If you want to get rid of desire, you must take it early, and those who are satisfied will always be happy. We must know that heaven is equal, human nature is equal, and we cannot exclude others. The sun and the moon shine high, and everything shines. If thousands of glories and blessings follow their lives, who can get an extra penny?
People should be self-aware, self-evident and always know how heavy they are. Workers, peasants and soldiers, businessmen and soldiers, do their jobs well and live in reality. Desire is beautiful, but real life is cruel. What you really get is not necessarily yours. Remember that you only have a healthy body, and you are still alive when others leave.
Settle down in a temple and volunteer, or go to the library and bury yourself in reading.
With Kong Zhi, if you are not tired of fame and fortune, you will reduce your desire. [Pray] [Pray] [Pray]
Psychology is called desire. People have all kinds of desires. Only when it is unreasonable, excessive or even harmful do we need to control temperance, and some even need to be eliminated, such as voyeurism, violence, smoking, alcoholism, gambling and so on. How? First, strengthen self-will, and use will to stimulate fighting spirit to suppress and overcome it. Without will, even the best method is difficult to implement. This is the first firewall and door; Second, change attitude, self-motivate, enhance confidence and hope, and cheer for the will; Third, the behavior correction method, attitude determines behavior, and stimulates positive psychological experience and emotions through positive behaviors, thus stimulating positive emotions and strengthening positive attitudes. The so-called evil does not suppress positive, and some negative things are naturally overcome! For example, when you are bored and depressed, running and climbing mountains will soon feel very comfortable! But some attitudes are not easy to change, which is related to people's world outlook, personality, way of thinking, habits, IQ and experience!
Overcoming desires depends on the persistence of willpower.
According to the landlord's self-reported mentality, it is a contradiction between psychology and physiology. Not lust, but physical hunger and thirst. I have physical desires and thoughts, and my mind is very rational. I don't want to ask questions rashly. So far, how to overcome desire is still being explored.
The so-called desire is not like an ideal, but an imaginary idea. Obviously, your desire is in conflict with rational wisdom, which is naturally influenced by hormones and driven by physiology. You have a curious love for this new female colleague, and you have a desire to think. Overcoming this desire, like emotional derailment, is caused by the emptiness of physical needs. So do more of your feelings, interests, hobbies, give more spiritual satisfaction, take part in more cultural and sports activities, or take part in more entertainment to make yourself feel happy and relax your physiology, thus diluting and relieving your desires and thoughts. From physical hunger and thirst to rich spiritual enjoyment, I shifted my desires and thoughts, interpreted other thoughts, and did not daydream. My heart is relaxed and busy, and I have no mind to think about things. I concentrate on my work, so I give up my desire and concentrate on it.
How to overcome desires, give yourself cultural and material spiritual satisfaction, seek more hobbies and interests to do, watch more entertainment programs, enrich the emptiness of the body and make yourself feel comfortable. But if you are keen on making love, you will dilute your distractions and have different feelings, indicating your desire.
Restrain desire, this is an old topic. The "Ten Commandments" in Christianity and the commandments in Buddhism both warn people to restrain their desires. These exhortations are very reasonable, but unfortunately, where there is repression, there is resistance. From ancient times to the present, there have never been more incidents of violating commandments in order to satisfy desires than preaching them. The war between man and desire never stops.
One of the reasons why desire is hard to overcome is its power. Appetite, sexual desire and other desires come from instinct, which is closely combined with our biology and naturally difficult to suppress.
The second reason is that people often only focus on suppressing their own desires, but ignore the reasons for their desires. In fact, some desires are not as powerful as instinctive desires. For example, the thief's desire to steal is not innate. But many people don't understand that stealing is only a superficial phenomenon, and there is a deep sense of lack behind it. Therefore, if we don't solve the fundamental problem of emptiness and lack, but only suppress our desire to steal, it will inevitably have very bad results.
The third reason is that people tend to ignore their own actual situation and blindly suppress their desires, which will also lead to intense desires. For example, in order to lose weight, some girls are still trying to lose weight in order to make themselves thinner, even though they have reduced their appetite to a jaw-dropping level. When they ignore the actual needs of the body, it is not surprising that the body has a retaliatory appetite.
Therefore, in the face of a desire that bothers you, the first thing we have to do is not to demand ourselves immediately with the so-called "good" standard, but to think about it first: Is this desire really bad? Is it reasonable and desirable? If direct satisfaction is not enough, can you find some alternative methods?
For example, it is a "great desire" for a young boy to have an intimate relationship with a girl he likes, but it is obviously not advisable to cheat or rape. If boys can control their desires to a certain extent at this time, make themselves better, win her favor and qualify to approach her appropriately, then this is a good example of satisfying their desires in a positive way.
In this process, if the sexual tension is too strong, it can be relieved in some ways. This moderate range of activities will not harm your body, on the contrary, it will relax your body and be more conducive to the recovery of your personal state. If you find that you can't control yourself, then the problem is often not the desire itself, but the personality and behavior pattern. Simple abstinence will not play a good role.
If we find that we can't help but have obviously forbidden desires, such as killing people and occupying other people's property, then in addition to trying to control our own desires, the most fundamental and important thing is to explore why we have such desires. This process of exploration is the real process of solving problems.
Say the conclusion first, you can't overcome it.
Why can't you overcome it?
Because from the language expression of the topic, I want to restrain my feelings with my own rationality. For example, when I want to smoke, I want to try to control my desire to smoke, because I know that smoking will harm my health.
If you really think so, I am afraid I am sorry to tell you! End! All of them! All right! Don't! Pass the ball If you can control your emotions only by reason, there won't be so many smokers in the world-
Why is this happening?
This will start with the working mechanism of our brains.
MIT and Carnegie Mellon University jointly conducted an interesting experiment to verify how desires in the human brain actually work.
The researchers gave each subject about 100 dollars to spend freely on shopping websites, and at the same time closely observed their brain activities with magnetic resonance imaging.
They found that when a person decides whether to "buy" or "not buy" something, two areas in the brain play a key role.
The first area is the nucleus accumbens—
Mainly to provide pleasure. When people expect to get something in return or see something they like, the nucleus accumbens becomes active. Experiments show that when people face a commodity, the more active this area is, the more likely they are to buy it.
The second area is the "island leaf"
Just the opposite of nucleus accumbens. When you feel pain or unhappy, the insula becomes more active. If you think about it, you will know that if you face a commodity, the more active this area is, the fewer people will buy it.
Then guess, when people are in a tangled state, that is, when they want to buy a commodity but don't want to buy it, which of these two areas will be active?
The answer is that both are active.
On the one hand, the product itself will make you feel very comfortable, and you like it very much and want to buy it.
On the other hand, this commodity may be very expensive. After buying it, I flinched at the thought that I might have to eat soil for half a year in the future.
So whether you will buy this product in the end depends on which area of your brain has won the final victory, and the more powerful area will determine your behavior.
However, the problem is coming.
In fact, these two areas are essentially emotional impulses, so where is rationality?
Very simple, reason is the swing, no matter what kind of emotional impulse, you can attack each other with reason.
If you want to buy a cigarette, the desire to smoke will give a lot of reasons with the help of reason. For example, smoking can refresh yourself, improve work efficiency and make your mental state better.
Don't want to smoke is also a kind of desire, it will also use reason to overcome the desire to "want to smoke", such as smoking is harmful to health, smoking will cause bad breath, and even the lungs will turn black-
Reason is actually more like an emotional tool.
So I said from the beginning that trying to overcome feelings with reason is tantamount to dreaming.
Well, since reason can't beat feelings, can't that person's desire be controlled?
No, desire can be "managed", although it cannot be "overcome".
As we often write in our primary school composition, whenever something happens, there are actually two little people fighting there in my heart-
However, no matter which side can be completely defeated, what we can do is to weaken the unwanted desire villain as much as possible.
Okay, how to weaken it?
If you want to know how to weaken it, you must first know how to strengthen it.
The desire in our hearts is strengthened by "satisfaction".
For example, the desire to smoke prevailed this time, and I succeeded in smoking. The feeling of smoking makes me very satisfied.
This satisfaction will nourish the desire to smoke in the brain. When faced with a choice next time, the desire to smoke can easily continue to prevail and form positive feedback. The more I smoke, the more I want to keep smoking.
Smoking addiction, alcohol addiction and even gambling addiction all operate according to this mechanism.
This can also explain why many people quit smoking and drinking for a long time, and once in a while, they become addicted immediately.
Because these desires have been nourished and fat, they have not lost their strength, but have been forcibly suppressed. Occasionally, alcohol and tobacco are enough to activate them-
Well, now that we know this truth, the best way to manage desire is to interrupt that kind of "positive feedback" and not to raise desire.
How to interrupt positive feedback?
Professor Judd Brewer of Yale University School of Medicine put forward an interesting method, which he named the "rain" method.
Method 1 has four steps, namely, identification, acceptance, observation and separation.
"Recognition" means that when the desire to smoke emerges in your heart, you should recognize this desire and know that the desire to smoke is rising in your heart.
"Acceptance" means not trying to suppress this desire, but telling yourself that it is not terrible to have this desire. I'm just an ordinary person, and it's normal to have this desire.
"Observation" means not putting this desire into action, but pulling yourself out of the present state, observing this desire as a third party, and constantly analyzing this desire, such as how strong this desire is? Why does this desire seduce you? The more you analyze, the less you will feel the influence of desire.
"Separation" means that when you analyze this desire to a certain extent, the desire will be separated from you, and you will not be attracted by the desire to smoke.
Professor Brewer used many experiments to prove the effectiveness of this method. The results show that this method is more effective than the traditional smoking cessation method recommended by the American Lung Association.
Now, you know how to manage your desires.
PS: I tried this method myself when I first saw it. It's really effective, it can dispel those desires you don't want.
However, it is necessary to divide desires into different occasions. When my girlfriend and I were about to have a fight before, I tried, and the result was ... ahem, it was tears when I talked too much.