One: About disappointment in life
So if you think about it, life will be a little brighter. Why can't you get what you originally wanted? The process itself will give you more fit and surprise.
Casual beauty is the irresistible charm of life.
So relax, life is never short of rewards, but we will only measure it by the result theory.
Losing weight and living is a protracted war, and you can't relax easily. If there are small loopholes and small collapses, we must adjust them in time. Numbness and inertia will not make you really "not afraid of itching", but will only make you fatter and more depressed.
Two: About social fear, avoiding being rejected.
All the people you think are looking at you are not really looking at you. We don't know you, don't understand you, don't like you, don't hate you, and most importantly, we don't care about you at all.
Walking in this world, there is nowhere to hide, and you can only be the last person to see yourself clearly.
It is often the hardest person to accept yourself.
Three: About efforts and the future, more importantly, the present.
You can get results by doing things, no matter what you do.
Be yourself, turn against people you hate, do what you want, and don't have to motivate yourself to bite your teeth when you want to rest.
What do we study hard, work hard, improve efficiency and manage time for?
Everyone is busy working and chasing the future. At the same time, the present is suspended and has no other significance except as a tool to point to the future. —— Xiang Biao (Professor of Anthropology, Oxford University)
Don't live in a linear imagination of the future, and don't tell yourself that the future is beautiful.
You don't know if the bright future you are fighting for will come.
But now the happiness of living seriously must be true.
Four: insomnia and pain, let nature take its course, not deliberately.
What do you mean unintentionally? This is for the brain, which is to let go of things that you can't control. Hungry, naturally want to eat. When you are sleepy, you naturally fall asleep. Behind this is the trust in the body. You know, many people don't believe in their bodies. I always feel that I have to think everything through before I can be practical. In fact, we never pay attention to breathing, but we never delay breathing. The body has the ability to do its own thing.
Morita Shoma, a Japanese doctor, put forward a therapeutic idea called "Let nature take its course and follow one's inclinations". It means: If you like, you can think blindly about your brain and ignore its influence on your body. Do what you should do, and it will pass slowly. ...
Five: About the current parenting anxiety
Just be comfortable. Since I don't know what is the best in the future, at least live this moment first. Don't entangle, don't entangle, don't think too much, it is a great blessing to live in a down-to-earth way at this moment. The subject of this sentence includes both parents and children. Of course, it is mainly adults who can understand this sentence. Therefore, this concept needs parents to practice first: parents do not need to accommodate their children, nor do they need to wronged their children.
I have never heard of a plan that can predict whether the child will be successful or happy in ten or twenty years.
Why is it impossible? Because the methodology is far from it. Twenty years of longitudinal data is difficult to accumulate, even if it is accumulated, it is impossible to draw a causal conclusion, because the confusing variable is really ... This slightly scientifically trained person, do you know how many variables will affect a child's growth? He was scolded when he was a child and felt inferior when he grew up. Can you say that inferiority must be caused by being scolded? Now many parents are worried about "ten or twenty years later".
I read an English article today, which has the same effect. In fact, children should be allowed to explore, discover and learn independently in a free environment.
Six: About those failures and imperfections.
The question is: Is there a perfect solution to everything in life? A law, a set of rules, and obeying the rules are enough to avoid all troubles? Do you believe such a light life? I'm afraid everyone has to admit that there are always some troubles that are difficult to solve or even impossible to solve, which makes us anxious, regretful, overwhelmed and full of anxiety. But it's also a part of life.
Seven: The real help for depressed relatives is emotional support.
Unconditional active care refers to unconditional care, respect and acceptance.
Unconditional positive attention includes physical attention and psychological attention.
Unconditional positive attention does not depend on the behavior of the parties.
Unconditional active attention does not mean that you must agree with the bad behavior of the parties.
Always remember that the first sentence and the last sentence coexist at the same time.
It is her unconscious calculation to ask for trouble in exchange for controlling others. For her, bearing grievances is a necessary strategy for survival and development. This strategy was learned by her at an early age. In China, there are not a few parents who like to gain status by sacrificing themselves, which is a unique cultural phenomenon. I have seen many parents who pick out the meat from their plates and send it to their children's bowls when eating. This is a kind of affection in difficult families, but in many well-off families, it is puzzling to be so courteous. Sometimes the table is full of meat dishes, and it is meaningless to pick meat, but such parents still have the ability to classify the dishes into three or six categories and push the best (what they think) to their children: eat crabs and give you crab roe; Eat chicken to give you drumsticks; Eating fish depends on the situation-I don't think the fish head tastes good, so I'll give it to you; I think fish head is a kind of nutrition, and it must be the opposite. How can a child who has eaten two more good meals understand this treatment? These favors I accepted were earned by my parents who wronged themselves. In this way, I have no better way to repay except filial piety. And this may be what parents don't realize.
Emotional denial and material assistance. This is your instinctive choice when you love a weak person.
But "helping" the weak in these two ways will play a role in maintaining the problem-the former will increase the psychological burden faced by "turning back" and the latter will reduce the consequences and punishment of "maintaining the status quo".
Like snowballing, more and more people are stuck here, and no one can move. Why worry?
Therefore, when encountering this kind of problem, don't ask "how to change him". People's behaviors shape each other. The first thing that changed was not him, but the choices of people around him. Start by opening your eyes and live your own life. If I can't live a good life because of "him", then this is your problem-do you have to rely on his behavior to make you live a good life?
The real "help" should be emotional and more support; Material, less subsidies.
Let him relax and know that his family and friends don't have strict expectations of him.
It also makes him heavier, knowing that the world can only face it by itself.
Besides, I want to thank my friend for reminding me to add one thing after this question:
All the above viewpoints are based on the premise that this person's mental state and behavioral ability are normal.
Eight: About depressed self.
When you can't do anything well, it's a long vacation from God. You don't have to sprint, you don't have to worry, you don't have to work hard, everything goes with the flow. Soon, it will definitely get better!
Nine: About False True Love
No matter how nice it is, if the ultimate goal of all the actions of the other party is to make ta more satisfied, then this is not true love, just pure possessiveness.
Ten: About the choice of life.
About what to do when we can't avoid risks. Let's just say that there is no way to solve this problem. Because we can't escape, we can only accept the uncertainty and anxiety brought by risks. These are all part of the choice. Whether you choose a stock, a job or a girlfriend, you have to accept this disturbing thing as long as you bite the bullet and make a choice. After that, of course, we can actively try to cope with possible changes and collapses and minimize risks, but it must also be based on accepting risks.
At least in this way, we will know that we are not wrong, but we have made the choice that suits us best. If you want something, you have to lose something first. When you speak, you must have the consciousness of being scolded, laughed at and looked down upon. Courage is not a problem, but a choice. There is no such thing in this world. You can be brave without paying the price.
Eleven: about the stalker, ignore him.
The real "hiding" is not eye tracking, but forgetting the whole thing in the rivers and lakes. You can't let him forget you, but you can forget him. From now on, whatever he says, does, thinks or looks at has nothing to do with you. He stands in front of you with infatuation, thinking that he can stop you a little, and you just float past and turn a blind eye.
At this time, he looked down at himself. He thought he showed his teeth and realized that it was just a void.
By the way, such a boy is actually very pitiful. Love is empty, but I don't know the way of love. I didn't know which book I read when I was a child. The key to chasing girls is "stalking and beating" and "If you can't make her love you, let her hate you first". Hate and love are two sides of the same coin, "I once believed." Today, there are still many people who lack love experience. Nassau is diligent and sincere, and pursues this vulgar law of picking women. I hope they will understand one day.
When you don't care about this kind of person and don't care about getting rid of it, you really get rid of it.
Finally, congratulations. Anyway, it is always worthwhile to congratulate someone on being loved. Although you may not think so, this experience may not be envied by others. I wish the love you meet next time, and know how to express it in a healthier and more pleasing way.
Twelve: Pessimism is just an idea.
Pessimism seems to have a good reason. But one can always find a good reason to be pessimistic. There are too many reasons in this world, which one to choose and which not to use is completely personal freedom.
Too immersed in pessimism and despair, even self-doubt, self-denial, the future price may be what we don't want to pay:
1. The vision will become narrow, and creativity and talent will be easily limited;
2. Hands tied, afraid to try, miss many potential opportunities;
3. There may be a rush for success, leading to more fatigue, frustration and energy loss;
4. Lose self-confidence and ease when interacting with people, especially in front of people with houses;
5. I can't see my lover, yes, but not because I don't have a house, but because of the mentality of "I won't be followed without a house";
6. Hate this society because of this, and society will only counter our hostility towards ourselves;
7. Money will become so important that it will automatically create some unnecessary obstacles when operating the existing capital-for example, the questioner said that he had the strength to buy a house within the Sixth Ring Road, but he didn't buy it. Why not buy it? Even if the location is off, the house is small, at least it is better than nothing, right? And it can be changed later. I think the only reason is: I am afraid that the house price will fall in the future-this is actually the biggest obstacle to buying a house (the original house price in the Sixth Ring Road has risen a lot compared with when I asked questions).
In short, people who are relaxed will eventually live easily, and those who are forced to laugh will live hard ... this is all self-realization.
One last word: friends, since we all choose to stay in Beijing and play hard mode, and we all know what hard mode means ... then there must be our special reasons for making this decision. Please think back to the moment when you decided to stay in Beijing, and then ask yourself, will the current pessimism live up to our original intention?
Maybe the thoughts in my head will become more and more violent, "no, I really can't hold on", so what, as long as I don't care.
Have you ever tried not to care what you think? If not, you can try, it's not difficult, and it's quite cool after success.
Whatever it wants, it doesn't care. In the end, you will find that it is weak and can do nothing but ghost roar.
Your current situation is that you have too many thoughts: "My eyes don't meet people or the other person can't hear my voice, which means I won't say hello", "I'm tired of greeting others", "I'm confused", "I often make low-level mistakes", "I'm prone to dizziness", "I'm not like a college student" and "I don't have any special love. You are like a docile subject who is used to being bullied. You're too scared to resist ... to be honest, some ideas are not convincing at all. I don't know how they scare you: say hello to yourself, others are tired? Learning new knowledge will kill you? ..... all this sounds ridiculous. One day, if an idea comes to your mind and says "I am Superman", will you wear underwear outside?
Thirteen: the idea is not important, just do it.
Goodbye, I wish you always satisfied with the choice made in the next moment, and I wish you happiness in your new life.