Late at night, Nana sent a furious expression. I am surprised that this gentle girl has such an outgoing mood. I immediately got up from the sleeping pillow and asked her what was wrong and why she was so angry.

After listening to Nana's story, I probably understood the ins and outs of the matter. Nana is a well-known good-natured girl and won't say no to anyone. So, she bought a car last year and became a free driver for all her colleagues in the company. Nana is a road idiot. She navigates every time she goes out of the street. Out of trust in her colleagues, she always gives her mobile phone to her colleagues in the same car, tells her the password and helps her navigate.

As a result, her mobile phone password became a useless display. But in the process of chatting with a colleague a few days ago, that colleague confidently told her that she wanted to know what another colleague who had made good friends with her said about her in front of others, so she stole Nana's chat record and found that the colleague was complaining about her. In a rage, she deleted the WeChat of her colleagues who had made good friends with her and cut off her friendship.

Later, the colleague who was inexplicably deleted from WeChat knew about it, blamed Nana for leaking their conversation, and then reconciled with the colleague. Finally, the two colleagues made up, and both of them were at odds with Nana.

Nana was so angry that her mobile phone was turned over without her permission. The other party not only didn't mean to repent, but took this behavior for granted, and finally accused her of gossiping behind her back.

Nana shouted, is there justice in this world?

After listening to the whole story, I really sympathize with Nana, but I have to tell her: "Before you resent her, have you ever thought about whether you acquiesced in her invasion of your private space?"

As usual, Daxin was half an hour late for the weekend party. She sat on the sofa, grabbed the cup on the table and gulped it down. After drinking enough, she began to complain loudly about the bad weather, which made people listless. Everyone stopped the topic under discussion and turned to look at Daxin, with reproachful eyes.

Before Daxinlai, Mei Zi was describing the plight of her latest blind date, complaining in tears that her parents kept putting pressure on her to get married on a blind date when she was suffering from senile phobia. This is a problem that most of our sisters are facing. They all feel in the same boat and begin to sigh after listening.

Plum can't help laughing at herself after listening: "It is estimated that I am old, and my family is worried that if I don't get married, there will be no market."

Daxin finally understood what we were talking about. Hearing Mei Zi's self-mockery, she immediately replied, "Yes, you are not young. In two years, it is estimated that the canthus lines can't be covered. Why not listen to your parents' blind date and find a similar one while there are still good resources? Otherwise, she will become an older woman and her ass will be too big to walk. "

Say that finish, Daxin giggled, as if poking her punch line.

Everyone looked at each other, smiled uncooperative, and did not intend to save this embarrassing situation. Daxin laughed enough and felt that the atmosphere was wrong, so he inexplicably asked, "Isn't it funny?"

It was even colder in an instant, and I couldn't bear to sit next to the outspoken sky. I replied, "People can laugh at themselves. What is your position? "

We often want to learn to be an interesting person. We can speak freely in front of everyone, as Cai Kangyong said, "A humorous person is like a good walker. When you walk with him, you will feel that ordinary walking is also a kind of enjoyment. "

However, before we rack our brains to learn how to be an interesting person, do we have to be a good listener first? Because many times, getting along just right and being in a dilemma is more comfortable. So, how can we show high EQ in chatting?

Many people like to dominate the chat and let their friends talk about their topic Kan Kan. If you happen to be a humble and humorous person, you can quote the classics and make your story fascinating, then this may be a very pleasant conversation, but the possibility is only 20%; And if you don't have humorous high emotional intelligence and self-knowledge of timely convergence, then you may have been rejected by your friends.

Speaking is an art, and listening is also a science. Being an excellent listener will make you more popular with your friends, and your proper speech will attract more attention from your friends.

Since the launch of Here We Come, I believe that many viewers who have seen it will be surrounded by Jiang, a girl who has always been a maverick in the entertainment circle, and unexpectedly show her personality charm in this reality show. Most of the time, I listened to Jiang with a smile, neither taking the lead nor picking the topic. In the first episode of running high in the Macau Tower, when she was crying because she was afraid of heights, Jiang, who had been listening, volunteered to take on the task. After the task was completed, he didn't take credit, but patted Angie Chiu on the back.

This style of "doing more and talking less" will undoubtedly win a group of listeners, and this kind of good listening friend is believed to gain good popularity among friends.

Self-mockery is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence, a person's self-confidence, optimism about life and a positive expression of conversation. A good self-mockery can convey your open-mindedness and goodwill to friends and quickly narrow the distance between friends.

However, when friends laugh at themselves, if you agree, it may embarrass both sides and make the situation very embarrassing.

Back to the first example, when the topic was too heavy, Mei Zi laughed at himself appropriately to ease the conversation in a self-pity situation. Without Daxin's participation, our sisters of the same age might give her two mouthfuls of chicken soup, saying that you are only in your twenties, how come you are old, and then the topic can be smoothly transferred to relaxed topics such as which store is offering discounts and how to lose weight faster. Unfortunately, Daxin joined in, and then echoed, not only echoing, but also trying to turn other people's pain points into jokes.

This is really a failed chat. Daxin not only failed to enliven the atmosphere through a joke, but made people feel embarrassed. Therefore, when you can't grasp the reaction of others when they laugh at themselves, it is more appropriate to be a good listener than to echo without skills.

If two people meet for the first time, or just a nodding acquaintance, a proper distance is the key factor to maintain friendship. The distance here refers not only to the physical distance of conversation, but also to the psychological space left for each other to be alone.

Duncan, an American psychologist, once said, "1.2 meters is the safe distance between people." If you are a vigilant person like me, you may need a bigger distance. Crossing this safe distance will make people feel uneasy when strangers are talking. Once one party feels embarrassed, perhaps the only thought left in the other party's mind is to end the conversation quickly.

I met a new friend at a party. No sooner had he said a few words than he sat down beside me with his glass. Speaking of inflation, he always likes to hit me with his elbow to express his excitement. I turned my head and glanced at him. He was already in high spirits. I really can't cope with this "natural familiarity" hook arm action, so I can only passively resist with the attitude of "playing dead" and end the topic in a hurry.

In addition to the physical safety distance, the psychological safety distance is equally important. No matter how good a friend is, he should also leave a space for solitude and privacy, which is a respect for each other. True friends don't want to be "intimate". Proper space will make this relationship more comfortable, which is probably the so-called "friendship between gentlemen is as light as water".

In the second example, Nana's colleagues obviously violated her psychological distance, and it is taboo for friends to casually turn over other people's privacy without consent. If you don't know how to respect each other's privacy, how can you be asked to respect your's friendship?

But many people, like Nana's colleagues, think that since they are friends, these things are the right to be friends and should be taken for granted. If you meet such an unknown friend, any hint is useless. You should confidently tell her, "This is my privacy, please respect my personal life. If you can't do it, then your friend will have nothing to do. "

Appropriate praise can warm friendship, while excessive praise will show its unreality, thus adding more utilitarianism to this praise and making friends ask, "Is he going to borrow money next?" "Does he want me to do something for him?" Ideas like that.

It's bad for friends to get along and make short remarks. When Xiao S and Cai Kangyong hosted "Kangxi Comes", Cai Kangyong always praised two sentences appropriately, but he did not deliberately flatter, as Xiao S said:

"Incidental" is the key. When we chat with friends, adding positive compliments to the sincere chat will make the chat more enjoyable, while excessive compliments will make the whole conversation sound more like flattery or flattery, thus losing the sincerity of the chat.

Therefore, to be a person with high emotional intelligence, you should know the scale of praise and praise without hesitation, but please don't praise it.