My 20-year-old cousin is a big boy and a man. He has no experience in taking care of children, and the depression caused by divorce makes him even more negligent in taking care of children. I saw him holding a mobile phone all day, and he didn't communicate with his children, let alone coax him, tease him and play with him. The children either follow him or play by themselves. More than three years old, can only speak a few phrases, not many words. His grandfather is very worried about whether the child is mentally ill.
For various reasons, the neighbors are also particularly distressed and caring for this child. The child is very good, but there is one thing that makes everyone collapse, and that is: once you cry, you can't play. Just like singing a song, ups and downs, cadence. If it doesn't meet his requirements or his likes, he can continue to complain and cry for hours.
The feeling of the scene is like a caterpillar arching in your heart, scratching you bored and impetuous, but helpless.
One more thing: the child is very clingy. Once an adult shows intimate love and physical contact, he will unconsciously lean on you, even like a gumball, and can't wait to put it on you.
Later, the child was fostered to his aunt's house, and there was a little sister at home who was two years older than him. Grandma nagged and my sister nagged. In just a few months, the child seems to speak fluently and clearly at once, and the problem of crying and sticking to people has also improved.
The book Psychological Development and Education says that at the age of 3-4, children's emotional understanding ability began to change significantly. Children's education experts at home and abroad also believe that children over 3 years old are the key period for their oral development and language expression.
At this age, the little boy suffered from his mother's departure and zero communication with his father. Therefore, the child's psychology has changed, but it has not been seen, understood and can't be expressed in words, so he has to use "crying" and "clingy" to express his emotions and needs. Later, sending health care activities, not only the language interaction of my little sister, but also the care and care of my grandmother, only provided a normal development environment for children.
Behind every action, there is a silent appeal
Don't be a silent parent or partner, nag when you should, and nag when you should. The child wants to talk to you and needs you to talk to him.
Many parents fail to accompany their children. Kimberly Brain, an American expert in children's education, wrote in the book You Are the Best Toy for Children: The best education is to establish a lifelong intimate relationship between you and your children through play. If you can't do such high-quality companionship, try your best to do the most basic companionship.
In fact, as long as you do the following three things, you have surpassed most parents.
Will you listen?
Are you listening?
Do you know how to listen?
Many mothers have this experience: even if you are in the same room, if your child asks you something and you don't respond, he will keep shouting until you respond.
We often see such a funny thing: when a child is talking to his mother, if her mother's face is turned away from her, she will try to turn her face over and look at her face with only her eyes.
To really listen, you should not only use your ears, but also your eyes and heart. Not only listen to the voice, but also "observe words and observe colors". Sometimes, you have to hear what he deliberately didn't say, but he wanted you to know.
If you don't concentrate on being a good listener, children will never forget to remind you.
If you can't wake up, the child can only express it in other ways, such as crying.
Humans naturally need to respond, which is the basis for them to confirm whether they are safe or not. Because every uncertainty can bring disaster or death.
If you throw a stone into the water, there will be a circle of ripples; If you deposit 1000 yuan into the ATM, the mobile phone will receive a reminder of 1000 yuan; You open a door and your lover is at home. ...
It is through this series of definite events that people locate their existence and confirm their happiness.
For a child, parents' response is more important, because parents are almost their whole world and the most reliable reliance for them to explore the new world. Your timely response gives them a sense of security and more courage to explore the outside world.
Now many parents are bowing their heads. A person plays with each other with a mobile phone, leaving the children to play by themselves. If the child has needs, it is also a perfunctory response of "hmm" and "ah". If the child can't see and understand for a long time, and his needs can't be effectively responded, he will slowly stop talking, and he will take back the tentacles of outward exploration. It will seriously affect children's future social interaction, and even have an autistic tendency.
If it really reaches this level, it will take a lot of effort to correct it. As the saying goes, if you just want to have a good time, there is still a long way to correct it.
Furthermore, the way parents respond to him also affects the way he responds to others.
Because the child is a copy of the parents.
You respect, he learns to respect; You perfunctory, he also learned to perfunctory.
Interaction means going back and forth and communicating with each other.
In the education myth, there is a vivid word to describe the relationship between children and parents, which is called "two-way street".
This book says that the relationship between parents and children, like that between any two people, is a two-way street-just like doing business, both sides have roles to play. When two people communicate, what one party says and does is a response to what the other party says and does, and it is also a response to what he said and did in the past.
In this street, what the two sides say, do and respond are all mobile, and they have long influenced and shaped each other.
All relationships actually have the nature of water, and only flow is alive and energetic.
If you want to influence children better, you can be the one who takes the initiative, take the initiative to talk to children, and become a nagging bug and an old woman. This only applies to children under 5 years old. )
Try to coax the child to talk, let the child talk and guide the child to talk. Sometimes there may be unexpected surprises: he will appear to be a little annoyed on purpose, but secretly he is very happy and proud. At this time, you have to endure stealing.
We have always opposed violence, and "don't listen, don't watch, don't tell" is a typical cold violence that adults can't stand, let alone a child who needs your careful care.
Learning to listen, learn to respond and learn to speak on your own initiative is the first step for you to obtain a "parent certificate".