A little long, a little patient. Please be patient, too. I hope it helps you. Long live patience ~

Ma Dong said: Being misunderstood is the fate of the speaker. What should we do in the face of this "fate"? This is an interesting topic.

Not only because everyone is misunderstood and being misunderstood to some extent, but also because everyone is misunderstood and being misunderstood to some extent.

Being misunderstood is undoubtedly an unpleasant experience. Most people's first reaction is to clarify misunderstanding, explain, correct and set things right.

After all, misunderstanding may lead to a series of bad endings, which may make your relationship with others worse, and so on.

But what I want to say is that the best way to deal with misunderstandings is to let nature take its course.

Maybe you'll find it ridiculous. I know that we all have a strong impulse to prove our correctness and innocence, so that we can see ourselves correctly. We hate being treated with "misunderstood" colored glasses.

But I hope you can take a few minutes to listen to my reasons.

First of all, whose business is being misunderstood? Most people immediately reacted: the misunderstanding infringed on me, of course it was my business, and I certainly had the obligation and responsibility to clarify the misunderstanding. But I want to say: misunderstanding is not the business of the misunderstood, but the business of the misunderstood. In other words, it's about the wrong person.

Imagine a boy falling in love with a girl. He thinks she is beautiful, that she will like him and that she is suitable for him. So he fell in love and fantasized about how to tell her and wait for her to get off work every day. He gave a lot of love. A few months later, he finally confessed, but the other party told him that she didn't want to accept him. At this time, the boy must be very sad and very sad. He may blame each other and hate her for not returning his love, but in my opinion, it's all because boys misunderstand girls. She was not interested in him from the beginning, so the girl has no obligation to be responsible for the boy's unrequited love. This is his own misunderstanding. Therefore, instead of letting girls explain "why I don't like you", it is better for boys to admit that "I mistakenly think you like me" can calm boys' emotions. Therefore, being misunderstood is the business of the misunderstood. If your actions do not intentionally lead to misunderstanding, then you are not responsible for it. Although people who misunderstand you may upset you and have a bad influence on you, in the final analysis, that's not your problem, that's his problem. Since it is his problem, you have no obligation to think of him and help him solve it.

Secondly, even if you want to solve it, it is probably beyond your ability. When encountering misunderstanding, our first reaction is to correct others. You may think that correcting others is the easiest way, but according to my experience, correcting others is the most difficult thing. For example, I have two friends, and there are some bad feelings between them. After listening to the speeches of both sides, I felt that I should help them clarify their misunderstandings, so I clarified their misunderstandings separately, and then I brought them together to meet. As a result, I was very depressed-after meeting, the relationship between the two people made no progress at all, but on the surface it became another expression behind the scenes, continuing their misunderstanding.

This incident made me realize that the power of "eliminating misunderstanding" is likely to produce a reaction of "strengthening misunderstanding". This is because people's thinking is stubborn, and its basic setting is "I am right". In order to maintain its legitimacy, thinking will find various reasons to strengthen its original cognition. In other words: people are not so easy to admit their mistakes.

Tell another short story: A man was eating in a restaurant and heard someone at the next table tell his children that "Fried meat with sweet clover" means fried meat with fungus. So he stepped forward and corrected: "Sir, you are mistaken. Osmanthus fragrans is an egg, not a fungus. " As a result, the shopkeeper brought out a plate of fried meat with fungus and said to the shopkeeper, you are wrong. Sweet clover is an egg, not a fungus. As a result, the shopkeeper said, "I said sweet clover is a fungus!" " When you have good intentions and think that you can correct misunderstandings, you are often wrong. Because others are not ready to accept your criticism.

If we are no longer obsessed with correcting others, what we can do is simple: how to at least not be influenced by misunderstanding?

First: the mood is unobstructed. It is not my business to understand the misunderstanding, and I have no obligation to solve it.

Second: the behavior is smooth. Stay away from right and wrong and avoid disputes, conflicts and contradictions with people who misunderstand you. Be polite when it is unavoidable.

If the people who misunderstand you are unfortunately your close lover, friends and family, I'm afraid you need to keep your distance. You may ask: Is avoidance a positive attitude? I would say: Yes. Many relationships have gone bad precisely because people don't know how to keep their distance. The more they struggle, the deeper they sink, just like fish in a net. When you learn to avoid conflicts in time and stop having direct conflicts with your family and friends, the knot between you may loosen. It sounds as if I want you to be a heartless person.

But what I want to say is that the best way to eliminate misunderstanding is to "let nature take its course" rather than doing nothing. You can explain it properly or make some efforts, but don't ask others to apologize. The most important thing is to clear your mind and keep your mood unaffected. People who misunderstand you, you should allow them to misunderstand and give them time to find their own mistakes. In the meantime, just be happy to be yourself.