2. A friend went to the scenic spot to play and ordered a "Beef Lamian Noodles" in a small noodle restaurant. Later, I found that there was not a piece of beef. So I called the shopkeeper to argue, and the answer was: "The master who makes noodles is surnamed Niu!" " My friend almost fainted on the spot and asked, "Don't you consider long-term management?" The shopkeeper replied, "the average guest only comes once in his life." I am very lucky to eat a bowl of noodles here, hehe. "
The goddess in pursuit finally spoke to me: "Would you like to be my moon?"
I couldn't wait to say, "Yes, yes ...",
"Would you please stay away from me for 300 thousand kilometers?" ,
"………"
4. My boyfriend and a buddy took a taxi home at night. A beautiful woman stopped the car on the road and the driver decisively slowed down. That guy thinks it's good to get such a beautiful woman. Unexpectedly, the taxi driver said, "Get off the bus and don't want your money."
In the street this afternoon, I saw a buddy smoking a cigarette and waving to the taxi opposite. The driver turned around in the traffic and drove to his buddy. Dude, go to the driver and say to borrow a light first. The driver borrowed the lamp and left smartly, leaving the taxi driver in a mess in the car ... this is not over yet. It was half a minute before the driver got off the bus and scolded for a minute. ...
6. One day, a man took a taxi and felt uncomfortable. He asked the driver, brother, can I fart?
The driver said, you put it! The words sound just fell and there was another loud noise, and there was no one in the car.
After the release, the man proudly asked the driver, brother, is it smelly?
The driver replied weakly: ... brother, let's not talk about smelly, you fart ... spicy eyes.
7. When I left my girlfriend, WeChat complained to me: Shit!
I woke up this morning! I will be woken up tomorrow! I really can't stand it.
I'm surprised how she can talk to me about this topic!
She added: Beijing is so dry that I have to buy a humidifier.
Good thing I didn't answer it.
8. One day, my mother was going out to buy food, and my father entrusted her to buy cold medicine by the way.
When my mother came back, she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to buy cold medicine.
Dad was angry and said, "Don't even buy me cold medicine, just jump off the building!" " ! "
Suddenly, my mother said, "Wait till you jump. I'll buy insurance for you first."
The whole family was speechless at once. ...
9. A student was caught by the headmaster when he climbed over the wall.
The headmaster asked: Why did you climb over the wall?
The student pointed to his coat and said, Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!
The headmaster asked again, how did you get over such a high wall?
The student pointed to his pants: Li Ning, anything is possible!
The headmaster said angrily, what's the smell of climbing over the wall?
The student pointed to the shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying!
The next day, the students went out from the main entrance.
The headmaster said in surprise, why don't you turn it over today?
The student pointed to the whole body and said: Anta, I choose what I like!
The headmaster was furious and said, I want to remember your big mistake!
The students asked disgruntled! Why? I didn't make a mistake!
The headmaster sneered, M-Zone-my site listens to me.
10, the supermarket ran into my ex-girlfriend, who looked at my underwear.
Look into your eyes and say bitterly: after you left me, you posted a variant, and you know how to buy clothes for your girlfriend!
I glanced at the cucumbers in her shopping basket lightly.
You have become gentle since you left me, and you all know that you have taken your husband home!
1 1. One day, I went to the hospital and saw an old man standing at the door of the laboratory. So I went over to ask what was going on and replied that my grandson was sick and lying at home. Take his shit to test. Because I was afraid of sucking others by bus, I was wrapped in many layers of paper. Who knew that the stool was stolen on the bus? . A male petrified ...
12, a father and son are watching Where is Dad?
The grandson suddenly said, Bi Ye, can you sing Little Star?
Grandpa said: Yes!
Grandson: Then sing it for me.
Grandpa: The stars in the sky take part in Beidou, and coax Huo Huo to take part in Beidou.
13, female friend studying medicine, cheerful, but quite popular with teachers.
One weekend, the teacher asked her to get the specimen. When she came back, the bus went in the wrong direction.
The point is that the idiot fell asleep in the car and got off at the terminal.
Can you imagine a woman holding a hand, a leg and a head in the middle of the night 1 1 in a deserted place?
The scene of crying and walking?
14, I didn't sleep naked before. I accidentally slept naked a month ago and couldn't extricate myself. One day, a friend came to my house to play and had to sleep in shorts, but he couldn't sleep until midnight. He had to get up quietly, just fold his underpants and put them on the bed. A friend's trembling voice came from behind: What do you want to do to me?
15, who told me that the toilet is blocked and may be frozen? Who told me I could use boiled water? Pit dad! Boiled a large pot of boiling water and poured it all. Not only is it ineffective, but the poop tastes worse after cooking! Super smelly! The whole house smells of poop. My cat ran away from home.
16, White Snake: "Fahai, you don't know love!"
Fahai: "I even gave you the most prosperous Leifeng Tower here. What else do you want! " "
17, after work, the company attendance machine will press the fingerprint, and there will be a voice prompt: sign in successfully. Then on this day, the company's diaosi technician felt that the sound was too cold and changed it. After work, everyone pressed their handprints and issued a prostitute voice: Take care, uncle, and come back to play tomorrow. ......
18, many people go to work by bus in the morning. I suddenly felt sick in my stomach, and after a grunt,
Finally, I didn't live. I farted for a long time. It was very comfortable, but it smelled bad.
Everyone around me is covering her nose, and I pretend to cover my nose.
I was elated when suddenly a person next to me called: "Fart man, your cell phone rang!" " "
I subconsciously took out my mobile phone to see it, huh? No phone. ...
At this time, I felt all kinds of eyes from people around me. ...
19, thinking that the sister paper of that year was a thrifty and pure sister paper, and seeing my dad's warm pants hanging on the balcony, I couldn't help but get nervous. My father's trousers were torn, so I had to sew them for him ... I didn't find them until a long day later. Bye! Men's warm pants are like that. I can't imagine what my dad looks like when he sees sewn pants. ...
20, kindergarten children go out for an outing, the teacher said that no matter what activities, there must be 10 people. After a while, someone suddenly shouted: who else is going to WC! ! Hurry up! We nine people can't hold on any longer!
2 1. I went downstairs near zero last night and saw the doorman urinating in the flower bed. I was about to bow my head when my uncle looked up and saw me. Everyone is particularly embarrassed. Then I want to say hello to ease the atmosphere: "Grandpa, you still water the flowers so late." ...
22. My classmate is easy to ask him why he would rather deduct points than fold the quilt. He said, when I fold the quilt, I can't tell which is the headgear and which is the foot cover. I don't want to lick my smelly feet to sleep every day. I was suddenly struck by lightning!
23. A friend is driving a short-distance bus. One day, the bus was full of people who were ready to leave. He suddenly had a stomachache and wanted to shit, but when the people were full, he thought of his destination and solved it. But he always wants to fart on the road, so whenever he wants to fart, he honks his horn to cover it up. This time he honked the horn again, and the grandmother next to him spoke: Big Brother, please stop honking the horn. Every time you honk the horn, the car stinks.
24. After going to the toilet, I found that there was no paper and only my three-year-old daughter was playing in the living room. So I screamed and asked the girls to hand in the toilet paper. The girl readily agreed. I deeply believe that raising a child is really useful, and it can save you from the toilet without toilet paper at the critical moment.
After waiting for a century, my daughter came back and handed me a piece of coated paper that was not as big as her palm. ...
25. Walking down the street with a brother, suddenly a girl with long curly hair in front started dancing, shaking her head and cursing, feeling like a ghost. Dude, push me and say go, go, go! ! I thought he was afraid of touching porcelain, so I quickly followed him and left. After walking away, he panted … I … just … didn't hit my cigarette … bounced far away … her head was raised …
26. My classmate's mother buys things online and communicates with the shopkeeper. She was going to ask, "Can I pay on delivery?" The result was written as "Can you live long enough to pay?" After a long time, the shopkeeper replied weakly, "Dear! I strive for .. "
There was a woman in front of me on my way home last night. We all walked slowly, keeping a distance of about two meters. There was no one in the whole street at that time. Very quiet. After walking for about ten minutes, the woman's footsteps became slower and slower. Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "If you don't start, I'll go home!" "
In order to make it inconvenient for people to be behind the house, the old king in the city wrote on the wall: "Animals pee here." The next day, he found a farmer leading cattle and horses in the back row of the house and said, "People in the city are really particular, and animals also have places to shit."
29. I broke a test tube worth five yuan in the experiment today, and my teacher asked me for compensation. But I only have 10 yuan on me, and the teacher has no money to give me change. We looked at each other, not knowing what to do. My best friend saw my confusion, grabbed my other test tube and fell to the ground. His wit touched the people present, and the applause lasted for a long time and spread all over the main building.
30. In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. The scientists did an experiment. They once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day is? "
The classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"