The boy's legs were a little shaky and weak on the shore, but he still couldn't jump into the water: "No, still no, I can't get down."
After waiting for a long time, if you don't jump, I won't take you swimming again. As a result, dad took away the child who was afraid of going into the water with an angry face.
It is common for the father of the child to do so. Although this is only a trivial matter, it is actually an example of belittling children's feelings. Despise is the simplest and most subconscious reaction. Many people will do it naturally, but it needs our parents to reflect. We have not seriously considered the child's psychological feelings now. Many small things may lead to children's lack of self-confidence and security!
In kimberly Brain's You Are the Best Toy for Children, the possible mistakes made by parents in daily life are analyzed in detail. Many troubled young people in society often can't get a sense of belonging and security from family relationships. When they encounter setbacks, they can't find a place to belong and some kind of close dependence in their families, so they are more likely to get involved in drugs, early pregnancy and gang activities.
Maybe someone wants to know, who is Kimberly Brain? She first put forward "emotional guidance education" in the world, as an expert in child psychotherapy and organizer of the project to prevent child abuse. Under the guidance of emotions, she successfully solved toilet training, nightmares, picky eaters, school phobia and extremely embarrassing supermarket cheating, as well as the troubles of eating out, which made many parents have a headache.
She firmly believes that parents don't need to rely on coercion or bribery to get their children to cooperate, because the best way to shape their children's behavior is to rely on deep parent-child relationship. Her research on the concept of emotional guidance was injected into You Are the Best Toy for Children, which made more parents realize the misunderstanding of parent-child communication.
Control and laissez-faire
Typical controlling parental concept: "What I say is an order, and I must obey it".
Children's bad behavior must be stopped immediately, and parents should have absolute authority. It is difficult to share power with children or guide children to be responsible for their actions, not to express their feelings, and not to pay attention to their feelings.
The practice of laissez-faire parents: let the children release themselves, even if the behavior is biased, it can not be well guided and corrected. The oft-repeated rhetoric is "No way, let them go, I can't control it."
2. Take the negative consequences as punishment
The negative method is to let children learn lessons or be frustrated. "Locked in a dark room" and "punished sitting in the corner" are the ways adopted by many parents. In fact, it is not very active to let children suffer from emotional torture, and their needs are not met. Parents will punish them when they see superficial behavior.
3. Unrealistic requirements
Parents take their two-year-old children to the restaurant, and the younger ones always run around and toss around. Every time my parents eat in great distress, sometimes they can't help yelling. In fact, sometimes parents should expect that children's concentration is limited, and the maximum concentration time is only 15-20 minutes. Don't expect to get your child's "obedience" for a long time by doing nothing.
If a child wants to be happy and successful, having good communication skills and emotional wisdom is much more important than academic performance.
Sometimes, parents feel very sorry for their actions, but they just don't know there are other ways to do it. If there is a better way, would you like to try? Do you want your children to have a better life than you? The answer is always yes.
Parenting is a headache for parents every day, but in another way, paying attention to children's emotional guidance can avoid many parenting pits and establish a good parent-child communication relationship. If you have similar troubles, I recommend you to read the book "You are a child's best toy". If you want electronic resources, you can also trust me privately and learn and grow together.