"Case Analysis" is a case in which the client "wants to keep mindfulness in daily life and work, but can't do it, so he falls into distress and blames himself".
She gave an example:
At the end of the day, I have to stamp more than 600 documents, and each document has several internal pages, which add up to nearly thousands of chapters.
She feels bored at the thought of "building thousands of chapters in half a day", and then she will find that she can't achieve mindfulness at all.
So she found a colleague next to her and stamped it while chatting, only to find that she couldn't concentrate on what her colleague said or stamped it. She is also worried that poking in the wrong place will be more troublesome.
The consultant took this case out for help because she felt that the process of accompanying the case owner only stayed on the surface and could not find out the essence of the problem in depth.
In fact, I often encounter this situation when I am on duty and receiving cases.
I always feel that visitors' questions take me around the park, and I can't figure out the context and essence of the problem.
But as soon as the supervisor saw this case, he had an intuition that "the case owner avoided facing the problem". Not to mention whether this intuition is correct, because we need to continue to explore and understand with visitors.
But obviously this insight is something I don't have and I envy. Because I think it is the lack of this insight accumulated through experience that is easy to be taken away by problems.
But the supervisor told us that insight is not the key to hinder in-depth consultation, but the blind spot is.
Blind spots will make us fall into a game like fans, and we can't see where the way out is.
On the surface, the original consultant concretized the "seal" problem in his work and learned the feeling of irritability and self-blame at that time. But it still doesn't go deep into the essence of the problem: why do you feel uneasy and blame yourself when stamping your feet?
The supervisor showed it to us and asked such a question:
Obviously, it was because of a question from the supervisor that the problem developed slowly.
I asked myself, if I had been a consultant, could I ask this question?
The answer is no, because I also find it boring to cover thousands of chapters in one afternoon.
I agree with the visitor's question, which is both a visitor's question and mine.
Being fascinated by the authorities is like being trapped in a maze, trapped by visitors/own problems, and unable to find a way out. It is a blind spot for counselors who help others.
Therefore, blind spots become blind spots because there is no way to realize the existence of problems.
Not aware of thinking, of course, is unaware of the limitations of thinking.
The authorities are fascinated by the restrictions they set for themselves.
Cai Yu spends money on critical thinking.
Our freedom of thought is limited by two things.
The first is the limitation of knowledge. For example, if you haven't met someone you haven't heard of, it's hard to believe that there are apples.
The second is the limitation of thinking mode. For example, if you are used to cutting an apple from top to bottom and cutting it horizontally from the side, it is difficult to find that the center of the apple is actually the shape of a five-pointed star.
The limitation of knowledge is easy to handle, and it can be improved quickly by absorbing a lot with scientific learning methods.
But it is difficult to break the limitation of thinking, because it is difficult for us to perceive our own thinking, which greatly limits the freedom of thinking.
Why is it difficult to realize your own thinking? One thing that happened recently made me deeply understand:
One day, a friend came to my house as a guest. We drove home together, I drove, and he sat in the co-pilot seat.
On the way, my friend kept saying "wow, wow":
"Wow, this online celebrity restaurant used to be here!"
"Wow, there is a Waldorf kindergarten near your home. It will be convenient for children to go to kindergarten in the future! "
"Wow, you have this kind of plant downstairs. This kind of flower is rare. "
……
Along the way, I can't help but have a question: I am so bored when I go home every day. How can he be so high?
I know all these restaurants, plants and kindergartens, but I have long been used to them, and I don't think they are so famous and strange on the Internet.
It is not difficult to understand that when things that are repeated over and over again become habitual and common in our brains, they no longer stimulate our senses.
But my friend who came to my house for the first time was constantly stimulated by all kinds of things he had never seen before, so he was surprised to find all kinds of interesting things.
But when these things are no longer strange to me and can no longer stimulate me, my brain will enter the unconscious part.
There are many unconscious parts in human brain activity. Like an uninterrupted stream of water, it keeps flowing through our consciousness.
Unconsciousness keeps us distracted by endless thoughts and focuses on the present.
Many "automatic" thinking modes operate rapidly in this "unconsciousness", which makes it difficult for us to jump out of thinking and investigate its specific content and generation mechanism.
Sometimes, in the face of a problem, we think and judge too fast to react, but we have completed the thinking process and made corresponding words and deeds.
For example, in the city, when you meet a fork in the road, will you choose 1 or 2?
Some people will choose 1 this road, because 1 this road is a big road, and he feels safer.
Some people will choose No.2 road, because No.2 road is a small road, and there are some delicious foods and many people on the road. He really wants to go for a walk and eat something, and he also thinks he can ask the way and see how to get to his destination.
Some people choose to turn around because they turn on the navigator and find themselves in the wrong direction.
These choices may be made in just a few seconds. But why do different people do different things when faced with the same choice?
Because the "algorithm" in everyone's brain is different.
Why don't most people think about this problem?
Because these algorithms are too fast, it is difficult for us to capture them.
If you can't realize your own thinking, how can you reflect? I found the answer in a little thing that happened recently.
The child was ill two weeks ago, so I asked my father to take him to the Chinese medicine health center for moxibustion and physical therapy.
Physical therapy takes a long time. Living in a health center during lunch time, you need to prepare your own lunch.
Considering that dad doesn't know much about the staff of the hospital and the surrounding environment.
I called a familiar staff member and wanted to ask her to help arrange it.
At lunch time, I called my dad and asked him about lunch. He told me that I ordered rice rolls takeout and the children were eating.
I wonder: Is a dish of rice rolls enough? But dad said, okay, I'm ready. Don't ask.
So I didn't say much.
After work that afternoon, I hurried to pick them up and asked my father, Are you hungry?
His mood suddenly wanted to be ignited and he told me angrily that I must be hungry. I just ate a little at noon.
I told him you told me earlier. I thought you wanted to eat rice rolls. I have asked the staff to take good care of it. I can order takeout for you. There are many fast food restaurants nearby that serve porridge, noodles and rice.
He said more angrily, you didn't say it earlier!
I thought to myself: You can ask me or the staff if you don't say anything.
But I didn't make any noise, except because when he said it emotionally, it might cause a bigger quarrel, and I was a little stunned.
Because I saw the same passive reaction pattern in my father's reaction to the problem.
For the first time, I saw myself more clearly from the perspective of a bystander, instead of falling into an emotional whirlpool like in the past, repeating the same pattern in doubt and pain.
This episode in my life made me realize that the identity of the bystander is actually a more sober and detached epiphany identity.
We all do our own bystanders, one I am thinking, and the other I am observing the first person I am thinking.
How to train this self-splitting ability and be your own bystander?
One is to practice meditation.
The second is to record an emotional diary. (Amway again)
In the face of our emerging ideas, if we can examine its content, deconstruction and origin, and check its possible deviation from the facts, we are constantly training ourselves to be a bystander and pursue higher freedom of thought.
It's like getting an example from the "Lao Yu Life Algorithm Course":
For example, I study golf in Canada, and my teacher is a top local coach. He recorded my movements and then analyzed them one by one with software.
In order to solve the core algorithm, we must disassemble cognition one by one. Just like when studying biology, we have to look at cell slices with a microscope.
In order to disassemble the slow motion of brain work, the old metaphor regards the process from obtaining information to taking action as the smallest closed loop of cognitive behavior and decomposes it into four links: perception-cognition-decision-action.
I thought about the process of children learning Lego.
In order to find out how the machine works, the teacher will first take each part apart and introduce it one by one, and introduce its working principle in detail.
For example, in order to let children understand how three gears turn in the same direction. The teacher will first disassemble the equipment into gears, the connection between gears, the rotation direction of each gear after connection, and so on.
It's a bit like the process of "knowing cows with expertise". The same is true of Emotional Diary, which not only shows us the elements of thinking, but also clarifies how these elements interact with each other.
Step 1 | Sense Event
It is a process of obtaining information from the outside world through various senses of the body to record events that we think are worth repeating, which makes us feel particularly uncomfortable/fulfilled. And try to record it in objective language.
For example, today I quarreled with my good friend in the classroom. I called him five times, but he didn't respond.
Record feelings
Record our strongest feelings and emotions in the whole incident. It can be positive or negative, it can be one or several. Personal experience is not suitable for more than three kinds.
I feel very angry, scared and sad.
Step 3 | Record words and deeds
Under such thoughts and feelings, what kind of behaviors and words have we made? Recording words and deeds has a function that allows us to keep a distance from events at first.
For example, when I was angry, I stepped forward, punched him and scolded him: Because who are you? ! The grades went up and became the teacher's pet. Now I don't see anyone, do I?
Step 4 | Document ideas and needs (expectations)
Behind every feeling, there must be an idea, and there is a demand behind this idea.
Many times, it is not events that trigger our emotions, but our thoughts and needs behind them.
For example, I am angry. How can he ignore my existence? I hope he can value me as a friend.
I feel horrible. I'm afraid he won't treat me as a friend anymore. I look forward to being the closest friend with him all the time.
I am very sad, because I think it is because of my poor grades that he began to dislike me as a friend. My expectation is that no matter what my grades are, he will still regard me as his best friend as before.
More facts
-The view of "other parties"
Replace other parties in the event and try to experience:
If I were him/her, how would I feel, think and experience?
Why would I do that?
For example:
In the incident just now, if I were a friend, I might feel angry and confused: what happened to my friend? Why did you hit me and scold me for no reason? It really hurts me, and there is no basis for swearing. I am really angry! Can such a friend be a real good friend?
-perspective of "flies on the wall"
Suppose you are a fly lying on the wall in the event, go back to the scene in the event in your mind, pull away from the perspective of "fly" on the wall and experience the event again, and you will see more undiscovered facts.
The perspective of "the other side" can establish a sense of substitution, and the perspective of "flies on the wall" can establish a sense of withdrawal.
The sense of substitution is empathy, and the sense of withdrawal is multi-angle thinking, both of which help us to have more insights.
Secondary psychological counselor
Transpersonal psychology learner
Mind personal image photographer