They don't know how to deal with the problems encountered by middle-aged couples.
Women are afraid of emotional crisis in middle age. In fact, most men are more afraid of the emotional crisis, afraid that life will lose its freshness day after day, just like a stagnant pool, without waves.
Share the true inner situation of a middle-aged man here:
Mr. Yuan's inner monologue: middle-aged couple, asexual marriage, just like years.
My wife and I have been married for 20 years. In the eyes of relatives, friends and neighbors, we are a model couple with healthy parents. A son and a woman passed the college entrance examination and were admitted to key universities.
I suddenly feel that life, money, children, a stable job and extra time can't settle down.
There is a kind of unspeakable fatigue and bitterness, and I want to pursue a sense of freshness, excitement and happiness.
In my impression, during my 20-year marriage, my wife and I were very loving at first, and then we quarreled many times.
But considering my two children, I chose patience, and I haven't quarreled since then.
Sex is only once a month, not once every six months or even once a year.
At the beginning, in order to take care of the children, my wife began to separate beds, which has been divided for more than ten years. This life is as tasteless as boiled water.
My brothers and friends used to live in luxury villas and drive luxury sports cars, and the women around me came one after another, which made me even more miserable.
When people reach middle age, they seem to have learned to resist pressure. No matter what big things happen, they begin to learn to hide in their hearts, especially in front of their children and parents, not to show their pain and helplessness.
This kind of life, every day and every night, I wonder when it will end and how to communicate with my parents and children.
However, without any action, deep anxiety, fear and pain spread throughout the heart in the dead of night.
I am also afraid that if I choose to divorce, I will be condemned by everyone and kidnapped by morality.
After all, wives need to live independently. Without her, she would have no job and could not adapt to society.
On such a tragic day, I met a woman who can comfort my heart.
She brought light to my life, so I cheated, and our sex life was very harmonious. I think I'm in love with this woman and I'm willing to give up everything for her.
This idea also makes me afraid, afraid, and I don't know how to face my wife, children and parents, and how to make it clear.
If I say it, I can think of what they will say. They will only think that I am crazy and give up my hard-working family for a woman who is away from home.
However, years of married life have made me live in pain and feel that my needs have not been met. This kind of life is a torment for me.
In the past, considering that the child was still young, I put up with it. Somehow, I don't want to put up with it any longer.
It seems that when people reach middle age, they don't know why they always want to end all the pain, and they are willing to pay all the costs, not for life.
This idea makes me feel terrible. It turns out that middle-aged people are most afraid of divorce and most likely to divorce.
Later, I resisted all the pressure and chose a divorce.
Later, I found that my life was worse than before, and I slowly regretted it before I realized that a plain life was what I wanted.
After reading Mr. Yuan's self-report, I found that most marriages are not only suffered by women, but also by men.
1
Why divorce in middle age?
Many times, when a man has a bad life, he will only endure it silently, and will not complain everywhere, nor will he tell his relatives and friends.
If you can't vent your emotions, it will naturally be extremely painful. After a long time, you will want to escape and change.
Women are naturally fond of talking.
When women are dissatisfied with marriage, there are various ways to solve it, and the natural pain is less than that of men.
Many women will also wonder why they didn't choose divorce when they were young.
This will not drag the women around you into yellow-faced women, and divorce them if they don't like it.
1. Emotional and life stress accumulation
In a relationship, as long as you reach middle age, you will encounter all kinds of problems.
Both parents' upbringing and children's education will be revealed one by one, and there will be quarrels.
In the end, men feel that quarreling can't solve the problem, so they choose to give up communication.
But for men, not only family conflicts, but also the relationship between husband and wife and career will encounter bottlenecks.
Men's sense of crisis is the heaviest at this stage of middle age.
Coupled with the increasing pressure, men will feel rejected and feel that giving up their present life is the fastest way to eliminate pain.
Emotion and pressure will roll like snowballs until the body can't bear it, and men will choose extreme ways to escape or solve problems.
The ways to solve and escape are basically: derailment, divorce, cold violence and refusal to associate.
This is also the reason why it is difficult for middle-aged men to change their minds after divorce.
2
Man: Live for yourself when you are middle-aged.
When a woman is young, after marriage, she will choose not to divorce for the sake of her children and parents.
In fact, men sometimes do the same.
In the face of weak feelings, life is painful, tortured and tasteless. I still choose not to divorce.
On the one hand, it is for men's due responsibility, on the other hand, it is also hoped to give children and parents a stable home and not let them worry.
Such a day will only make men feel very tired and feel that they have only lived for the people around them in this life, and they have not lived well for themselves and loved themselves.
Not living for yourself will indirectly lead many men to live a very painful and depressed life in marriage.
After accumulating to a certain extent, it will break out one day, that is, middle age, accompanied by a marriage crisis.
1. Men have emotional outbursts in middle age.
In fact, both men and women will have an outbreak stage of discontent, but they just lack a burning point or a suitable opportunity.
It's like a child being abused by his parents when he was a child.
After puberty, you will feel that your parents are really enough. I can't stand it anymore and I'll be rebellious.
I choose to rebel against my parents to seek the independence of my personality and want to be an independent self.
If a man is unhappy and miserable in the early stage of marriage, he will watch too much where you will go in middle age, and his children will grow up and his parents will get old.
Men feel that everyone depends on themselves, and there will be an extreme sense of powerlessness and pain, which will prompt men to reflect on the significance of their efforts.
So hard, I still can't get the happiness I want.
At this time, men will have a feeling that their first half of life has been in vain, and that their half of life is for their parents and children. They should also be enough to feel that they are worthy of their children, their parents and their wives.
Emotions will start to break out, vent their dissatisfaction in various ways, and begin to choose deception and cold violence to treat their wives to seek inner balance.
This is the case with Mr. Yuan. Twenty years of marriage is more of a kind of helplessness and pain. I chose persistence for responsibility, accumulated too many emotions, and finally broke out.
I feel that I lived for the people around me before, but I didn't live well for myself, so I chose to end my marriage and just want to live higher.
2. Daily life
When a woman pursues happiness, she pursues living for herself, hoping that life will not be so depressing.
In fact, so do men.
A fixed life will make both men and women in marriage lose good emotional experience.
If there is a woman outside at this time who can satisfy the man's experience, it will give him an illusion that this is the life he wants.
So as to start a new life at all costs, regardless of the dissuasion and condemnation of people around you.
This is the case with Mr. Yuan, who chose divorce regardless of everything.
In fact, it is because in the twenty years of married life, getting along with my wife is painful and helpless, without a good emotional experience, I can't feel happiness.
When there is a person who can make himself happy, he chooses to divorce, only to find that life is more painful, and he will miss his old life.
Human nature is like this, life is getting better and better, and no one will miss the past.
Only when life is getting worse and worse, will there be a sharp gap compared with the past, and will it show the happiness of the previous life.
three
How to survive the midlife crisis?
Everyone will get old and go through a period of middle age, which is the so-called "female menopause, male rebellion".
If a relationship can survive the middle-aged crisis, it will definitely go up a storey still higher, and it can really be done, holding hands and growing old with children.
If you don't succeed, it will be another life.
1. Learn to manage marriage in advance.
In real life, many people always get seriously ill before going to see a doctor and have a check-up. In the end, a serious illness exhausted their life savings.
Marriage crisis is the same as having a serious illness. Keep in good health in advance, check up every year and prevent it in advance, so it is difficult to get seriously ill.
If we can learn in advance how to manage a good marriage and the happiness of marriage, we can let men get through the crisis of middle age smoothly.
As mentioned above, if there is a good emotional experience and happiness in marriage.
When people reach middle age, after seeing life and death, they will cherish people around them more.
On the contrary, they will abandon the people around them and pursue happiness.
The simplest skill in running a marriage is to give men enough understanding, respect, recognition and encouragement.
Every middle-aged person will meet a crossroads in life, and every choice will determine how he will spend his later life. Please be careful.
I hope everyone has a crisis mentality, just like a fire, prevent it in advance, and so does the marriage crisis.
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