When chatting with her on video, I asked her, "Why do you spell it like this? You are not fat. " She smiled and said, "My boyfriend thinks I'm fat. I want to change myself for him so that he will love me more. " Pearl Krabs said this with a smile on her face, which showed that she was enjoying sweet love.
When I saw Pearl Krabs at work these two days, I felt that she seemed unhappy and listless when talking to her. During the lunch break, I asked her if something had happened. Her eyes turned red as soon as she heard me ask her.
She said, I don't know why recently, her boyfriend seems to be a little cold to her and hasn't looked for her for more than a week. When you asked him, you said you were busy.
"Everyone stays at home during this time, and I don't know what he is busy with?" Pearl Krabs said that she and her boyfriend met several times in the game: "He has time to play games and no time to send me WeChat."
"What did he say?" I asked Pearl Krabs. "He said he didn't play every day, just because he was bored." Pearl Krabs also told me that she told her boyfriend that she was losing weight every day to make him happy.
Who knows that the boyfriend said, "That's your business. Don't pull it on me. I didn't force you to lose weight. " A word choked Pearl Krabs's heart. She said, "If it weren't for her boyfriend, she wouldn't want to suffer like that."
02
After listening to Pearl Krabs, I think her boyfriend is not very interested in her, or he doesn't love her very much.
Pearl Krabs was right. He would rather play games than contact her. Although love is sometimes very tiring, this performance is really excessive, which at least shows that he doesn't value Pearl Krabs so much, and his attitude towards Pearl Krabs to lose weight for him is really disappointing.
However, on the other hand, Pearl Krabs actually has a big misunderstanding about love, that is, she said "I want to change myself for him".
So, will you change yourself to love someone? I advise you not to be stupid.
In love, many boys and girls may think so, trying to change themselves for the people they love. Even some couples will measure whether the other party will change for themselves and whether the other party loves themselves or not. In fact, these ideas and practices are very one-sided.
In fact, everyone has their own shortcomings, and no one will be so perfect.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: Love is acceptance. To love yourself, you must accept your imperfections; If you love others, you have to accept their imperfections. This is how you love yourself and others.
In the movie Lost in Russia, Xu zhēng plays Xu 10,000. In fact, he loves his mother very much, and his mother loves him very much, but his mother interferes with him too much, which makes him have a strong rebellious attitude towards his mother.
After a trip by train, mother and son embraced each other and left. Xu Yiwan's words to his mother, "Love is acceptance and respect", also touched the hearts of hundreds of millions of viewers.
03
To love someone is to love yourself first, including accepting your own shortcomings. As long as these shortcomings do not harm others and society, and accept their own imperfections, there is no need to change for anyone.
It is undoubtedly a kind of "self-abuse" to change yourself against your will just to please your partner and express your love for him. If you want to impress the other party, the other party may be ungrateful and even under pressure.
Like Pearl Krabs, in order to lose weight for her boyfriend, subconsciously, she just wants her boyfriend to know that "Look how much I love you, I can lose weight for you". But this practice is too superficial and superficial, which will reduce its own value.
In addition, if the other party picks out all your faults, do you still have to correct them? Everything has changed. Are you still yourself? Such love is destined to be hurt.
Love is to accept and respect, not to control and take.
When the other person asks you to change what he doesn't like about you, he is actually controlling you in this way to realize his desire to make you perfect.
04
When you try to change yourself in order to love someone, you have lost.
The stupidest way to love someone: change yourself.
If you meet such a partner, you might as well consider it. Does he really love you, or does he just want to shape you according to his will? When you really understand the meaning of "love is acceptance and respect", this problem will be solved.
Every time I hear someone say to me, "Love is for him to change himself", I feel really bad inside. I feel sorry for his self-sacrifice for love and worry that he will be hurt by feelings in the future. Because he really doesn't know what love is and how to protect himself and be himself in love.
When you are willing to accept others to control and shape you under the banner of loving you, the balance of love has tilted.
The change that can improve yourself is not for others, you can stick to it. Love is by no means flattering and controlling. Proper love and healthy love should be mutual encouragement, mutual appreciation and mutual respect in order to go further!