Accustomed to having nothing to say with him,

Accustomed to doing housework alone,

Accustomed to feelings fading and life being filled with trifles,

I'm also used to sex with low frequency and quality.

......

You have changed from a little woman who is full of expectations for marriage to a strong woman who can undertake work and family alone.

Time not only changed you, but also changed him.

He said he would take good care of you, but now he can't even be considerate; He vowed to give you happiness, and now nothing but quarreling with you is a cold war!

You comfort yourself, you are an old married couple, and it is normal for your feelings to be weak. You try to get used to the disappointed married life and try to adapt to supporting a family by yourself.

You never thought you could insist, but he wouldn't.

The original feelings are gone, and he will find another person to replace you;

Marriage is too dull, and he will look elsewhere for novelty;

You silently pay and endure for this family, but he tells you that he cheated!

Accustomed to his indifference to you, but also accustomed to the dull marriage life, now you have to get used to his change of heart?

Don't! Never!

Even for his efforts over the years, he must realize how outrageous his mistakes are and must save his lost heart!

Hello, I'm Chen Man, a teacher. I'm proficient in male psychology and third-party behavior analysis. I focus on helping students with NLP efficient recovery system. I'm good at emotional recovery, marriage repair and third-party separation.

If you are also experiencing a painful marriage crisis, if your husband is infatuated with a third party, and you are powerless to fight back, if you are unwilling to give up the family that you have been running for many years, but don't know how to defend your marriage, we will help you with one-on-one emotional strategy analysis, and you will not be as painful and confused as you are now. You will find that the most powerful third party is just a paper tiger. You can't keep hitting her just because you didn't use the right method!

The longer I stay in this business, the more I can understand: in fact, the biggest pain of many women in marriage is not physical exhaustion, but that no matter how hard they try to take care of their career and family, their husbands simply don't understand their grievances and take everything for granted. This mental fatigue is the most debilitating!

He only knows how to play with his mobile phone and never cares about his family!

I broke my heart for him, but he couldn't see like a blind man!

He has no idea how tired I am, and he has the face to cheat!

Teacher Chen Man believes that you must be familiar with such complaints, not only you, but also your husband.

At first, you just hinted at his dissatisfaction; I found him unmoved, so you began to express your dissatisfaction to him.

You will seize every opportunity for two people to communicate and express your dissatisfaction! Over and over again, until there are fewer and fewer opportunities for communication between you.

He is getting more and more silent, and your dissatisfaction with him is also accumulating. You gradually don't care about his reaction-"I will tell you something unpleasant anyway, or we will be unhappy together!" " Otherwise, he is clean and happy. What should I do? "

Contradiction-quarrel-defense-cold war-re-defense-derailment

This is the trajectory of most marriage crises step by step into the abyss. Chen Man compared 1000 students' trajectories of marital crisis, and reached a conclusion: 83.7% families with cheating problems have a disgruntled hostess and a husband who refuses to cooperate.

In other words, in 83.7% of families with cheating problems, the real reason for a man's cheating is not because he is so bad, but because you gave him so many "bad reviews" that he decided to give up being a good man at a certain opportunity.

I know that this conclusion is not easy to accept. Maybe you at the other end of the screen have begun to question Mr. Chen Man's professionalism:

"What you said is wrong! I criticized him for a good reason, not for no reason! "

Don't rush to refute, you can question the teacher's professionalism, but please don't question your painstaking marriage at will!

If he is really bad, what has sustained you for so many years?

If he is really unchangeable, what makes the man who once loved you so heartless?

It is the most inefficient to deny your original choice from the source as soon as you encounter problems! You will fall into an emotional black hole that constantly questions yourself and denies yourself.

It's not up to you to decide whether you will be the bad reviewer of the other side. You need a series of rigorous evaluations of the details of your life to count!

In fact, according to my years of experience, 90% of women with marital problems will unconsciously become bad judges of their partners!

Hearing is empty, seeing is believing.

Next, I will take the case of Chen Man emotional student Stefanie (a pseudonym) as an example to show you in detail what kind of wife is a bad reviewer in marriage, and what is the harm? Also, how to solve it?

Students' self-report

Married for five years, with a two-year-old son. My husband and I work in the same unit. He has a good income and is generous and enthusiastic. After we are together, he is very kind to me, will tolerate my little thoughts, and will understand that I am busy with work and have little time to date. Even if I ask him to do something, he always pampers me.

After getting married, he promised to work harder and provide me with better living conditions, which would not make me suffer or be wronged. At first, he did this. What moved me most was that every time during my menstrual period, he would cook me brown sugar water thoughtfully. Because I was cold, he would cover my hands and warm my feet.

Those days were really happy!

But then, we always quarreled over some small things. To be precise, I quarreled with him unilaterally. Every time I come home from work, shoes and bags are everywhere. I don't like it. I have talked about him several times, but he always goes in one ear and out the other. Every weekend, I don't get up until noon, and I get up lazily when I lose my temper; I arranged for him to wash the dishes, and he really only washes the dishes!

I can be angry with him at the thought of these things! I scolded him countless times. At first, he would coax me with a nice voice, and then he ignored me!

After two years of marriage, I got pregnant. I have a strong personality and become irritable after pregnancy. He did a little thing to make me angry, and I will criticize all his shortcomings over the years. He always said, since I dislike him so much, why not just divorce? I'm even angrier. I picked up the ashtray on the table and threw it at him. Why doesn't he know it's good for me?

During pregnancy, he always tried to avoid me when he saw me. He often works overtime until the early hours of the morning before coming home. On weekends, he would rather go downstairs for a walk than chat with me. I feel more and more that he doesn't care about me. When I question him, he always says I think too much. I complained to him that he didn't love me, and he didn't speak, just scratching his fingers with his head down.

After the baby is born, I have to work during the day and wash the clothes for the baby when I go home at night. My husband is like a person who has nothing to worry about, let alone help the children bathe and even mop the floor! I wonder where he went!

The child is only two years old now, but I feel like a single mother! I am heartbroken for him and the children. I just complain that he doesn't care about me, regardless of his family's impatience with me. He always says, "I'm useless, you change it!" " .

At the beginning of this year, I felt that he was getting colder and colder to me. Even if I take the initiative to make out with him, he won't. In order to verify my suspicion, I searched his mobile phone and finally found evidence of his cheating in an encrypted photo album!

At that moment, my heart was dying and I couldn't cry if I wanted to. Then I took a leave of absence for nearly half a month to spy on him! But things are getting worse. He avoided me, not only didn't talk to me at all, but also moved out to live with mistress! Why on earth did this happen? I just want the husband who once loved me and treated me well to come back!

I didn't know until I met Chen Man's feelings, supervised my teachers and had in-depth communication. In recent years, I forced a good husband to be an unfaithful man!

Do you have a similar experience with Swallow? If you want to know what has changed this man, you may wish to write to a senior supervisor privately, and we will tell you how to save your husband and marriage!

In-depth analysis of cases of senior marriage counselors

After communicating with me, Swallow burst into tears and said she was willing to change, giving her husband and this marriage a chance! In order to help her really understand her marital problems, the tutor helped her sort out everything that happened in recent years.

1. Has your husband changed, or have you changed yourself?

During the consultation, Swallow complained more than once that her husband didn't make progress in his work and didn't give himself a better life. I don't know myself in life and often make myself angry to death; Lazy, you have to worry about everything yourself. ......

However, when the tutor asked her if her first love/newly married husband was the same, she began to recall the sweetness at the beginning and her husband's gentle romance with her.

In fact, my husband is not really "worthless", but he has changed!

Yes! Men are so easy to change! I used to take care of you, but I ignored you after I got married.

However, after the tutor learned more about it, he found that it was not himself but his other half who really changed the man!

Psychologists' research on the interaction between partners in seven EFT conversations of attachment and intimacy shows that the influence between husband and wife is over 97%, and there is a sentence that clearly shows the relationship between husband and wife: "The more I-,the more you-. So I went-and then we kept repeating it. "

Before marriage, the swallow was generous and gentle to her husband, who was tolerant and considerate to the swallow; But after marriage, as long as her husband has a little bad work, she will begin to complain that her husband is not good enough to deserve herself; If you don't know yourself, it's not good for you ... in her eyes, her husband seems to be nothing.

But she doesn't understand that in marriage, complaining will not make her husband care more about himself, but will be more dissatisfied; Complaining won't make him know himself better, but it will make him more disgusted.

No man likes setbacks, and no man can endure the blows and scolding from his partner for a long time. But you keep repeating these things he hates!

What he feels from your mouth is an incompetent husband;

What you see in him is also a neglected wife;

Once he starts to contradict your words and deeds, he will subconsciously avoid your words and deeds, and can't see all the sadness, fear and dissatisfaction behind your complaints!

He can't get support, understanding, dependence and respect; You won't get love, understanding, tolerance and consideration.

Swallow and her husband are caught in repeated complaints and rebellions and become two unhappy people!

Second, you are "chasing" and he is "fleeing". How can marriage be happy? !

Two people who have been unable to get out of repeated problems for a long time have gradually become the relationship between "chasing" and "fleeing".

Because of the swallow's endless complaints, her husband was forced to become an escapee; In order to prevent him from running away and get the love he wanted, the swallow became a suitor.

The more the swallow scolds her husband, the less he wants to pay attention to her, preferring to work overtime and pick his fingers instead of responding to the swallow; The husband's neglect will further stimulate the swallow's desire to keep her husband, and the swallow will complain more and more and turn over old scores more and more!

Evaders and pursuers are always on the road of "chasing" and "fleeing". It is because of your hard pursuit that he fled further; On the other hand, it is precisely because the more he runs, the more you chase.

Evaders and pursuers, because it is difficult to meet, can't really understand each other's original intention of "chasing" or "fleeing", let alone understand each other's real needs. How can such a marriage be happy? !

"Chasing" and "escaping" are not only reflected before the derailment of Swallow's husband, but also after his derailment.

After her husband was caught cheating, Swallow took half a month off to supervise him in order to avoid her husband meeting a third party again. She used to avoid the swallow's husband, and after being caught by the swallow, she wanted to avoid the swallow's questioning and pursuit. He is afraid to face the condemnation and complaints of swallows.

But because swallows don't trust them, they will only chase after them more, forcing their husbands to avoid third parties more! Because of the swallow's misoperation, she directly pushed her husband out of the house and onto a third party! Looking at her husband who doesn't want to go home, the swallow can only regret it!

Not only the swallow, but also many students will make similar mistakes when saving their derailed husbands. The husband who was caught cheating wanted to escape the mistake and condemnation, but because of the accusation, growling, surveillance and hype of the original match, he forced away the husband who might be willing to return, making him afraid to go home!

If you are having an affair and don't know how to get your husband back and get rid of the third party, I suggest you stop any current behavior. Maybe if you are not careful, you will push him further and further! The premise of saving your husband needs you to correctly grasp the change of his mentality and make use of the psychological characteristics of men to save it in time. You can send a private letter to a senior supervisor immediately, so that a professional tutor with tens of thousands of successful experiences can teach you how to correctly save your derailed husband!

Third, warning! You and he are probably in an infinite loop!

In order to understand the influencing factors of the "chasing" and "fleeing" mode of Swallow and her husband, the tutor deeply understood their growing environment and family background, and found that their marriage was seriously affected by their attachment personality!

Professional evaluation and attachment personality type test show that Swallow belongs to anxious attachment personality. Husbands belong to avoidant attachment personality, and their subconscious personality characteristics determine their reaction to marriage problems: swallows keep chasing each other, and husbands keep avoiding each other.

At first, the swallow kept complaining about the "chasing" and "fleeing", and eventually, under the influence of both sides' personalities, a vicious circle of coexistence mode was formed.

They are both victims and makers of a vicious circle, intertwined, and the more they live, the more painful they become.

The final outcome of the pursuit is mostly derailment or divorce!

If the swallow does not change the way she gets along with her husband and opens the knot of marriage, she is likely to end up with a broken marriage or even a third party!

Due to the limited space, I won't elaborate on the characteristics of different attachment personalities and their influence on marriage here. If no matter what you do, your marriage is always spinning in the same place, or even getting worse, you must pay attention. You are likely to fall into an endless cycle of getting along! If it is not changed in time, it is likely to cause a greater marriage crisis. I suggest you write to the senior supervisor in time to see what has affected your marital happiness and how to solve the deadlock between you and your husband!

Expert group rescue plan sharing

In order to help the swallow get rid of the vicious circle of marriage mode, the expert group immediately held a four-hour planning meeting to work out a recovery plan that is most suitable for the swallow's current situation and personality characteristics.

Warning! The following is a small amount of recovery plan sharing, which is not universal! Don't imitate the operation at will, or you will bear the consequences! !

First, use the projection effect to change the husband.

With the help of the tutor, Swallow learned the correct expression skills. Through artistic language communication, the projection effect will change her husband's subconscious escape reaction as soon as he sees her, and build a bridge between her and her husband.

Because of the swallow's high cooperation, after communicating with her husband at the right time, on the seventh day of service, her husband not only agreed to move back home, but also deleted the third party the next day after returning home. Of course, because the time is too short, it is impossible to determine the authenticity of her husband's return for the time being, but what her husband did gave Swallow confidence to save her. As long as she pursues victory, it is not difficult for her husband to really return to the family.

Second, cleverly avoid the weakness of attachment personality.

It is not easy to change the attachment personality in a short time, but if we understand the attachment personality characteristics of Swallow and her husband, the tutor can effectively help save the practical guidance according to their characteristics!

In the second stage of recovery, after her husband moved home, Swallow skillfully avoided her husband's avoidance psychology under the guidance of her mentor, and solved the mystery of her husband's "escape" for many years:

Husband said that every time he heard the swallow's complaint, he would feel incompetent, unworthy of the swallow, and had no confidence and direction to change. When he sees the swallow, he will remember that he is a worthless man. In order to avoid this idea, her husband can only avoid swallows.

After listening to her husband's words, the swallow finally understood what she had done wrong in these years! This frank conversation made them start to get out of the vicious circle of "chasing" and "fleeing".

Third, get rid of the vicious circle of getting along with each other.

But just one conversation can't completely get rid of the negative influence of their attachment personality on marriage. Therefore, according to the development of recovery, the tutor readjusted the recovery plan to ensure that Xiaoyan can not only successfully recover her husband, but also completely solve the marriage problem and rebuild a new healthy coexistence model.

On the 43rd day of service, the service has achieved the expected effect, but the swallow sent me a WeChat crying.

It's not that her husband cheated on her again, nor that she ignored her again, but that her husband actually transferred all his property to her name and bought a house as a birthday present in her name!

My husband also promised Swallow that if he did something bad in the future, Swallow could let him leave home clean at any time! Zheng Xiaoyan was moved to tears. She never thought her husband would do this!

After watching the experience of Swallow, are you aware of the problems between you? The emergence of marriage crisis and the intervention of a third party are by no means caused by one person. He has the responsibility to betray you, and you have the responsibility to solve the problem in time. Marriage has reached this point, you must not want to give up like this, and then the hateful third party will take the lead! Hurry up and send a private letter to the senior supervisor to get a detailed one-on-one emotional diagnosis and analysis!

Seeing this, do you still think this man is easy to change his mind?

Do you remember his concern and consideration for you?

He is not really "love rat". He once really loved you and treated you wholeheartedly. He can tolerate your little temper, your little shortcomings, but now?

He doesn't like your verbosity, hates your complaints and refuses to be intimate with you!

He has changed! You have changed, too!

If he says something wrong, he will bear your attack;

It's useless to scold a little thing if it's not done well;

You don't care about his efforts and forbearance as before!

You are not the lovers who completely understand and support each other at the beginning!

You can continue to complain about his change of heart and his incompetence, but at this rate, you will always have a bad man who is incompetent and doesn't care about his family!

Even you have to look at this man who is extremely indifferent to you and sweet talks to other women!

Can you really stand it?

If you can't, then what you have to do is not to complain, not to be dissatisfied, not to cry, but to change the distorted mode of getting along and the attitude that he always escapes and you always pursue.

In a bad marriage, one partner always likes to judge the other. In a beautiful marriage, two people will always understand and support each other!

Do you want an incompetent husband or a caring husband? !

I believe that your choice must be the second! Marriage is a woman's lifelong career. A woman who is unhappy in marriage will suffer pain and suffering all her life. Children who grow up in such a family are lonely and loveless all their lives! For yourself, for your partner and for your children, take action now and change the unfortunate experience of your family! Let love guard you again!