My mother was unlucky since she was a child.

Because there are many brothers and sisters at home, she not only never went to school, but also helped her parents do farm work since childhood. My mother 12 years old broke her right foot when she went up the mountain to cut wood. Because the family can't get the money, she can't get timely treatment and is disabled for life. She struggled with a broken leg. As an adult, Niang's body is still thin and thin, and her nose and eyes are not very dignified. Everyone called her "ugly girl", and no one came to propose to her when she was very old.

My mother's brothers and sisters began to dislike her after setting up another door and regarded her as a burden. Mom is very sad. After crying at her parents' grave, she moved into a shabby hut that no one else had lived in. I

My father and my mother live in the same village and come from a rich peasant family. They have always been a man with their tails between their legs. He feels inferior and others look down on him. After a long time, he became a man who only knew how to work and seldom spoke, and was almost forgotten.

In the same boat, they slowly came together. When mom was 28 and dad was 33, they put two quilts together and got married.

The following spring, I came to this world. Mom is very happy and proud. She carried me around the village all day so that others could see her son. From then on, everyone changed her name to "ugly mother". Although my nose, eyes and limbs are fine, others still look down on my mother.

I don't think my mother is ugly at all, but I think she is the best mother in the world. My mother cooked the best food for me, dressed me in the most beautiful clothes, shook the cattail leaf fan to cool me down in summer nights, warmed me up in winter and hugged me to sleep. My mother is very kind to me. I kiss her, make fun of her, jump into her arms and kiss her dark face. We often hear laughter in a room with air leakage. My father is very satisfied with this life. After closing the door at night, he will sing us some operas.

I knew my mother was ugly when I was 9 years old. that

1990, my parents discussed sending me to school. In order to make up for my tuition, my mother raised several big hens to lay eggs for money. One day, the big hen ran to the vegetable field of the Wang family next door. When the Wangs found out, they beat my big hen to death. Mother was very angry, so she went to reason and let her pay for it. But the women in the Wangs didn't care about my mother at all, and sarcastically said, "You ugly bastard, you dare to argue with me without looking at yourself in the mirror ..."

All the onlookers laughed. Mom couldn't stand it, so she sat on the ground and cried. This caused another burst of laughter.

I just came back from the outside and saw this scene. I think it's useless to roll around like this. Then I looked at my mother carefully and thought she was really ugly, so I ran away in tears.

After that, my mother was still very kind to me, but I stopped kissing her. If she wants to hug me like before, I will avoid it like a loach. Even if she goes to the market, I won't follow her like before. I'm avoiding her, and I'm still blaming her, why she looks so ugly, which makes me ashamed and looked down upon. exist

Outside, I only talk about my father, never my mother. I'll stay away from her when I meet her on the road. If I can't hide, I'll run with my head buried and let her chase after me. My mother later learned my mind and secretly wiped her tears at home for a day.

Studying in the primary school in our village, my classmates know everything about my family, so I often become the object of their jokes. They often tease me by singing their own songs: "Kidnapper, the kidnapper's husband is cabbage;" Cripple, cripple, cripple, a grandson ... "

Sometimes I pretend not to hear anything and ignore them. Sometimes, I will rush to fight with them and fight to the death. If I can't beat them in the light, I'll come in the dark. At night, while the wind is high and the moon is dark, I will stone their tiles and wait for the rainy day to watch the fun.

In order to change a new environment, especially not to let people know that I have an ugly mother, I cried and begged my father to transfer me. Dad knew that I was not doing well in my old school, and begged grandma to tell grandpa to send me to a school outside the village more than ten miles away.

In the new school, many students think that I am a child with only a father and no mother. I went to a foreign village to study.

In order not to run back and forth every day, and not to expose myself to the traces of ugly mother, I must live on campus. Sometimes I go home once every three days, and sometimes I don't go home until a week. I asked my father to send me all the rice and vegetables I ate. Mom hasn't seen me for a long time, and my heart is empty. She often goes to school to play with pig grass and looks at me from a distance.

I know I will be angry in the future. Once I went home in anger and didn't eat, clamoring for my mother to stay away from school in the future. Mother faltered and agreed. But my mother often sneaks around the school, so I have to ignore her. There is no airtight wall in the world. I don't know what happened. Some students began to render me a lame ugly mother in class, and I desperately denied it.

After school that day, my mother was playing pig grass near the school. The students shouted like discovering a new continent: "Look, that's his mother!" "

I quickly said, "Don't listen to his nonsense. She is not my mother. My mother went to visit relatives in the city. " The classmate suddenly came up with an idea. He said, "If you take a few steps like her, we will believe you." I had no choice but to limp a few steps like my mother. Mother was startled by the noise here and turned her head just to watch my movements. Suddenly, her eyes flashed with tears, and she left in a hurry.

I broke my mother's heart that time, and she came home with swollen eyes. Dad tied me up and hung me on the roof beam. He whipped me with a willow branch and asked, "Where did you come from, beast?"

I gritted my teeth and said nothing. A few days later, I also found a reason to give that classmate a good beating. At the age of sixteen, I was admitted to a key middle school in the county, and my mother put the admission notice tightly on my chest. Say that finish, she took the admission notice and went out. Although she can't read, she still pretends to watch while walking.

Someone asked curiously, "What are you looking at?" My mother replied, "This is my son's report card. He is going to study in the city. " Others are angry: "Show off what, kidnapper." Some people also said, "What are you happy about when your son doesn't treat you as a mother?" But mom is not angry at all. but

Mom's joy soon passed. She often sat there alone and frowned at my tuition. Because that year, my father got stomach trouble, and he often couldn't get down in pain. My mother supports me at home. Although I know that my family can't afford expensive tuition and living expenses, I still insist on going to school. The purpose of my school is to go to college and leave home and my ugly mother.

One night, my father came to my bedside and advised me, "Son, we can't afford to go to this school. As you know, the family is poor. You help with farm work at home for two years, and then go to work in the city when your bones grow strong. Many people in the village have a good life ... "

Tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't control my emotions any more in my father's series of sighs. I shouted, "If you don't let me go to school, I will die."

My mother rushed into the house, knocked her father to the ground, stared at him and said, "I'll fight whoever doesn't let the children go to school." This is the first time I have seen my mother so angry.

After so much trouble, I have no confidence in going to school in the city. I burned all the books I read, and then I went into the mountains to catch birds and went down the river to catch fish every day to anesthetize myself.

But the day before school started, my mother put a pile of money in front of me, and then stepped back and said to me, "Tomorrow, let your father take you to school." Dad began to help me pack my school supplies, and my mother stood in the distance and secretly looked at me with her eyes, looking happy and sad.

To go to school in the city, you have to walk more than ten miles to the township government to get on the bus. On that day, it was my father who accompanied me with my luggage. Father talked a lot, but I didn't listen to a word. Halfway through, when we sat down to rest, my father and I both found my mother hiding dozens of steps away. Dad said to me, "Let your mother send you together." I was noncommittal, and my father sighed and waved to my mother, meaning to let her go back. Unexpectedly, Niang still limped and secretly followed up. When the car started, through the window, I saw my mother standing at an intersection and watching me go away.

Strangely, although my family is so poor, I have never worried about tuition and living expenses. I can pay all tuition and miscellaneous fees to the teacher every semester. Every month, my father will send me the living expenses to school on time. Dad told me that this is all the money your mother got from collecting garbage. exist

At school, I get along well with several classmates in the city. I seldom go back in order to save money, make time to study and avoid my ugly mother. On Sundays, several good classmates often invite me to their home. Their parents are very warm to me and invite me to dinner and accompany me.

During the first semester holiday, several students who have never been to the countryside must come to my home to experience the life in the countryside. I hesitated, but it was hard to refuse.

The next day, I took them on the road. It is conceivable that they are excited and happy, but they don't know my inner anxiety. I'm imagining their reaction when they see my mother. Mother was chopping wood at the door when I entered the room. When she saw me and a large class of classmates rushing in, the expression of joy was written on her dark face at once. Before my mother could say hello, I crustily skin of head and said to my classmates, "My mother went to visit relatives in the city. This is my cousin. " Niang suddenly stood there, not knowing what to do. It was a long time before she smiled at everyone and hurried into the room.

Several classmates really thought my mother was my cousin, so they just sat there and chatted. They asked me why my cousin was lame and why she was so ugly. They also suggested that I take my cousin for plastic surgery after I earn money, and the effect will certainly be right. Just then, my mother came in and bowed her head and said to me, "Please treat your classmates well. My cousin has gone home. "

I also pretended to send my mother to the door and said, "Take your time, cousin, and come again when you are free." Mother didn't go home until her classmates left. I reviewed my lessons at home that summer in my sophomore year. Suddenly, two policemen came, and before I recovered, they showed me the arrest warrant. I watched helplessly as they took my mother to the police car.

It turns out that since I was in high school, my mother has been worried about the cost of my schooling all day. A few thin fields are not enough for me. It is impossible for a disabled person like her to go out to work, but she can only pick up junk, but her income is still very small. People are lacking in ambition. When she was picking up junk, she stole some wires and cables and even other people's things for money. Paper can't hold fire, and it was discovered.

Niang was sentenced to six months for theft. So I can't lift my head in the village. Villagers like to chew their tongues and have nothing to do. They often gather around our house and point, "I really can't see a lame man doing such a shameful thing." During that holiday, I almost stayed at home and was ashamed to meet people. Sometimes I lose my temper and smash things at home. Dad slapped me in the face and said with tears, "Your mother has come this far because of you. Are you still like a person? " I

I feel that this slap in the face is really happy and Japanese, which makes me wake up in pain. I'm beginning to feel that it was wrong to treat my mother like that before. People often say that "dogs don't think their families are poor, and children don't think their mothers are ugly". What has been done over the years, no one can tolerate and endure except his own mother.

But in any case, I still can't accept Niang's ugliness and lameness, and her status as a prisoner. My only way is to escape, so I study harder and want to go to college and fly away.

After half a year, my mother went home. It seems that my hair is all white and my body is more wobbly than before. I avoided her at a distance, and she avoided me at a distance.

After that, I don't want a penny from my family. One is gambling, and the other is worrying that my parents will do something disgraceful to raise my tuition.

If there is no money in the pocket, there will be no landing in life. What should I do? One Sunday, I was walking in the street blankly. I saw many people picking bricks on a construction site. I went up to a boss-like man and said, "I am a student and my family is poor." Can I do short-term work here? " The boss gave me a look and nodded. When I went to pay my salary that day, after he learned my actual situation, he sighed and promised me to work at his construction site during the holiday.

However, the money for short-term work is still difficult to maintain my life. I suddenly remembered the last resort of people in our country, that is to go to the hospital to sell blood.

I walked into the blood room of the hospital. When there was no one else in the blood room, I said to the doctor who had been writing with his head buried, "Doctor, I want to sell blood." He didn't seem to hear, so he looked up and asked, "What did you say?" I repeated what I said, and he waved impatiently at me and said, "How old are you? What are you doing here? Let's go. "

I won't give up going to another hospital. This time, I had experience. When the doctor asked me my age, I told him I was 25. When he looked at me with dubious eyes, I stood on tiptoe and straightened my chest.

I was allowed. I don't know how much blood I sold for the first time. When I was walking on the road with 240 yuan in my pocket, I felt weak and weak.

After that, as long as I have no money, I will go to the hospital to sell blood. My blood is like inexhaustible water. I sold blood several times and became acquainted with a doctor named Lin. He advised me: "Young man, you are developing. Selling blood is not good for your health. "

Sure enough, due to frequent blood selling, my health is obviously poor. I often feel dizzy and tinnitus, and my face looks like a blank sheet of paper. Go to physical education class and faint.

That year, I finally got my wish and was admitted to a university in the south. On the first night away from home, I ran to the river at the entrance of the village alone and cried all night. Later, my father told me that my mother also shed tears all night. My mother told my father that there were not many opportunities to see me in the future. exist

After studying abroad for four years, I have only been home twice, and I have come and gone in a hurry. I can see that my mother is very happy, but she is afraid to come near me. When my father and I were talking under the lamp, she sat far away by the kitchen fire, stole a glance at me and buried her head to boil water.

After graduation, I decided to work in a news unit in a county in the south. On the day I was about to report for duty, I went back again.

This time, my mother looked particularly sad. She knows that after I work, I go home less often. Several times, I went to see her and wanted to talk to her, but she avoided at a distance.

Before I left, I suddenly felt so lonely and full of guilt for my mother. I knelt in front of my mother, knocked my head three times and shouted, "Mother-".

Mom and dad were shocked, and I was scared by my own actions. I don't know how I made this step.

There is a custom in our hometown that a son or daughter kneels and kowtows three times in front of their parents, and after receiving a slap in the face from their parents, it means breaking away from the kinship. I stood up from the ground at once, but it was too late. My mother slapped me hard ... after hitting me, my mother burst into tears and laughed.

I don't know how I left home. I

I haven't come home after working for three years. Busy work is just an excuse, and returning home in disgrace is the main reason. Every time I receive a letter from my father telling me that my mother is getting worse and worse, I have to cry bitterly.

In October the year before last, I received a phone call from my father. This is the first time my father has called me from a public phone booth. My father sobbed and told me that my mother had been feeling stomachache recently and once fainted. Repeatedly advised her to go to the hospital for examination, but she refused to go because she was afraid of spending money. Dad pooled a sum of money to take her to the hospital for examination, and the result was gastric cancer. Dad begged me, "Come back when you are free, or I may never see her again."

Dad's words broke my heart. Dad said "she" instead of "your mother".

By then, I had found a girlfriend. Girlfriend is a local, and the family conditions are good. After I formally established the relationship with her, she often pestered me to take her back to my house to have a look. For her sake, I have always kept my family secret and repeatedly shirked it on the grounds of busy work. I did this because I was worried that she would dislike me, because she knew that I had such an ugly mother. After learning about Niang's illness, I realized that Niang's life was short and I couldn't care so much, so I told her everything. She scolded me severely with tears in her eyes, packed things with me all night, and asked me to take her home and show my mother her future daughter-in-law.

Before I left, considering that it was inconvenient to make a phone call, I sent a telegram home. one

On the way, I have been crying. She held my head and advised me again and again. When we got home, dad was the only one at home, sitting in the dark room, hooking his head. Dad said that Niang went to visit her cousin's house in another county this morning, and it was useless to persuade her to stop her.

It turned out that my mother received my telegram back. She thought something was wrong with me and begged her literate neighbor to read it to her. The neighbor told him that your son would bring his girlfriend back to see you. My mother looked very nervous after hearing this. She avoided me.

I immediately ran out to call my aunt's house and asked if my mother was in. My aunt said she didn't see my mother. Holding the phone, tears welled up in my eyes. I know, mom is avoiding me. She is afraid of her ugliness. Her lameness made me feel ashamed and scared my girlfriend away.

I waited at home for five days. In these five days, Niang has never appeared, and I don't know where she spent these five days.

Some people say that my mother lives in an empty house in a neighboring village more than ten miles away. I hurried to look for it, but I couldn't find it. Some people say that my mother collects rubbish in the streets of the county. I rode my bike around every corner of the city, and I didn't see her ... My girlfriend and I didn't see my mother that time. I didn't expect to see my mother again.

My mother didn't attend the wedding. After I got married, I don't know how many times I asked my parents to live in the city for a while. Father came several times as a matter of routine, but mother didn't come once. I know my mother's broken heart won't be warm for a while.

Last August, my mother died. After coming back, my mother put on a shroud and prepared to get off the boat. I knelt in front of her, touched her face and cried and said, "Mom, Mom ..."

But it's too late, and my mother can't answer me any more. I needed a portrait for my mother's funeral, but I looked for it for a long time and couldn't find it. Dad's eyes are red. He said, "Keep the change. There is no photo of my mother at home. " I have no choice but to find a painter. The portrait painted by the painter has been tampered with. Although it looks much better than the living mother, I always feel very uncomfortable.

Mom knew she was ugly, never took photos, and lived all her life without even photos. Mom, you really won't leave a trace, won't you give me a little miss?

"Dogs don't think their families are poor, and children don't think their mothers are ugly." I hope my story can make some people love their mothers, otherwise, that kind of regret will never be erased.

Reading human language

Rong Guo Peng

Love and pain may be because the story is too bitter and bizarre to read more like a novel. Although real life is often more novel than novels.

People, more or less, have a sense of inferiority, from different sources. From my observation, rural people who come to the city feel a little more than urban people; In other words, it is more intense under the contrast of the big environment. I wonder if China people who immigrated to the west have this feeling in their hearts? However, this is not completely negative, it can arouse stronger desire and explosive force of action, and urge people to change their destiny. Therefore, we should be able to understand the narrator's psychology and behavior; Of course, I can't agree.

The old saying "a son doesn't think his mother is ugly" is usually applicable, but who doesn't want to find a beautiful, kind and capable mother? The problem is that there can only be one mother who gives us life, which is not something we can choose and is doomed; And all the joys and sorrows derived from it have cast the pattern and texture of our life-family, nationality, culture, motherland and so on. The same is true. For a person with a conscience, love and pain are often intertwined in the deep heart.