People always hate uncertain things, which make us out of control, so it is easy to fall into powerlessness and anxiety. Frida Fromm-Reichman pointed out:

"When human beings realize that they can't dominate themselves and that human perception and behavior are controlled by irrational forces, anxiety arises."

Therefore, we have created science and religion to explain various phenomena. By finding an explanation, we can control the incomprehensible phenomena.

For example, when we were in a low mood, we got a diagnosis from a psychologist: you had depression.

Although this is not a happy news, it seems that I have gained a sense of stability for the time being, and this result also points out the clear treatment direction, which makes people see a glimmer of hope in the dark.

2. Repetition of past experience

Another source of our fears is the painful memories we have experienced. There is an old saying in China: Once bitten, twice shy.

To a great extent, our reactions are formed by our experiences, which profoundly affect our views on ourselves, thus affecting our relationship with others and the environment.

If you live in a family with conflicting parents, you may always be afraid of confrontation when you grow up. People who are often negatively evaluated as children may avoid close contact with others when they grow up. Maybe you are afraid of the dark, talking in public, going to crowded places, being abandoned and so on.

Behind these reactions, these events or scenes evoke our uneasy early memories and unconsciously enter our minds. In later life, people try to forget unpleasant experiences, so you can't remember the things themselves, but those feelings will remain in your physical and inner memory.

3. Catastrophic thoughts and feelings

These thoughts and feelings often come from the above two situations, but they are the direct factors that are directly perceived and ultimately determine our behavior.

The story of "worrying about the sky" is that individuals in Qi are worried that the sky will fall, so that they can't eat well and sleep well all day. This is a typical example of anxiety, but this example is very common in life.

In daily life, people have all kinds of worries:

"I must work hard. If I don't work hard, I will fall behind. If I fall behind, I will lose my job. If I lose my job, I can't live. I will be miserable. " "If I don't do well in the exam, my parents won't love me." "I can't do this job well. If this is seen by others, I will be laughed at, others will think that I am an idiot, and I will look down on me because of this, and I will never lift my head in front of others. "

These ideas are exaggerated, but if someone tries to comfort themselves, they will be rejected, because when I am anxious, these ideas firmly believe that if I don't do something, they will become a reality.

So, how should we deal with anxiety? I summed up the following methods, hoping to help you.

1, identify thoughts and feelings

As mentioned above, thoughts and feelings are often the source of anxiety. Then, identifying these internal sources of anxiety is the first step to realize self-control. Pay attention to self-control under this uncertainty, not anxiety.

It is helpful to know what is happening to you at this moment, because all efforts to prevent or avoid these thoughts and feelings often have little effect, and they will always appear. Therefore, we can observe our thoughts and feelings from a new angle, only to identify and observe, not to control and refute.

Then, pay attention to how these thoughts are shaped by your own experience and how it promotes anxiety.

As listed above, what kind of experience did you have in the past that strengthened your mind? If you can see your thoughts and know that they come from your past experiences, it will weaken its influence on you.

2. accept rather than avoid.

If you can keep observing your thoughts, you will find its regularity. No matter how painful and terrible these thoughts and feelings seem, they will not last forever, and they will be replaced by some new contents.

So, just like observing running water, we will find that what we see every second is different. The fallen leaves floating away with the running water will never come back as they are. When another fallen leaf appears, it is just another fallen leaf, not the one we saw before.

The idea is the same.

Anxiety comes from a signal to escape from pain, so we call it "signal anxiety". When those pains approach your consciousness, your heart will unconsciously perceive and instinctively avoid them, and the resulting anxiety is anxiety.

So, no matter how painful these thoughts make you feel, you should try to satisfy them. At the same time, we should also pay attention not to force ourselves to accept their own pain, but to accept their own attitude. These thoughts and feelings are part of ourselves, but they are not the same as ourselves. Facing the pain itself will bring more pain, so acceptance must first cultivate compassion for yourself, starting with completely accepting yourself.

3. Use different methods for different anxiety.

If you have obvious physical symptoms, you can practice mindfulness and meditation to help yourself learn to perceive and cope with anxiety. These methods can also help you find thoughts that cause anxiety. Cultivate concentration, compassion and acceptance.

If it is difficult for you to sit down quietly, then some exercise methods will effectively relieve your anxiety. When exercising, you can practice breathing concentration and always pay attention to your physical state.

We can also choose to do things. Anxiety often urges us to do something to alleviate it, but it is important to stay awake, which lets us know that we are dealing with it rather than avoiding it.

Step 4 seek professional help

Maybe you will find it difficult to really do it. It is not surprising that you can't see your blind spot and your heart is full of all kinds of confrontational voices.

Even when you are anxious, it is difficult to leave you alone, or you can already perceive the relationship between your thoughts and your experiences, but you still can't help yourself free from the pain; In other words, anxiety has caused you to be unable to work and live normally, so you may need the help of a professional at this time. Professional help can effectively make up for their own shortcomings, and the effectiveness of these professional methods has also been confirmed clinically.

If you have unbearable physical discomfort, mental pain has exceeded your capacity, such as insomnia, obvious physical discomfort and mental stress, seeking medical treatment can help you effectively alleviate the symptoms caused by the above anxiety.

Psychotherapy, some dynamic psychotherapy can help you explore the deep roots behind these anxieties. At the same time, the existence of another person in psychotherapy helps to repair the influence of past traumatic experiences, and has obvious effects on the bad relationship patterns behind the symptoms, such as interpersonal loneliness, alienation, lack of support, and inner strength.