The first step you take when facing strangers is very important. What's the first sentence to break the silence?
At first, you don't need wit. All you have to do is knock on the door and draw out the following. For open sesame's sake, you can ask some silly sweet questions, and you can ask them when you know it. So you must not be stressed.
The opening is an appetizer, which is very relaxed. The appetizer is the prelude to the main course.
So, how do you knock on this door?
Cold reading: cold readers show your calm observation, so that this first ice-breaking sentence is not abrupt.
Enthusiasm: Enthusiasm means that you should show full goodwill, and this conversation is to create pleasure for the other party.
Let me give you an example. Someone accosted me and asked me as soon as I started:
That's a little abrupt and not gentle enough.
If you use the identity of "cold reader+fan", he should say this:
I fell in love with him right away. A short sentence "Your logic is very strict. Are you engaged in IT-related work? "
1, both cold reading and hot reading.
He calmly observed the characteristics of my speech and praised me for being organized.
I am very happy to hear this news. I was paid attention to and praised by him. The need for attention and respect has been met.
This is the identity of cold readers+enthusiasts. He made a mistake in cold reading at that time. What does it matter if he guessed wrong? Right ~
In fact, there are many props and clues around us. And cold reading and enthusiasm can often be expressed at the same time in one sentence.
Find a topic from the other person, including his external clothing, figure, temperament, internal characteristics and so on.
According to this idea, can we reverse the way of wearing something that can attract the attention of the other party and have a topic in advance?
A person's mood and expression at that time, whether he is serious or tired when doing something, can be observed with a little attention and can be used as the starting point of the topic.
This method is also very simple and practical. Last example, when I first arrived in Shanghai, I used this sentence to chat with taxi drivers.
At this time, the old Shanghai driver helped me with my luggage, opened the car door and hummed a little song.
His chatterbox suddenly opened. It turns out that his daughter, who is a lawyer, returned to China today, and today also happens to be her birthday.
Talk about family, Shanghai's development, overseas life and domestic life along the way. Finally, he became my landlord. Needless to say, the rent is cost-effective.
If you become nervous in a business environment, forget all these ideas and start with the most honest.
Go up to him and say directly, "I don't know anyone here." Would you like to talk to me? "
You want to join a group of people to chat, and you ask frankly, "Seeing that you are chatting so happily, can I join you?" Or: "I'm very interested in what you said. Can I join? "
Most people will readily agree. Introduce yourself while the iron is hot, and they will tell you what they are talking about. The conversation has begun.
I need to remind you in particular here. No matter which way of thinking you use to find the opening topic, don't forget that your identity is "cold reader+enthusiastic supporter", not a challenger.
Especially when you try to join a conversation group, don't challenge the topic they are talking about, and don't try to dominate the whole conversation as soon as you enter.
Think about it, everyone is talking about how they will feel if you put a stick in it. What you have to do is to make a positive evaluation of themselves or their topics, and at the same time add some content, using "Yes, ... and ...".
They are talking about drinking tea for health. Even if you are a coffee lover, don't go against the first sentence: "However, I think there are too many pesticide residues in tea, and many people drink coffee now."
The mode of speaking you should adopt is: "Yes, … and …"—"Yes, drinking tea is absolutely healthy, and in order to minimize pesticide residues, you can first wash the tea twice with boiling water, and then mix it with coffee."
This can not only express their views, but also make each other happy.
The psychological mechanism behind these two actions is that people like the feeling of relaxation and people like the feeling of being concerned.
I saw an interesting case in teacher Ruan Qi's article "How to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman in a coffee shop":
Look at these examples again:
This is the first condiment. Play a guessing game with him, let him relax and open his chatterbox in an interesting way.
This move makes people feel that their experiences and opinions have received attention, and his participation is higher.
Sincere consultation not only lowers the body, but also extends the scope of the topic, making it easier for the other party to chat with you.
Summing up "Getting the Course": Effectively Improving the Social Ability with Strangers