Speaking of anger now, physiologically speaking, it is the product of chemical reactions in your brain. It is entirely accidental that this function of animals evolved, but our race did not perish because of anger, so we will still be angry today. Physiologically, it is.
Psychologically speaking, anger is a reaction that urges you to protect yourself. This kind of self-protection is not limited to your body, that is to say, not only will you get angry when you are beaten, but this sense of protection will also extend to anything valuable to you, because these things maintain the balance of your life. You know, in primitive times, breaking your fragile life balance may lead to your death. For example, you have a little food to eat every day, but today your food was robbed and you missed a meal. As a result, if the tiger can't run, you will be eaten ... In order not to be eaten by the tiger, you will be angry at first when someone grabs your food, and you will use the threat of force in anger to avoid possible injuries in actual combat (in primitive times, these injuries may also be caused).
As a result, our angry human beings survived successfully, because we were angry to protect our own interests, to fight for something of value, and because in most cases, one side would compromise, so we avoided many conflicts and saved ourselves. This is how anger works as a protective mechanism.
You will say that some people are not easy to get angry. Yes, with the development of civilization, we have enough life support. We will not die because we miss a meal, nor will we live badly because we miss a commodity. We don't have to fight by force within the population, so for some people, the scope of value has narrowed, but it doesn't mean that these people won't be angry. A calm man who is in love with someone else, you hit on his girlfriend.
Everyone has something of value to himself. If you touch them, his protection mechanism will start and he will get angry. This is why there is a saying of "provocation" in the art of war.
For example, if you think the earth is round and some people insist that it is square, it is normal for you to feel angry. This reason is actually very direct, that is, the problem of value, because you live according to the law that the earth is round, that is, in your cognitive system, you think that living and working according to the square of the earth will encounter difficulties. For example, in primitive society, you know that there are dangers or benefits in a certain place, but another person says that there are no, then he actually hurts your interests, so you are angry.
On the other hand, if it happens in a public place, it also threatens your prestige. In a population, if you don't believe what you say, it means that no one cooperates with you or even loses the right to mate, so the primitive instinct will order you to retaliate on the spot and regain control.
So there is no need to be ashamed of this emotion, because it is a normal reaction, but today's society has long been born out of the big forest, and we have learned a new competitive strategy-manners in social life.
Those negative statements about anger are largely due to the great changes in the living environment of today's society. We no longer live in the rainforest, and there are no natural enemies in the city. Social division of labor and commercial activities make us no longer need to hunt, and even national struggles have special departments to deal with them. It can be said that our civilization is now very advanced and completely divorced from the natural state.
However, our bodies are no different from those thousands of years ago. Our physical functions are more suitable for chasing wild animals and reproducing. In order to ensure the normal operation of these functions, our brains still secrete a lot of chemicals to produce various emotions, such as anger. However, different environments have different survival strategies. In modern society, the survival strategy of the main population is more inclined to maintain harmonious interpersonal relationships in order to sell their good labor force. The infirm in primitive times may become strong today, while the violent tribal leader in primitive times may be a hooligan today, but are these really because of anger?
Personally, I think what is more important is the cause of anger. Every time you get angry, there is a specific incentive. What has harmed your interests? Maybe you value something more than others, even unreasonable, but sometimes others don't care about your interests, so you should look at it separately. For the latter, you have the right to be angry. For the former, maybe you should relax and objectively examine whether your values are reasonable and whether what you value is actually not that important, especially relative to your interpersonal relationship.
If what bothers you is that your angry behavior is too extreme, such as swearing or hurting people because of a little thing, then you need some time to calm yourself down, not to restrain yourself, but to think for yourself: Do I really want to hurt others? Can hurting others solve the problem? Do I want to suffer the same harm? Then look at the problem from the perspective of the victim. When you see someone in a weak position, feel from their position. In daily life, you should also look at the problem from the perspective of the people you contact. If you think about "what would I do if I were him", remember not to think about "what would I do if I were him", but to think about "if I were him", which is very subtle. In the long run, you will be sympathetic and won't get angry easily.
It is also necessary to train patience. Look at your watch twice a day and concentrate on it for 5 minutes. You should concentrate and not be distracted. Watch the second hand turn five times, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. If you like, you can extend it to 10 minutes in the future, and you will gradually find that no matter how irrelevant others are, you will not be so impatient, and because you are thinking from the other side's position, you will try your best to help him sort out the logic, thus avoiding a large part of conflicts.
The endurance of insult can also be exercised. Actually, it's nothing special. With the increase of stimulation frequency, the effect gradually weakens. If someone around you scolds you every day, you will gradually get honest. Hehe ~ You can also regard their malicious attacks as the survival strategy of animals. For example, if a dog barks at you, you won't bark at the dog.
A very helpful way to stick to all these exercises is to set up idols. In your life, is there a person you really admire (whether fictional or real), unfathomable, gentlemanly, affable and full of wisdom? If there is such a person, take him as your role model and think about what he will say and do when you encounter something that affects your mood. Inspired by the example, you will gradually become like this person, a gentleman, amiable and full of wisdom.
Usually watch more movies, Hollywood movies, because only Hollywood writers in the world really understand human nature and know how to explain human nature beautifully and simply. Watching Hollywood movies helps to put yourself in others' shoes, because their hero has good empathy (except those big bad movies that failed at the box office), and you will stand with him involuntarily. Gradually, you will become more and more acute, understand the subtle emotional changes in life, and be less angry.
There is music. Listen to more symphonies that are better than Russia. Russia was too aggressive and arrogant during the capitalist period, which was also reflected in their music. Too dignified, too arrogant. If you can get used to classicism, listen to those European classical symphonies, but if you never listen to symphonies, you'd better start from America. American symphonies are very easy to understand, especially the composer john williams, who composed music for countless Hollywood movies with beautiful style and easy to understand. It was after listening to his theme song of Star Wars that I began to understand symphonies. After that, Crossing the Starry Sky, which was filmed for the second episode of Star Wars, is a model of lyric soundtrack. Listening to these can calm your mind, which is why people always say that music can cultivate sentiment. Symphony is indeed richer than pop music.
The brain is a complex thing, and each functional area handles different affairs, but every time it handles affairs, it actually stimulates your emotions. That is to say, your personality is directly related to what you eat, wear, see, smell, experience, calculate and say every day. Suppose two clones are exactly the same, and what they learn in each class is exactly the same, but one stands in the middle of the room every time, and the other is. So changing your environment can change your character. You can't change some environments, but you can change the taste of music. Listen less to hip-hop and punk, as well as heavy metal and all kinds of underground music. I'm not saying they're bad. I like hip-hop, but after all, it's black people who vent their dissatisfaction with life, just like someone always reminds you how bad the world is. Listening to more can really make people impetuous. The society is really not so ideal, but it is not completely bad, so we should decorate our lives with beautiful things and listen to more slow-paced music until one day you feel the need for those violent music.
Reading is also very good. Don't treat such hypocritical things as readers. You can read the teaching books of a certain skill you like, or you can read the teaching books of a certain field you have always wanted to know. For example, when I was in college, I was very free. At that time, all our classmates were required to apply for library cards. I don't like reading, but occasionally I think, "Why not?" I've always wondered how the police questioned the prisoners. "So I borrowed a foreign translation of Criminal Investigation Teaching. I didn't know there was so much knowledge in it until I read it. Although I am not a policeman, a lot of psychological knowledge in it can really help me improve my interpersonal relationship. The most interesting thing is that I haven't completely read a book since I was a child, but the book borrowed from the library will be returned in three days. I didn't expect it to be finished in two days. It turns out to be so simple! The ancients said that reading is beneficial, and the habit of reading can benefit you for life. The more you know, the less you will panic because you can't grasp the status quo. The more sensitive you are, the more you see. When you can be keenly aware of all the changes around you at any time, you will not be so easily excited and you will feel more secure.
Remember to start with books that you like and are interested in, but don't read those novels, especially domestic novels. ...
I wish you an early success ~