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Strangely, my appearance perfectly inherits all the shortcomings of my parents. For example, my father has a high nose and my mother has a low nose, and I follow my mother's low nose; My mother has a good-looking single eyelid, and my father has thick eyelids and swollen eyelids, so I inherited my father's thick eyelids. In addition, I inherited my parents' small eyes, my mother's high cheekbones and my father's front teeth. Another "genetic mutation" is freckles on the nose.

So to sum up completely, when I was a child, my eyes were swollen and small, my nose was so low that almost no one was there, my face was thin and my cheekbones were so high, in addition, my eyelids and nose were dotted with brown freckles. I don't know if it's because of malnutrition. When I was a child, my hair was sparse, yellow and thin. Even after combing my hair every day, it still looks messy, so my grandmother often cuts me into inch boards with scissors when my hair has just passed my ears, making me look like a real tomboy.

She is by no means a lovely little girl.

But I know I am not alone, because there is an identical twin sister who is as ugly as me in this world.

In fact, when I was young, the definition of beauty was very abstract. I only know who looks good and who doesn't, but I can't say exactly where it looks good. So at that time, although I knew I was not beautiful, I really didn't know where I didn't meet the standards of beauty.

I really realized my ugliness after my aunt came in. At that time, my second uncle had just married my aunt, and children always had an inexplicable affection for the beautiful aunt, so I was only seven years old and often went to my aunt's house to play.

One day, my outspoken aunt looked at me and said, how long is your face? Look at your cousin's thick eyebrows and high nose. Why don't you have a nose bridge? So is your sister. What do you think you should do when you grow up? I feel that your peers are better than you.

I just know that a low nose is really unsightly, and freckles are also shortcomings. It is not beautiful without double eyelids. I seriously looked at myself in the mirror and knew what disappointment was for the first time.

From then on, I began to pay attention to what people around me said about me.

I found that no one really praised me for my good looks. Adults will say that I look like my father and my sister looks like my mother, but no one has ever praised me for my good looks.

At that time, there were two young children, both only children, who were taken care of by their families since childhood. Their mother will tie many beautiful braids on her head and put on a beautiful princess dress. And I'm still a man, and the pants I wear are very rustic. When I go out to play with them, someone always asks whose daughter they are and praises them for their good looks in front of me, while I stand by silently as if they are just foil.

No one praised me for my good looks throughout my childhood.

-02-

Later, I went to primary school. The flower in the class is the daughter of a math teacher. Her good friend has thick eyes, much like a Barbie doll with short hair. Maybe it's because my sister and I had good personalities at that time (we were often bullied and didn't say anything at that time), and they always liked to play with my sister.

For example, when dancing plasticine together, my sister and I always support them to dance. My sister and I have been supporting and they have been dancing. My sister and I always play the role of the most difficult eagle when we play chicken.

In a word, my sister and I always played the hardest and worst roles in childhood games, but even so, I didn't complain at that time. Maybe I thought it was a great pleasure for Ban Hua to play with me.

In fact, I was not very tall when I was in primary school, but every time I arranged seats in the class, I was always arranged in the last row or the penultimate row, surrounded by boys who didn't study very much. However, although Ban Hua and her classmates are small, they can always make it to the first three rows. Once I went home and told my mother that my mother joked: Did the teacher leave you all behind? Although I felt the same way at that time, I was still sad to hear my mother say.

When I was in primary school, I had to be divided into classes once a year. Most of the time, freshmen come in. I remember a tall and beautiful girl came in when I was in the third grade, but her grades were poor. I once talked to Banhua about her. Banhua said: Although she doesn't study well, she looks better than you. ...

So I began to pay great attention to my classmates' looks. I often went home and compared them with the mirror to see who was better than me. I was discharged with one, two, three and four in my heart.

However, it seems that my twin sister and I have been occupying the last one or two positions in the list of beautiful women in our class throughout the primary school, and you are chasing after me and are evenly matched.

- 03-

After junior high school, I went to a bigger place to study, stayed away from strange environments, and seemed to pay less attention to my appearance. Moreover, at that time, we had to face the pressure of the senior high school entrance examination, and when evaluating a person, academic performance also accounted for a large part.

At that time, many people have reached the age of love seeds. Although the director of education catches love at school every day, this situation is still repeated. At that time, people around me often received love letters or various small gifts sandwiched in books. Of course, I was insulated from them.

I made up my mind at that time to study hard and make up for my lack of appearance. Because at that time, my father told me that I would go to college in the future, provided that I was admitted to the best high school in the city.

When the female students in the class are discussing what styles of clothes are popular this year and how to match them well, I am learning the most difficult math for me; When other girls secretly date their male classmates after self-study at night, I am gnawing at English words that I don't understand; When romance novels were circulated in the class and everyone rushed to read them, the Chinese teacher at that time gave me a thick inspirational picture scroll and The Complete Works of Lu Xun, which I read in a summer vacation. ...

Life seems to have changed since junior high school three years ago, but I have to admit that at that time I was still very inferior because I felt ugly. Fortunately, I didn't choose to sink into inferiority, but rose up and chose to make up for this shortcoming through learning.

So, in those three years, I became the monitor of my class, passed the first place in my grade, and made some good friends. My teachers were very kind to me. It was adolescence at that time, and my height jumped up like jointing, but I was still thin and my appearance didn't change much. I know that some people will think that my appearance is not good-looking, but no one has said it to my face.

But I know I am not good-looking. For example, every time my relatives see me, they only praise me for my good height and good academic performance, but no one ever praises me for my good looks in front of me. In fact, in my heart, I really want to hear such praise.

And those three years are also three years when I opened the gap with junior high school. My grades are getting better and better. Later, I was admitted to the best high school in the municipal liberal arts. I have been busy dressing up and falling in love for three years, and I have changed several boyfriends. Naturally, my grades have regressed. Finally, I was admitted to a second-rate middle school.

-04-

In high school, I entered a so-called "children's class" liberal arts class. To put it simply, this class is all children of leading cadres. For example, there are the daughters of the director of the Municipal Education Bureau, the president of the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, the vice president of the school, the son of the district head, the daughter of a famous school teacher, the daughter of a university teacher and so on. Although it is a class of more than 60 people, it is a small society after compression.

When I first entered high school, I didn't know who came, but I felt that the classmates of the monitor had good temperament, which was different from other classes. Later, after my deskmate told me who it was, I felt as if I was not from the same world as them. After all, I was just a student admitted to an ordinary family at that time, and my appearance was not outstanding. Among a bunch of excellent people, the achievements that I used to be proud of have not improved. Except that my sister and I are twins, which can attract the teacher's attention, there is really nothing outstanding.

In that environment, the only thing I can do is to study hard. Fortunately, these years' experience has cultivated my easy-going and indifferent character, so I gradually infiltrated into their "children" and made several good friends. In high school, I especially like reading books, reading books, youth abstracts, readers, philosophy and so on. At that time, the daughter of a well-known bank president in her class ordered a lot of magazines at home and brought them to my class every month when new magazines came out. So my reading improved greatly during that time.

So, after three years' study in senior high school, under the influence of my classmates, I changed from a bumpkin who can't distinguish the sounds before and after the tongue (in dialect, the sounds before and after the tongue are indistinguishable) to a girl student with clear Mandarin and articulate speech. In addition, under the stimulation of my sister's deskmate's daughter, the director of the Education Bureau, I also learned from a fashion girl who knew nothing about it that only Hermes Lv Chanel and other fashion brands, the seventh Viola of Jing M Guo Anny's baby, which brand of hand cream works well, what is the healthiest in porridge when skin care is better, and the nanny at the deskmate only puts olive oil in cooking. ...

At that time, my classmates who often traveled abroad would also show me her travels and experiences abroad when they came back.

Three years in high school is the fastest time for girls to develop their youth, but I am still long, thin and not so cute. I still know that I am not beautiful, but I feel less inferior. Occasionally, when I walk in the street, someone will call me "Beauty", but I know it's just a kind of honorific title that looks like Miss Yu Xiansheng.

Mom and dad seem to be dissatisfied with my appearance, too. They often play jokes on me at the dinner table when there are many people. After the college entrance examination, let's go to the whole face, cut a double eyelid and pad a high nose bridge, so that we can become beautiful. If you don't listen to me now, I won't give you money for plastic surgery when you are older.

I don't know why my parents are so open-minded.

At that time, she was still a second-rate high school child, and she still met her friends every day. At that time, she had begun to gain weight and was no longer interested in love. Later, I only took one subject. And I think my life has just begun.

-05-

Later, I failed in the college entrance examination and only went to one or two schools, but I am still very grateful for my three-year experience in high school.

It is precisely because of the precipitation of these three years that I came to Harbin, the provincial capital, from our small town called Zhumadian, and I still don't feel uncomfortable at all.

After college, I still knew that I was ugly and not a beautiful woman, but I didn't feel inferior because of it. After my freshman military training, I posted my first selfie in QQ space. This is the first time I have taken my own photo in public for so many years, because I always felt ugly and embarrassed before. After reading the following comments, I really felt that I was not so ugly for a moment.

Then the second year of high school began to take care of the skin seriously, and found that freckles that were so annoying before can also be faded. Even if I leave a little, I don't look so annoying, but I think it's cute.

From my junior year, I gradually found my own dressing style, stopped buying Taobao explosions, knew what color and material clothes I was suitable for, and also knew how to wear them to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses.

In the next semester of my junior year, I got to know the good habit of running. I started running five kilometers a day. After tanning my calf in summer, I also finished my first half marathon before my senior year.

Throughout college, I adhered to the good habit of reading.

I feel that everything is getting better.

Come to think of it, it seems that nothing has changed much. Everyone says that the Women's University has changed 18 times, but my facial features and looks seem to have not changed much. Zhang Chou's face as a child. But everything seems to have changed a lot. Now I am very strong inside, and I don't need appearance to bring me confidence.

Sometimes going out is called beauty, which is a word that I longed for but couldn't reach when I was a child, but now I just laugh. The beauty and ugliness defined by others have nothing to do with me.

Maybe it is really God who opens a window for you while closing a door for you. Now, how grateful I am to the creator for making me less beautiful. If I don't have this self-awareness that I am not very beautiful, I will work harder. I don't know if my life will be like this again, or if I was smart and cute when I was a child, but now I am "ignorant".

Perhaps compared with those blessed by God, we are doomed to take a bumpy road, but please believe that it is a gift from God.

(welfare at the end of the article)