On Monday, just before going to work, Li Jie came in a hurry with a pair of "panda eyes".

It turned out that Xiaojie, a fourth-grade daughter who had just participated in the school sports meeting, had poor performance in the relay race and the individual150m dash, and her mood was extremely low. Looking at punishing her daughter with a "hunger strike", Li Jie was as anxious as a cat on hot bricks.

After two or three hours of hard work, Xiaojie finally took a few bites. Li Jie, who is worried about her daughter's thoughts, sleeps with her at night.

Poor inheritance!

"To be honest, this is all caused by your' steeple education'!"

Some colleagues immediately hit it off.

Sister Li's steeple education is very famous to her. Only standing at the top of the pyramid can you see the most beautiful scenery.

So, she is strict with her daughter, and she is competitive in everything, only winning or not losing:

Academic performance, can not lag behind classmates;

The amount of extracurricular reading should not be lower than that of peers;

Even the dancing level can't be worse than others. ...

Objectively speaking, "steeple education" is both lucky and unfortunate for Xiaojie:

Fortunately, being strict with yourself has created an excellent woman;

It's a pity that her long-term competitiveness has made her bear too much self-esteem.

Psychological research found that:

The stronger the self-esteem, the higher the demands on yourself, and the harder it is to accept the unbearable situation.

Xiaojie's poor performance on the court was like a stone thrown into a calm lake, which broke the tranquility and hurt her super self-esteem.

2

Self-esteem can inspire people to forge ahead and make them stand on their own feet.

But when the two extremes meet, they often have a sensitive, fragile and inferior heart under excessive self-esteem.

When I returned to my hometown in the New Year, I saw the unpleasantness caused by playing chess once.

Gaga and Xiaoyi, two teenagers, just learned to play chess in winter vacation, and their fingers itch and they have been fighting together. In the first few days, the two novices were neck and neck in chess. You won my game, and I won yours. They had a good time.

But soon, Xiaoyi secretly worked hard, and under the leadership of her father, her skills advanced by leaps and bounds.

This day, when I played Gaga again, I won three games in a row.

Seeing that dinner was coming, Xiao Yi, who was about to go home, was pestered by unyielding Gaga and vowed to pull back a few games.

As expected, he lost again, because he was inferior to others!

Just then, the angry Gaga picked up the chessboard with both hands and fell heavily!

Suddenly the chessboard broke into two pieces, and the pieces flew in all directions under the great impact!

At home, after being Gaga mood stable, dad asked why, he said frankly:

"I lost a few, I feel so embarrassed!"

I am eager to win and want to be better, but I can't stand setbacks and failures! The sharp contrast reflects the contradiction between his extreme self-esteem and inferiority.

Child psychologist Li Qunfeng said:

"A child with excessive self-esteem is not so much' self-esteem' as' he respects his heart'!"

Because their focus is never what they get, but the praise and praise of others, attached to their own attention and prestige.

And this is precisely the external performance of not being confident!

three

In Social Psychology, David Myers solemnly told us:

Strong self-esteem, hiding aggression.

So, what should our parents and friends do to prevent problems before they happen?

You can start from the following aspects:

First, don't judge heroes by their results.

Ethan, who loves literature since childhood, has been trying to contribute to campus literary journals and magazines since the first grade.

After many submissions, they all sank into the sea.

"I don't want to vote anymore, and my classmates will laugh at me!" "The road to literature is long and far away. I missed this time and the next time. Dad wants you to be pure, don't have the idea of winning or losing, and be utilitarian. "

Soon, Ethan, who persisted all the way, continued to contribute and became the man of the hour in the class and even in the school.

Liu Zhenyun has a very good sentence:

"There is no winning or losing in life, but if you want to win or lose, you must be a loser."

Parents, don't talk about heroes by grades, "induce" their children to win or lose, but always praise children who encourage their children to improve their grades because they are working hard.

Second, don't regard children as the center of the world.

Five-year-old MengMeng went to the party with her mother and some girlfriends. She was very unhappy.

It turns out that everyone has been full of praise for another child's cheongsam, and no one has noticed her flowered skirt.

Children usually have one thing in common: attract the attention of adults and make them their own audience.

What parents and friends have to do is to let their children know that no one is the center of the world, and others have no obligation to regard you as the focus.

For example, when dealing with MengMeng and other lost emotions, you can guide your child:

Flowers are not proud when applauding, and they are not entangled when ignoring cold eyes. Don't take yourself too seriously, it's a sign of maturity and rationality.

Third, * * * loves education.

* * * Love, also called empathy or * * * love, means putting yourself in others' shoes and feeling their feelings.

Psychologists have found that:

Children with high empathy can control their emotions and accept the guidance of their parents; On the contrary, it is more prone to psychological problems and affect interpersonal relationships.

The so-called * * * love education is to let children know, and I am no exception. Everyone will be like this in similar situations.

For example, learning broadcast gymnastics, children's movements are not particularly standardized, and they are unhappy after being corrected by physical education teachers in public.

At this point, we might as well guide them to put themselves in others' shoes. Other students' poor performance will also be corrected by the teacher in public.

In this way, it is easy to get rid of bad emotions and get out of the misunderstanding of being too strong.

four

Self-esteem is an inherent thinking, a rule and a bottom line, which everyone has, regardless of strength.

People with high self-esteem are often too sensitive, struggling between ideal and reality, and unable to appreciate the joy of life.

Lin Daiyu in A Dream of Red Mansions is sensitive and suspicious, with strong self-esteem.

When I first entered Jiafu, I ate, gargled, drank tea, watched, and then imitated, leaving behind the regimen instilled by my father for many years.

Be careful what you say and do, lest others laugh at you, and self-esteem and inferiority are intertwined.

Those who feel inferior often muddle along, don't ask much of themselves, and don't even pay much attention to maintaining personal dignity.

For example, we often see such a small group of students who have no enthusiasm for learning. No matter how teachers and parents criticize education, they still go their own way and look indifferent.

Can't do anything, self-esteem, just moderate!

Psychologists compare children's self-esteem with balloons;

Balloons without air are worthless, but they are too full and easy to explode; Only when there is not much inflation can it be both ornamental and safe.

What parents have to do is to fill the leak when the balloon deflates and reduce the air pressure when the balloon deflates.

Let the "balloon" not lose its luster due to dryness, nor lose its elasticity due to flatulence. So, good!