If we don't analyze the reasons in depth, many people may think that my sentence is wrong.
What should I do if I meet an unreasonable old man?
Spoil the child to infinity, there is no bottom line, and don't spoil the child?
The small partners in the group also put forward different views on this and gave examples. However, after in-depth analysis, we will find that behind those children who are spoiled by the elderly, there must be a pair of dereliction of duty parents.
As long as children live with their parents, not left-behind children, the elderly will not spoil their children.
As long as parents do their own parenting, children will know what is right and wrong, what is good and evil, what is responsibility, what is cooperation and what is gratitude.
I circled the three questions mentioned in the little friend's article.
(1) Wash your face without brushing your teeth
If parents "force" their children to brush their teeth and wash their faces, it is understandable that children will have resistance and run to grandparents' homes to escape.
However, even so, can children run to their grandparents' homes every day because of what they can do in five minutes? Are you making a mountain out of a molehill
Brushing your teeth and washing your face will take up children's play time, and it is normal for children to have resistance. But as parents, forcing children to do it, or giving up discipline under the guise of doting on the elderly, are all parents' dereliction of duty.
When the child is young, read him the picture book "New Things in Tooth Street" to make him understand the importance of caring for his teeth. You can also show him some pictures and videos of broken teeth and toothache, so that children can understand the possible consequences of not brushing their teeth. The child sincerely believes that this should be done, and he will put down his resistance and take the initiative to do it.
Grandparents dote again, and let the children wash their faces without brushing their teeth. However, if parents insist on the principle that children will have bedtime story time after washing before going to bed every day, then children will not stop brushing their teeth and washing their faces at the age of ten.
If so, can you still see the child's face?
(2) I don't know how to hold a bowl with a bowl.
This matter, if the child is not a left-behind child, if the child does not eat every meal with his grandparents, then there is still a chance to correct it.
Parents can ask their children to participate in housework as long as they eat with their parents. Every guidance and participation will make children feel more responsible.
If a child is in the fifth grade and never knows how to do housework, it must be not only spoiled by grandparents, but also inaction by parents.
(3) scold grandma
Through this incident, I know that the father of the child is not a dutiful son.
If he is filial, he will never allow his children to scold his grandmother. When he first found out that the child scolded his grandmother, he should take it seriously, not indulge it, and prevent it from happening again.
This point is easy to understand, so I won't go into details.
The little friend added a description below.
As can be seen from the description in the second paragraph, the parents of this child have moral problems themselves. So it is not difficult for us to understand that this family can raise their children to this extent.
If they don't realize their own problems, for a long time, this child will be either rebellious or a giant baby.
Rudolf Drex, the founder of child psychology, wrote in the book: "If parents are troubled by their grandparents' doting behavior, it can only show that they have no confidence in themselves and don't know how much this will affect their children. It is futile to spend time and energy to correct grandparents' behavior, which is not only ineffective, but also increases family tension and conflict. "
Don't rush to refute this passage yet, and testify for your image.
Let's think about these three questions first:
If the answer to your first question is yes, congratulations, you have met a pair of sensible old people who can not only understand your suggestions, but also adjust their behavior in time.
This is the most perfect way of cooperation and a very harmonious family.
However, if the answer to your first question is no, then the answers to the second and third questions are probably not optimistic.
In this case, after repeated suggestions from young people, the old people still go their own way, so we should understand the following facts:
(1) It is normal for old people to love their children.
Intergenerational separation is a common phenomenon. I don't know if it has appeared in China, but also in other countries in the world.
Grandpa, grandma and grandpa, these four people are the closest people to their children except their parents. Theoretically speaking, they are also people who don't need to bear too many educational responsibilities.
As grandparents, they have the right to love their children, but they have no obligation to educate them instead of us.
In this case, if the elderly are prevented from doing so blindly, it will be bad for the elderly and the children will see it. The impact of this process on children is definitely more harm than good.
(2) I believe that our influence on children is far greater than that of our elders.
This does not include left-behind children who have lived with the elderly for a long time. These children have been with their grandparents for a long time, and their parents can only meet once a year or so, which has little influence on their children.
Here, only the normal situation is analyzed:
We should believe that even if both husband and wife go to work, the two or three hours we sleep with our children when we get home from work will have a far greater impact on our children than grandparents spending the whole day with them.
What's more, when children go to kindergarten, they spend less time with their grandparents and are less affected.
If grandparents do something wrong, the object of communication is not grandparents, but children.
For example, my father-in-law likes watching TV. As long as he is awake at home, the TV in his room is on. However, neither of my children watched TV for too long, because I did some work in advance.
1- Cultivate children's interest in reading as soon as possible. Picture books have far greater influence on children than TV.
When children were young, I used simple picture books to cultivate their interest in reading. When I am older, I will study with my grandfather for a while, because I am curious about TV content. I watch TV for more than twenty minutes, and I will say at the door, "Who wants to hear a story? Mom has time now. " Two children will run out cheering and snuggle up to me to listen to my story.
2- Improve children's cognition and tell them the dangers of watching TV.
When our communication with the elderly is ineffective, we must communicate with our children seriously. Tell them the possible consequences of watching TV for a long time: myopia, affecting imagination and wasting time. ...
Let children subjectively realize that watching TV for a long time is not conducive to their development.
3- Give children a variety of choices.
Of course, it is undeniable that the most perfect situation is:
But if these may not be realized, we need to start from the above three points to help children form a healthy and correct cognition.
The same is true of other things.
For example, children eat sugar and drink drinks. You can show children some pictures and videos of bad teeth and poor physical development caused by drinking drinks, so that children can realize that these things need to be controlled and subjectively refuse the doting of grandparents.
I have experienced these two things, and both children can understand and refuse appropriately.
We should believe that children can protect themselves as long as we have good scientific knowledge.
Drex said: "The more mothers care about how others treat their children and what others are' wrong', the more likely the children will have problems in this place."
For example, the more a mother cares about her mother-in-law letting her children eat while watching TV, the easier it is for children to have problems in eating.
Our criticism of the elderly has not made this problem better. Not only did the children go to grandma for refuge as soon as they arrived at dinner time, but the relationship between our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also became very tense. Such an environment is not good for children's development.
On the other hand, if the mother is more concerned about the problem than blaming others, she will focus on stimulating the child's behavior to become better and better. In this case, the mother will not only care about other people's practices, but also see the progress of the child. Even if the child is recognized and encouraged, the child will become better and better.
For example, when children eat with us, we encourage them to eat by themselves. When the child quietly eats for five minutes by himself, we give timely recognition: "The baby has made progress today and has been eating for so long."
Where does the child's sense of value come from? This is very important.
If children define their sense of value as: let others serve me. Then the child's future development will be very limited, and it is very likely to develop into a willful, selfish and self-centered person.
However, if children define their sense of value as their own progress and success and help others (relatives, friends and even society), they can make real achievements, get everyone's respect and recognition, and have a healthy world outlook and happiness.
Which will make children happier and more proud, the "sense of achievement" brought by their own progress or the "sense of value" brought by commanding their grandmother to feed themselves?
The former, of course.
Therefore, we should put aside the idea of appropriately changing the elderly and focus on how to stimulate children's positive behavior.
To say the least, in the environment where children grow up, people other than their parents are objective facts.
Children need to learn to get along with different people and people with different ideas. This is the ability that children should have. Facing different people, children should train the ability to judge right and wrong, instead of rushing in front of them and helping them clean up all their mistakes.
As parents, we should shoulder our responsibilities bravely and attentively, and don't throw the pot to others easily.
Again, if you meet a reasonable and considerate old man, you must be very happy.
However, since we meet old people who are unwilling to think and improve their behavior, we should also learn to assess the situation, find a new balance, and bring positive guidance to children.
For example, the partner shared his own case:
Watching TV and eating snacks mentioned in the example have already been said before. Maybe my way may not be suitable for all children, but I believe that as long as we think hard and look hard, we can always find ways to guide children.
In this example, grandma cried for two or three days and scolded her father for two or three days because her father beat the child. In this case, it is unlikely to change the old man's mind. Then, parents should pay attention to strategic methods, such as educating their children behind their grandmother's back as much as possible.
Knowing that grandma is distressed, don't beat and scold the child in front of grandma and make her feel bad. This is also a kind of respect and filial piety for her.
Besides, educating children can be done well not by beating and cursing, but by letting children "know what it is" and "know why it is". It's grandma's fault that the child is useless, and then a new one will be born and raised under a different name. This is irresponsible behavior of parents.
Actions speak louder than words. We should face the challenge bravely and look for a suitable solution with our heart. I believe that such words and deeds will benefit children for life.
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