People who ignore insults must have high self-control. We can't think that this is because others are afraid of us and further insult him. If we always do this, people may rise up against us, and then we may be too scared to speak. Arguing with others, others don't care, this is people have their own considerations. Don't think that others are afraid of us and attack others further. If we do this endlessly and people stand up and argue with us, I'm afraid we will be untenable and unable to escape our guilt.
There is often a person with poor self-cultivation in the world who likes to push his luck, insult others and others ignore him. He doesn't know that this is the tolerance of others, but thinks that others are afraid of him and are even more arrogant. However, people's endurance is limited after all. If people are provoked, they will certainly ask for it. From this point of view, nothing is too much. From another point of view, when we get along with others, we should consider others' feelings more, so as not to go too far.
In a rage, speak carefully.
The relatives of the original text are old and close, so don't talk privately, for fear that once they are lovelorn, what they said the day before yesterday will be used by others to argue and sue. When you are unhappy, don't supplement it with practical words. If you are afraid of anger, or marry it, the preface will be ashamed. Generally speaking, when you are angry, you shouldn't mean what you are hiding, but the sin of violence against your father and ancestors. When I am excited by anger, I want to refer to it. Actually, I didn't know that his resentment went deep into the bone marrow. The ancients said that "hurtful words are deeper than spears and halberds". Rudeness is also called "hitting people without hitting their knees, a Taoist priest is not kind."
Relatives and friends are old friends, even if they have a harmonious relationship and deep feelings, they can't tell them all their secrets. I'm afraid that once the relationship between the two sides deteriorates, what I said before will become the capital for others to argue with you. Also, when the relationship with others deteriorates, don't insult others with excessive words. I am afraid that after my anger subsides, I will restore my previous friendly relationship with him and even become a relative, so what I said before will be shameful. Generally speaking, when we are furious, we must not reveal other people's private affairs, or expose the evil things done by other people's grandparents and parents. We may be driven by a moment of anger, and we must expose their shortcomings to attack others, not knowing that their resentment against us will go deep into the bone marrow. The ancients said: "Words do more harm to people than spears and halberds", which is right! As the saying goes, "hit people without hitting their knees, but don't expose their shortcomings."
Contradictions between people are often caused by improper words. Once friends turn against each other, they attack each other's shortcomings regardless of the consequences in a rage. If you break up from now on, the other party may keep your words in mind. If you are generous, that's good. If you are very young, you will always wait for revenge. If both sides calm down their anger and laugh as before, I'm afraid you will regret saying such harsh words at that time. The same is true of husband and wife quarreling. There are no couples who don't quarrel. However, only a few people broke up after the quarrel. After the quarrel, most of them will continue to live. Therefore, when both parties are angry, they must not lose their discretion, expose each other's shortcomings or pick up words that the other party doesn't like to hear, which will inevitably hurt each other's feelings and is not conducive to the stability of marriage. It is common for many young people to love each other when they get married, but because of some small things, they don't give in to each other when quarreling and speak recklessly. After a long time, it is inevitable to hurt their feelings and even go their separate ways. It can be seen that talking angrily is very harmful.
Talk to others calmly. An old friend, who loses love because of words, may not be hurt by words. Most of them are violent and angry, which can arouse people's anger. However, people who like to admonish others are short, although their words are straight, they can be gentle and modest, and they may not be angry if they don't listen. If it's normal, it's harmless, but it's full of color and lifeless, and you must doubt it. The ancients said that "those who are angry with their rooms are more interested in the city", and they are angry with them and will not be humble when talking to others. It's not surprising that others don't know what to do! So when you are angry, you should be especially vigilant when talking to others. There is an old saying: "Don't talk after drinking, don't eat, don't be angry, be patient, obey and be self-reliant." You can keep this, it's the cheapest.
Friends and relatives, old friends, break up because of improper words, not all because of words that hurt others. Many of them have aroused the anger of others because of their rude attitude, words and tone. Such as admonishing others' shortcomings. Although words are sincere and straightforward, they can be pleasant, and even if they are not listened to by the other party, they will not annoy the other party. Speak normally. This book is harmless, and its words and expressions are very strict. Even if you don't annoy each other, it will arouse others' suspicion. The ancients said: "After being angry at home, it is inevitable to go out with an angry look." When a person is angry, talking to others will definitely not show humility. Others don't know what the reason is, how can they not be surprised! Therefore, when talking to others in a great anger, be more careful not to hurt others. The predecessors once said: Don't talk after drinking, don't get angry when eating, and don't argue with self-righteous people when you can't stand things. It's good for you to keep doing this.
Commenting on conversation is also an art, and some words come from some people's mouths, which are kind and tactfully, making people feel like spring breeze; And the same content comes from the mouth of others, which is violent and unacceptable. From this perspective, in order to have good interpersonal relationships, the art of speaking must be learned. Especially when persuading others, we should pay more attention to the discretion and methods, and try our best to be amiable, persuasive, emotional and rational, so as to achieve the purpose of persuasion more easily.
Treat the elderly who are two-thirds older than before, and the people who are respected by rural songs are close relatives. Those who are high-minded and low in morality in rural areas say that punishment is not imposed on themselves, which is humiliating and shameless. A gentleman should be accommodating rather than comparing.
Older people are respected in the village because they are close to their parents in age and experience. However, some people in the village are old and lack moral cultivation. They think that punishment cannot be imposed on themselves, and they are ready to insult others without shame. A gentleman should be tolerant of such people and don't care.
Respecting the old and loving the young is a fine tradition of our society, and being humble to the old also reflects a person's minimum quality. In addition, due to long-term hard work, people will become weak and prone to illness when they enter old age. In addition, the older many old people get, the closer their temper is to their children. Therefore, if there is a contradiction with the elderly, if it is not related to principles, we must make concessions to avoid causing big trouble.
When making friends with people, you should be measured.
Make friends with people, always be relaxed, not conceited, not embellished. If words and deeds don't match, then everyone is similar! However, you should not be too profane. Wine meets bosom friends, singing and laughing, and having fun. If you are afraid that others will laugh at you, you will get angry.
When interacting with people, regardless of status, you should be calm, amiable, never conceited and neatly dressed. If you talk and behave condescendingly, who will come near you? However, don't get too close to people. When having a drinking party, of course, you should sing and laugh and drink to your heart's content, but you should also pay attention to what you say, otherwise you may break other people's taboos in ridicule and ridicule, which may lead to a quarrel.
Comments are not arrogant and unfriendly, which most of us can notice in our daily communication. And "don't be too obscene", we often ignore it. Young people, in particular, because they are similar in age, chatting and joking with each other without consideration will often cause unhappiness. It can be seen that no matter how close friends are, they should also pay attention to the art of getting along with each other in order to better maintain friendship.
Serve people with talent and serve people with virtue.
Self-respect, no need to be far-sighted; There's no need to say it.
A man of noble character will naturally be respected by others, not necessarily because of his beautiful appearance and tall figure; A very talented person will naturally be respected by others, not necessarily how wonderful his speech is.
Everyone wants to be respected, because the degree of respect can often prove the value of people. However, how can we get more respect? This requires strengthening one's self-cultivation first. The truly respectable people are often not those who have excellent appearance, eloquence or more wealth and knowledge, but those who value talents and morality. Only by being a person with both ability and political integrity can we win more applause.
You can't live a luxurious life.
Living in rural songs, horses' clothes should not be fresh. There are many people living in poverty, but I am alone, and the poor are shy, so I won't go near them. How can I have it? This statement should not be told to those who still stink.
Living in the countryside, driving horses and chariots and wearing clothes should not be bright and gorgeous. Because most relatives and friends in our village live in poverty, we are different. The poor feel embarrassed and must not approach us. How can I feel at ease? These words don't need to be said to the immature minors.
When entering a new environment, if you want to win good interpersonal relationships faster, you should first try to keep the same style as the people here. This has nothing to do with personality. Have you found that many people are unhappy all day because they don't fit in with the new environment? Therefore, it is a survival skill to keep yourself as simple as possible without losing the principle.
One can't be lost and greedy.
Some children in the original text indulge themselves and forget to return. As for those who have no regrets when their families are ruined, the cover begins with hard work. If there is nothing to see, they can't see through it, so they can't go back.
Some children are addicted to lust and lose their way, so that they ruin their family business and do not know how to repent. These people just wanted to try at first, but because they didn't have knowledge in their hearts and couldn't see through the consequences of doing so, they developed to the point of irretrievability.
Commentators are not grass, how can they be ruthless? However, emotion is different from lust. Emotion is socialized, and noble and healthy emotions can push people up. Lust is more primitive, starting from natural physiology. If people indulge in this desire, how is it different from other animals? Learn to restrain desires and live in the brilliance of reason, and our life will be better.
Children should make friends properly.
The world is worried about children's blood gas, and the game of wine and color can confuse their hearts. If they find that they have lost their virginity and lost their family, they will be locked up at home, and it is forbidden to make friends, resulting in their ignorance and ignorance. As we all know, this is not a good policy. If you are forbidden to take precautions, your feelings will be opened and can't be extinguished like fire. What's the difference between living at home, being careless and being mysterious? If you don't come in and out often, you should make friends with them. Although you are familiar with corruption, you can see through it and you will be ashamed not to do it. If you try, you won't be stupid or vulgar, and you won't be influenced by villains.
Some people in the world think that young people, insufficient blood gas, who are underage and addicted to alcohol and gambling will disturb their minds, so that their morals will be ruined and their family business will be destroyed. So keep young children at home, keep them out, cut off from the outside world, and make these young children ignorant and heartless. Do you know this is not a good policy? Once the discipline of these children is relaxed, the lust of these children will erupt, like wildfire, which cannot be extinguished. Besides, you shut them up at home, do nothing all day, and secretly do something you shouldn't do. What's the difference between this and letting them out? It is better to let them go out on time and tell them to be careful in making friends. They can see what they shouldn't do, and they must know that they are ashamed and won't do such a thing. Even if you try to do such a thing, you won't be stupid and mean, and you will be completely fooled by the villain.
Parents should guide their children how to communicate with others, help them establish a correct outlook on life and teach them survival skills to adapt to this complex and changeable society. If we blindly restrict children's normal communication and keep them at home, it does reduce the possibility of children's poor study, but it is also easy to make children lack a correct view of right and wrong and form a withdrawn character. In that case, it is difficult for children to adapt after entering the society, and the consequences are even more terrible.
It is wise to live within our means.
People who start from the original text are easy to popularize and compile, covering utensils and good or bad luck, and the scale is shallow and narrow, so the number of Japanese is more than sunrise, so they often have a surplus. The son of a rich family is prone to capsize and break, cover the tableware and pay for good or ill luck. The scale is huge, but he still uses the old one. His property is divided into several portals, and the cost has doubled. How can children support those who can save money, lose money quickly and don't understand? The ancients said that "frugality is easy, but frugality is difficult", which is what it is called. It is especially difficult to keep a home in big noble. Although idle and cold, but the salary is also rich, and there are many legacies. Before the people who do it are full, they are all given by the counties. Although their eating utensils are extremely luxurious, their expenses are not out of family wealth. Those who are caught behind him without the previous day's salary or inheritance will have to pay their daily expenses. What's more, there are several, and the cost is still the same. Is it not broken? This is logical, and it is appropriate for every child to measure festivals.
Entrepreneurs can accumulate more and more wealth because they are frugal in food, clothing, housing and transportation, as well as in the management of weddings, funerals and various daily expenses. Before they become rich, they follow the rules and never waste money. So they always earn more money than they spend every day, so they always have a surplus. Rich children are prone to bankruptcy, because they spend too much on clothes, food, utensils and appliances, and the scale of weddings and funerals is too large, so they always follow the old system, and several brothers divide the property, so the daily expenses have increased several times than before. Some children can save money and make long-term plans. I'm afraid it is too late. Besides, some children haven't realized it yet. How do they support their family business? The ancients said, "It's easy to be frugal, but difficult to be frugal." That's the truth. Powerful people can't guarantee that their descendants will never ruin their family business. When they are in high positions, even if they are not in charge of key departments, the state will provide them with very rich gifts and money. There are so many servants in front, and the expenses are provided by state and county officials. Although their clothes, food, utensils and appliances are extremely extravagant, those expenses are not paid by their own property. When the descendants of these powerful people, there is no generous supply allocated by the state when their parents and grandparents became officials, and there is no money and gifts given by others. The salaries of officers and servants and all kinds of expenses needed for daily life must be paid from their own property. And later generations divided the family into many families, and the expenses were still the same as in the past. How can we not lose everything? This is also the inevitable trend of the situation. Children should live within their means and manage their families diligently.
Live within our means, oppose extravagance and waste, and rule the country and level the world. After the Grand View Garden of A Dream of Red Mansions was raided, Jia Zheng looked through the income and expenditure books over the years and found that "the income was not enough, and he spent a lot of money in the palace for many years and borrowed a lot from outside." Looking at the land rent in the eastern province, it has been paid less than half of that of the ancestors in recent years, and now it is ten times more expensive than that of the ancestors. "He couldn't help but sigh with emotion:" I don't know how many years you have spent in the lunar year, but you still pretend to look good like this, treating the struggle for the world's salary as irrelevant. Why are you unbeaten? "It's too late for me to save money now." In modern life, moderate consumption and enjoyment of life are necessary for individuals and families, but it is even more necessary to coordinate the proportion of income and expenditure. Living within our means is an important foundation for the long-term prosperity of the family business, as well as for a country.
Thrift should continue.
If a person has property and is afraid of being stolen by others, he will seal it with radium, and his knowledge will be very strict. If you are worried about the dissipation caused by excessive expenses, you must count it as a contest and save money. However, those who are very strict and lose will be strict for a hundred days, and there will be no loss for a day. A hundred days is strict and one day is loose, so a day's loss is the same as a hundred days' pine. Those who have several festivals and are ultimately in want will not be in want if they establish Pepsi Festival without sacrificing one thing. If there is nothing in Pepsi Festival, it will cost as much as there is nothing in Pepsi Festival. The so-called Pepsi people play well in food, clothes, houses, gardens, horses, servants and equipment. Rich and frugal financial resources, it is not an expense. Do it without measuring financial resources, or be too extravagant and almost in no hurry. Even if financial resources can be done, it is a waste of money. Young people, masters, should be very clear.
When people have property, they are afraid of being stolen by others, so they are tied up with ropes, locked and strictly labeled and sealed. I'm afraid the daily expenses will be scattered without planning, and I will be careful with all the expenses. However, although some people are careful in their daily expenses, they still lose everything. This is because they have spent a hundred days strictly and cautiously, and they will not go bankrupt without a day's negligence. One hundred days of strict budget, and only one day of negligence and indulgence, then the consequences of this day's negligence and indulgence are the same as those of a hundred days of carelessness. Some people are frugal, but in the end they are short of resources. This is because they are frugal in all kinds of things, so the cost of one thing is the same as that of all kinds of things. All kinds of things mentioned, such as diet, clothes, houses, gardens, houses, chariots and horses, servants, utensils and antiques, can't be explained clearly in one or two sentences. The use of these things, according to their own financial wealth or thrift, is not a waste. If you don't do it according to your own financial resources, or if you have financial resources, it will be too extravagant and wasteful. Doing something that is not urgent is a waste of money. Young people in charge of family affairs should have a deep understanding of this.
On the thrifty principle in financial management. Although some people think they are frugal, they still don't get good results in managing their families. This is precisely because they think that occasional extravagance and waste are irrelevant and frugality cannot be sustained. Yuan Cai pointed out that it was this negligence that caused some people to go bankrupt, and if we really want to be frugal, we must persist in frugality year after year, and we must persist in frugality in everything and every detail. He believes that the daily expenses should be determined according to his own financial resources, even if the property is abundant, it should not be extravagant to maintain the prosperity of the family business. As far as personal and family consumption is concerned, we don't advocate being a miser, but Yuan Cai's frugality in financial management still has certain practical value for us today.
Zhou Ji wants to choose someone.
People in trouble can't help, there's nothing to complain about, and the poor can't help themselves, but those who are simple and sentimental and won't tell others themselves, although I have nothing to spare, I should use my strength to help them. This person will be grateful even if he can't report it. If he is not embarrassed, but takes it as his profession, holding the skill of squatting, visiting the door of the rich and crossing the counties, thinking that he can do whatever he wants if he has income, and that there is hatred if he has no income. There is no gratitude today, and there is nothing to repay another day. You can treat it without mercy. Can I cut off what I dare not use and subsidize his improper use? Some people encounter insurmountable difficulties, and their sufferings have nowhere to tell. They are too poor to live any longer. However, this person is simple and dull, and he is ashamed to ask for help. Although I am not well off to meet such a person, I will try my best to help him. Even if this person can't repay it, he will certainly appreciate my kindness. If someone is not poor at first, but flatters the rich and powerful everywhere and asks them for food, he will do it no matter how he passes through the counties. When he gets charity from others, he will brag about his talents. If he can't get charity from others, he will make enemies with others. This kind of person will not appreciate the kindness of others now, and will not repay others in the future. You can completely ignore such people. How can I give up money I don't usually want to use to help him do things he shouldn't do? Helping people in need is a good thing, but we should not be blind. We should make choices and make differences to help those who are kind and helpless and really need help. As for those who have the ability to live but are lazy and just want to enjoy success, when we extend the hand of friendship, we must think clearly about what kind of help we should give him. Secondly, we should also pay attention to ways to help others. "It is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish." For example, in our current poverty alleviation work, it is of course the most direct way to give material help, but the longer-term way is to "give" poverty-stricken areas ways to get rid of poverty, such as injecting industries and giving technical guidance.
Although you are poor, don't underestimate the kindness of others.
Living and traveling in your hometown, don't underestimate the kindness of others. When Wu Fang fails to achieve his goal, the goodwill of others is always in my arms. Every time I meet him, I am always in awe. He is always kind to me. And after I went to Rong Da, I might as well report it all the time. If you don't report it, it's a loss. Therefore, although there is food to eat, we should not take it lightly. When the predecessors saw people being officials and asking for their confidants, they told them, "If you are grateful, it will be difficult for the court to stand." It is appropriate to savor this.
Living in the country or abroad, you can't easily accept the kindness of others. When I was underdeveloped, I owed others, and I always kept it in mind. Every time I see someone who is kind to me, I feel awe. And that person often shows it in his expression, because he feels he owes me. When I am honored, I am afraid it is difficult to repay all those who are kind to me. I feel wronged if I don't repay others' kindness. Therefore, even a meal, a silk, can not be easily accepted. When the predecessors saw someone asking for a confidant when they were officials, they warned him: "It is difficult to gain a foothold in the imperial court because of the good of others." You should understand this sentence well.
Commenting on Yuan Cai's warning "Don't be kind to others" also has some merits today. We often have this experience in our lives. When we receive small favors from others, we will be restrained by others and finally suffer big losses. As a national public servant, we should be more alert to this point, and never accept others' treats and gifts, otherwise we will inevitably commit suicide when performing official duties.
The inherent thickness of human feelings
When primitive people lived in poverty, they were not cared for by the villagers, but Rong Da regarded them as enemies. I don't know that the villagers are not thicker than me, and I feel sorry; I'm not thicker than my hometown. My hometown doesn't remember any day, does it? But people who are usually thin to me should not be thick with them, and there is no need to complain. If he doesn't know me at ordinary times, if I can help him, I can't help him.
Some people are not taken care of by the villagers when they are poor, and treat the villagers as enemies when they are glorious. I don't know that the villagers treated me badly at the beginning, but I felt disgusted. I didn't treat the villagers well. Don't they remember one day? Just for those who look down on me at ordinary times, don't be intimate with him and don't hate him. For those villagers who don't know me at ordinary times, if I can help him, I will do the same.
Comments on the world is cold and human feelings are warm and cold, which has been the case since ancient times. For this world, don't haggle over every ounce; Revenge must be avenged, and it is bound to be open-minded and generous. Tolerance and kindness will be more respected.
Repay injustice with justice
The original sage said that "direct complaint" is the meanest and can be passed. Generally speaking, it is not enough to repay a complaint with a complaint, but it is unreasonable for a scholar-bureaucrat to hire a thick-looking person, or to die because of a feud or evil deeds. The so-called sage's straight virtue is not abolished by hate; He is the black sheep of his family and won't avenge him. Take its right and wrong, each should be true. It's not too late to pay back the money in order to complain.
The sage said, "We must treat hostility with integrity." This sentence is most in line with the golden mean and can be unimpeded. Generally speaking, it is certainly not commendable to complain about others, but it is hypocritical and unreasonable for some literati to indulge the wicked without punishment in order to gain the reputation of kind elders. By integrity, the sage means that others are virtuous and will not be abolished because of hatred; He is a bad man, and he is not sheltered because of hatred (to win a good reputation). The choice of right and wrong should be based on the actual situation. Complain directly, and there will be no endless retaliation.
Commenting on revenge is the most unwise choice, and the final result is bound to be both sides. And complaining directly, "balance right and wrong, according to the facts", can not only reflect a person's tolerant personality, but also be one of the most applicable ways to improve interpersonal relationships. In the Spring and Autumn Period, Qi Huangong did not remember Guan Zhong's revenge, but used him to help him govern Qi. In the end, the country was rich and strong, the army was strong, and he dominated the princes. It can be seen that it is very important to deal with interpersonal relationships according to the path of right and wrong.