? Text/drunken Meng Xing
In daily life, we often hear some yellow jokes, some of which are vulgar and straightforward; Some are subtle and euphemistic, which is wonderful. While everyone is laughing happily, they may not notice that there are actually many obscene jokes that appeal to both refined and popular tastes, which are not only full of life interest, but also imply life philosophy.
Cut the crap, and then Zuimengjun will present some dirty jokes. Let's take a look at their beauty. (Cui Hua, sauerkraut! )
1
A male teacher said angrily to a girl who was sleeping in class: I'm so tired up there, don't move down there! If you don't cooperate, you won't even respond If there is nothing in your stomach in the future, don't blame the teacher! As a result, the whole class fainted
In-depth comment: How did the misunderstanding come about? It often begins with a beautiful ambiguity. There was no problem with the teacher's words, but now students are precocious than each other, and the fart between men and women is really sensitive, which will inevitably make people think, so ambiguity arises and jokes spread.
This joke reminds us that in some specific occasions, in front of specific people, we must pay attention to the language art of speaking, and what we say should not make people expect.
2
Three centenarians were interviewed by the media and talked about their longevity.
The first birthday girl said, "Eat less."
The second birthday star said, "Take a hundred steps after dinner."
The third birthday girl said shyly, "My wife is ugly."
In-depth comments: Dieting and abstinence are both ways to keep fit. How to abstain from sex? Control sexual interest; How to control sexual interest? Finding an ugly wife will naturally lead to lack of sexual interest. Having an ugly wife at home has unexpected benefits, diaosi, don't dislike the ugly wife when you get married; Don't find fault with unmarried people, just find someone who looks ordinary. This will not only prolong life, but also make Bai, who looks down on diaosi, a leftover woman, and kill two birds with one stone. Isn't it soon?
three
The ladies' bathroom caught fire and the people inside were in chaos. In desperation, they ran out naked. Only to see the streets crowded and a large crowd gathered. Just when I didn't know what to do, an old man shouted, "Cover it quickly." The naked woman woke up, but there are three important parts on her body, which can't be covered in a hurry. When the old man saw it, he shouted, "Just cover your face. The following are all the same! "
In-depth comments: This passage fully proves that: 1, men are smarter than women; 2. Men know women better than women; 3, the authorities are fascinated, and the bystanders are clear; 4, the difference between men and women is as follows, the difference between women and women depends on the face. No wonder every man loves his face, and every woman loves her face. 5. Face is a person's facade, and losing face is a big deal. Therefore, it is normal to lose face and have face thoughts.
This joke also tells us: at the critical moment, it is not shameful to care about the next, as long as you save face, because saving face means saving dignity and decency.
four
A beautiful woman reported that I put my money in my bra and was stolen by a handsome guy on a crowded subway. ......
The policeman wondered: You didn't notice such a sensitive place?
The beauty blushed and replied, who would have thought he was touching the money?
In-depth comments: This passage proves that: 1, big breasts and no brains are definitely not sarcasm and satire for some women; 2, women are emotional animals, thinking and acting often like to follow their feelings; 3. "Handsome" is a man's intangible asset and a hallucinogen for men to deal with women, which can make some women lose themselves in the pleasant sensory experience and gradually lose their principles and vigilance.
five
A company posted a note on the urinal: a small step forward is a big step for civilization. As a result, there are still many urine stains on the ground. So the company learned the lesson seriously and redesigned the contents as follows: not peeing in the pool is short; Peeing outside the pool means you are soft. As a result, the ground is much cleaner than before.
In-depth comments: Many times, our measures must hit the nail on the head to get twice the result with half the effort. Everyone knows that men are most afraid of two things: first, there is no money in their pockets; Second, I am afraid that women will scold me. These two things are related to the dignity and decency of men, especially the latter. Men are deeply ashamed and will never admit that their things are bad. As the saying goes: Hit the snake seven inches and hit the bull's-eye. The company's new measures hit the nail on the head and the effect is naturally obvious.
six
One day, the female secretary said with a dignified face, Miss Wang, I am pregnant.
Mr. Wang continued to look down at the file, and then smiled faintly: I had a vasectomy early.
The female secretary froze for a while and smiled. I'm kidding you!
Manager Wang looked up at her, took a sip of tea and said, me too.
In-depth comments: the female secretary and Mr. Wang are both masters, and the female secretary is the main attack, and she is close to life; It is not surprising that Mr. Wang is in charge, and it is justified; The female secretary lost a game of chess and accepted it when she was ready; Mr. Wang won easily, but the wind was light and the clouds were light.
In fact, "people are floating in the rivers and lakes, where they are not stabbed", even game flowers should always be wary of being stabbed and stung by bees. Thanks to Master Li Zongwu, you can be invulnerable and now or never, and Mount Tai will collapse in front of you without changing its face.
seven
Three men proposed to the woman, and her parents: Please introduce yourself. A said: I have 10 million. B said: I have a mansion worth 20 million. The woman's parents kept nodding and finally asked C: What do you have at home? C: I have nothing but the baby in your daughter's belly. A and B were speechless and left like this.
In-depth comments: Diaosi competes with Gao Fushuai, and the secret of winning lies in mastering the core competitiveness. How to master the core competitiveness? The solution is to turn passive into active, sow seeds in Huanglong and cook raw rice into mature rice in advance.
eight
Accompany my boudoir to an adult shop to buy condoms. She blushed for a long time and asked, "Boss, do you have a plastic bag?" The boss asked, "How big is it?" The boudoir faltered and said, "You can hold a sausage!"
In-depth comments: Experience is accumulated, skin is sharpened, and it is the first time for anyone to do anything. What a smart and lovely girl. Will she use the name "plastic bag" and "sausage" when she enters the adult goods store again? Why did she choose sausages instead of toothpicks, chopsticks and fingers?
nine
The young couple quarreled and threw a pillow from upstairs. A beggar happened to pass by and was very happy. Soon another quilt flew down, and the beggar was ecstatic. So he wiped his tears and shouted to the upstairs: Brother upstairs, be kind and throw that woman down!
In-depth comments: a joyful scene, a real and slightly exaggerated scene of family life. Experience tells us: when young couples quarrel, don't be sad about things at home; Not to mention feeling sorry for your other half. If you lose your supplies, you have to spend money to buy them again; Losing the other half is even worse, because I can only sleep with a pillow from now on.
10
The female reporter asked the farmer about the origin of mad cow disease. The farmer said: I have to milk ten times a day, but cows can only mate once a year.
The female reporter is puzzled. The farmer said loudly: rub your chest every day, only once a year. Can you not be crazy?
In-depth comments: Animals, like people, also have the instinct of physiological needs. Although the farmer's metaphor is obscene, it vividly and profoundly reveals the possibility of various crises between human beings and animals in extreme circumstances. So, long live understanding!
1 1
The teacher can read in the countryside, so a peasant woman can recognize the word "quilt". The peasant woman can't remember it. The teacher prompts: What are you sleeping? The peasant woman replied, it's her husband. The teacher is in distress situation: What should I do if my husband is not here? The peasant woman answered: It's the village head.
Comment in a word: gnome male-",there is nothing to say in the giggle.
12
The father took his son to take a bath, and the ground was slippery. When his son was about to fall, he grabbed his penis and didn't fall. My dad scolded me in pain. It's a good thing you came with me. If you come with your mother, you will die!
Comment in a word: the man's small tail is of infinite use and needs to be further explored.
13
A pair of twins are chatting in their mother's belly. The boss said: Hello, Dad. He often sticks his head out to see us. Unfortunately, he didn't like hygiene, so he threw up and left. The second child said, it is better to be an uncle next door. After he vomited, he put the sputum in a bag.
Comment in a word: I don't say anything, I don't say anything, I just know nothing.
14
Condoms complain to sanitary napkins: I'm really afraid of you. Every time you work, I have no business for a week.
The sanitary napkin was angry and scolded. Don't play dumb. If I'm not careful, my ten-month business will be ruined.
Comment in a word: it vividly reveals the physiological period of women, and highlights the role and efficacy of some adult products.
15
My son wants to sleep with his mother every night. Her mother said that when you grow up, you will marry your daughter-in-law and sleep with your mother. A: Yes. Mom said, what about your wife?
The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad was very excited after hearing this: this child has been sensible since childhood, and it really hurts you for nothing!
Comment in a word: children's words are unscrupulous. Dad's meanness is the finishing touch, but it also highlights the innocence and fun of children.
16
A fool has been married for half a year and has no children. The father asked his son what he had done, but the son didn't understand. Father said, hit the place where your wife urinates with the hardest part of your body. The next day, the daughter-in-law told her father that your son was crazy. He's been banging his head on chamber pot all night!
Comment in a word: stupid dad can't give directions clearly, stupid son applies mechanically, and dogmatism kills people.
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