When you encounter problems, ask yourself first.
What do you do when you feel helpless? What do you do when you encounter an unsolvable problem? What do you do when you feel insecure? ..... According to my observation, many people will seek comfort and support from others at this time.
A few years after graduation, after planning in an advertising company and accumulating some industry experience, I became the team leader. At this time, a junior student came to the company for an internship. Her name is Xiao Ou. At that time, the new project of the company was launched, and the whole department was busy every day. Considering that Xiao Ou is a novice and has no work experience, I asked her questions that she didn't understand. But I soon found out that Xiao Ou's first reaction was not to solve the problem by himself, but to ask his colleagues immediately without thinking, and even let them rehearse the steps and process of solving the problem from beginning to end. At first, everyone actively helped Xiao Ou, but in the busy work, everyone's time was precious, and gradually, everyone would inevitably disturb her, including me. "Think about it first and find a way to solve the problem yourself, so that you can really learn something." I thought Xiao Ou would understand the truth, but then I saw the latest development of her circle of friends: "The world is cold and heartless, and I am the only one left." I understand the disappointment when help is not answered. But I hope Xiaoou understands that everyone should have some self-control: do what you can; If you really can't do it, it's not too late to ask for help. When encountering problems, even if someone relies on them every time and helps them solve them, the reality tells us that if we rely on others for everything, we will be ruined over time.
Are there still few such examples? Some women think that they are born weak and depend on men financially. Are there few examples of being refined? Some women think that they are born weak, rely on men's support economically, attach themselves to men spiritually, and even give up self-study and self-improvement. The result is just like Luo Zijun in my first half of my life. When she was abandoned by a man, she felt that the sky was falling. Although Luo Zijun finally lived the life he wanted through his unremitting efforts, he paid too much. Whether mentally or materially, what others can give you can of course be taken away. Only by working hard can you truly belong to yourself. Therefore, if a person feels that life is not satisfactory, he should not complain about fate or others at this time, but should start from himself and try to change the status quo. When I was a child, I often lived in my grandmother's house in the countryside. What impressed me deeply was an orphan named Heiwa in the village. Heiwa is a disabled person. When he was born, his whole right arm was gone. Plus the early death of his parents, he never went to school. He lives alone in a shabby yard with no gate. Heiwa has never worn clean clothes and her hair is messy and dull. He does nothing all day, just strolls around the village, and when he is hungry, he grabs a family to eat. On this day, I was playing in the yard with some children, and Heiwa came in. He begged from his grandmother. In the past, grandma always brought noodles, steamed bread and other foods immediately and gave generously, but this time grandma pointed to a pile of bricks in front of the door and said to Heiwa, "Please help me move this pile of bricks to the back of the house." Heiwa shook her empty sleeves and said angrily, "How can I move bricks like this? If you don't want to eat, don't give it! " Grandma was unmoved and bent down to lift the brick. She deliberately used only one hand to move. After a trip, she said, "You see, one hand can work. I can do it, why can't you? " Heiwa was shocked. He looked at grandma silently, and finally leaned down and raised the bricks with one hand, only two at a time. It took him two hours to move the bricks. He was so tired that his hair was soaked with sweat. Grandma handed Heiwa a towel to wipe his sweat. And handed him a bowl of noodles for him to eat; Say that finish, handed him twenty dollars. Heiwa took the money and said gratefully, "Thank you!" Grandma said, "You don't have to thank me. You earned it yourself. "
Heiwa bowed deeply to her grandmother and turned away. The villagers never saw him again.
A few years later, a couple in the town opened a small supermarket, and the boss personally sent a lot of fruits and vegetables to grandma. The boss has no right-hand man. It turned out that he was the black baby of that year. After he left his grandmother's house that day, he went out to find a job, do odd jobs and earn his own living. Some shopkeepers took good care of him and gave him some jobs. After several years of hard work, he has a family and career like others. Heiwa was originally waiting for charity from others and living on sympathy from others. The goal of life is to have a full meal. Fortunately, he met his grandmother and learned that one's destiny should be in one's own hands.
The word "human" is composed of a left and a right, and it is the two legs that support us to walk. Everyone who is eager for success should realize that no matter what his background and personal qualifications are, his own efforts and wisdom are the fulcrum of success. We abandon the idea of relying on others, improve our self-control ability, and make some substantive efforts, and we will find that life will be brand-new.
When most things in life are solved by ourselves, our hearts will be filled with a sense of control and accomplishment. When life encounters difficulties, you no longer hope for others, but go forward by yourself. What a wonderful thing it is to live in this positive cycle.
You object? Never mind, I agree! During the Spring Festival of 20 15, middle school students organized a party. I find my deskmate Sun Miao a bit reticent.
Sun Miao has always been a lively and talkative person. After graduating from college, she entered the administrative center of a local food factory, doing administrative work, rarely working overtime, and her unit was very close to home. After several years of hard work, she became the deputy director of the administrative center, with a monthly salary of about 5 thousand, which is regarded as an upper-middle-income person in the local area. Moreover, she has children and a harmonious family, which once attracted the envy of her classmates. "What's the matter with you?" Under my inquiry, Sun Miao expressed her distress. "After working for several years, I found that there is no room for improvement in my current job, and the company's benefits are not very good in the past two years, so I want to change a job with development prospects. It turns out that most of the jobs I like require graduate degrees, and most of them require undergraduate degrees in small companies, and their wages have not improved, even worse than now. After several interviews, I had the idea of resigning for graduate school, but no one at home agreed. " "What? Do you want to take a postgraduate entrance examination? " When the monitor Marriott heard Sun Miao's words, he was surprised and said, "If you quit your job and fail in the postgraduate entrance examination, you must find a new job. Isn't it a dead duck? " Marriott has a loud voice. As soon as he spoke, the students turned to Sun Miao and began to express their opinions: "That is, how many people envy your work, are you still not satisfied?" "Certainly not, because one's deceased father grind review at the same time to take care of the children, do housework. How can you have time and energy? " "A woman, what should I do with such a heavy career?" ..... Listening to the students' comments, Sun Miao became more and more entangled in his heart. I believe many people have had similar experiences. When you talk about your ideas, your plans and your findings with anticipation, you will find that there is always a lack of opposition. Some people scoff and assert that you are daydreaming; Some people worry that things will not succeed. They will always give various reasons and try to convince you that you can't do it at all, so give up before it's too late. For a person, the most confusing moment is not that there is a cliff behind him, but that he is at the crossroads of choice. At this time, people's hearts are often the most fragile and their self-control is the weakest. I understand Sun Miao's troubles, and I really want to help her. Afterwards, I sent her a short message-"It's a good thing you didn't run, and the negative vote of others won't affect your decision." In my opinion, we don't have to do great things and achieve great things in this life, but we must know the meaning of living and have enough control over life. We should not only listen to other people's comments with our ears, but also judge with our hearts. If you think something is worth doing and it is not illegal, you should go all out to do it! You just need to tell them calmly, "You object? Never mind, I agree! " I often visit a health center, and the boss is a beautiful woman with temperament, who is well-known in the industry. Her name is Hu Mei.
Hu Mei is a gentle and patient girl, but her academic performance has always been average. After graduating from high school, she decided to go south to Guangdong to study hairdressing. No one around agreed, and her parents mobilized all their relatives to persuade her. Hu Mei said it was her own decision, and she was optimistic about this industry. Being an apprentice is hard work, and it doesn't make money. During that time, Hu Mei had a hard time. At that time, girls of the same age that Hu Mei knew, some were teachers and doctors with successful careers, and some girls similar to Hu Mei went directly to the factory. Although their jobs are not glamorous and decent, they are better than beauty salons in the eyes of everyone. But Hu Mei still insists on her choice. Her explanation is, "Although I oppose it again and again, I will continue to work hard to make myself better little by little". After learning hairdressing skills, Hu Mei started from a small hairdressing shop and later became a beautician. When business became better and there were more customers, he began to expand the store. As more and more people began to pay attention to beauty care, Hu Mei also followed the market changes and opened a beauty care hall. Nowadays, Hu Mei pays equal attention to career and family. How many people stare at her? There are envy, admiration and jealousy in these eyes. Even those who once opposed Hu Mei will praise Hu Meilai's "vision" and "foresight". In summing up the experience of successful people over the years, I found an interesting rule: the more successful a person is, the more opponents he often meets at the beginning of doing what makes him so successful, and his subjective desire is directly proportional to the resistance of others. But they often choose to turn a blind eye, move forward silently, and then prove themselves to everyone with actions. Yes, although we can't choose our origins, we can choose the way we want to go. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions. People with strong self-control dare to stick to their dreams. If they want to do something, as long as they decide, they will try to stick to it. Your self-confidence, your ability and all the resources around you will provide you with endless help in practical actions. Even if you work ten times or even a hundred times harder, when you reach your goal one day and look back, you will find that you have proved yourself to others step by step with practical actions, and you have told them with facts that your choice is right. Just like Sun Miao, with my encouragement, she applied for a postgraduate degree majoring in Chinese language and literature in a university. In that year, she achieved her dream of graduate study with the first place. After graduation, I successfully stayed in school to teach and became a well-paid and beautiful university teacher. I'm not sure whether this has changed Sun Miao's fate, but it is enough for her to meet a better self and become a free person who controls her life. I'm really happy for her.
Ask anyone to establish a comfortable relationship.
Cai Kun, my younger brother in college, is very good-looking and really good to everyone.
After graduating from college, Cai Kun worked as a salesman in a trading company. When she first entered the workplace, Cai Kun spoke carefully and acted vigorously. After graduating from college, Cai Kun worked as a salesman in a trading company. When she first entered the workplace, Cai Kun spoke carefully and did things carefully for fear of making any mistakes. In order to integrate into the group as soon as possible, he also took the initiative to take on the task of serving tea and vegetables in the office and tried his best to maintain the relationship between colleagues. And no matter big or small, as long as it is a colleague's request, he will insist if he doesn't want to. To this end, Cai Kun also privately complained: "In fact, my own workload is also very large, but there are not many men in the company who let me be a newcomer. Everyone comes to me when it comes to manual labor. If you don't help, it is easy to offend people. " Later, in view of poor business conditions, the company decided to lay off employees. Cai Kun thought that he would never be laid off if he worked hard and worked in the company. But the truth gave him a sharp knife. Just last week, he was laid off by the department through a collective vote. Angry and dissatisfied, he went to the personnel manager, who didn't respond to him; Looking for a department manager is also a refusal. Finally, I found the general manager and the answer to the question: "You are the busiest person in the department and the least efficient person. Therefore, I have to endure the pain and let you leave. " Last year, Cai Kunxin talked about a girlfriend. My girlfriend is a stewardess, beautiful and generous, and there are countless suitors. Although Cai Kun is handsome and has a good figure, he is afraid that the other party will not love him. In order to maintain this relationship, Cai Kun has been trying to please his girlfriend in various ways this year, and he will try his best to satisfy whatever she asks. She said that if she was hungry, Cai Kun would run eight blocks to buy her favorite tiramisu; She asked for a new mobile phone, and Cai Kun ate instant noodles for a month and saved money to buy it for her; She was afraid that it would get dark after the night shift, and Cai Kun learned about her trip. He will pick up the plane after the night shift, even at night. On Valentine's Day, Christmas, National Day ... various festivals, Cai Kun took her out to play and bought her various gifts. But no matter how sincerely Cai Kun treats her, she always seems to be dissatisfied with Cai Kun and often proposes to break up. This made Cai Kun very painful and puzzled. There are many people like Cai Kun in life. It seems that they are kind to everyone and never do things that offend people, but such people are not very popular with everyone. Why is this? We always think that as long as we try to please others, we can get recognition. Don't forget, you put your position too low, and you don't care about your feelings at all. How can you expect others to care about your feelings? Because of kindness, you have to do everything; You can't complain, because you are fine. Grievance? But you did it all yourself. Here, I want to remind you that there is a kind of "foot-in-the-door effect" in psychology, also called "push your luck" effect. Sometimes you don't know how to refuse. Once you accept a trivial request from others, others will think you are willing. Only after understanding your psychology can you make higher demands. This phenomenon is like stepping on a threshold, and you will climb up step by step. In other words, when you try to please others, you lose the initiative in this relationship.
This situation is difficult to change, but it does not mean that there is no possibility of change. As long as you improve your self-control and stay awake to your actions, you will have a chance to make a comeback. In fact, I used to be a very good gentleman. In order to avoid conflicts as much as possible, I will hide my true attitude, both at work and in life. In order to have a good relationship with all kinds of relationships, it's hard for me to refuse other people's demands ... but after a long time, I found that what I forced myself to accept and didn't want to do would not bring good results because of my kindness and kindness, but might drag down my life. In those years of advertising planning, my mobile phone was turned on 24 hours a day for a long time, which is the company's rule. Because there are unlimited times to shoot advertisements, you need to be on standby every day to deal with all kinds of calls. Once, I met a "workaholic" customer who repeatedly asked for changes in the content and often called at two or three in the middle of the night. I have been biting my teeth, but endless overtime and overwork have exhausted me physically and mentally. The pressure accumulated for many days broke out in an instant, which originated from a "unreasonable trouble" by customers. At 9 o'clock in the evening, the customer called me several times in a row, demanding that the plan be revised immediately. All the important information is in the company. I got dressed and went out at once. I drove halfway, accidentally bumped into a tree on the side of the road and got a slight scratch on my head. While I was in a daze, the customer's phone called again: "Why haven't you changed it yet? If you don't change, we will stop cooperation! " Tired and helpless, it exhausted all my patience. I took a long breath and patiently explained to the customer: "Because of our cooperation, I have worked overtime for half a month. I try my best to cooperate with all kinds of revisions of the copy. I'm particularly tired tonight. Excuse me, I want to have a good rest and sleep well. I don't think my request is too much. Everyone has the right to rest. " I said these words resolutely, hung up the phone, then turned it off, and finally went home and slept soundly. I thought I would face angry accusations from customers the next day. Unexpectedly, when he called, he asked me if I had a rest. This was the first time the other party took care of my feelings. Although I was sad when I turned down my client last night, I knew in my heart that all I refused were unreasonable demands, and I tried my best during that time. The other party should be able to see it. And the result? Of course the result is good. When I stood on my side and began to consider my feelings, customers began to refer to my opinions and consider my feelings when making decisions. In the end, I successfully handed over the planning scheme. Later, I became friends with my client. He said frankly, "At the beginning, you agreed with everything I said and never opposed it. This makes me feel that your professional ability is not strong. I even suspect that your company is so accommodating to us because you can earn huge benefits from it, so my attitude has become severe unconsciously. But that night, your refusal made me realize that you are more dedicated. " The most comfortable relationship is thankless. Now, I will still consider other people's thoughts and feelings, but I will bravely draw a clear boundary for my interpersonal relationship, which is the boundary between comfort and freedom, and I will gradually feel the freedom of my own. When we get along with anyone, we must put a balance in our hearts, one side is our own life, and the other side is the life of others. In order to keep balance, we need to protect ourselves and give to others moderately. Be considerate, caring and helpful to others, but don't put others first and leave yourself empty. People with strong self-control will abide by their inner dignity. They never please anyone, but have principles and opinions, respect their own needs and wishes, and take the initiative in life. Remember, as long as you are responsible for your own life, you can taste the happiness of freedom from it.