Parents have the skills to influence their children and let them decide for themselves.

Second, introduce yourself.

Step 1: Inside and outside the circle, face each other in pairs, look into each other's eyes, and then introduce yourself to each other; Introduce yourself in three rounds, 3 minutes first, 2 minutes, 1 minute, and after 30 seconds, just look into each other's eyes and don't talk;

Step 2: Meditate on the train of life.

Three. The activities of kings and angels

Write down the words addressed to the king and angels in the column of angels;

Rhetoric: loving others is also an ability. Can you expand the scope of love? Discovery is a very important ability, so we should enhance our consciousness.

Four, iceberg model:

(A) theoretical explanation

1. behavior: (the part that the camera can shoot)

2. Coping style: blame, please, super-rational, interrupt.

Feeling:

4. Belief system/concept: software in life

4. Expectations: ways and means to realize wishes. There is no good or bad expectation, only high or low; For example, security, different people have different expectations of each other. The gap between me in expectation and me in reality is the source of pain.

(1) Expected level:

A. my expectations of others: lower my expectations of others.

B. what others expect of me: draw a clear line with each other.

C. My expectation for myself: to improve my realistic self and my ideal self.

6. Desire: Six kinds of psychological nutrition

7. vitality (1): five golden flowers: the ability to love, the ability to link with people, the sense of security, the sense of value and the sense of independence.

(2) Live demonstration

1. Different coping styles (accusation, flattery, super-rationality, interruption) show different iceberg theories in the form of human sculpture.

2. The same thing happened at home, such as parents quarreling, and the three children have different interpretations; A (men can beat women, so they beat their wives when they grow up); B (mom is poor, and she has to take care of her wife when she grows up); C (if you get married, you have to quarrel, so you don't get married)

3. The song "How much love can be repeated" is explained by iceberg model;

Supplement:

1. If you want your partner to meet your expectations, you need his desire first.

If you want the other person (child) to meet your expectations, you must first ask for his desires (freedom, affirmation and appreciation).

3. Paying attention to behavior/things is equal to control, and paying attention to mood is equal to expressing love.

4. How determined parents are, how confident children are, and how confident parents are.

People are always looking for something to satisfy their desires.

6. When a person gives, there will be a sense of deprivation and a victim model; A person will have a sense of value when giving;

7. Everyone is self-sufficient and has love, but we don't know so hard to forget's love. We live in roles and forget that we can have love.

8. Everyone has three states: parental state, adult state and child state; You live in the role we see each other live in. For example, if the other person lives in the state of children, then you live in the state of parents;

9. Love is a verb, not a noun. The other side is just different from us. Will you love him and accept him? Therefore, we should have self-awareness, grow up and become a consistent person inside and outside.

10. Life is not perfect, only complete.

Five, the five levels of parents:

(a) substitute parents

An iceberg to replace parents

Behavior: materialization, possession, doting.

Coping attitude: mostly flattery.

Feelings: worry, fear, easy to be sad, easy to be happy

Faith: I love you and I should "take care of you"

Expectation: I have the ability to give you as much "love" as possible

Desire: to be accepted, affirmed and recognized.

Vigor: low

(2) Preventive parents

The iceberg of preventive parents

Behavior: materialization, possession and control

Coping attitude: mostly blaming.

Feelings: Anger, disappointment, rejection, fear of losing control.

Faith: I love you and I should be "good to you"

Expectation: You listen to me.

Desire: sense of security and understanding.

Vigor: low

(3) Working parents

The tip of the iceberg of working parents

Behavior: acceptance, appreciation, and strength.

Coping posture: try to be consistent

Feelings: appreciation, confidence and peace.

Faith: I appreciate your uniqueness.

Expectation: Children can live by themselves.

Desire: mutual acceptance and affirmation

Vitality: upward

Instruct parents

The iceberg of tutoring parents

Behavior: Support you, not replace you.

Coping attitude: try to be consistent.

Feelings: appreciation, trust, pleasure and sense of belonging.

Faith: I support you to be yourself.

Expectation: children can become themselves.

Desire: sense of value, free choice

Vitality: I deserve it.

Instruct parents

?

The tip of the iceberg of the tutor's parents

Behavior: the witness of love, nature and vitality

Coping attitude: consistency

Feelings: peace, love and confidence.

Faith: I believe you.

Expectation: Live a real life.

Desire: Spiritual Exertion of Psychological Nutrition

Vitality: love, nature, vitality.

Conclusion: vitality determines class level; Vitality = life level = occupation level

Six, listening and communication

(A) Listening practice

In pairs, one person says a sentence, and then let the other person guess the meaning behind the sentence. Say two yes.

Conclusion: 1 You must express what you want to say and try not to let the other person guess.

2. Relationships begin with love and end with misunderstanding.

? 3. Join the inspection and give this relationship a chance. For example, a student always makes phone calls in and out of class. After the inspection, it was because he had something urgent to deal with. Instead of not listening carefully.

(B) the process of communication

1. I saw ... I heard. ...

2. My internal analysis is ... (check, you just said ...).

My feeling is ... (positive or negative)

4. My behavior is ... (keep the status quo, stay away from it, get close to it).

(3) Case: Do you really understand?

(D) Zero misunderstanding communication

1. The belief of realizing "zero misunderstanding" communication

A. Everyone's motives are right; (Criticism+love = awakening, criticism-love = destruction)

B.everyone's behavior must be for love.

C. Everyone is limited

2. Zero misunderstanding communication steps:

Step 1: * * Emotion: Emotion refers to "emotions and feelings".

Step 2: Check: Check each other's motives. Checks must be added to the relationship.

(1) Stop guessing and join the inspection.

(2) When a relationship is misunderstood, when a new relationship is established;

(3) A person wants to have an attack because he has expectations for you, he loves you, and the child is disobedient because you want to love him. So "expectation" longs for love, and behind all the attacks is a deep help. Seeing that he has desire and needs a love.

(4) Whether a person is happy or not has a lot to do with whether he can speak.

(5) Don't let others guess. Tell your needs directly. When you speak, you should directly express what you want.

(6) Leadership determines influence, influence determines appeal, appeal determines sensibility, sensibility determines * * * singing, * * singing determines linking power, linking power determines nourishing power, and nourishing power determines the ability of love (bottom ability).

Seven, the five languages of love

1. quality time: a meticulous moment

2. Affirmative language: Everyone wants to be seen.

3. Gifts: Not only expensive gifts, but also innovative enough. Love needs a sense of ceremony.

4. service: service action, witness action, such as mopping the floor and washing dishes.

5. Physical contact: hugging, kissing and holding hands.

For example, what kind of love language do you want and what kind of love language does your other half need?

Ask two questions: 1. Tell me what you need. ? 2. How do you want the other person to meet your needs? (The other party expresses love when doing these things. )

Answer: Know what the other person wants, and satisfy his desires/expectations in the way that the other person likes; Everyone is eager to be loved and seen, hoping to see affirmation and encourage appreciation; Behind the complaint is the other party's needs;

Love him for who he is, what he needs, ask him what he wants, and tell her what you want him to do.

Always feed each other's needs first, and then let them feed you.

Ways to understand the language of love: what the other party has been giving you, what the other party often complains about, love is more than giving, and giving the right is the best love.

The language of love is more for children.

Eight, natural temperament and blood type

1. Innate temperament is the original direction of attention that people are afraid of.

2. Talent = innate temperament+suitable environment cultivation

3. Personality = innate temperament+acquired mode (from family)+experienced thoughts/experiences.

4. Learning children's innate temperament is to better accept children.

5. Congenital temperament iceberg model

Generally suitable for children around 3 years old, adults generally look at the acquired model rather than the innate temperament.

Type O: Happiness is very important.

Type B: logical thinking, focusing on solutions (right or wrong)

Type A: Pay attention to feeling, and it is very important to feel good or not.

Type AB: leader

Nine, the cause and influence of imprint

2. Everyone's emotions have positive intentions behind them. Emotions are like homing pigeons. When the mood comes, open the door and say "thank you, I received it" instead of resisting.

3. The four forces of emotion:

(1) Emotional awareness: linking with one's own body (observation)

(2) Understanding of emotions: For example, anger represents a strong sense of quantity and sees the positive motivation behind emotions.

(3) Use of emotions: If emotions can achieve your purpose, use your emotions. For example, fighting can achieve your goal, so fight.

(4) Emotional liberation: shaking, pulling away, phototherapy, yoga, etc.

4. The level of emotion

Front:

Step 4 be quiet

3.5: Passion

3.0: Conservative

2.5: Boring

2.0: Objection

Negative:

1.5: Anger

1. 1: hidden hostility

0.5: Sadness

0. 1: cold and helpless

When the other person is emotional, observe which level the other person is at, which is 0.5- 1 level higher than him.

5. Consciousness and subconscious

When a person is in high spirits, don't talk business with him.

A person will make the pattern he is familiar with, not the pattern he should;

6. How to use impressions:

1. Listening and analyzing methods

2. Substitution method

3. Hypnosis: Better Subconscious Language (Li Shengjie's Subconscious CD)

Ten, those things about wealth.

1. Wealth is determined by the frequency between people.

People have many negative views on money: too much risk, no resources, too hard work and so on.

The more exchanges, the more money. Money needs to flow, money must flow. Wealth is used for circulation.

Knowledge must be shared. Share what you know with others. The more people you help, the greater your reward.

You pay far more than you get, so that you will become richer (the value is greater than the price), be grateful for money to help more people get rich, and support people around you to get rich. Business is to communicate and help more people. Talking about a deal is equal to talking about a blessing. The more communication, the greater the blessing. The more communication, the more wealth.

XI。 Logical hierarchy

1, what is the belief?

Faith is a subjective judgment of "what should be" and "that's what it is".

Faith is an idea formed when it is touched.

2. Conscious beliefs are easy to detect, while subconscious beliefs are not easy to detect, but they determine the external real results.

In both cases, beliefs will appear at the level of consciousness.

(1) When the belief is offended or challenged.

(2) This person is sober and introspective.

Ways to form beliefs:

The formation of belief has four steps:

1. My personal experience, if prepared, so I know the store can't be touched.

2. Observe other people's experiences. When you see someone being cheated, you know to guard against liars.

3. Accept the indoctrination of trusted people. If parents say they want to embankment strangers, they will be wary of strangers.

4. Think about yourself and make a summary. If someone always rejects me, I will be considered unwelcome.

Children are nothing more than the following:

Novel, unexpected, changeable, fast-paced, mysterious, exciting, challenging, competitive, and having the opportunity to be affirmed.

1. learning: advanced compliment question: what compliments did your parents say to you from childhood that you still remember? There are two steps to praise: 1 what we say to our children. What the children said to themselves after listening to our words. Example: father and son move things. Father: The workbench is heavy and difficult to move. Child: (proudly): But I can move it.

Second, how to build self-confidence

Have self-esteem

Respect yourself

be sure of oneself

Ability (discovered)

experience

attempt

feel

Third, three discoveries of Gao Zan.

1. Ability to be discovered

2. The process of being discovered

3. Discovered identity

Praise exercises:

(1) Children teach themselves to swim. How to praise them? Father is raking leaves and asking his daughter to come and help pile them up. When they finished, my father pointed to the leaves and said, what are you talking about? How can I put it?

Fourth, identity practice

1. You are only two years old. Are you? 3. You always have been.

Case: Siqi quickly learned to ride a bike. (Response) Identity giving+high praise (Discover identity): You were born to ride. You are a born cyclist. You must be a teacher to teach Zhou Jingbo how to ride a horse.

Become a strong self

The real power is not to refuse, but to accept.

True strength is not talking to God, but connecting with the people closest to you.

The real power is not the aura around you, but the courage to show who you really are.

The real strength lies not in how deep you hide yourself, but in your courage to explore and face the dark side of your heart.

True strength is not that we never shed tears, but that when we shed tears, we can move forward firmly with a smile.

Virginia satya

Problems needing attention in daily life

1 Respond to angry children.

Xiaoming came to his mother in tears and said, "My sister just knocked over my castle."

2. Don't intimidate children

Threatening or warning is a challenge to children's autonomy.

If he has a little self-esteem, he will violate discipline again to show that he is not afraid of any challenge.

3. Bribery and rewards

If you are kind to your brother, I will take you to the movies.

If you work harder and get 100 in the final exam, mom will take you to Disney.

If you do your homework tonight, mom will tell you a story.

Learning is a child's own business. Put the reward at the back, not at the front. Surprise every time you do well.

Put the reward before the result as a condition, and the child learns that it is not worth having;

Take the reward after the result as a surprise, and the child knows that I deserve it;

promise

I am very busy this week. Will mom promise you to go to the park next week?

Parents' best promise to their children is not to promise;

Step 5 lie to children

Mom: Son, the ice cream in the refrigerator is missing. Have you eaten yet?

Son: No, I don't know who took it.

Mom: You are lying. See your mouth is still hanging? I can't believe you cheated and lied. I hit you.

Motivation to lie: 1 To get what you want? 2. In order to escape punishment

Multi-child education

A person's personality = innate temperament+family background+family order (way of life)

A child's future happiness comes from his sensitivity to love.

All the untreated parts of parents' growth will be completely handed over to the next generation.

Children from families with many children usually choose one of the following four ways for their "survival".

1. Differentiation: Develop your abilities in completely different disciplines.

2. Confrontation: Resistance or Revenge

3. Competition: Try to do better than other children in the family.

4. Give up: Give up because you believe you can't win.

The characteristics of the boss

This is the most predictable position and the most unchangeable position.

Key words: responsible, leader, perfectionist, critical (to oneself, others and the environment), disciplined, organized, competitive, independent, unwilling to take risks and conservative.

Because they are the first to be born, they often mistakenly think that they must be the first or the best to be the most important.

Affinity and sensibility, can stand in the position of others to feel is called affinity.

Characteristics of middle children

There are many variables.

Most children in the middle are very sympathetic to the weak, because they think they are the weak.

They are considerate, cheerful and usually easy-going.

Advantages: strong sensibility and good popularity.

Disadvantages: the sense of self-worth is generally low. To enhance self-confidence and self-worth, we should pay more attention to the children in the middle.

Characteristics of the youngest

This is also easy to predict.

Most of their creativity, energy and intelligence will be used to gain a sense of value through charm manipulation.

Advantages: smart and lively, sweet mouth.

? Disadvantages: lack of responsibility and responsibility

Solution: Tell him to do his own thing, guide him to do it, and create more good environment for children.

Characteristics of only child

It may be like the boss or the youngest, depending on whether he is given more responsibilities or spoiled.

They expect as much from themselves as their parents expect from him.

They want to be unique, not the first or best like the boss.

"Exceptions" in Sorting

Big brother and second brother of the same sex are often completely opposite in character.

Big brother and second brother with different sexes, they are likely to develop big brother in gender.

The characteristics of children over 4 years old are also close to those of the eldest or the only child.

Such as 19, 17, 15, 9, 7, 3, 1, which is the boss? Which one looks the youngest? Eldest brother: 1 9,9,3, youngest:15,7,1.

Exercise:

Child: Mom/Dad, do you love me?

Parents: I love you, son.

Child: Mom/Dad, if I am not good, will you still love me?

Parents: Son, if you are not good, I still love you!

Child: Why?

Parents: There is no reason, because you are my child!

Step 1: Let the family have a positive energy field-respect the Tao and conform to the laws of nature.

Everything exists in a balanced reading cycle; Period: The earth is round, the sun is round, and the trajectory of movement is also round. Where to start, go back to the original point. There is life and death, and there is beginning and end. There are spring and winter. Balance: if there is left, there is right; There are advances and retreats; Where there is success, there is failure; Where there is opposition, there is unity; Where there is fire, there is water; Where there is heat, there is cold; There are gains and losses; If there is quick success and instant benefit, there will be long-term losses; If there is ill-gotten wealth, there will be natural disasters and man-made disasters; If you hate others, you will harm yourself; To help others is to help yourself. Existence: survival of the fittest, death of the unfit, compliance with the laws of nature, humility and disadvantage, moistening everything.

Family instructions speak louder than words.

Let children respect Tao. First of all, parents should respect Tao, and those who respect Tao will benefit for a long time, which is often called "God helps"

Think twice before you do anything:

Is this the right way?

Is my starting point altruistic?

What does it mean if I take these?

What does it mean to me if I don't want these?

Positive energy field-virtue

Ned: Fasting, chanting, and cultivating (helping people grow up)

Waide: Building bridges, roads and schools (doing charity, etc.). )

Five virtues and five zang-organs

Benevolence (corresponding to the body part "liver")

Rich people: kindness, kindness, tolerance, fraternity, kindness.

Disadvantages: arrogance, disobedience to others, frequent self-anger, qi stagnation and blood stasis, dizziness and chest tightness, abdominal distension, tense interpersonal relationship, numbness of limbs, and stroke in the elderly.

Righteousness and virtue (corresponding to the body part "lung")

Rich people: happiness, chivalry, loyalty, helping the poor.

Lack: jealous, hypocritical, fickle, stingy, prone to tongue and mouth ulceration, frequent cough, sore throat, particularly stingy, few friends, lonely.

Etiquette (corresponding to the body part "heart")

Rich: aboveboard, strong judgment, steady.

Disadvantages: impatience, easy to bear grudges, vanity, unreasonable troubles, greed, high triglyceride, high blood pressure and mental illness.

Wisdom and virtue (corresponding to the body part "kidney")

Rich people: open-minded, flexible and harmonious.

Deficiencies: sentimentality, dullness, deafness, tinnitus, backache, impotence, irregular menstruation and hyperosteogeny.

Sindh (corresponding to the body part "spleen")

Rich people: generous and honest, sincere to others, firm in faith, loyal and honest, steady and kind.

Lack: suspicion, much ado about nothing, shortness of breath, qi deficiency, speculative mentality.

Five virtues inherit family happiness (reading moral classics)

Parents should pay attention to cultivating five virtues, let their children absorb values, attract long-term good luck and live a stable life.

The family is well-off, virtuous and able to carry things, but rich for three generations.

Step 2: Know what you want?

Steps to sort values

1. What do you want most in the next 5- 10 years? (Write 5 results) must conform to the SMART principle.

2.？ Classification: each achievement belongs to growth/interpersonal/career/wealth/health/family.

3. Sorting: Sorting the five achievement values;

4. If yes, which of your six desires can be satisfied? What kind of psychological nutrition does each achievement satisfy? Six kinds of psychological nutrition (unconditional acceptance, concern, security, positive appreciation and praise, learning cognitive model, free choice)

5. If resources are limited and you have to cross them out one by one, how would you cross them out? A person's subconscious often shows itself under pressure? )

As long as you want to do something, nothing can stop you from achieving it.

You love someone because you like the feeling of being with him.

People will certainly look for comfortable things that are suitable for their expected environment (to satisfy their inner psychological nutrition).

Children are eager for unconditional love and acceptance.

The sense of security comes from material and spiritual sources.

Step 3: What should I do with my limited time and ability?

Q: What is the last thing we want to encounter in life?

Disaster, bankruptcy, fire, divorce, crime, drug abuse, natural disasters …

Four quadrants of time management

A. I want to do important and non-urgent things in my life, do more and do it every day.

B. Do less unimportant or urgent things

C. turn "important but not urgent" things into "important and urgent" things to do. Health, study, education, making money (financial management), accompanying parents.

Six kinds of life balance: health, career, growth, family, relationship and wealth.

What should I do?

What is important but not urgent? Good luck and bad luck are good causes.

1. Apply the archery principle: if the direction is right, just do it, and the action is very important.

2. Elevator principle: improve your leadership.

Step 4: Create a circle of children (designing good luck means designing popularity, opportunities, getting twice the result with half the effort, and money will come to you).

A person's wisdom lies not in his age, but in his consciousness.

Let children have wisdom and love themselves: willing to spend money for themselves and enhance their sense of belonging.

Step 5: Improve children's self-worth.

Methods: 1. You deserve it.

? 2. Highly appreciated

? 3. Identity: You are, you are, and you always have been.

? 4. Seven levels of self-confidence

? 5. praise and criticism

? 6. Try it, try it

? 7. I deserve to put the reward after the result.

Criticism+love = awakening? Criticism-love = destruction

Knowledge+love = knowledge-love = control.

Step 6: Establish successful traits, beliefs and rules for children's growth.

What kind of letter are you going to write to your children? (refer to Rockefeller's 38 letters to children)

Step 7: The highest level of family energy: creating dreams.

Part about learning:

Learning ability is the vitality of a person's life, and learning ability is an essential ability of a person's life. It is never too old to learn.

Learning talents:

Three highs: high sense of self-worth, high emotional intelligence and high self-esteem.

Four Factors Affecting Children's Learning

1. Learning motivation: I want to learn.

2. Learning ability: able to learn.

3. Emotional imprint: you can learn.

4. Learning perseverance: continuous learning.

Three main motivations for learning:

Humanity: pursuing happiness and avoiding pain.

Relationship:

dream

Learning attitude: feelings

1. Confidence: learning and understanding

2. Meditation: a clear learning goal

3. Be careful: master the learning procedure.

4. Happiness: the best psychological state

Interest is the best teacher: interest-fun-enjoy it-enjoy it-spontaneously.

Study habits: methods

1. Loneliness: Building an independent personality

2. Review: expansion and integration

3. Independent work: self-relationship

4. Preview: the convergence of old and new knowledge

How to let children take the initiative to do homework?

The first trick, don't ask homework when you meet.

The second trick is to let the children play enough first.

The third measure is to enlarge the advantages of children.

The fourth trick is to let the girl he likes take it home.

Fifth, the time for doing homework should not be too long.

Sixth, learning should not be rushed.

The seventh trick, irony.

The eighth measure is to change the learning environment frequently.

Ninth, make a homework schedule.

The tenth trick is to let the children sit in the homework they are good at first.

The eleventh trick is to let the children decide for themselves.

Twelfth, don't judge teachers in front of children.

From senior one to senior three, pay attention to study habits, from senior four to senior one, pay attention to relationships.

Relationship grade

Worship? Love like a general? Hate it? dislike

Homework is a contract between you and the teacher, learning is your own business, and you are responsible for yourself; Signature is a contract between mother and teacher, and a clear line needs to be drawn.

Teach children to be responsible for their own affairs.

Chang Di said, "You are smarter than mom and dad because you are the product of our evolution."

There is pressure in learning, and learn five parts well.

Deal with learning emotions, improve learning motivation, train learning ability, temper learning perseverance and tap unlimited potential!