Dear you:

See the words like a face.

It's six o'clock, and I just ate some rice by myself. The sun still refuses to go down. An old woman was carrying a basket of vegetables and walking in the still bright sunshine. Sweat glistened on her face, and several swallows flew in and out from under the eaves. In this boring afternoon, I suddenly thought of you.

How have you been recently?

I have known each other for seven years, been together for four years, and separated for three years. The last small trip of five people, six months passed in such a hurry.

Have you found your own direction in these years? Have you found the strength to move on in this foggy forest? Have you started this journey with the people who want to stand together the most?

I want to know how you struggle with this life. In those moments when you are helpless, powerless and want to do something but can't do anything, what did you come by? Faced with the squeeze of life, did you compromise and fight back, or did you stay deadlocked and then make up?

Six years ago, we would never have thought that now we have entered such a life. It seems that behind time, there is a pair of huge hands pushing us forward. There are many passes, and it seems that there are many choices. In fact, we have no choice. If you don't believe me, looking back, it seems that those important barriers are pulling, and many complicated small factors interact. You don't even realize what that factor is. Many things are so watery.

At the same time, my heart is full of such doubts.

Sometimes I am even more confused than when I was in college. At that time, the future was blank, there was no place to live, but there were infinite possibilities. Now I have a place to stay and a sense of stability, but at the same time I am tied down, afraid to break free and unwilling to do so.

A sense of contradiction may be synonymous with growth.

After graduation, we all plunged into such a life, in this ordinary world, looking for our own world, living far apart, and communicating occasionally.

Sometimes confused, sometimes sleepy, but there are fewer and fewer things to express. Unlike before, I can discuss a problem until midnight, and I can throw a puzzle. People will take it apart, make fun of it and it will disappear.

Sometimes you will call to tell us about your recent life, who you met and what wonderful things you met at work. Sometimes you are happy, and sometimes you are at a low ebb.

Sometimes it may be a sudden emotional breakdown, and the pressure of 10 thousand kilograms suddenly loses support. Layers of wrapped armor, biting their teeth, suddenly made a hole in the air, instantly frustrated. At that time, I just wanted to ignore everything and cry on someone's shoulder, but there was no one I could trust. I can let go of my guard and pressure, regardless of the other person's judgment on myself.

So, you think of me or us in the distance.

Sometimes when I get a call, I just say a word, and I hear you sobbing and choking over there, and I can't even finish saying a word. At that time, I also hated being too far away. I hugged you and cried quietly with you, telling you not to worry about what to say. I have plenty of time to accompany you, wait for you to have a good cry, help you clean your crying face, and then slowly listen to you talk about this life that people love and hate.

The moment I wrote to you, the weather was fine and suddenly it began to rain. I watched it for a while, and when I looked back, it was sunny again.

You said, isn't this very much like our life? It rains occasionally when it is sunny and cloudy, but you know, the rain will always pass and the sky will always clear up.

I often think of my college days, when I was full of energy, self-confidence, confusion and determination.

At that time, we had just crossed the hurdle of the college entrance examination, just got rid of the curse of grades, just walked out of the nagging of our parents, remolded and polished a brand-new self from our previous self, whether proud or shrinking, whether fooling around or quiet, in an environment full of strangers.

In those four years, we became each other's families, walked through the streets together to find food and fun, followed the drama together to discuss which small fresh meat was more handsome, and crowded together to watch horror movies. I can still remember Ningning, who was deliberately scared by me and ignored me for several days. I think that one day, golden sentences will continue, because I am young, and I will be spoiled and cute every day. When I get out of bed, you can ask me, "Why did you come down in person?" As if I had sent someone down; I remember that at any time, I am delicate and gentle, and I have a super ability to take care of others. After being apart for so many years, I still remember my lifelong events and often urge me to register a dating software such as "Jiayuan" and "Exploring". I think of Yaping, who spent the longest time with me in college. We ate together and went to school together, but she was always quiet. I haven't heard a word for a long time, which has also created my increasingly silent character. I also miss that maverick, who is serious about everything and can be vicious.

In those four years, we didn't have any contradictions. We vaguely remember that we were not good at tearing each other up because of the quarrel with Ningning. After two sentences, our brains began to break down, but we were unable to fight back. After going out, we carefully analyzed and thought about the best way to go back. However, it is too late, and we are heartbroken and annoyed.

Looking back now, those happy, depressed, laughing, or bitter, now, have changed another flavor.

When you look back, it is beautiful. We accompany each other and influence each other. I spent the most confusing and important self-shaping period in my life together.

Today, we all have our own shadows.

Only a few years apart, the most caring and low-key girl, the first person to marry, is also her first love. How wonderful. From school uniform to wedding dress, I had the honor to witness your wedding, hand you a glass of wine, watch him hold your hand, shout loudly that I love you, live thousands of miles away together and gallop on the land of Xinjiang.

Ningning also searched all the way and found the right person.

You said: Don't worry, don't wait, wait slowly. Look, I'm just waiting.

That's great.

I never thought that the empty window of feelings would be so long. Maybe I am too obsessed with cleanliness, maybe I haven't found the best way to get along with myself, maybe I live well alone, or maybe I am afraid that another person will break into my own world. Of course, it's only possible. That's it. I'm still alone every year.

However, who is right? The right person must arrive in 2045-2066. The future is still so long. What does it matter if it's later? He may be stumped by something, he may still be confused, and he may still be looking for ways to get along with himself. I have a good life, and I don't need another person to save me. I can wait. We don't need to illuminate each other for the right person. We all have ours.

Could this be the crux of my singleness? (I suddenly want to match a smiling face here. )

Who cares? This will happen sooner or later. You and I who didn't wait, don't worry too much. Who doesn't live in their own world.

Recently, I have heard a lot about life and death, about the impermanence of life, about the death penalty with known fate, about the sudden stop of life accidents, and about taking away the remaining years with my own hands.

The earthquake in Jiuzhaigou has brought many stories these days, about the last choice of life, those love and guardianship, those desertions and defections, the sudden epiphany at the moment when life is likely to be annihilated by fly ash, and the re-examination and arrangement of life after returning safely.

You never know how far the danger is hidden, you may not know whether the people you value and rely on value you equally, and you may not know which comes first, tomorrow or accident.

However, we should all be fine. Every moment we live, we still have to set out and do what we want to do most, love and trust. Even if we are betrayed, don't leave regrets.

Those trivial things in life, those small fragments of love and warmth, those hesitations and struggles are the most vivid and precious life.

No matter those who have a halo, like those who step on auspicious clouds, or those who live silently, they have devoted themselves to such a life, and they have to face the fragments of that place and then spell out a shape that makes them happy.

Maybe in the end, we are not what we should be, and we are not living so perfectly. There are some surprises in regret, and a little firmness in hesitation. Just like all stories say, regret is life.

However, we should try our best to make ourselves happy.

Whenever we have each other's future, we will see what kind of monsters or surprises it hides.

Next time we meet, come and give me a big hug, and then call me "demo" with a smile. No one has called me that since you left, but I like the name very much.

Maybe next time.

I miss you so much.

? Always thinking about you.

? Wei xiaoyang