April 30th is International Spanking Day. In this regard, Xiong Haizi's parents are deeply gratified:

"Fortunately, after all, there are still 364 days to play."

"Very well, then wait until the May Day holiday."

As a traditional folk art, beating children has a long history and a broad mass base.

Just this morning, China News Network launched a small survey: Were you beaten by your parents when you were a child?

In just 8 hours, more than 60,000 people participated, of which only 7,000 people said that they had never been beaten. Only 12% survived.

But as a parent, have you ever seriously thought about it: will your baby fight? Can you make a phone call? How to fight?

Latest progress: spanking will affect brain development

A study published in Child Development in April this year pointed out that just spanking can affect children's brain development. And this effect is actually similar to more serious abuse.

The study found that when different children see a face full of fear, their brains react differently.

Compared with children who have never been spanked, children who have been spanked will have a more "enthusiastic" response in some areas of the brain.

Especially in many areas of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the difference is particularly significant.

The prefrontal cortex is one of the most important positions in the brain, which controls our emotions, morality and thinking. And also deal with threats from the outside world.

What is even more surprising is that there is no obvious difference between those children who have only been spanked and those who have been abused more seriously in the face of fear.

There are also many studies on the effects of beating children on brain development. After a follow-up study of 1500 children, American scientists found that the average IQ test score of children who are often beaten can be at most 5 points lower than that of children who have never been beaten. And the younger the child is, the greater the impact of being beaten on IQ.

Other studies have shown that corporal punishment or just strict discipline can lead to the reduction of brain volume and gray matter in children.

In fact, except for a few parents who are really violent, most parents beat their children. But these studies point out that even small incidents like spanking and slapping can cause big problems.

A paper on 20 17 even suggested that spanking should be directly listed as an independent risk factor, "because the nature and influence of this behavior are similar to physical abuse and mental abuse."

After reading these studies, look at little ass. Whose chubby children suddenly feel that they can't fight any more?

But other scientists believe that spanking can be done, as long as the correct "spanking" method is mastered.

Here is a "Best spanking strategy"

A scientific research team in the United States summed up a "best spanking strategy" through a large-scale retrospective study. Its name is "conditional spanking".

The specific operation is: first control the child in a relatively gentle way, when this way is ineffective for the child, especially when the child resists or even provokes. Calm down first, make sure you are not in a state of anger out of control, then calmly open your palm and pat the child's ass twice.

"This way is to tell children: don't' toast without eating or drinking', and when parents are still gently disciplining you, they should cooperate." The researchers explained this.

This study compares "conditional spanking" with 13 non-corporal punishment methods, such as reasoning, verbally stopping, depriving children of their favorite privileges, etc.

The results show that the effect of "conditional spanking" is more than 13 discipline methods.

By the way, the most effective way to discipline is the famous pause (isolated reflection method). It is when the child makes a mistake, let TA go to a quiet corner to stay alone for a while, when to calm down, and then calmly educate.

The lowest score is "take back the love for children", that is, "because you made a mistake, mom and dad don't love you".

Researchers believe that corporal punishment is absolutely unacceptable only when it becomes the main way of family education, or when the intensity of corporal punishment is too large (such as hitting the face or heading).

In these three cases, never hit the child.

Can you hit the child? Where is the "red line" for hitting children? Scientists seem to disagree. Why is this?

"Because these studies based on large samples usually only focus on the behavior of' hitting people', it is difficult to sink into the specific situation of individuals." Lin, a professor of psychology at Beijing Normal University, said in an interview with China Science Journal.

She believes that there is a "red line" for beating children, but this red line is "hidden" and hidden in people's hearts.

Lin has seen such a case:

As soon as the father entered the door, he saw his youngest son crying. He couldn't help asking his daughter: Why did you hit your brother again? Then he kicked his daughter's ass.

"Hard? Not heavy. But this child has remembered it for decades. She doesn't remember the pain, only that you are eccentric and you wronged me. "

Lin listed three situations in which children should never be hit:

1. Don't hit children who are particularly sensitive inside. Some children pay special attention to other people's comments and attitudes. For children with this personality, corporal punishment is often more serious and irreparable.

2. Don't beat your child because of your parents' own emotional problems. Studies show that depressed parents, parents with high economic pressure and parents with traumatic experience are more inclined to punish their children. This situation of taking children as punching bags often strikes harder and more frequently, which is very harmful to children.

3. Don't beat your child because of something he can't change. For example, a pair of parents neglected discipline when their children were young, and it was not until the primary school age that they found that their children's intelligence level was obviously behind their peers. When the mother and the child agree, there are three chapters in the agreement: if you don't understand the same question three times, you will type it three times. The child is afraid, because no matter how hard he tries, he can't learn.

How can you hit a child? The answer is one sentence.

In a study published on 20 18, scientists described the observed corporal punishment at home as follows:

From verbal warning to fighting, the average time is only 30 seconds-the child's "disobedience" in these 30 seconds triggered a strong emotional reaction from parents.

Children will temporarily succumb to their parents' force, but in just 10 minutes, 73% children will resume their previous death behavior.

The effect of corporal punishment is immediate, but it is short-lived. This further aggravated the entanglement of parents.

20 15 domestic scholars surveyed more than 200 parents in a kindergarten and found that 64.8% parents thought that "children can fight".

But after the fight, more than half of the people regretted it, and 30% of the parents only felt sad and confused. Less than 2.4% people really say that they are particularly cool, especially in Japan.

For most ordinary parents, it is "nothing to do" to beat their children. I can't help calling, but I'm worried about something.

How hard your face is, how timid your heart is.

Lin's attitude towards mild corporal punishment is understandable, but it is not encouraged.

"When a child does make a mistake, a meal can temporarily control his behavior. The key is to make children realize that their parents are disciplining him, not abusing, retaliating or venting their emotions. "

But she also stressed: "In any case, it is not necessary to fight, and fighting will never solve the fundamental problem."

So how to effectively discipline children without hitting them? Lin proposed three rules:

1. Understand that there are many things that children can't do. Many adults think simple things that children really can't do. Not to mention, some parents demand their children with standards that they can't do.

2. Many times what children need is not punishment, but help. Just like the child who is not learning well just now, hitting him won't solve any problems. Parents should face difficulties with him and guide him to make progress step by step.

3. Replace corporal punishment with other better methods. For example, "pause" to let the wrong child calm down alone for a while; Or cancel his right to do what he likes, such as not eating ice cream or watching cartoons for the time being.

Finally, Lin reminded that if you regret hitting your child, you should sincerely apologize to your child and tell your child that parents will make mistakes, and we need to grow into better people together.

So, don't ask your child's "How can it be good?"

The answer is one sentence: hitting children may sometimes work, but there is always a better way than hitting children.

References:

ki.com.cn/Article/CJFDTotal-ZLCY20 1202027.htm

ki . net/touch/web/Journal/Article/sdjx 20 15060 1 1 . html