1. "Little Three" points to the future, and Little Four cares about "Now"
Recently, more and more words like "Xiao Si" appear in various articles, which seems to be another way of saying "cheating" and an upgraded product after "Blue Beauty" and "Red Beauty". What's the difference between "Small Four" and "Small Three"?
It is often said that there is no inseparable marriage, only a mistress who does not work hard. Then, for true love, or for some personal purposes, San Xiao's goal is nothing more than marriage, which leads to moral problems. China's traditional concept emphasizes that it is better to break a marriage than to tear down ten temples. In the face of complete family harmony, love and all freedom are weak, and the existence of "mistress" is a slap in the face of traditional ideas. No matter what kind of coat you put on, you will not be tolerated by public opinion.
The "fourth grade" is a positive attitude towards the marriage owned by two people, but it has produced feelings for various reasons. It doesn't want to destroy everything, but it craves novelty. Thus, "Xiao Si" was born. If "Blue Beauty" and "Red Beauty" are just emotional infidelity, then "Xiaosi" is an upgraded product. Miss Jun and Mr. Wei met at a product exchange meeting and left WeChat with each other. One night, Miss Jun forwarded a favorite WeChat article. In less than ten minutes, Mr. Wei replied to the comment. So the two men began to chat. The two senior young artists talked about everything, ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign, so that an hour before going to bed every night became a time that both of them were looking forward to.
One day, when talking about his works, Mr. Wei suddenly stopped answering. Because Miss Jun knew that the other party was married, it was inconvenient to make a phone call and put down her mobile phone. It turns out that Mr. Wei's baby has been sleeping in the study since birth. Yesterday, his wife suddenly came into the house to get something and saw Mr. Wei chatting on his mobile phone. They are unhappy. This is the end of the in-depth communication about this Japanese writer.
"Your unit is a flower shop downstairs, order a bunch of flowers to coax your wife!" Miss Jun blurted out without thinking.
"Well, I'll deal with it. Thank you. " Mr. Wei's heart moved, and he added affection to the kind and heartless Miss Jun. ..
Later, the chat between the two people consciously moved from one hour before going to bed to lunch break. At that time, Miss Jun's husband trained in the south for half a year, fearing that Miss Jun would be bored, she often encouraged Miss Jun not to stay at home and invited friends to eat and sing. So, during this time, the two people changed from chatting on mobile phones to chatting over tea.
One night, Mr. Wei saw Miss Jun downstairs. When Miss Jun turned around, her hand was caught by Mr. Wei, and an emotion that had already flowed between them without any suspense officially surfaced at this time.
Both of them are very clear about their life orientation. Neither Miss Jun, whose husband went out soon after her wedding, nor Mr. Wei, who is a new father, has any intention of changing their marital status. However, the feelings flowing slowly between them are like strawberry ice cream under the scorching sun, and like greedy children, coveting this cool and delicious food.
But both of them know that a complete life change will undoubtedly be a devastating suicide change. They are unable to bear such consequences, but they selfishly hope to feel their feelings from each other. Therefore, the way of getting along with "small four" exists in each other's lives.
All adults should be responsible for their feelings and life. There is no need for each other. If one day they come to an end, they will be responsible for their choices. What matters now is a passion, a love that belongs to each other.
From this perspective, "Xiao San" at least has a fearless expectation for the future, while "Xiao Si" is more like a snail who muddles along. "Little Three" and "Little Four" are completely different in goals, but essentially the same is the selfish heart hidden under "love".
What men need is a lover, and what women feel is "empathy"
In the hearts of many men, I really hope to return to the days before liberation overnight. How happy polygamy is. There are indeed some "unscrupulous" men who regard the quantity (and sometimes the quality) of conquering women as a sign of success. That relatively "innocent" fourth grade is a dish that men will not let go of.
A man's hope for his lover is to come at the drop of a hat. I hope the red flag doesn't fall at home, and the colorful flags are fluttering outside.
First of all, women who become or "are" fourth graders generally have their own independent life trajectories, and they can't pin all their emotions on this "supernumerary" opposite sex. Then men will feel more "safe" in this relationship.
Men don't want the "relationship" at home to be known, and women don't want to be known to the outside world. They complement each other tacitly. Even if the "relationship" breaks down one day, women will only return to life silently; I will never perform a drama of crying two times and hanging three times, and I will never threaten and make a fuss about it.
Secondly, women in this group generally have a certain ability to work and live, and have their own independent sources of income. In love, it is the most common behavior for men to win the favor of women by giving gifts; However, women with a certain level of knowledge are under the banner of "pure love", and some are ashamed of taking money from the opposite sex, as if they are insatiable about each other's economic status, which undoubtedly reduces their status in this relationship psychologically, equivalent to the image of "mistress".
So, in the face of such a free lunch, what ability does a man have to refuse?
From the perspective of women, empathy here is not short for empathy, but empathy in psychoanalysis. Refers to psychological counseling. In the past life, the seeker regarded the counselor as an important person, and gradually developed a strong interest and strong feelings for the counselor, showing great friendship, admiration, admiration and even sex for the opposite sex counselor, and being very attached and obedient to the counselor.
Mr. Wu is a standard male chauvinist. He never asked his wife, Shu Zi, how many people there are in her family, and always made his own decisions. Moreover, Mr. Wu advocates the absolute mode of "men dominate the outside and women dominate the inside". At home, all the housework is undertaken by Shu Zi. When watching TV after dinner in the evening, we often ask Shu Zi to sit on the cushion next to the sofa, rub her legs and cut her toenails, which is natural.
Gentle and virtuous Shuzi frowned at best, and did it without saying anything, perhaps because what she said would have no effect and would only increase her troubles.
However, being cared for in the palm of your hand is every woman's dream. Since her father died, she has never felt cherished and cared for like a princess.
On a business trip, the manager Ben took Xiao Liu, the section chief, and Shu Zi, the secretary. Before departure, Xiao Liu was delayed by an emergency and had to change her ticket for the next day. The manager and Shu Zi came to the Canton Fair first. Along the way, the usually serious manager was considerate to Xiao Liu, carrying luggage and buying coffee. These jobs that Shu Zi is used to have been "robbed" by the manager. "If you go out, don't stick to your post." The manager smiled and said to Shu Zi.
On the plane, the manager saw that Shuzi was sleepy and asked the flight attendant to bring pillows and blankets. Shuzi woke up and saw her head leaning on the manager's shoulder and nervously moved away. "See you fell asleep. I left a glass of juice when I delivered the water just now to sober you up and quench your thirst. " The manager's tenderness touched something soft in Shu Zi's heart.
This hotel is not far from the seaside. After dinner, the manager said that he would be busy from tomorrow. He wants to buy some gifts for his wife and daughter today, and let Shuzi be a staff officer. In a boutique house, the manager repeatedly fiddled with a comb inlaid with tortoiseshell and said that he would buy it for his daughter. "Are you optimistic? My daughter's hair is as black and shiny as yours, so smooth and so good. "
The manager's eyes, like the moonlight that night, shone quietly and softly into Shuzi's heart.
Shuzi is used to being bossed around by her teacher Wu, and she can't say anything wrong. Her soft and submissive personality can't change anything, but she vaguely longs to be regarded as a doting father. Although the manager is in his early forties, his thoughtful and meticulous care has made Shu Zi feel spoiled for a long time, which is the "empathy" missing in life.
Of course, this is just a simple example. Various reasons for empathy may arise, all based on some secret dissatisfaction with one's life, but they may not have the ability to change.
Different causes and different ways of thinking, but both men and women are rooted in inner selfishness and weakness.
Although "being is reasonable", no matter how warm you put on your coat and how many disguises you make of "not affecting your family", the essence of "Xiao Si" is just a lover.
One of my girlfriends, a graduate student, has an incisive comment on Lover: Look at all the situations around you. Couples need skills more than lovers-what's the use of being far away? Being close, things will happen sooner or later, so it is more laborious.
From the perspective of love. Psychologists have concluded that "love" has some characteristics that ordinary people don't have: all news wants the loved one to know and get a response at the first time; Like uncle lei feng, he arrived at the first time when the other party was in trouble; Uniqueness and exclusiveness, knowing that the lover has other partners, the uncontrollable jealousy and anger spread endlessly.
well
In this way, the existence of "Xiao Si" is really not qualified love. There are endless barriers such as family and work, so it is simply an idiotic dream to share each other's news for the first time; I'm in trouble here, and I want you to help me when I have dinner with my family there. Hehe, it's faster and safer to call the police uncle. The last one does not meet the prerequisite of "not affecting the other family" at all.
From a practical point of view. Sticking to a loveless marriage is disrespectful to oneself and the other party, and it is also harmful to other family members, especially children. If the relationship between two people in marriage really comes to an end, we should bravely say "cherish", treat the problem of "leaving" with a responsible attitude, and then pursue another new relationship.
In this way, the original must be maintained, and the new one is reluctant to give up. Obviously, it is a ridiculous behavior for children to eat pot and occupy pot. What are you talking about so tall and tender? Moreover, the parties themselves are not absolutely sure that the "four levels" of outward development are the "true love" they have pursued all their lives. How can they keep him or her in life?
People do have aesthetic fatigue, turn a blind eye to people who are used to it, and are extremely keen on fresh blood in life. However, a popular sentence in previous years is used to refute: I love the moon. Do I have to go to the moon? I love the breeze, so do I have to let it cover me (it won't be a tornado, will it)? I love the sea. Should I jump into it?
Therefore, I sincerely say to this selfish "small four" phenomenon of self-deception: yes or no! ?