In fact, children are not born to play with their hearts and wrists, and these "practical" means are learned imperceptibly. For example, a 3-year-old kid tricked his father into buying the toy he wanted, but his father compromised and he succeeded. A 7-year-old child can say something that makes the other person feel guilty (such as "Are you really my parents? I feel that you don't love me at all) forcing parents to compromise, can you say that these are all realized by children themselves?
Indulging your children in tricks will turn their future into a disaster. Why? At first, opportunistic behavior will only make children unable to really face the ups and downs of life and learn how to deal with difficulties such as fear, frustration and even homework independently, so they will choose "shortcuts" to avoid trouble, which will become an obstacle to their self-confidence, openness and self-esteem. Perhaps more seriously, every opportunism will corrode your child's moral values a little. Finally, a child who is used to opportunism will definitely lead to family disputes, reduce your trust in him and drive you crazy. I suggest we stop conniving at this kind of thing! How to avoid such a thing from happening again, please see the following:
Step 1: Identify
Generally speaking, children's common behaviors with universal significance are selected according to your child's situation:
Lie: "I have finished it."
Find the one at the bottom: "Mom says it doesn't matter."
Make an excuse: "I thought you asked your brother to do it."
With emotion: "Sorry, Dad (Mom), I forgot. Can I kiss you as compensation? "
Act pathetic: "I really can't." Please, help me, mom (dad). "
Turn your back on me: "Who told you not to help me at ordinary times? If you help me more at ordinary times, I believe my score will definitely not be so low. "
Pretend to be uncomfortable: "My head hurts." ; I have an upset stomach.
Self-pity: "This is really bad."
Performing big scenes: weeping, crying, trembling, pleading, moping.
Step 2: Find the reason
First of all, you should find out who is behind the scenes: look back at the question you asked in the first step and see if your answers are related. For example, does a child deliberately avoid things that make him unhappy? Another possibility is that children use others to get what they want out of sheer selfishness. Let's look at the possibility of conforming to children's behavior:
Avoid admitting mistakes: save face from some failed or embarrassing situations.
Escape from punishment: when a person's wrong behavior is discovered, escape from possible punishment.
I don't want a negative answer: I'm afraid the person I like won't agree with me.
Lack of skills or experience: because you used to do everything, children can't do anything now.
Feeling unsafe, afraid or nervous: He is in one or more of the above emotions and wants to get rid of it as soon as possible.
Shirking responsibility: Your child is shirking responsibility for what he has done.
Don't want to work hard: try to avoid what he doesn't like to do.
Step 3: Expose potential lies.
After seeing clearly the way the child adopts and the reasons, it's time to let the child know that you have to "deal with" him. When your child is narrow-minded again, stop it on the spot (including anywhere, whether in restaurants, stadiums or at home).
If he is anxious or out of control, wait until he calms down. Then tell him that you have seen through his methods, and you have analyzed the reasons why he used them. State the facts in a calm and firm tone. Don't make any comments on him, make long speeches or warn or threaten him (for example, "Mom (Dad) will ignore you next time", etc.), because these things will not help.
You have to be persuasive, "Baby, what do you think of this? Is this right? "
Step 4: Help children face things.
If your child plays tricks to avoid something that makes him responsible or afraid, he must (for example, avoid school exams by pretending to be sick). Don't be fooled easily. If the test he has to face is not beyond his ability and good for him, don't compromise and insist on letting him face it. So what should we do? Comfort him, tell him that you know how he feels, and then tell him that you believe he can do it well this time. "I know it seems difficult, but you can certainly do it well." Or "I know you are particularly scared, but I will help you at any time." Let him know that you are not a lifesaver, but you will help him face difficulties until he succeeds.
Step 5: Build a long-term impact
For the permanent correction of bad habits, the most important thing is to let the other party see their mistakes as soon as possible. Here are some ways to help your child adjust his attitude and see his wrong behavior clearly:
"If you take something from others, you must return it and apologize to them."
"If you break something, you must pay for it with your pocket money."
"If you are dishonest, you owe each other a particularly profound apology."
Don't expect your child to immediately understand the direct connection between the consequences of behavior and the moral concepts you instill in him, as long as he understands that once he makes a wrong behavior, he must face it and make compensation. It doesn't matter if he doesn't understand this at first, he will understand it sooner or later, because you will force him to repeat the process. Therefore, the principle of error correction is simple: do not accept any excuses and lies, and never tolerate any wrong behavior. Children's infidelity will only happen if you allow it-so please don't compromise in the long run.