first place in my class. When I was in the first grade, I learned most of the basic science of astronomy. In the second day of junior high school, I won the first place in the whole school in chess. In the club of the factory, I played chess with some old people who had played chess for decades, and I was not at a disadvantage. In the third grade, the names and geographical locations of more than 5000 countries in the world 100 easily reappeared in my mind like slides ... In the circle where I live, whether it is study, basketball, swimming, table tennis, badminton, China chess or chess, I will try my best to surpass my friends. At that time, I have achieved my goal.
Gradually, I grew up a lot, but I was still tightly imprisoned by the iron shackles of perfectionism. It's like an invisible dark curtain has enveloped my sky. I have been studying philosophy, psychology, management, foreign languages, computers and eloquence. ...
Finally, one day, I found that I was no longer handy and could no longer surpass it in any way. I gradually felt at a loss, and a sense of lost fatigue overwhelmed me. My former pride was gradually covered with cracks under the lash of time, and I was unable to face so many troubles. A word that once made me despise-"depressed" gradually eroded my mind. I became anxious and eager for quick success. I used to be impatient when the sky fell unhurried. I began to get restless. I haven't finished one thing yet, but I'm already planning another moment. I seem to have reached a crossroads full of infinite possibilities. Around me, Chen is full of dark roads, and I can't decide my next step. Lost, full of heavy body and proud soul.
I began to reflect on myself. I tried to break through the prison of perfectionism and find a new world. I realized that when perfectionism becomes endless pressure, it is no longer a holy goddess. But became a bloodthirsty demon and a spiritual executioner. It will gnaw at your heart bit by bit with greedy teeth and cut your fighting spirit with an axe until you become a shriveled corpse with no fighting spirit and aura.
Fortunately, when the devil gnawed at my last thought, I felt pain, a terrible pain, a numb pain. The heart, which has been extremely weak, gave a hysterical cry and suddenly produced infinite power. A devastating explosion blew away the clouds in Pugai for many years. Perfectionism, the evil devil, was stripped of all hypocrisy and stood naked in front of me. I finally saw her for who she really is. Behind her beautiful veil, she is so ugly!
I no longer pursue perfection, and I finally understand how limited human energy is. If you want to excel in any aspect, it is to seek to do nothing in any aspect.
However, this truth that many people understand is not clear to all, or even if it is clear, it is still quiet in the hotbed of perfectionism and unwilling to wake up for a long time. What you can do, what you can't do, and what can only be fantasy, all of which you have to distinguish clearly. No matter how tough you are, you must find the direction.
I quietly took out a small compass that had been dusty for many years and carefully wiped the stubborn dust off it with my cuffs. Ah! So the East is there! The direction of sunrise! I carefully put a ring on the compass, put it on with a delicate red line and hung it on my chest. I need it to guide me forever. I seem to see the light guided by the gods, just ahead, just ahead. Pack my things, put on my beloved shoes, and bury all ignorant desires and vicissitudes. Let's go In the direction of the gods
Perfectionism is a real escapism. They feel that there are many imperfections in life, such as unsatisfactory life, unsatisfactory work and repeated setbacks on the road. They think that the whole life is like the harsh noise from the factory, which is very disharmonious. Their job is to escape these imperfections. Because there is nothing they can do about it. So they should try their best to get rid of the shackles of imperfection. Order is the life element of perfectionists. They always put their energy into themselves or things they care about, and into an orderly personal space. Their inner life is like an intensive care unit. However, just as any new disease will make patients and nurses feel great fear and anxiety and cause turmoil, perfectionists will be nervous and extremely uneasy in any unexpected situation.
If you want to judge whether you are a perfectionist, please look at the following questions:
(1) When you are at work, when others talk or interrupt you, will your attention be impaired, and will you feel angry?
(2) When you are planning to shop, do you want to ignore the person who sells you, but look for some information you need before making a decision?
(3) Are you disgusted with those casual people and secretly criticize them for being too irresponsible for their own lives?
(4) Have you been thinking that one thing may be more ideal if it is changed?
(5) Do you often feel dissatisfied with yourself or others, so you often find fault with anything you do or anything others do?
(6) Do you always consider the needs of others and give up your own needs and opportunities?
(7) Do you often think that you are doing everything with all your strength, but you often wish you could be more relaxed?
(8) Do you always plan what to do today and what to do tomorrow?
(9) Do you often feel dissatisfied with your clothes or bedroom layout and change them frequently?
(10) Do you always redo your work because others didn't do it well once?
If you answer all these questions in the affirmative. There is no doubt that you are not far from the perfectionist. Now, let's carefully analyze the personality characteristics of perfectionists; The greatest feature of perfectionists is the pursuit of perfection, and this desire is based on the belief that everything is unsatisfactory and imperfect, so they are caught in a deep contradiction. To know that there is nothing perfect in the world, perfectionists have an innate impulse. They put this energy into things that are closely related to their lives, strive to improve, try their best to be perfect, and enjoy it, but often give up halfway-maybe there is an endless energy at the beginning of work, but it all fades later. The reason is that in the process of work, imperfections come and go, and you can't care so much. In the end, the steady impulse is only to admit defeat. Because perfectionists can't ignore imperfect things or stand idly by, they often make plans rashly and carry them out without hesitation. However, it didn't take long, or when their plans were about to be completed, they felt tired again and didn't care because they had too many plans to carry out. This feeling accumulates over time, making them live in frustration, failure, mediocrity and anger all day long.
Because of this good mentality, perfectionists have a desire to finish everything they have planned as soon as possible, but this desire cannot be realized as scheduled in the harsh reality, and perfectionists are easy to get angry and excited. This is also an imperfect facial expression, and they are afraid that others will hate them because of this angry expression. Therefore, they should try their best to suppress this feeling; Change this feeling and anger will gather in their hearts. Complaining about others is something they don't want to do, so they turn to resent themselves for not setting high enough standards, being incompetent, or choosing bad friends. Resentment for yourself can easily make you fall into deep inferiority and depression. Sometimes they realize their standards are too high, but they can't get along with themselves. I don't want to consider revising my excessive requirements, but I deluded myself that this standard is the most standard.
Even if perfectionists know that others can see their secular attitude, they are anxious about it, but they still can't find the best way to solve their psychological dilemma. The most direct result of this contradictory mentality is that perfectionists tend to blame themselves, they demand themselves harshly, and then reach an excessive level, and they waver in excessive vigilance and sudden recklessness. Tortured by this annoying contradiction, perfectionists inevitably fall into extreme tension and anxiety, accompanied by strong self-pity again and again.
Perfectionists have an eternal goal in their hearts-the pursuit of perfection. This idea haunts their hearts and urges them to fight for it all their lives. However, their definition of perfection is different from that of ordinary people. Most people define perfection as "perfection". They pursue certain and accurate "perfection", and they pay great attention to the nuances of everything, sometimes to the point of finding fault. Because of their attitude, they are very strict in dealing with the world and are unwilling to draw conclusions easily. However, when choosing a certain goal, they are very devoted. They think their life is very different from others-they think their life is perfect at least in general and their personality is beyond reproach. Therefore, perfectionists are overly sensitive to others' evaluation of themselves (especially the evaluation of incompetence). The attitude towards these comments is also easy to go to two extremes, one is to give up completely, the other is neurotic and seriously out of control.
Perfectionists are surprisingly wary of criticism. In order to avoid being criticized afterwards, he expects to spend a lot of energy to make a lot of preparations when accepting a new task or making a new plan. Collect all kinds of information in order to finish their work better: it is their consistent wish to let praise replace criticism. In their work, the methods they adopt are also well thought out; In advance, many experts' opinions were collected from various guidebooks, or they were synthesized or selected. In order to avoid complications, eager perfectionists often implement some short-term plans. This can not only avoid the psychological pressure of giving up halfway, but also see the results of your work as soon as possible. For them, the mind can get great pleasure; They always silently conceive their own plans and ways to realize them in order to be foolproof. When other people or environmental factors do not allow them to conceive and complete their plans in the way they like, they will be extremely depressed and sometimes even angry. Perfectionists always go all out for what they are interested in and think they should do. They will carefully and reasonably arrange their energy and time, so that every minute of their work can play the greatest role, thus improving the efficiency and quality of their work. Their attitude towards work is also meticulous. Generally, as soon as the work is finished, the result is the same as they expected or not far behind. For those things they don't care about, they seem a little cold and indifferent.
Perfectionists demand more from others, so in others' eyes, perfectionists' behavior is exaggerated and unnecessary. They also lost their sense of identity with the people around them; Perfectionists are often embarrassed by others' intolerance or disapproval, and some plans and work run aground before they start. This frustration makes them angry, but they will not give up their high standards because of it, but will impose them on people around them.
Their stubborn personality affected their eyesight. Perfectionists generally think that a problem has only two sides, so it is easy to go to extremes. Once they have identified a fact or made up their mind, they will become quite nervous about other objections. It is no exaggeration to use the words stubborn and autocratic to describe their state at this time. The attitude towards other people's opinions stems from one's inner rebellion and stupidity, and from the fear of one's unruly nature. They want to be honest, kind and upright, but their stubborn nature pulls them to do what they want to do. When they are depressed. When they are criticized, they will bear a grudge, although on the surface, they are still friendly and there is no sign of resentment. Due to the nature of pursuing perfection, perfectionists are quite critical of themselves and are also very harsh on others. When he says "yes", he always wonders whether he should say "no". They always review a thing over and over again before releasing it. In a conversation or meeting, it must be them who ask the most questions. Because they always have the most questions about others and themselves. In the limits of others, they are competitive and unreasonable. The critical attitude makes them always unable to add one when evaluating themselves or others. In their view, no one is far from their perfect standard.
Perfectionists don't like anything, so they feel it is absolutely necessary to let others know what is best, and their behavior is often accompanied by the tendency of being a good teacher. Perfectionists believe that the pursuit of perfection should be a person's minimum personality, so they will take pains to teach others how to act, and these mother-in-law lectures will only lower their status in others' minds and make others feel bored and unbearable. Their unbridled criticism and the spirit of acting as an authority everywhere have reduced them to the same position as boasters. Of course, the perfectionist's pursuit of perfection will also make him capable because they are needed in decision-making. Before making a decision, they must study all the relevant details to realize the loss of 1 10,000 yuan, and will carefully measure the return on investment. Based on the consideration of efficiency, they will use everyone and every material properly and never waste time doing useless work. Sometimes, they collect details of information. Admittedly, this is too time-consuming, but it is really essential for the correct decision. They think it is better to know the truth before it happens. It is this limited personality that makes their decisions often successful.
Perfectionists have the qualities of leaders. They are creative, judgmental and innovative. Sometimes they have to arbitrarily force others to make the same decision as them, or do things according to their own wishes, which is also essential to safeguard the dignity of leaders, although subordinates are very dissatisfied with their practices. When others understand the perfectionist's character; As long as the principle of perfection is maintained, everything he does can be forgiven by perfectionists. Whenever the work goes smoothly, perfectionists always tell others their views and plans concisely, and don't want to interfere with what others do, as long as they can achieve their expected goals. In this case, they are quite confident, more diligent than others, more open-minded and more likely to trust others. For other people with the same personality as him, it also means mutual appreciation. Those excellent people are admired and respected by them as others. As a perfectionist leader, they appreciate efficient and attractive subordinates. At the meeting. Perfectionists are mostly conference hosts. They have done a lot of preparatory work before the meeting, and they don't want to waste time; They don't want the meeting to end in vain, so they are emotional and arbitrary, but they will also give participants enough opportunities to speak when time and conditions permit. The chaotic meeting scene disgusted them. Key instructions on work and assignment of responsibilities; Because they have a lot of information and a better understanding of their subordinates, they can handle such things more neatly. In the course of work; They are meticulous in mastering and tracking the progress of their work, and often reach the level of omniscience.
In social relations, perfectionists are people who know how to exercise restraint. They don't express their views easily, so their feelings are not easily revealed. To some extent, they look a little close to mystery. They are afraid of rational emotions that they sometimes can't control, and they are also very cautious about others' responses. This excessive self-tension and self-control form an intuition, which affects their decisions about others or their own wishes. This is also indispensable for maintaining the dignity of leaders, although subordinates are very dissatisfied with their practices. In the attitude towards love, they have high demands on their spouses, but they are loyal to love and devote themselves wholeheartedly. It is because of their "over-professionalism" that they are easily frustrated and injured in the journey of love. They are more responsible and care about everything of their loved ones, which shows that they have a strong sense of social morality. In order to win the favor of their lover, they often work harder than before, but they are not very active when they are in love, and sometimes they even take an indifferent attitude. This is because perfectionists don't like interdependent relationships. They think that the greatest goal in life should not be to be very much in love, but to have a successful career. They think that too many dates are a waste of time and even a little cold. Perfectionists are smart and witty. They are creative and innovative, so they don't like to rely on others, and they are very uncomfortable for those who can't do things spontaneously and those who like to rely on others. If someone relies too much on them, they will feel burdened and deprived of valuable space. In order to protect their time and rights from infringement, they often become selfish, which directly affects interpersonal relationships and may end their rare love.
In social situations, perfectionists can be roughly divided into two types, one is depressive and the other is cathartic. Depressed people try to control their feelings and be kind to others, no matter how angry they are. Pain or depression are all smiles at people, and social charm radiates accordingly. The catharsis type is just the opposite. They carve their disappointment with themselves and others on their faces and look very unhappy. And easily excited, easily anxious, easily blame others. It is not that they have not restrained their emotions, but that they are willing but unable to do so. No matter what the occasion, they look sad. Compared with those who are angry in their chests and still have a smile on their faces, they are not mature and sophisticated enough, and their appearance will not win the sympathy of others, but will increase the disgust of others.
Perfectionists can't stand being ignored or looked down upon by others because of their better conditions (only they think so). They care about others' respect for him, because it is recognition of the qualities they strive to cultivate. However, others give him praise; They seem to disagree, because the voice of constant criticism in their hearts reminds them that on the surface, perfectionists will politely accept compliments from others, after all, others are also praising them. But they are thinking that this evaluation is meaningless compared with the level of experts. Besides, they wanted their goals to be higher and better, and they never achieved them. When they grow and change, perfectionists will pay great attention to cultivating themselves, and there will be many excellent qualities, such as: more enterprising; They are creative, brave in innovation and reform, more radical and willing to pay more energy for their work. They are talkative, kind, kind and have excellent leadership temperament. Their kindness and kindness radiate to others and infect others, and others will gain confidence because of their own confidence. When evaluating things, their value system is better because they emphasize fairness, frankness and honesty to others and themselves. They can bear all kinds of pressures under tough environment and conditions; But also help others, so they will also reap the great wealth of life-unshakable friendship. They are selfless, strict with themselves and can clearly understand the reality. These outstanding leaders are endowed with natural insight and exuberant vitality, making them mostly pioneers of innovation and giants of the times.