First, the "Diderot effect" was born.

Diderot, a French philosopher in the18th century, one day, a friend gave him a robe with high quality and exquisite workmanship, and Diderot liked it very much. But when he walked around the study in this luxurious robe, he felt that the furniture and carpet were out of harmony. So, after some updating, the research finally kept up with the grade of robes. After a while, he felt uncomfortable because "he was forced by a pajamas." So, he wrote this feeling into an article, The Trouble after Parting with the robe. Two hundred years later, the economist Schroer, the author of Overconsuming Americans, put forward a new concept-the Diderot Effect.

The Diderot effect is a common phenomenon. The more you get, the lower your satisfaction. When you get nothing, your mind is balanced and your life is stable; Once you get it, you start to be dissatisfied and feel that you deserve more, otherwise it will not meet your contribution and identity, and it will not meet your new things.

This effect can be seen everywhere in life. When a person is not an official, he wears coarse clothes and lives in Little Square like everyone else, queuing for cooking, queuing for food and riding a bike, but when he is an official, he feels that these are inappropriate. First of all, you should have a high-grade suit, a pair of high-grade leather shoes, and finally a lovely lover.

Life will never be "worthy" and "satisfied". There are always more new things than old ones. Remember, on the road of life, don't go too far, so far that you forget the purpose of starting.

People are allocated or buy new houses. They always decorate it to match it. After paving marble or wooden floor, it is natural to seal the wall with black and white wood and install a decent lamp pool. After the four walls are luxurious, it is natural to match hardwood furniture such as mahogany; In and out of such a house, obviously you can no longer wear rags, but you must "get your hands on" clothes, shoes and socks; In this regard, "Diderot" went on, and some felt that the host or hostess was not enough, so they embarked on the road of divorcing their wives and changing husbands.

As soon as Yin ascended the throne, life began to be extravagant and ivory chopsticks were used. In this regard, Zhou Wang's uncle Ji Zi lamented: "If he uses ivory chopsticks, he will definitely stop using pottery utensils to hold things, and he will make a glass of rhinoceros jade. With rhinoceros jade cups and ivory chopsticks, you will no longer eat food made of wild vegetables such as thistle, wear short brown clothes with poor quality and live under thatched houses, so you are required to wear brocade clothes and stand your feet on a high platform and a wide room. Such a request, the whole world can't satisfy him! Precious and strange things in the distance, horses and palaces, etc. They are all gradually available, and these have all started since then, and I am afraid that he will go to extinction! " Soon, Zhou Wang began to build a luxurious and wealthy Yumen Lutai in Qiongshi, which was full of strange things like dogs and horses, and also built a wine pool and meat forest and a market in Gong Zhong, which made him live a luxurious life. The people betrayed him.

The Diderot effect encourages people to try not to use those unnecessary things. Because if you accept something, external and psychological pressure will make you accept more and more unnecessary things.

One day, several students urged Socrates to go to the busy market. They said noisily: "There are many things in the market, including many pleasant, beautiful and interesting things, and countless new things, ranging from food, clothing, housing and transportation. If you go, you will definitely go home with a full load. " He thought about it, agreed to the student's suggestion and decided to go and have a look.

The next day, as soon as Socrates entered the classroom, the students immediately surrounded him and warmly asked him to talk about the gains of this trip to the market. He looked at everyone, paused and said, "I really gained a lot from this trip, that is, I found that there are so many things in this world that I don't need."

Socrates later said this: "When we are tired of running around for a luxurious life, a happy life is getting farther and farther away from us. Happy life is often very simple, such as the best room, that is, there are not many necessities and useless things. Be content to be a man, be content to do things, and be content to learn. "

Second, the imperfection of perfectionists.

Perfectionism-another synonym for fantasy. There is nothing perfect in the world. Even the axioms on which science depends always have such assumptions and such premises.

However, the utopian assumption of perfection is the source of power to push forward many people in the world through the ages. It is precisely because it exists in our hearts that our chaotic society has become more orderly and can be pushed forward by the iron arm of civilization.

Perfection can represent a kind of holiness to some extent, but a perfectionist who always pursues perfection will be dissatisfied with many things and think that he is more or less defective and has all reasons to change.

Fear of deviation or failure in daily life or work.

The greatest feature of perfectionists is the pursuit of perfection, and this desire is based on the belief that everything is unsatisfactory and imperfect, so they are caught in a deep contradiction. To know that there is nothing perfect in the world, perfectionists have an innate impulse. They put this energy into things that are closely related to their lives, strive to improve, try their best to improve, and enjoy it. However, they often give up halfway. Maybe there is an endless energy at the beginning of work, but it will all fade later. The reason is that in the process of work, imperfections come and go, and you can't care so much. In the end, the steady impulse is only to admit defeat. Because perfectionists can't ignore imperfect things or stand idly by, they often make plans rashly and carry them out without hesitation. However, before long, or when their plans are about to be completed, they feel tired again and feel irrelevant because there are too many plans to be implemented. This feeling accumulates over time, making them live in frustration, failure, mediocrity and anger all day long.

Because of this good mentality, perfectionists have a desire to finish everything they have planned as soon as possible, but this desire cannot be realized as scheduled in the harsh reality, and perfectionists are easy to get angry and excited. This is also an imperfect facial expression, and they are afraid that others will hate them because of this angry expression. So they should try to suppress this feeling and change it, and their anger will be concentrated in their hearts. Complaining about others is something they don't want to do, so they turn to resent themselves for not setting high enough standards, being incompetent, or choosing bad friends. Resentment for yourself can easily make you fall into deep inferiority and depression. Sometimes they realize their standards are too high, but they can't get along with themselves. I don't want to consider revising my excessive requirements, but I deluded myself that this standard is the most standard.

Even if perfectionists know that others can see their secular attitude, they are anxious about it, but they still can't find the best way to solve their psychological dilemma. The most direct result of this contradictory mentality is that perfectionists tend to blame themselves, they demand themselves harshly, and then reach an excessive level, and they waver in excessive vigilance and sudden recklessness. Tortured by this annoying contradiction, perfectionists inevitably fall into extreme tension and anxiety, accompanied by strong self-pity again and again.

Third, defects are also beautiful.

The beauty of imperfection is also called the beauty of imperfection. From an aesthetic point of view, defects are also a kind of beauty, as evidenced by Venus with a broken arm. Imperfect beauty can also be said to be the beauty of expectation, and the beauty of expecting to achieve gestalt. In aesthetics, defects are often regarded as a kind of beauty. Defects can be more real. Only with defects can people think and realize, and only with defects can they feel the deepest call and strength of human pursuit of perfection and progress. Imperfect beauty can cause special feelings and other associations. In contrast to perfection, imperfection makes people feel the need to pursue progress and beauty.

Fourth, pride, desire, ambition and joy.

Once a person's bad habits are formed, it is difficult to get rid of them. The so-called plaything weariness, play can not extricate themselves, can not indulge themselves. If you want to be fascinated with wisdom, you must not indulge your habits, otherwise you will lose your mind. You must cultivate your self-control to control your desires. It is mentioned in the Collection of Books. On Confucius and Benevolence "Virtue knows shame compared with sages, and wants to know satisfaction compared with inferior people.". Therefore, it is better to compare the needs of life with those of the middle and lower classes. Otherwise, people will be more angry than others and will compare with each other. In the end, all the blessings are spent, and everyone dies. There is a true story about two friends who were born on the same day in the same year. Their blessings are the same, except that one of them died at a young age, spending money like water. One is to be frugal and cherish blessings, and the last is to enjoy life. Therefore, in the book On Book Politics, thrifty people control their desires, while extravagant people indulge their desires; Indulge in desire, his life will be very dangerous, control desire, he will be stable and happy. It is mentioned in The Analects that Confucius worships Yu Xia, the ancestor of Xia Dynasty. Yu Wang's own diet is very simple, but his sacrifices to his ancestors are rich, which means that he has the highest filial piety. He usually wears simple clothes, but he always dresses very ceremoniously in court, which is a respect for ministers. He doesn't care about the palace where he lives. His palace is simple, but he tries his best to do a good job in water conservancy construction for the people with the money saved, so that the agriculture of the people can develop. This is caring for the people. Therefore, the ancient sages and kings are all examples of diligence and thrift, and they are all examples of abstinence and control.

People should not be complacent, but learn to be modest. Aim high. Only when a person has high ambitions can his life be enriched, and he always wants to serve the society and others. Joy is great, and joy leads to sadness. All people who face their feelings and emotions should follow the golden mean and stop. If you don't know how to master proper limit, you will often have fun and lose your mind, which will not only hurt your health, but also harm others. There are countless things that bring joy and sadness in society now.

Neijing said: "If you take wine as the pulp, you are reckless, get drunk and enter the room, try your best to exhaust its essence and dissipate its truth, and you don't know how to hold it full, keep its spirit at times, and be quick with its heart. If you live against its life, you will die in half a century."

1. Endless desire

Men's and women's rooms, the great relationship between people, the long-term independence of the sun, the loneliness of Yin people, the intercourse between men and women and the pregnancy of children are the means for human beings to reproduce and continue their races. Men marry when they want to be rich, and women marry when they want to be adults. One of the important factors is the physiological demand for sexual intercourse, which is not beneficial to others. Especially in modern times, people think that being alone is harmful to body and mind, so the view that abstinence can prolong life is not accurate. According to the available data, widowers after middle age tend to die early, which is closely related to the double imbalance of spirit and physiology.

2. Don't be too early.

There is a saying in ancient China that men get married at the age of 30 and women get married at the age of 20. Although Neijing points out that men 16 years old and women 14 years old have reached the stage of kidney qi and can have sex and childbirth. However, sexual maturity does not mean that you should have sex. Men break the yang too early, which hurts sperm, while women break the yin too early, which hurts blood vessels. If the essence fails to pass, she may get "incurable diseases", and when a woman has sex, her blood vessels will be damaged by yin, which will affect her development and even lead to premature aging.

You can't have it.

Kidney essence comes from nature, which can be nourished and supplemented by grain essence in the later stage, but its output consumption cannot be infinite. If it exceeds the speed of supplement and regeneration, it will inevitably lead to the loss of kidney essence, and even gradually decline, resulting in premature aging, premature aging, easy illness, premature death and other consequences. Therefore, it is necessary to properly control sexual intercourse so that it does not harm the original element.

The ancients believed that sexual intercourse should be appropriate, once every 4 ~ 10 days for those over 20 years old, once every 8 ~ 15 days for those over 30 years old, once every 0/6 ~ 20 days for those over 40 years old and once every 20 ~ 30 days for those over 60 years old. This is less than the number of sexual intercourse of ordinary people now. For example, young people under the age of 40 are usually about two or three times a week.

From a health point of view, the number of sexual intercourse can be mastered in this way. That is, basically meet the requirements of sexual life instead of always longing, have a happy sexual life without feeling forced, be energetic instead of exhausted, and be energetic, competent and happy the next day. It is normal for young people to get married and have sex a little more frequently, but they should also be properly controlled to avoid excessive fatigue. Old people over 60 years old should depend on whether they have sexual requirements, sexual ability and physical strength. As long as they have the requirements and ability, they don't have to cut off their sexual life forcibly. They just pay attention to mastering moderation, having less sexual intercourse and not having too long sexual intercourse.

4. Not strong.

Sexual intercourse is an important part of a couple's life. Moderate sexual intercourse and beautiful sexual intercourse are not only conducive to maintaining the feelings of husband and wife, but also conducive to the physical and mental health of both sides. However, it should be noted that sex is a matter for both parties. We should respect and care for each other and make sex a kind of happiness and enjoyment between husband and wife. Don't insist when the other person is unwell and unhappy, be considerate and communicate with each other. Secondly, not wanting to be strong also means not working hard regardless of physical strength and state, or even stimulating the function with drugs, which may easily lead to the decline of kidney qi, impotence, or the result of yin deficiency and yang hyperactivity and exhaustion of kidney water.

5. Not too much.

Extensive without section is called excessive. Excessive desire is harmful. There were countless concubines of feudal emperors, and their lust was immoral, which damaged their essence and life, and most of them were short-lived. Prostitution and whoring have been repeatedly banned in modern society, and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is all because of this, which harms others and themselves. It has also promoted the widespread spread of super cancer-AIDS, which is harmful and harmful, and we should try our best to eliminate it.

be jealous of

There are mainly the following aspects: ① After illness, it is not suitable for sexual life. After a serious illness, if you force yourself to do it because of physical exhaustion and lack of vital energy, there may be repeated diseases or accidents. 2 drunk, it is not suitable for sex. Excessive sexual intercourse after drinking, which is difficult to control after excessive desire, often leads to excessive sexual intercourse, which hurts the kidney and consumes essence; After satiety, qi activity is blocked and qi activity is not smooth. In addition, fatigue and oppression in sex may lead to the obstruction of qi movement and accidents. (3) The journey is tiring and it is not suitable for sex. Because sexual intercourse should consume considerable physical strength, when physical strength is weak and energy is exhausted, the effect is not good and it is harmful to the body. 4 women's menstrual period is not suitable for sexual life. Having sex rashly during the menstrual period and hurting women's dating often leads to illness and is not good for men. ⑤ Women should pay attention to pregnancy and childbirth. In the early stage of pregnancy, fetal qi is uncertain, and it is easy to move fetal qi during sex, leading to abortion; After pregnancy, the tail is easy to squeeze the fetus and should be avoided. In the second trimester of pregnancy, it is difficult for young couples to cut off contacts, so they can be cautious, but when trying to reduce or avoid it, they should exercise restraint from the time, frequency and intensity of sexual intercourse and pay attention to the position of sexual intercourse. Postpartum lochia is not clean, and it is absolutely forbidden to have sex with others, so as to avoid damaging the uterus, flushing and bleeding. Generally, it can only be done after 1 month, and it will even take two or three months for those who fail to recover well.

5. Everything is the best arrangement.

The difficulties and confusions encountered in a person's life may be so unacceptable at present. But at some point later, I suddenly felt that all this was the best arrangement.

Life is like this. It is a wonderful thing to harvest the right person, be stable and happy for a long time. If you are emotionally displaced, it will be painful to meet someone, and you don't have to be overly disappointed with your fate. I believe everything is the best arrangement.

God does not make inexplicable decisions for no reason. It makes you give up and wait, in order to give you the best. All the cheating, insults and injuries are just the prelude to the gentle compensation of this world. Those tiny light spots will eventually become the burning light of life.

Too bad you can't see through it. It's best to see through it and let nature take its course. If it is not cruel, how can there be an epiphany? You should let go of all your losses and be grateful. Experience life with your heart and find that your life is the best and happiest time.

Mountains have peaks, and the sea has the other side; Long distance, there will be a turning point; The aftertaste is bitter and sweet. Calm the restless heart in fear and clean up the broken emotions in loss. Maybe the next moment, falling into the endless abyss, a spark will suddenly flash in the darkness.

All the losses are to make room for the arrival of precious things; All crawling is a warm-up before the high jump; All fragmented; All for the hard-won perfection.

All stories have an answer, but all the answers are not necessarily as expected. What's important is whether you can hold your temper and keep your heart steady until the dawn comes.

At any time, with nature, with fate, with joy, with the situation. Only by giving up asking why can we be content with the present and accept everything smoothly. Don't talk about sadness, don't talk about sadness, and leave your life story alone. I believe everything is the best arrangement.

Six, contentment is always happy

Laozi said: "The disaster is greater than dissatisfaction, and the blame is greater than desire, so satisfaction is often enough."

We must know how to be content, and contentment will make us happy. Only by experiencing plain beauty, smiling at triviality, walking in the world of mortals with a indifferent attitude and enjoying the elegance of life. With a normal heart, we can understand that defects are also beautiful. People are happy because they are open-minded, and people are happy because they are content.

No matter whether people love or hurt each other, we must learn to forgive. When you understand things and interpret life with a tolerant attitude, you will find that love and hate can be completely indifferent. Only when the clouds are light and the wind is light can life be drizzly.

People will grow old with the years; With experience, the heart will become strong. On the road of life, we should learn to bow our heads, learn to gain and lose, learn to dissolve hatred, and don't be serious about everything that binds us forward. People should be happy with contentment and face life with an optimistic attitude. No matter what you get or lose, you should know how to be content. Even if there are regrets in the end, as long as we try our best, we can have no regrets. People's life, whether brilliant or ordinary, should learn to be content and be the happiest person.

Life in this world, Jinshan Yinshan are all things outside the body, living without, dying without, coming empty-handed, leaving empty-handed, with a correct attitude towards life, plain and indifferent to the world. Know how to be grateful and cherish all friendships, and eternal friendship will last forever. Being kind to yourself and those who are destined to be happy is the greatest happiness in life.

Life is always unsatisfied, one mountain looks at another; A contented mind is perpetual feast. Don't bother yourself. Good is good, no matter how good it is, there is also a good side, but health and money must be organically combined to be good, otherwise life will be fooled. Learn to be content, be persistent and have no desire, and be content. If you are content and not greedy, you will live happily; Only when you know how to be content can you feel happy.

In the commodity economy society, there is a certain gap between the rich and the poor. People blindly compare with each other, which makes many people psychologically unbalanced. China people's material living standards have improved, but some people have no sense of happiness. As a result, contentment has become the spoken language of many people. As we all know, contentment is a kind of ideological realm of life and a way of life pursued by people with quality. In other words, contentment needs people's quality to ensure. For people who have no ideological realm and quality, they can only say that they don't know what to do, but they are still very tired. So, how can we be satisfied?

1. Indifferent Changle

People live in real life, especially in this age full of temptation. Most people are impetuous and like to compare with others. They compare treatment, eat, drink and be merry, and each comparison shows psychological imbalance, so they live very tired and bitter. These are all problems. Confucius said: a gentleman does his job, but he does not exceed it. He is rich and rich, rich and poor, and poor and poor. In other words, a gentleman is content with the status quo, does not envy others, does what he should do when he has money, and does what he should do when he has no money. In this way, people will not complain, but will be proud of themselves and have less distress and trouble. Being a man needs an indifferent heart and a quiet heart. With this mentality, you can be yourself, do your own thing, go your own way, and be happy in live high. This is a contented mind and a contented life.

Concise, always happy

With the improvement of material living standards in modern society, people are busy making money and living a fast-paced life. Some people are busy socializing and communicating all day, which makes life lose its original meaning, but it is difficult to change their habits. Change is to replace this busy social interaction and communication with simple life skills. That's what people do. If they pay too much attention to material life and the external content of life, they will lead a tired life. For example, if you live in a small house and want to change to a big one; If you have a car, you want to change it to a luxury model. Material desires are getting bigger and bigger, and it is difficult to be satisfied. Only by subtracting life from a simple lifestyle can a bed be used for sleeping. No matter how gorgeous the house is, it is only for living; Eating delicacies every day is not healthy, so a simple lifestyle can not only save money, but also make people physically and mentally healthy and satisfied. Why not?

happy

People's enjoyment needs both material life and spiritual pursuit. To some extent, a person's spiritual life is greater than material life only after he has enough food and clothing. People always need spiritual pursuit. Only spiritual happiness can make people feel relaxed and happy, and feel the beauty and happiness of life from the heart. God gave everyone 24 hours a day, which is fair. In fact, 24 hours a day, in addition to working for a few hours, in addition to busy with daily life and sleep, most of people should spend their time on spiritual enjoyment and pursuit, which shows that spiritual enjoyment is of great significance to life. In real life, the truly happy people are those who pursue spiritual enjoyment, or those who are cultivated in singing and dancing, or those who are addicted to the enjoyment of piano, chess, calligraphy and painting. With such spiritual pursuit, they can not only enrich their lives, but also make their lives more elegant, enhance their spiritual realm and enhance their character. This is the happiest person in the world, and also a happy person.

4. Struggle is always fun

It is not easy for people to come into this world. Now that I'm here, I'm going to live well and smartly. In this way, they must set up their own ideals and goals in life, and work hard and strive for them. Happiness in life requires both results and processes. Winners are happy in the process of struggle. Whether it is success or failure, it is the experience and understanding of the strugglers. These are all happy, enterprising and positive. If a person doesn't struggle, work hard, have no hope and no goal, such a life is as terrible as no sunshine, no life and no future, so life is only negative and not positive; Only complaining, no constant joy. Life needs constant happiness, that is, the Party is always happy in the struggle, always happy in the struggle, so that the sun is new every day, so that the hearts of strugglers are full of sunshine and hope, and they live happier and happier.

Emond once said: "Life is not a material feast, but a spiritual cultivation." In modern society, material enjoyment is not the whole meaning of life for everyone, let alone the ultimate goal of life. Pursuing spiritual enjoyment is the essence and original meaning of life. If a person wants to be satisfied, he must be less blind in comparison and more immersed in himself; Less material comforts and more spiritual pursuits. Only in this way can we keep quiet and not forget your initiative.

Ding guijun

June 2020 15