Dreams should be realized slowly, not too hard.
Qinghuan's illness, on the one hand, is due to physical fatigue, staying up too late for many days in a row; On the other hand, because this time, she has been unhappy and too entangled. There is no doubt that depression, irritability and trouble will inevitably lead to physical damage.
Qing Huan likes writing, and she contributed crazily in college. However, she gave up this hobby because she didn't publish many articles. Later, Qinghuan quit her job and went abroad with her husband. She was pregnant and gave birth to a baby. In an instant, she was out of touch with society for three years.
After returning to China three years later, I saw the official WeChat account blossoming everywhere. Many people crossed the class gap through writing, won flowers and applause, and also won economic benefits. Needless to say, Qing Huan is stimulated.
She thought that if she hadn't gone abroad in those years, or if the news wasn't so blocked, she could have joined this wave in the embryonic stage of WeChat official account, so today, she may also have a lot of die-hard fans, and she may be able to support herself by it.
I missed my dream again, and I was sad and unwilling.
However, as Zhou Chong, the official account of WeChat, said, "The human spirit has always been hungry. With the development of science and technology, when we face the screen all day, there is less and less social interaction. Correspondingly, our demand for stories, beauty, fun and thinking will also increase. " So, although she didn't catch up with the bonus period of WeChat official account, with her love of writing and analysis of social trends, Qinghuan decided to start writing again.
In this way, Qing Huan, who returned to China as a training teacher, raced against time to read, write and study in her spare time. She was often busy until eleven o'clock in the evening, but she didn't feel tired and was covered with chicken blood.
One of the busiest hours of the training course is the winter vacation. In the winter vacation class, the teacher is full of five or six classes every day and has been talking. They are about to take their last breath. Without a job for three years, they have experienced two years of hard work to raise their baby, lack of physical exercise and hard writing in their spare time. They can't hold on any longer, they are weak and uncomfortable. She had to propose to reduce the classroom volume.
The winter vacation class has finally passed, and Qinghuan has gradually recovered, but more time is needed to recuperate. When you are sick, nothing can be done overnight.
This disease made Qing Huan realize that it is impossible to make up for the wasted ten years overnight, and it is impossible to eat fat. It is impossible to become a public figure in a short time.
Passion is good, but if you push too hard, your body will be overwhelmed first. Do you have any dreams to talk about?
Let others become others, get something for nothing.
In fact, this disease has a lot to do with being immersed in low mood for a long time.
Qinghuan's family background is very warm. She laughs with her mother and plays with her brother. The family never quarrels. So from the beginning, she also had such expectations for her husband's family, hoping to make her mother-in-law like it and live in harmony.
However, her husband's family didn't like her as much as she expected, or they accepted her, but they were not very satisfied. After all, she was born in the countryside.
Many details of life illustrate this point.
Qing Huan was very painful, and her dream of "getting along well with her mother-in-law" was shattered. Anger filled her heart and went straight to her internal organs, making her uncomfortable, but there was nowhere to vent.
From childhood, all wishes can basically be realized, unimpeded, easy to learn, and family members are United and warm. Only the mother-in-law has become a hurdle, the first problem in life, and Qinghuan has no ability to face it.
This kind of negative emotion disturbs the internal environment of happiness, makes immunity decline and makes the body sick.
Qing Huan wanted to solve this painful emotion and began to read some psychological books. In addition, out of concern for keeping healthy, she urgently needs to learn from philosophers' thinking about the meaning of life.
As if she had a heart, she approached Zhuangzi.
Reading Zhuangzi made her understand that the problems in life are actually like a cow, and the process of solving the problems is like dissecting a whole cow. If we hold a knife and cut at the bone blindly, it will not only be futile, but also wear out the blade, and the cow will still stand there.
And if, like experts, we can see the whole cow in our eyes and see the gaps between the bones of the cow, "Without thickness, there is room", then we can untie the cow easily, and the untied cow will crash like dirt, and then look at the blade without loss.
Our body and life, like that knife, are not harmed in the process of dealing with life problems. This is a kind of self-preservation and a real "health preservation".
Doesn't this mean that we have to walk around in front of unsolvable problems? Qing Wu Huan Dao.
Life is hard to avoid some hard bones, we just choose not to bite and bypass. If you chew it, it won't accept it, and in turn it will hurt you. And if we bypass it, avoid its sharpness and the comfort of letting it go, we are also happy.
There is actually a question about "expectation" here.
For example, Qing Huan, facing her mother-in-law, why is she sad and angry? Because, she is full of expectations for the life state of "my mother-in-law loves me and I am very close to her mother-in-law". She always thinks that being with her mother-in-law can get the same warmth and intimacy as being at home, but in fact it is just the opposite.
Mother-in-law is not affectionate to her. The reason may be that her mother-in-law is not satisfied with her background, or that she is not good at chatting and has low emotional intelligence. No matter what the real reason is, the reality is that my mother-in-law doesn't make out with her.
Her expectations were hit and even failed. So the pain came into being.
So, according to Zhuangzi's wisdom, what should Qinghuan do?
Our expectations of others are similar to the hard bones of cattle, just as the blade does not want to be worn through by bones. In order not to be hurt by others, we must learn to let go of our expectations of others.
Qinghuan should put down all expectations of her mother-in-law, realize that her mother-in-law is her mother-in-law, don't expect her to be affectionate to herself, don't expect her to smile gently at herself, don't expect her to affirm any of her opinions (even if it is such a small matter as "it's warm today" and "yes"), and don't expect her to give up her freedom to help with the children. ...
When there is no heartfelt expectation for her mother-in-law, what to do and how to come is her own business, which has nothing to do with happiness.
Her every move, word and deed can no longer touch the heartstrings of Qinghuan, and she can't throw stones into Qinghuan's heart lake, let alone make Qinghuan unwilling, angry, lost and depressed. When we don't accept it, no one can hurt us
Putting down expectations means avoiding hard bones, walking through the cracks in bones, being free and unimpeded, and not hurting yourself. This is not a Q, this is the real "health".
We often say that we love ourselves. Think about it. Are you really good to yourself? What is more important than "don't let your heart suffer"?
If your heart is hurt, your body will be hurt.
In order to keep healthy, we must first keep the freedom of mind and the balance of mind. In modern society, the slogan of rich and successful life is brainwashed every day, and we are under great pressure. In such an external environment, what we can do is to think of more ways to recuperate our body and mind for a period of time.
Combine work and rest, not to mention not staying up late and not overdrawing. Mentally, we should learn to take fewer detours, empty our expectations of others, and don't expect to change others. Instead, we should take a walk in nature, slow down and experience every grass, tree, flower and leaf.
Learn to appreciate the thoughts of the ancient sages, learn to let go, learn to be "comfortable", learn to "roam freely" in this noisy world, save your body and mind from suffering and enjoy a prosperous, quiet and leisurely life.
The value of life really lies not in the success of secular standards, but in the calmness and stretching of body and mind. Live for freedom and live for happiness.
Trying to change others is like a fool moving mountains, failing to realize the unchangeable nature of the other party, blindly advancing, stupid and ridiculous;
And let others go, have zero expectations for others, let others be themselves, and don't compete with others, then life will let us go and let us be ourselves smoothly.
From the foolish old man moving mountains, to the skillful solution of cattle, from tangled anger to smile, from sadness to happiness, this awakening is really only one idiom away.
Thank you, dear Zhuangzi.
Are you clear? You are so confused and tired. If it helps you a little, it is a blessing for the stream.