Start here! Basic toilet training skills 1. 1.5 ~ 2 years old, the development of muscle control has gradually matured, you can start to try toilet training, as long as you have the ability (not necessarily oral ability, some children will use gestures) to actively show your parents that you have the intention to urinate or defecate.
2. Some children can use the small toilet on the adult toilet directly, but some children don't like the feeling of flying feet. Parents can take their children to choose their favorite small toilet and put it in a fixed position at home, so that when they go to the toilet, their feet feel like stepping on the ground and feel more at ease.
3. Because the child's ability to control the frontal lobe at night is poor, it is not easy to succeed, so it is best to choose toilet training during the day.
4. Dad is the best imitation object for children than mommy, especially for children aged 1.5 ~ 3. You can try to encourage or take children to the toilet together.
5. You can use related picture books to guide children to understand that going to the toilet means growing up, or it is interesting to quit diapers and go to the toilet by yourself.
At the age of 6.4, most children have almost completely controlled the muscles of the bladder and intestine, but complete control does not mean 100% achievement! If a child wets his pants or bed, please ask his parents to treat him with normality.
Further reading: Is the child ready to quit diapers? Take this test before you decide!
Does toilet training have to start in summer?
Chen Yanqi, deputy director of Taipei Wanhua Parent-child Center and psychological counselor, believes that there is no special restriction on the season of training children to go to the toilet. I had this idea in the early days, probably because I was afraid that my child would catch cold in winter. But with the progress of the times, now it is winter. If it is really cold, parents can turn on the heating or related equipment at home to keep warm, so that children will not catch a cold because they are naked.
Or is the card closed? Advanced toilet training skills pass 1. What if the child is afraid of defecation? Situation: Children will say "I'm afraid of poop" and "I hate going to the toilet". It's really true to observe children's behaviors, expressions and manners. But children have never been threatened at home, and they are guided by interesting picture books again and again. How can we help them?
Psychologist Li said that according to the psychological-social development theory of psychologist Eric H. Erickson, toilet training will span two stages: early childhood (1 ~ 3 years old) and preschool children (3 ~ 6 years old). In these two stages, children begin to use the evolving ability of the body "autonomously and spontaneously" every day, and walk, crawl, talk, eat, hug, take, throw, bite and excrete "with personal will", get feedback from the results of actions, and adjust their strength and methods in the process of trial and error, thus increasing their sense of control.
It is suggested that fathers should evaluate and observe what affects the development of children's "autonomy and spontaneity" and "personal will and sense of control" from the following aspects:
1. Autonomy and spontaneity: Does a child's fear of "poop" really affect his attempt at autonomy? What is the child's understanding and imagination of poop? How do children understand the relationship between poop and themselves? Can "poop" hurt yourself? For example, you may often be constipated, and you should exert yourself very hard when you "poop", which is very painful and uncomfortable? Or do children think that "poop" is a part of their body, or like their babies, they don't want "poop" to leave their bodies? Afraid of being naked and cold?
Psychologist Chen Yanqi said that some children may not like to pee in the toilet, and there will be a feeling of water splashing on themselves. Some children don't like the feeling that every time they defecate, their father will urge them to be tighter than their mother. It is suggested that their fathers can calm down and think together about what may make their children reduce this initiative and spontaneity.
2. Personal will and sense of control: children's lack of will and motivation to complete the action of "pooping" may be related to their inability to control the strength, time, venue or toilet. When they can't adjust in their own way, or can't achieve their desired results, they will lose their self-control, thus reducing their motivation and willingness to complete "poop".
Specific practices:
1. "What are you worried about, son?" "Oh, no wonder you are worried ..." I tell you, actually, this is just ... Would you like to try it with dad? 」
2. "Son, let's play a game. The food we eat travels in our bodies. Oh, his first stop was in our mouth. After biting our teeth, he entered the esophagus and then went to the stomach … Do you know where the last stop was? It's us * * * (* *), so try to let him leave our last stop slowly! 」
3. "Son, let's do a magic trick. We changed the poop from the body to the toilet. How many times do you think it will change? " Do you want to change it in 5 seconds or 10 seconds? 」
4. "Poop is hidden in our bodies. Let's do magic together and see if we can change it. Come on! People who can change out are very powerful! 」
5. "What do you think poop looks like?" "Do you think it looks like ... (chocolate, caterpillar)? 」
In short, affirm what children have done, enhance their confidence and motivation, and give clear suggestions for children to try. Emphasis is laid on relaxed, interesting and playful ways and attitudes to enhance their autonomy, willingness and sense of control.
Extended reading: bedwetting, resistance, and constant failure? How to make your baby quit diapers successfully?
How to help children get through the fear period? The book "Teacher Guang Guang's Careful Consultation Room" mentioned that fear is a very strong primitive reflection. When people are threatened by unfamiliar things, they will use our reaction to protect themselves and feel afraid. Especially for children under 4 years old, because their self-protection ability is not yet mature, they are particularly prone to fear.
Giving people a sense of security is the most important thing.
You can let your child know that you are with him and will not leave or disappear. With the encouragement and comfort of parents, your child will be willing to summon up courage to try! When children's fear rises, all parents' threatening words or behaviors will only make children feel more scared and cry more and more, without any positive help.
The overall mentality of parents affects children's willingness to learn.
Children aged 3-4 are particularly worried about doing something wrong or being blamed. Children tend to resist something more for fear of being accused. Children's emotions are actually linked with their parents. When parents have excessive emotional expression or scolding at this moment, it is more likely to lead to the wrong connection of children.
Small mind afraid of poop? The toilet training card is off! Card gap 2. The child has been pretending to go to the toilet and refused to really go: the child is 3 years old, but he can only pretend to play the game of the toilet and ask why he doesn't really come out. The child replied, "I've been pretending to be good, and I don't really want to go." What should I do?
Psychologist Li further pointed out that in the case of "pretending to defecate", children may sit on the toilet to cooperate with their parents, and may be "required" rather than spontaneous. To promote children's spontaneity, children usually have a children's toilet. Parents can guide their children to name their toilets, such as "toilet doll" and ask their children, "When do you want to play with your toilet doll?" ","how do you want a toilet doll to help you really poop out? "Do you want the toilet doll to chat with you? What did you say to encourage you? " "Dad remembers it better than Mommy. It seems that once the toilet doll really helped you defecate. How did it do it? Try to improve children's spontaneity and control in a positive and interesting way.
Specific practice
1. Use the upward bonus method. For example, if a child pretends to go to the toilet five times, even if only one time is really successful, he should pay attention to that successful experience, immediately strengthen and encourage it, and gradually strengthen the child's willingness to go to the toilet and his sense of independence, so that the child can have a positive experience connection with himself.
2. Dad can try to say, "Wow, you have to tell mom and dad that you are great this time. Mom and Dad believe that you can do it next time. " Wow, you already know what pretending is and what going to the bathroom is. Then next time you are ready, mom and dad can practice slowly with you and really poop. 」
Advanced toilet training skills 8 focus on sorting out the suggestions of the multi-functional therapist of medical cooperation in Dunnan Children's Center of Anmei Clinic of Taian Hospital:
1. It doesn't matter if the child still wears diapers in the toilet during training. There is no need to force the diaper to be removed from the beginning. The child only needs to sit in his toilet, even if he doesn't want to take off his diaper, he can wrap it first and then put it in it.
It is very important to form habits at a fixed time. In addition to the fixed time, it should also be noted that children must bring enough water, drink more water and eat more fiber fruits and vegetables, so that children can really come out when they go to the toilet. Otherwise, even if they deliberately put the child on the toilet at a fixed time, the child's physiological condition will not come out, and of course it will be difficult to succeed, so it will be more and more difficult for the child to effectively connect urine or feces with the toilet. Through the example of a therapist in Hao Wei, for example, a father can guide the child to drink about 300 glasses of water first, and after about 30 minutes, take the child to sit on the toilet first. Because drinking more water before, the possibility of children urinating will be greatly improved, and the success rate will be greatly improved.
3. Dad should not be overly anxious about the child's fear or resistance to going to the toilet, or even the training is unsuccessful. In fact, children can feel their father's anxiety more than mommy, and this anxiety is more difficult to succeed. In fact, sometimes children really don't know where their big stools will go, and they don't know what's going on in the toilet, especially when the toilet is actually a hole. This hole will make some children feel scared or uncomfortable. Maybe the child was afraid of falling from that hole or felt it.
4. When the child has words or behaviors that dare not resist defecation or going to the toilet, quickly divert the child's attention, and don't keep asking the child desperately: "What are you afraid of?" ""why are you like this? Or deliberately emphasize: "Are you afraid that the stool is black and dirty! Because of fear, children sometimes focus on things, which will make them more and more nervous and afraid. At this time, it is better to quickly guide children to turn their attention to other things that are not afraid. Even letting children go to the toilet with their favorite or just-playing toys doesn't hurt!
When children are afraid, please don't always say "be brave", "be timid" and "what's there to be afraid of". At this time, the most important thing is to give children more time patiently. In fact, sometimes children themselves will find that the original things are not as terrible as they thought, and naturally they will be willing to try and get close. Parents should understand that sometimes you think children are afraid, but sometimes they are not really afraid. It's just that compared with other things, children need more time to adapt and understand, or the descriptive words they use are not so diverse.
6. If toilet training fails at the beginning, including that dad can feel the anxiety or pressure of himself and his children better than mommy, please pause for about 2 months first, give the other party more time, and then start again when you are ready.
As long as there are no physical problems in development or life, parents don't have to worry too much or be anxious. The key point of going to the toilet is that children are independent, not a goal that must be achieved at a certain age.
8. Psychologist Li has repeatedly stressed: "At the age of 65, 438+0 ~ 6, parents' attitude towards their children will also affect their reactions. If an encouraging attitude is adopted, children can develop independent and brave attempts; If you are biased towards a strict attitude, it will affect the development of children's autonomy and sense of control, which will easily cause children to feel scared and shy inside, and become more withdrawn and passive in behavior. 」
Is there any pressure from elders at home? As for the pressure from the elders, psychologist Chen Yanqi suggested that dad doesn't have to respond immediately than mom. Sometimes elders can't help but say comparative or negative comments to their children before they learn to go to the toilet. Dad can arrange a happy and relaxed time with their parents and children when he goes home, and reinterpret the meaning of what grandparents just said to their children in his own way seriously and naturally. This will also give them a chance.
If the elders are really always in a hurry to say something inappropriate to their children, then dad can stand in the child's position and say to the child on the spot: "Mommy already thinks that you are making progress every day, and you have learned Barabara. I believe you will learn slowly. Mommy will accompany you to study and practice slowly at our own pace. On the one hand, avoid unnecessary conflicts with elders. On the other hand, children can feel more support, more sense of security and more willingness to learn and make progress.
When the baby stops diapers, the adult's NG behavior is NG 1, interrupting the child's play, suddenly calling or asking the child to go to the toilet without any warning. Psychologist Chen Yanqi suggested that parents should pay attention to the situation before and after making a phone call or letting their children go to the toilet. Sometimes, maybe the child is playing and he is immersed in the activities that he feels happy, but the adult suddenly jumps out and desperately asks him if he has a bowel movement. Do you want to go to the bathroom? Perhaps the child's unwillingness is just unwilling to leave the situation where he is ordered to be happy. It is not as parents imagine that children do not understand, are unwilling or refuse to go to the toilet.
NG 2。 Obviously, I can say shit myself, and suddenly I stopped talking at all. Parents are super angry. Children aged 2-4 actually encounter the development problem of so-called rebellious heart. Sometimes parents ask or invite him to go to the toilet, but he just doesn't want to go, and some even deliberately hold back and let parents look for their children's feces. In addition, there is another situation in which the temperature drops suddenly when winter comes. Actually, the baby's shit is in the diaper. Not as uncomfortable as adults think, but children actually feel very warm and comfortable. In this case, the child will not take the initiative to show defecation. So, please don't feel angry or helpless because of this. In fact, it is normal to calm down and think about it.
NG 3。 Always urging children to go to the toilet. In the book My Good Doctor, it is mentioned that when parents remind or ask their children if they want to go to the toilet, the children usually answer "no", but they may come out immediately after a while, or they have something urgent to go to the toilet. This situation often makes parents feel angry and impatient. Please don't blame the child, because when you asked him before, he really didn't want to pee, but your words reached his brain and reminded him to pee in the bladder! So it wasn't long before the baby came out or soon said I had to go to the bathroom.
Don't regard toilet training as "unsuccessful" or as a "transitional period" for children's growth.
Psychologist Chen Yanqi suggested that parents should reduce their anxiety when toilet training is not as smooth as expected. Generally speaking, pediatricians will say that after about a year and a half, the muscles will gradually mature and you can try to start toilet training, but this does not mean that you must start from this time. If they are older and have better oral expression skills, they will certainly be fluent at first.