2. I came home from playing cards in the middle of the night last night, quietly walked to the bed and farted on my wife's head. I'm so happy. If my wife didn't come out of the toilet and my mother-in-law looked at me in horror from the quilt, I could laugh for a while. ...
I called the police as soon as my wife disappeared. The policeman said to me, calm down first. You can't take notes if you keep laughing like that.
My nephew made a mistake and was beaten by my sister. Then ask him: Do you dare next time? My nephew cried and said, I dare not. If I do it again, I will be a son of a bitch ... and then my nephew will be beaten again!
I saw a fat girl walking slowly on the treadmill in the gym. I used to remind her: "Sister, you have to speed up, or you won't lose weight." Sister listened to the wronged answer: "I adjusted it quickly, but it was slow when I stepped on it!" " "
6. At the class reunion, everyone was filled with emotion. A girl cried: "I am 28 years old this year." I am not ugly and have a good personality. Why don't I have a boyfriend and no one is chasing me? " Everyone was silent. At this time, a classmate floated faintly: "That's because you can't know yourself correctly."
7. Who says boys and girls don't have pure friendship? As long as you are ugly, the whole world is your friend!
8. "If your wife and your lover fell into the water at the same time, would you rather find a plump one or a petite one?" "I still can't find anyone who can't swim."
9. Today, I went to donate blood. The big brother with a beard in front gave 200cc, and when he was halfway there, he saw his ferocious face: Come on, come on, I can't, call me back!
10. The teacher made the first couplet: Ginger is still old and spicy. Let the students make the second couplet. Xiao Ming immediately took out the next couplet: breasts are still bigger than women. Teacher: Xiaoming, get out of here.
1 1. I heard a friend say, "When you get married, you should wear a ring on each finger. If you want a divorce, you should cut off your fingers. " I told my wife about it when I got home. As a result, she said, "Don't wear a ring, let's wear a necklace!" " "
12. I dated my predecessor for 3 years. One day, he suddenly broke up on the grounds that he fell in love with someone else. I cried. I fell in love with someone else and didn't break up with him. How could he do this!
13. Customers often say, "I'll go back and think about it and come back to you when I'm sure." After they finished speaking, I understood a truth: some people turn around all their lives.
14. My son is six years old. Today, he spoke a little louder to his wife. My son was watching cartoons when he suddenly came to me and said, "Don't you dare mess with women! Do you want to live? " I am speechless!
15. I was scolded by the teacher when I was studying in the morning. I am very happy because the girl I like has also been scolded. What time did you two go to bed last night? You two, gnome male-"!
16. Never throw used toilet paper in front of you when defecating in the wild. Especially when the wind is strong, it is too easy to scratch your face. Remember remember, remember!
17. I hate slogans such as "It is shameful to waste food" in the canteen. How dare you say that others are shameless when you make the food that farmers have worked so hard to grow?
18. It's almost Chinese New Year. I ordered takeout and took it from my takeaway brother. I said: I have worked hard, and I will deliver takeout soon. My little brother smiled and said to me: you have worked hard, and you have to eat takeout soon after the Spring Festival!
19. Why do you play with your mobile phone when you go to the toilet? Don't play with your cell phone, play with shit?
20. When I was a child, I studied well. Once I failed in a math exam, I was called to the podium by my teacher to criticize me. The more the teacher said, the more excited she became. I raised my hand to hit me. I slapped her with my brain. ...
2 1. Going to the gym today, a muscular man came up to me and smiled and said, "Hello, Mom." Out of politeness, I silently replied, "Hello son."
22. I believe there must be someone in this world who doesn't mind all your shortcomings, such as freckles and acne, flat chest and fat legs, rudeness and laziness. This man is your rival in love.
23. I was a diaosi, and my goddess sat in front of me in class today. Suddenly, a huge fart thunder appeared, and the whole class looked over ... She looked at me with eyes for help. I stood up and said, yes, that's her ... Damn it, I told you to refuse me!
In the middle of the night, the wife heard a door ringing outside and vaguely shook her husband: "Wake up, my husband is back!" " Her husband also said in a daze, "why didn't you say so earlier?" Where can I hide now? " Then they all woke up. ...
25. The most painful thing in the world is not that I miss you but you are not with me, but that I find myself wearing cotton slippers when I take a shower.
26. "What's your name, Miss?" "My family name is very simple, one mouth for one day, guess!" "Oh, hello, Miss Tun!"
27. My wife bought underwear yesterday, which is more expensive than my suit. My wife also said that underwear will sag if it is not good! I casually said: you have to have it first, and then it hangs down. So, the moon is really round tonight!