To tell the truth, in my growing memory, my father is dull and unspeakable.
At that time, the countryside was poor but full of fun. There are seven children in the family, and my mother is ill, so I have always been a "money-making household"-that is to say, my father's labor alone is not enough to get back the food distribution quota of the production team. I have eaten sweet potatoes, corn and even wild vegetables since I was a child, so that I don't like these foods so far. They have become "health-preserving" healthy foods.
But dad is happy, too. For example, there are always some township cadres who come to get together at home (my father is also a cadre, that is, an old production captain) and drink boiled peanuts that have just been dug out of the ground. We can improve our lives by the way.
Later, after contracting the house responsibly, he was the first to plant peaches and oranges on the barren hills behind the house. On the day of the fair, he went to buy eggs and I sold them (at that time, the country people were poor and didn't weigh them, so they could collect a penny and two cents by the way when they borrowed them for trading), and then he took the eggs to the county to sell them. This was the first time in my life that I learned to do business.
Until his old man died of illness 30 years ago, and he couldn't afford to see a doctor, I couldn't remember what he said to me, or what he deeply remembered-as if my father was dumb, only working silently and expressing himself by getting up early and getting greedy for the dark.
And after I became a father, it seems that I will not express my love for my children in the same strain.
When my daughter was 5 years old, after I divorced her mother, she grew up with her grandmother and basically lost contact. Her mother also went to other places, and I was running around in a small town to make a living. It was not until after her junior high school that we began to contact occasionally, only for weekends and living expenses. There is little real deep communication.
It was not until my daughter graduated from college that she told me that every time she saw me, she didn't want to, as if she just wanted money. Although she was contacted by WeChat phone later, and even gave her some financial help as much as possible, she often stayed together during the Chinese New Year holiday every year, but this lack of fatherly love has always been a big pain in her life.
Although this is better reflected in my son who has been eating and living with me, if fatherly love is limited to a kind of material satisfaction and lacks more emotional care besides sheltering him from the wind and rain, such fatherly love is also incomplete and imperfect.
When I deeply realized that I was not qualified to be a father, I also tried to change the flexible communication way with my children, thus effectively improving the time and space between our children and us.
Daughters often look for opportunities to take their grandchildren home for a walk. Play, buy food and cook together. I know this is my daughter's liberation and active link choice.
Even if we can't meet often, it's a polite daily communication to greet me on WeChat from time to time and send photos of my grandson's growth.
Every year in Tomb-Sweeping Day and Spring Festival, these family gatherings, they must also work hard to participate, take the initiative to integrate into the family family, and chat to make up for those missing periods and regrets.
Of course, my children and I will occasionally write letters, keep diaries and send them to friends circle and QQ, because we are all good friends, @ Click is the default communication.
Being a father, a son and a daughter is an accidental fate in previous lives.
In any case, even if there have been mistakes and imperfections, I still believe that as long as there is love in my heart, it is never too late to appreciate and love each other.
There are also many reasons for the lack of fatherly love. To communicate, we must find out why, what kind of father is and what kind of children are. Perhaps, my father is very busy, leaving early and returning late. Maybe my father is in another city, Dai Yue. Or maybe, my father is just not good at words and communication. No parents don't love their children. There must be a reason. Get to know my father's preferences and walk into his inner world. You should get to know him and let him know the real you. Communication should be based on feelings, with more understanding and more companionship.
Attitude determines everything, and strength defends dignity. For a modern, prosperous and complicated society, unless the standard of living is improved and the standard of living keeps up with the competition, there will often be many negative situations that are unfavorable to families. Therefore, as a son, we must have an inclusive attitude. Not to mention father and son. The ancients said: heaven, earth, monarch, relatives and teachers mean. There was no overnight vendetta between father and son.
There are many reasons for the lack of fatherly love, such as the communication between left-behind children and their fathers. Because children rarely meet their fathers for a long time, there must be problems in communication. I don't know the age of the questioner. Adults who grew up with left-behind children really don't know how to communicate with their fathers. Emotion is the foundation of communication, and re-establishing emotional foundation is the key to communication. Take chestnuts for example. My cousin's children are left behind. Although they are all adults now, my cousin told me that his son and daughter don't know how to communicate with him. I told my cousin that companionship is the best way. It is very important from both the father's point of view and the child's point of view, and companionship is also the basis for building feelings. With an emotional foundation, children will know how to communicate with their fathers. During the Spring Festival, my cousin and his son went home from other places for the Spring Festival. During the Chinese New Year, he played games with his son in the Internet cafe. Although my cousin doesn't know anything about computers, he is very careful to accompany his son to the Internet cafe. His son knows what he thinks. After surfing the internet, they also bought new clothes, the same clothes and the sizes he bought with his children in the county. In the evening, they drank wine together. After drinking, they went to the internet cafe for a night and didn't go home. The next day, they went home in identical new clothes. On the way home, they talked and laughed. Children also know how to chat with him, and he knows more about their world and thoughts. These things were told to me at the dinner table when my cousin invited me to dinner when I went back to my hometown in Tomb-Sweeping Day. I also hope that you can think about what you should do from the perspective of my cousin's children. Communication is based on feelings, and feelings need companionship as the basis. Have a good time with your father.
The other is parents' divorce. In this case, your feelings and trust for your father are the basis of communication. If the reason for your parents' divorce is your father, communication in this case needs to re-establish the trust relationship first. Without trust, it is more difficult to have feelings. I have such a friend around me. My friend's mother is in poor health all the year round and needs to take medicine. Once her condition suddenly deteriorated and she was hospitalized. At this time, my friend's father came to the hospital to visit his mother. During the whole process, my friend didn't even say hello to my father. I saw his father put the bank card into his mother, and Hammerhead left in frustration. I quickly said, I'll smoke in the corridor, and I'll take your father to you. He ignored me, so I followed his father closely. His father looked at me and tried to hold back his tears. He said, you are my son's good friend. I really appreciate it． He is not sensible. I hope you can take care of him more. As he spoke, he quickly brought me a cigarette from his pocket, and I didn't refute the face of my elders. He offered me a cigarette, but I refused. The two of us were sitting in the corridor of the hospital smoking. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't know what happened. My friend's father cried silently.
I wanted to comfort him that everyone would get sick, and it would be nice if menstruation's illness got inflamed again. The doctor also said that he was fine and could be discharged after three days of observation. Before I finished speaking, my friend's father said, I am sorry for my son and his mother. I am a sinner. After so many years, my children have grown up and married, and they have not forgiven me. I don't blame him, but I didn't have a chance to apologize to my children. As you can see, he has ignored me since I left home. I left them and never got married again. Leaving them is not what her mother said. In fact, the year I left them, I was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer. At that time, I was just worried that my illness would drag down my family and my children were still young. I was afraid that my mother wouldn't divorce me, so I lied and told her that I was having an affair and wanted to marry another woman. Her mother unconsciously believed what I said.
Since the day of my divorce, I have been seeking medical treatment everywhere and doing odd jobs to send alimony to my children. Because I just left home and have no money. When you are hungry, run to the fruit wholesale market to pick up some rotten fruit to eat. I started to help pack things in the market to make some money. Later, I became familiar with the wholesale merchants in the market and began to sell fruits. At that time, I lived under a fruit stall in the market and often didn't go to the hospital for treatment because I couldn't afford chemotherapy. This situation lasted for two months. Later, I started wholesale on credit in the market, selling fruits on overpasses and underground passages. The next year, after paying the bill, I opened a fruit shop on credit. The fruit owner in the wholesale market is very kind to me and takes special care of me. I do all this to cure diseases and take care of my son and ex-wife. Later, the hospital told me that my pancreatic cancer had stopped getting worse and I didn't need chemotherapy. If I can maintain it after taking the medicine for a long time, as long as it doesn't get worse, that's basically it.
I never wanted to get married again and find someone to start a family. I often think of them. In the fourth year, business is getting better and better. With the help of friends in the fruit market, seven more fruit shops were opened at once, and I have some money in my hand. It is also my first time to go home to see them. My ex-wife is indifferent to me, and my children beat and scold me. I was so disappointed in myself that I really wanted to die. But how can I live with them when I'm gone? So I have lived to this day. I'm sorry, my child. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. You just said you studied medicine. Look at my baldness and spots on my face and you will know that this is caused by overtreatment and long-term medication. I don't need to lie to you. Don't talk about it, you hurry to get busy.
Seeing what he said while crying, I believe he didn't have to make up stories to lie to me. I went back to my friend's mother's ward, and he told me that I couldn't believe anything that the liar said just now, let alone tell him. Later, my friend and I picked up his mother from the hospital. A week after leaving the hospital, I got a call from my friend's mother, saying that she wanted to thank me for my help the other day and invited me to eat something delicious. It is also because I am familiar with my friend's mother and agreed without delay.
I went to a friend's house for dinner and drank a lot, but I didn't think I had enough. I said, auntie, let me tell you a story. I told all the experiences my friend's father gave me. Before I finished, my friend's mother burst into tears. I asked my friend's mother and aunt, do you think this person is a good person? Is this man great? Do you already know who this person is? When a friend saw his mother crying sadly, he came to persuade her. His mother was also emotional, and his friend was pushed to the ground by his mother because he drank some wine. I quickly helped my friend up, and it is estimated that my friend also guessed the person I said.
He is stubborn and still refuses to believe it is true. My friend's mother told me to kneel down very severely, and my friend knelt on the ground with his head held high. My friend's mother hit him hard in the face. My friend didn't move and didn't say a word. He told his mother that you can't trust that liar. He is a liar. My friend's mother slapped him again and said, I don't have to believe your father, but I still believe what your friend said. Our family is so poor that your friend has nothing to do these two years because our family is busy. Don't you trust your friends? Besides your colleagues, what else do people want from you after helping you so much?
My friend looked at me stubbornly, but I saw apologies and guilt in my eyes. My friend is a dutiful son. The first unit dinner, there are some seafood left on the table. When the unit leader said that he would pay the bill, he told the leader that his family was not very rich and seldom bought seafood at home, but his mother loved seafood and it was not good to waste it on the table. He wants to pack it up and take it home to his mother. The leader's eyes widened and we mistakenly thought that the leader was angry. The leader cried as a result. The leader wiped his eyes and said, prepare a seafood spree for the brothers, and then pack the seafood on the table and take it away. The boss immediately followed up. The leader said, everyone takes one and goes back to give it to the mothers to taste. I will pay a New Year call to the mothers one by one during the Chinese New Year.
Our leader is from Fujian and a veteran. He started from raising pigs and doing real estate. He often said that he made his mother sick while raising pigs, and he often told us that we must honor our parents and let us follow my friend's example. That is, from this time on, my friend became an example for me to learn. My friend's mother asked my friend to call his father to apologize, but my friend refused to call him. Later, I made this call. I called my friend's father to his house and his mother asked me to take my friend to another room. I heard his parents crying at the door. My friend's father suddenly knelt beside his mother and beat himself while apologizing. When a friend saw his father kneeling beside his mother, he finally released the long-accumulated pain in his heart. He went to his father's side and was about to kneel down when his mother asked him to pull him up. He began to stand there motionless. I heard his mother say that I have forgiven your father. It's not your father's fault.
My friend reached out to help his father, so I hurried to help him. In this way, the friend forgave his father. I saw that their homes were all here, so I wanted to find a chance to slip away. My friend saw my idea. He said to his parents, "Mom and Dad, we are finished. Please eat more. My friends and I will go to the Internet cafe near our home to play for a while. " . His father heard my friend call "Dad" and smiled happily like a child. He quickly agreed several times. He also took out 20 thousand to 30 thousand from his bag in a panic and said to my friend, "son, it's all my fault, it's all my fault." It must be because I'm not at home that you and your mother are wronged. You and your friends go to buy a computer, and in the evening we go to eat seafood. " My friend didn't accept his money, but he said thank you dad, and then we both went out.
Out of the door, my friend bought two boxes of cigarettes that he thought were the best, one for each of us, and went to the Internet cafe to smoke. I asked him on the way, why do you hate your father so much? He said, you don't know how I came here when I was a child. When it comes to the Spring Festival, other people's homes are very lively, and our home is very deserted. My grandmother wants my mother to take me to her house for the Spring Festival, but my mother just won't go because my mother is busy sorting shelves and loading goods in the supermarket, and I am basically at home alone at night. I used to fight with the children at work every day. They always call me a wild child, and I beat him if I have a mother or a father. They all have them. I can only be beaten by adults, lying on the ground alone screaming in pain.
I didn't say anything, he continued. Now I know why. I forgave my dad, not because of you, but because I didn't believe him.
This is not a story, but a family affair of a close friend when I was working in Beijing. Trust is the foundation of feelings. My friend trusted his father out of trust in me. Before my friends met me, his father went home, but he kicked them out, and her mother was extremely disgusted with his father. Because of my appearance, my friend's mother and friends chose to give his father a chance out of trust in me. My friend's father has opened dozens of fruit shops in Beijing. He often said that it was all with the help of his friends. After the family reunion, I also attended the wedding of my friend's parents. Their family is very happy. My friend's parents got married for the first time the next year after they made up. Trust or establishing trust relationship is the key to communication. I don't know if you are a boy or a girl. Trying to re-establish a trust relationship with my father may be the beginning of communication with my father. Finally, I wish you and your family happiness.
Thanks to Wukong for inviting me!
This question is a bit embarrassing.
What is missing? It should be nothing.
It seems that you have a father, and there seems to be no communication.
There are two possibilities for a boy with your mentality. One is that you have a rebellious heart and you despise your father from the heart. One is that my father is disappointed in you and can't give up.
You are a boy, aren't you? Boys have strong self-esteem and personality. Knowing the problem sometimes makes you paranoid.
Children grow up under the care of their parents.
The average housewife shows a lot of love.
Children are sometimes afraid of their father.
You have grown up, and now you know how to communicate with your father. You have made progress. The child has made a little progress, which is also the pride of parents! Father will be proud of your change.
It is easy to communicate with my father. I play chess with my father in my spare time. Have dinner with parents. Have time to sit quietly with my father. You can communicate with your father.
Baby, I tell you: there are no parents who are always childish. Parents will cry with joy when their children make a little progress. You put down your attitude and made up with your father. It's no shame to apologize to your parents!
I am grandma Liu Chunyun: children can only grow up after life's tempering.
20 19. 1 1.9. Saturday, October 13th of the lunar calendar.
There are many reasons for the lack of fatherly love!
First, your father loves you, but he can't express, can't show, and lacks communication! This is related to personality. If the child grows up, he can take the initiative to contact his father more, which will be relieved!
Second, your father loves you very much, but he lacks companionship and interaction for a long time because of his livelihood, which may also lead to a little indifference between father and son! In this case, when a child should understand that the father's hard work is also for the children!
Third, your father has always loved you, but because of his limited ability and low education level, many things he did were not the results you expected. In this case, don't misunderstand his father, you should understand his father, who is also a human being, not a god, and understand his difficulties!
Fourth, although your father loves you, your parents' bad marriage relationship will also lead to the father's concern and concern for the children, and even the relationship with the children will be tense! This situation should be considered from many aspects. If the problem between parents is not a matter of principle, then children should give priority to persuading their parents, and don't focus on either side in their hearts! Because one side is biased towards one side, the other side will be sad, and then the relationship will be more tense!
These are my thoughts. If there is a reason for the lack of fatherly love, then as children, we should make more attempts and efforts to maintain family ties. After all, affection can't be abandoned!
However, there is still a lack of fatherly love that can be easily solved!
One, your father doesn't love you at all! I never care about my children! Then there is no need to communicate! He will do whatever he wants, and you will win if you live a good life! Do what you have to do! Don't do anything for him for what you shouldn't do! This is my attitude!
The divorce rate is very high now, and many children will live with their mothers after divorce. Therefore, because divorce can also lead to children's lack of fatherly love, although fathers also have visitation rights after divorce, many times fathers will remarry and pay less attention to their original children after remarriage. Therefore, I find it difficult to make up for the lack of fatherly love caused by this situation, as long as they don't hate their father psychologically. I also hope that after the divorce, the mother will not speak ill of her father in front of her children, otherwise the children will not only hate her father, but also bring this resentment to the process of getting along with other men. If the child is just a woman, bring it to the future. In intimate relationships,
If you want to communicate with your parents when you grow up, you should get along with them in the way your father likes. For example, if your father likes watching TV, then you can sit in front of the sofa and watch TV with your children. If your father likes fishing, pick up a fishing rod and fish with your father. If your father likes playing chess, then play chess with your father. In fact, you don't have to use language to get along and communicate with your father. Many times, because your father is not good at languages, actions will make them more comfortable and comfortable, so communication is the most comfortable.
Zhu Ziqing's Back is about people who have cried for generations. The reason is that the chubby and even awkward figure of buying oranges is a portrayal of many fathers in China. When the child grows up and admits that he is far away from home, his father doesn't know what to express this love, just like Zhu Ziqing's father insists on buying oranges, so every time he goes home, his father should not shirk and hesitate to bring something for himself. Acceptance is the greatest comfort to his father.
About children who lack fatherly love. After work, the father should take care of the children, make up lessons and tell stories. Play games. Talk about the truth between people. For example, unite classmates. Pay attention to hygiene, respect teachers and respect the elderly. Unity and friendship. In order to make the child have the masculinity of the father. In this way, children will not lack fatherly love.
How can I communicate with my father without his love? In other words, father and mother, mother raised her son alone, and father never cared. In this case, if the father and his son grow up and want to restore the relationship between father and daughter, it depends on the son's attitude. If the son is in conflict and refuses to forgive his father, it will be difficult to communicate. If the son grows up and forgives his father, the father will be patient and communication will be logical. After all, the son is the blood of the father.
There are several cases of lack of fatherly love. One is the death of an elder, the other is the separation of father and son, and the other is the child suffering from congenital autism and depression. All these situations are difficult or impossible to communicate.