I want to say that in this month's time, I have now realized such an expectation I wrote at that time. But this process is tortuous. Now my state is much better than before, and I am much more cheerful. I feel that the power I lost before is slowly recovering. This month is the most perceptive month in my life.
Think back to the changes in my mentality along the way.
I remember/kloc-when I just graduated from college in 0/2, I was very confident. At that time, my first job was sales, and my performance was ok at first. At that time, I had a feeling that newborn calves were not afraid of tigers, and I felt very arrogant and a little lofty. I don't think I need much effort to achieve anything. At that time, because of the bad relationship with the supervisor in the company, I complained that the supervisor's environment was not good, and I was embarrassed everywhere, and I confronted the supervisor every day. I also asked my superiors to change shifts. Later, I found that even if I changed my small doubles, my grades were still not good. At that time, I thought it was a company problem, the system was too strict, too abnormal, and so on. Later, my performance was not good and I chose to leave. Looking back now, although I was confident, I was not really confident. I am blind, I don't know where I am, and I don't know what level I am. I always thought I was awesome. I don't know where I am awesome. This is blind self-confidence. Such self-confidence led me not to work hard, thinking that as long as I worked hard a little, I would get results. Facts have proved that this is not the case. I have never tried, sometimes I have tried, but I can't last for a few days. At that time, I lived in a daze and consumed my youth.
Later, I got appendicitis and needed surgery. I stayed in my hometown hospital for seven days. During these seven days, I began to think about my health. I don't think I can really do anything without a healthy body. The feeling at that time was that the body was the most important. I want a healthy body, but this consciousness didn't last long. After leaving the hospital for work, I gradually forgot about it and lived as before ... at this time, I was still the same as before, basically unchanged.
13, 10, and 15, 10 were my most turbulent two years. In the past two years, I have changed jobs frequently, mostly in sales. After a few months, I felt bad and left my job. I haven't saved any money in the past two years. There are many reasons for leaving the company, either the company model is not good and there is no money, or the company system. Stock spot silver Many companies have to work overtime until 9 pm. I couldn't accept it at that time, but I wanted to make money. This is very contradictory. I have always chosen this kind of job, and I still feel very confident and awesome about myself! I feel that I can make good grades, but I don't work hard. The result can be imagined, but I couldn't see clearly at that time, and my mood was unstable and my heart was restless. It is good to have self-confidence, but you can't help but know that you don't work hard blindly.
From the end of 15 to August of 16, I didn't choose to do sales for such a long time. I choose to do customer service. When I first chose to do customer service, I didn't make much money in sales in recent years. I considered doing customer service instability. At that time, I began to know myself and felt too blind and "confident" before. I didn't grasp some good development opportunities and gave up. I realized that I had to work hard and change something. So at the end of 15, I paid attention to activists such as Sophia Kao and Li Xinpin. At that time, I just looked at it, paid attention to it, and did nothing. At that time, I really looked inward slowly and wanted to change my mind.
It was not until the beginning of 16 that I signed up for the classic mvp class in the workplace that I really took my own action. At that time, I listened to chicken blood every day, took notes, did my homework, made career plans, bought some books to read, made a plan for myself and wrote down what I would do this year. During that time, I read books and studied almost every day, eager to improve myself and change myself. I will also pay attention to the action group and occasionally participate in some offline activities. This positive state lasted for about three months. With the graduation of the workplace group, I found myself slacking off in April and lost my original passion. At that time, it should be a period of job burnout, and my books are getting less and less. Without the daily punching of friends in the group, I also slacked off myself, and the feeling of learning to improve myself slowly disappeared. It seems that since April, I gradually returned to my previous state and began to indulge myself. In addition, there are some "struggles" in the workplace. I wasn't in good shape at that time. Every day after work, I drag my tired body, and when I get home, I either lie in bed or watch TV and variety shows. My life has become very bad. Traveling with my husband occasionally is my greatest relaxation, but I have never left my job. I was very tired at that time, although I really wanted to leave my job. However, due to the instability of the previous two years, I have no bottom in my heart. At that time, I lost all my self-confidence and dared not leave my job easily. So I worked in this state until August.
One of the reasons for leaving my job in August was that I was in poor health, wanted to rest and wanted to get pregnant. At that time, I just switched from customer service to promotion, and the workload was very heavy every day. My lumbar and cervical vertebrae are not good, and I feel very heavy and tired after work every day. My whole body aches. I told my husband that I wanted to leave my job. He was too tired. My husband didn't agree at the time, but I resolutely left my job. I was the first to leave, and everything was fine. In the second month after leaving my job, I felt that my mentality had changed obviously. I became anxious. I want to go to work and have a rest to keep healthy. I am confused about the future and don't know where to go. I was very sensitive in those days when I was not at work, and I would quarrel with my husband because of a little thing.
September is my saddest month, and this feeling is terrible. At that time, I would think, I didn't finish the plan I made at the beginning of the year. I feel like I don't have myself. I'm nothing. I can't give up halfway. I have been blaming myself. I always rely on my husband to do things, and I don't read any books I want to read. I am in poor health and my relationship with my husband is out of order. I feel inferior, insecure and powerless. That negative emotion swallowed my heart deeply. This month is the first time I began to know myself. I see my heart, so fragile, so sensitive. I am not confident. I have become so inferior now, but this awareness is not real awareness. I only saw myself, and I saw my worst place. I haven't changed anything, just pushing myself like a negative emotion. I will think of depression because of a news. That kind of worry, fear and inferiority make me sleepless all night. The most serious insomnia is three or four days, and I only sleep for a few hours every day. I will quarrel with my husband because of his complaints, and I will cry. At that time, I wanted to divorce my husband. I don't think he loves me or understands me. During the day, I think about this problem alone, and I even wonder why I am alive. This feeling is terrible. I'm worried about sudden death if I don't sleep well. If I can't sleep in the middle of the night, I will get up and see what others are doing when they can't sleep, and how to sleep better. I have tried many methods, such as drinking milk before going to bed, soaking my feet, taking a deep breath and so on. But the effect is not very good.
10 is a month when my state began to change, and it is also a month when I really began to realize it. I realized that I wanted to save myself. I can't do this anymore. Why did I suddenly become like this? This is not who I used to be. I didn't think so much before. I was confident then. Although I am blind, it is better to feel inferior than now. I started asking for help, because of an accident, I chatted with my friends in the previous group.
What helped me most in my transformation was the Melody Love group organized by Juanjuan, and several conversations that Juanjuan patiently talked with me, which made me feel that it was of great significance to me. I join this group, and I write down my daily affairs and anxiety. I sent it to the group in the hope that someone would see it and understand how much I wanted some encouragement (for me at that time). Because I'm so tired, I need some external force. I can't feel my own strength. This strength is very small, and I feel that I can't support it anymore. Plus my husband is not good at words, a lot of things. He doesn't understand either. Every time I write a log, it's like detoxification. After I finish writing, I will feel much better. At that time, before I went to work, I still thought a lot of things every day, and sometimes I was anxious for a long time. Most of my journals are unhappy, and occasionally I am happy. But I am better now than I was in September.
Juanjuan once communicated with me and pointed out some of my problems. I am very grateful to her. She said that although I was aware of those logs and I knew myself well, I didn't take positive actions and changes, and I didn't write my own expectations and thoughts about changes. Indeed, I didn't take any positive action during that time, and I often fell into anxiety.
One thing that happened later changed me the most. I have to have a physical examination because I go to work. I went to the physical examination that day and suddenly found various physical problems. When I insisted on taking my blood pressure, it was 150. The nurse didn't believe me and took another test 152. I was deceived. Why is my blood pressure so high? Do I have high blood pressure? I'm too young! When I was checking my heart, I saw the doctor frowning and said that my heart had a third-grade noise, and I had a second-grade noise when I was sitting better. I said there was something wrong with my heart, maybe there was something wrong with my heart valve. Let me go to a big hospital for examination, and then I insist on having an operation. The doctor frowned and said that my breast was hyperplasia and a little hyperthyroidism ... I was completely blinded, and I couldn't believe ... why did I suddenly check out so many problems! I cried and called my husband. I think my body is going to waste. My husband said that it may be that I have been stressed recently, and breast hyperplasia may be related to long-term endocrine disorders.
Knowing this, I can't accept it for a while. In those days, I often fell into panic and worried about my health. Later, I told Juanjuan that I couldn't write the melody now. I feel that most of my writing is negative, and I am afraid that I will fall into such negative emotions again, because I don't know how to change it. Juanjuan said it is normal to accept your fears and worries, yes! It takes a process to accept such a thing.
I never thought my blood pressure would be high. I never thought I would have so many physical problems. I realized that I really didn't care about my figure before. Of course, these physical conditions are also related to my negative emotions during this time. Poor sleep, nervous, depressed, blood pressure will rise, and long-term anger will lead to breast hyperplasia. This is all related to my usual mood. I can't adjust my mood, so my body will be very painful. I feel sorry for my health.
Knowing that I am in such poor health, I began to pay attention to some health preservation things, knowing that I am a blood stasis constitution, and my body is blocked by qi and blood, and my endocrine is out of balance. I read an article about Yang Yi's foot reflex therapy on the Internet, and I started watching all her videos. I follow the movements in the video and massage the reflex area of my feet every day. If there is pain, I will press the place where there is a problem. I massage the breast reflex zone 10 minutes and the thyroid reflex zone for 65438 minutes every day. Clap your hands 1000 times a day. Occasionally I run.
I also pay attention to my diet. I insist on eating celery every day, eating less coarse grains, eating fruits and vegetables every day, and making breakfast by myself every day. I read pure black books, and I have a stronger sense of self-love. I began to learn to take care of my body.
When reading a pure black book, when it comes to acceptance, accept what has happened, whether you are sick, anxious or afraid. Don't fight it, treat it as a guest. It will come to receive it, but it will leave by itself after a while. Don't be afraid, just accept it. Slowly, I began to accept the fact that I was in poor health. This fact is like this now. I'm afraid it's not good for me. Why am I unhappy and don't be so serious? Of course, accepting doesn't mean ignoring it. Let's put it aside and accept it until I feel good. If I am in poor health, I will have a general examination. Positive actions can really make my emotional state better. These days, I took action and found that I could sleep soundly every day. Even if I am a little anxious sometimes, that state won't stay in my body for long. I will think positively and talk to myself. I don't think so. I want to think positively.
During this period, my relationship with my husband has obviously improved. I feel that my husband complains less. I wonder if it's because of my change. I think he loses his temper less often. Before that, we always quarreled, even at the slightest thing. Some of his words often make me sad, but during this period, I feel that there is a positive energy flowing between us, and sometimes I hear his complaints, but now my complaints about him are not so strong.
Juanjuan said, this is the so-called action. When I take action, my mood will get better. I am not so anxious now. Through these actions of loving myself and some small persistence every day, I feel that my strength is recovering little by little, my state is getting better and better, and people are cheerful. I should not only take good care of my body but also pay attention to my heart. I am a complete self. I want to love myself. Don't blame yourself for this.
Accept all the good and bad in my life. It's all from heaven. I am accepting and changing. I am the best of me.