What is the "three noes" state? It is a sense of helplessness, hopelessness and powerlessness.
For example, for housewives, the loss of marriage means three States, for workaholics, unemployment, or inability to achieve, or even three States, or other things that make us at a loss.
uncomfortable
A child who is given a big mouth by his parents will scold himself in the way his parents used to treat her, for example, even if he doesn't act:
"Oh, I'm so bad. Am I so weak? ! What a fool! "
The child who is looked on coldly thinks that no one will protect her and help her, so she will naturally give up asking for help from the outside world and bear all this by herself.
Just like Tang Jing, she never asks others for help, but Luo Zijun always asks for help. There are men and women around her, including He Han and Miss Wu.
The ability to ask for help is also cultivated from an early age. Why did Luo Can naturally ask Zijun for help? Because this is the atmosphere of her family, she feels that it is not shameful to ask for help, and the results of asking for help are often good. Tang Jing may not have had such an experience when he was a child. She regards vulnerability as a shameful thing, or she doesn't believe that anyone will really help her.
So, the third kind of child seems to get the best protection?
Not exactly.
There is a girl in Zhihu who said that there is a fatal weakness in protecting too well, and I have constructed a warm and beautiful paradise in my mind. The illusion created by your own efforts will eventually be shattered. I was cheated as soon as I left home, and even thought about suicide.
My social experience is a blank sheet of paper, too kind and easy to trust others.
When such people are hurt, their pain index is several times that of others, and they can even give up on themselves.
Loneliness, loneliness
Everything is wrong. What should I do?
When the child stood on the table and was very afraid of needing help, the parents came. At this time, children have already felt setbacks and crises, that is, they have a certain sense of insecurity, that is, a sense of reality, and will not live in a world like Eden in the future. At the same time, when he was injured, he was comforted by his mother and guided by his father.
Mom would say, honey, are you scared? It's okay. Here we are. The child will feel understood. When she is hurt when she grows up, she often believes that someone around her can understand her, and she will also look for someone who can understand her and seek support.
Dad will tell her, what should you do? Don't climb again, or tell him, look, there is a small chair next to it. Will it be safer if you go down this small chair?
Mother gave comfort and father taught her to deal with danger. With these two strengths, she will have enough self-confidence and willpower.
Remember Wang? A famous TV host of CCTV, she once had a very embarrassing experience.
Once, Wang went to interview a famous barrister and walked up to him. Wang sat down naturally. Unexpectedly, the chair was not put away yet, and with a bang, she sat on the ground and burst into laughter.
Worst of all, the barrister she wanted to interview didn't reach out to help her, but laughed the loudest.
At this time, Wang was really embarrassed, but she quipped, "I fell badly." Be sure to pay attention to your posture next time you fall. "
Then she smiled casually and started the interview.
Self-mockery is also a kind of self-confidence; I don't care what others think, but I'm also confident.
A girl who didn't trust others fell down and was laughed at by everyone. She must feel that everyone didn't understand herself, comforted herself and laughed at herself. This program can't go on, or the talk show will be greatly discounted.
A confident woman, no matter what difficulties she encounters, believes that she can do it and survive well, which is also the trust and tolerance for others.
Self-confidence is a woman's greatest real estate.
Ego ego
2
willpower
I once compared addiction to love, and infatuation with someone is sometimes just a habit, and habit becomes addiction.
It really takes a little reason and willpower to quit.
On the contrary, a long-term relationship needs willpower.
Some people's love is always a short-lived relationship. When you encounter some problems, you start to retreat, not to work harder for your feelings.
If you change too fast and too much, you are too lazy to run a relationship.
One of my best friends, at first, her husband treated her generally. At that time, she didn't make progress and played around all day. We all advised her to break up. However, she persisted. Three years have passed, and under her guidance, her husband seems to be a different person. He was very kind to her and paid all the money he earned.
It seems that people with willpower in their feelings can win long-term victories.
In extramarital affairs, willpower is more important. When a husband cheats, a woman has two manifestations:
Some women say: I don't want to hear anything. He cheated me, which means that this man is not trustworthy. He's an asshole. Don't let such people exist. Divorce! !
Some women will calmly judge: Why did the other party cheat? Is this relationship worth saving or can it be saved? If I want to make it back, what are the possibilities and what can I do? If it is not worth saving, how can we protect our rights and interests?
This is the smart way, not impulsive.
Really, life is not a TV series. After divorce, there are often no two protectors around to settle everything for you, and many rich people are desperate to fall in love with you.
Most people's life after divorce will hurt their muscles and bones for two or three years, and they will also suffer from the decline of their quality of life. They may also want to find a divorced man with a baby.
A woman with willpower can judge calmly at any time, will not be knocked down by some paranoid beliefs, persevere with her teeth, and have enough strength to go to the end and get what she wants.