What should husband and wife pay attention to when quarreling?
1, the time of quarrel is particular.
Swedish research shows that four minutes before going out to work in the morning and four minutes after coming home from work are the most likely reasons for couples to quarrel. This is the most exhausting moment of our body and mind, and it is best not to have conflicts, otherwise it will easily intensify. Wang Yuru believes that quarreling, especially before going to work, should be avoided as much as possible, because quarreling is difficult to make up and will make you angry for a day. In addition, don't quarrel before going to bed at night, because this is the most fragile time of the day, the control is reduced, and it is easy to hold back the fire.
2. The location of the quarrel is particular.
Husband and wife must quarrel at home and close the bedroom door. Never make noise when driving, it is very dangerous to lose control of your emotions; Don't quarrel in front of parents, relatives and children, which will only expand contradictions and hurt others; Don't quarrel in shopping malls and other places where there are many strangers. Under the attention of strangers, quarrels can easily escalate.
3, four words must not be said.
One is to deny the other person's role, such as "my boyfriend used to be much better than you" and "you see that other husbands in the company are better than you". The second is to deny each other's value, such as "you can't do it at home, you can't do it outside, what can you do?" Third, if you deny everything because of one thing. For example, if you don't clean the floor once, you accuse the other person of "never cleaning". The fourth is to express negative expectations, such as "If you can't go on, don't go on, divorce."
4. Don't end with cold war or blame.
Just blame each other, such as "You don't go to the parent-teacher conference, and the children don't care. Are you worthy of being a mother?" Or simply the cold war brought the quarrel to a deadlock. It is better to put forward specific requirements, such as "Can you spend 40 minutes with your child to do homework every night?" Let the other party know what to do next to solve the problem.
5, it is best not to cry.
Quarrel is not a simple emotional confrontation, but a logical confrontation. Crying can make emotions affect decision-making. When arguing fiercely, you should restrain yourself and leave the "scene" temporarily, such as going to the toilet, washing dishes in the kitchen and cleaning up the house, giving the other party a chance to calm down. After a quarrel, making a joke, giving a small gift and inviting the other person to watch a movie are all ways to resolve it.
6. Husband compromises first
There is an egg-sized "limbic system" in the human brain, where emotions occur. Women's limbic system is bigger than men's, which determines that they are easy to follow their feelings and are unreasonable. When excuses are useless, men had better shut up and reach out. A hug expresses love far more than a thousand words.
How to reconcile the quarrel between husband and wife
1, pay attention to control your emotions when you are angry.
As the saying goes, it is normal to quarrel at the end of the bed. It is not normal for two people not to have conflicts and quarrels, but how to make up in time after quarreling is the most important thing. I suggest you calm down and think about it first. During the cold war, we should avoid emotional intensification, talk less, and it is best not to talk, so as not to hurt people. During this period, both of them are very sensitive, and once the bad words are exchanged, it is easy to go wrong.
2. Learn to please each other.
In fact, it's no big deal to admit your mistake and bow your head. If you feel that you can't say it, use your body to express it. As the saying goes, husband and wife quarrel at the head of the bed and quarrel at the end of the bed. Then after going to bed, hug each other gently, say some sweet words, intimate words, or tease or tell jokes until they make each other laugh, so that they can naturally make up.
3. Spend more time with your wife
Men tend to focus on their careers, so the phenomenon of traveling and entertaining at two ends every three days occurs from time to time. But in any case, your wife is not a free nanny you invited, and you can't just stay at home and spend as much time as possible with your wife. She may not need you to help her mop the floor and wash the dishes, but she will be glad to see you around. A wife's wishes are usually easy to satisfy. What they fear most is that you are not around. As long as you spend more time with your wife, it is not a big problem to manage a good marriage.
4. Listen to people's opinions and suggestions.
Sometimes quarreling is inevitable, so try to reduce the influence of quarreling. After the quarrel, if both sides still feel reasonable, it is the cold war. At this time, you should ask the opinions of some experienced people rationally and let others analyze who is right and who is wrong. If it is your fault, you should admit it quickly.
Rank of causes of marital quarrels
Many couples say that they quarrel because of an unimaginable little thing. Driven by the impulsive devil, they said nothing, making the quarrel like a blunt file, grinding their feelings thinner and thinner bit by bit. "Every quarrel is crying, and I really hate myself. Reality is always different from what you think. " "After the quarrel, why the quarrel has been completely forgotten, but the feeling of heartache during the quarrel is clearly remembered." As small as "why the rice you cooked today is so salty", "how did you dirty the floor you just cleaned" and as big as "who is in charge of the family's financial power" and "which university should the children apply for the college entrance examination", it will lead to endless debates. An American survey found that every couple quarreled once every two days on average. The first reason for quarreling is children, the second is what to buy and what not to buy and housework, and the third is communication problems. Although the quarrel caused by money only accounts for 18%, it has the deepest and most intense impact on the relationship between husband and wife. Howard Marchman, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver and co-chairman of the Center for Family and Marriage Studies, has spent 30 years studying how to resolve disputes when couples quarrel. In his view, there is no difference between husband and wife whether they quarrel, bicker or nag, which often leads to fierce quarrels in the end. There are three kinds of results: unilateral or mutual abuse, silence, and slamming out the door.
What if I often quarrel with my husband?
Brave souls choose hard life. Our souls choose to practice, so we choose such people together. The difficulty may lie in solving the practical problems. Everyone may have read the book Law of Attraction, right? When you keep complaining about this to others, in fact, your subconscious mind is also strengthening this signal again and again. Then your subconscious will help you create more similar scenes for you to experience. The subconscious can't tell what you want from what you don't want. It can only distinguish the image in your mind. Just like we have been talking about losing weight, losing weight, but the result is unsuccessful. Because what we subconsciously see is only a circular image. So it's the only way to keep fit. So if you change the word: lose weight. Your subconscious will notice the key point of thinness. You will lose weight soon. In the same way, you are always thinking about the word quarrel, and your subconscious can only strengthen it all the time. So think about it from another angle, what he did to make you feel happy and appreciate, and then these pictures will be more and more. So, what words do you think of at this time? Stay alert and you will have new answers. Train your consciousness and start a conscious and energetic life.