Health funny film (popular film) 1. My girlfriend asked me to buy a box of water for my mother at night. I immediately moved a box of ice dew after answering the phone. Just now, my girlfriend called and was furious: "Ah, let you buy perfume and you buy a box of mineral water!" "
2. Q: Recently, Mr. Guo finally surpassed Aoi sora in the number of fans. How does Mr. Guo feel about this? Degang Guo: The bald man is finally naked!
Yesterday, a friend of mine said I had a big face. I said you have a big face. Do you want to compare it? She said, how can it be better than that? I said, soak your face in the basin and see who spilled more. She said, no, just drink.
4. Brother:? Sister, when you get the money, it should be one of the happiest times in your life, right? Me:? No, the first time you get the money, it is one of the happiest times in your life, and then it decreases, and gradually you won't feel it. It's like touching the thigh of the same girl all the time. ? Brother:? . . . . . . ? Me:? Hey, my sister pawned it. . . ?
It is said that the best gift for Mother's Day is a daughter-in-law or son-in-law. Are you ready?
6. Last semester, the class representative was surnamed Xie. Next semester, the teacher changed the surname of the class representative to Chen. So, the students got a nickname? Metabolism?
7. The rich second generation is showing off their wealth: "This is my seventh sports car." There was a divine reply in the comment: "What is there to show off? Only seven more than me. . . "
8. Two people fight the landlord. If they lose, they will stand naked on the windowsill and shout three times, I am SB. After A loses, we can discuss whether we can cover our faces. B agrees, but shout in minutes. A promised to cover her face with a book, and after shouting three times on the windowsill naked, B said, take the book down, no one is there. I was stunned immediately after I took the book? . A saw a sea of people on the window of the opposite girl's dormitory? Everyone downstairs is looking up? And the trembling old headmaster?
9. Although I'm not so good, this boiled water is still very good!
10. Customer:? This picture must be sent to me before going to work! ? Designer:? All right! ? Early the next morning. Customer:? Why hasn't the picture been sent yet? Designer:? I'm still at work.
Health jokes (classic) 1. My son finally saw the long-awaited sea. He said to his mother, Mom, didn't you say that the sea is boundless? Mom:? Yes ? Son:? But how can we stand by the sea?
The thief sings while stealing. Running freely with the wind is the direction. ? The old man cried while chasing: you don't look back when you see my tears. ? The police saw it and chased the thief and said, I must be not good enough, so you have to run away. ? Finally, after the thief was caught, the judge said: Is there anything else to say? How many tears to shed. ? Thief:? Please give me a chance. ? Police:? This is the best punishment for impulse. ?
A student is often late for school. The teacher invited his parents to ask why. His mother said:? Oh, I can't. This is inherited from birth. Poor thing, he was born eight days after the due date.
4. At three o'clock, when the scorching sun was in the sky, the supervisor gave the order: chop! ? Suddenly, the man sentenced to death burst out laughing! The supervisor asked:? What are you laughing at? The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, the expert is right, smiling can prolong life for 5 seconds! ?
Sitting in the office, there is a female colleague opposite. Turn on the air conditioner, I turn down the temperature with the remote control, and she puts on her clothes; Turn up the temperature, she took off another dress, turn it up a little, and she took off another dress. An idea came into my mind: why do you always cooperate with me to do actions? I want to adjust it again. What will happen to you? Female colleague: How dare you! You are shameless!
6. One night, I watched cartoons with my son to get ready for bed, and found that his pants were a little wet, so I asked him if he peed his pants. He said he didn't have it. He accidentally peed a little. I teased him: God, baby, you are four years old and you still pee your pants. I want to tell the children in your's grandparents' kindergarten that you still pee your pants at this age. ? Son:? Mom, are you going to tell foreigners, too?
7. After getting up yesterday morning, I happily said to my wife: Wife, I had a dream that I found 200 yuan! The wife said, "Be careful today, dreams are counterproductive." Me: "So you mean I'm going to lose 200 dollars today?" The wife hesitated for a moment and said, "I will confiscate this 200 yuan in your wallet in case you lose it." I sweated wildly: "This dream is so fucking accurate!"
My son always listens to his father's story before going to bed. Dad: "Once upon a time, there was a frog …" Son: "Dad, I don't want to listen to fairy tales today. Can I talk about science fiction story? " Dad: "Well, there is a frog in space …" Son: "Forget it, Dad, can we talk about restricted classes to celebrate my eighth birthday?" Dad: "Well, don't let your mother know that there is a frog without clothes ..."
9. At the wedding, my wife and I stood on the stage. Master of ceremonies asked: Please ask the groom to express his love for the bride in three languages. Number one: I love you. Second: I love you! I can't think of the third one. Stare blankly for five seconds, the following brothers booed. I am in a hurry: yo-ho, yo-ho, does this flower girl's land work in Costa Rica? The audience burst into laughter and the master of ceremonies collapsed?
10. I have a crush on a girl for a long time. Finally added QQ, can't wait to open her space. Therefore, I was prompted to visit. Who is my favorite person? I burst into tears on the spot. I have someone I like. I tried n names in despair, but none of them were right ... finally, I entered my name in a fit of pique, and it was true! Can you imagine my mood at that time?
Healthy funny jokes (selected articles) 1. When I first fell in love, I went shopping and saw that a dress was too expensive, so I wanted to take my boyfriend away. Try it? My boyfriend forced me into the dressing room. When he came out, his boyfriend looked around. The clerk is not here, run! ? I was dragged out by him and passed a post. I cried in my arms. He looked back and said seriously, run! Are you waiting to be caught? I cried even harder. Then he smiled. I paid for it when you changed your clothes. ...
2. Note that colleagues who take a nap in the office at noon should not leave their mobile phones anywhere: a male colleague went out at noon without his mobile phone. His wife keeps calling. The female colleague who took a nap was disturbed by the noise. She took her cell phone and shouted, "Are you bored that we are sleeping?"
3. One day, a female student in the dormitory went shopping until evening 1 1, went to the platform and found that there was no bus, so she took a taxi. The bus arrived at the school gate, and the students asked the master, how much is it? The master said: 20 yuan, plus 2 yuan gas. The classmate saw that there was only 20 yuan left in his hand and said to the master. Master, please step back quickly, I forgot to bring the fuel fee! ?
4. A short message flew into my brother's mobile phone during class one day. The key is that my brother's mobile phone is set to automatically read short messages by voice: girl, uncle is pregnant. Guess if it's yours.
5. I went to a friend's house and bought a lot of delicious food for my six-year-old child. The child is also very interesting. When my friend and his wife went to the kitchen, the little guy slipped me something and said mysteriously? This food is so delicious that dad won't give it to me? I tasted one. It was fishy to Bucky, and it tasted strange. After a while, my friend came out and I asked him what it was. He turned around and shouted at the kitchen. Honey, where did you put my fish food? My son ate it secretly again. ?
6. Just now, a child asked me what the criteria are for choosing a spouse. I said: elegant appearance, natural and unrestrained manner, generous heart. He said: Confucius.
7. My colleague's desktop at work is a bunker! I'm not afraid when the leader comes, so I say: This kind of advertisement in the lower right corner is really annoying. It keeps popping up, and now you're too lazy to turn it off? .
8. At a doctoral graduation defense meeting, one of the judges complained: What did you write in this paper? I haven't understood it for three days! ? . The doctor was furious: I have written this paper for three years, and you want to understand it after only three days. You think I'm writing a novel? ! ? . There was silence at the meeting, so the reply was unanimous.
9. one day, in the middle of class, a:? Shit, I forgot my cell phone. Go back and get it! ! Another day, a:? Shit, I forgot my book. Forget it, okay?