Yesterday, I saw a very sweet story about the great educational gap between husband and wife. The hero of the story is a doctor, and his daughter-in-law is only a secondary school student, but their lives are very happy.

He works in a university, and his daughter-in-law has lived in a loving family since childhood, and she has a good personality, so even if her husband has some work difficulties and complains to her, she doesn't understand, but she doesn't feel inferior, just listens stupidly.

Economically, his wife depends on him, but in life, he depends on his wife very much. His wife doesn't have to work and keeps the house in order. He has nothing to worry about at home except work.

Because of his high academic qualifications, he has a high position in his mother-in-law's family, which greatly satisfies his inner preference for boys.

My wife is not self-motivated, so he gradually settled in and enjoyed the marriage. On the contrary, his father and mother, although both highly educated, have been wary of each other all their lives, so he likes the combination of him and his wife with low education.

This story tells us that in marriage, education is really not important. At the same time, I also read another article saying that education is not important in love, but three views are important.

This question suddenly caused me to think. I think, if you are a graduate student, you find a girlfriend who graduated from high school, and you tell your parents or your friends that you two are true love and see what their reaction will be, then some people will say that times are different now, and nothing can stop love.

Maybe if you are someone else, you will say as a bystander that education is not important, so it is good for you to love each other, but if you are yourself, would you like to be with someone with a completely different education? I think the answer is probably no.

People with low academic qualifications may feel inferior, while people with high academic qualifications may feel that the other person's thoughts can't reach the height they want.

So, is education really not important? I think so. Education can be said to be not a necessary condition for you to choose a spouse, but it is an important factor that you have to consider when choosing a spouse.

Because a person's education level, to some extent, can completely affect a person's values, circle of friends, including the pattern of vision. Isn't this the three views that modern young people often mention and care about?

I have a good female friend who was with her primary school classmates with high school education when she was a graduate student.

They were very close when they were young, but they took two completely different paths after graduating from primary school.

Because her grades are top-notch, and that boy's grades in primary school are similar to hers, which is not bad, but after graduating from primary school, he began to be lonely, and after junior high school, they did not intersect.

My good friend went all the way to the master's degree, while the boys went to work in other places after graduating from high school. Many years later, the boys returned to their city, and they only met again at a class reunion.

Girls appreciate the emotional intelligence of boys. Although he doesn't read many books, he speaks very well. The boy is only trying to pursue her, because he is also afraid that girls will dislike his low academic qualifications.

In fact, girls hesitated, but finally decided to follow their hearts and stay with him, because she also likes him, and they know the root cause.

When she told me, I didn't quite understand it, and I opposed it, but she said that boys were very kind to her, and I couldn't say anything more, except to express my love wishes to her.

In less than half a year, she cried and told me that she broke up with him.

There is a simple reason. Their horizons, ideological level and even the life they want to live in the future are very different. Boys can't get into her circle and don't understand her thoughts. After a month of sweetness, they began to quarrel wildly.

She cried and said something to me that I can't forget so far: different educational background and different ideas. The communication between us is really tired. I often doubt myself. Am I really wrong?

Actually, it's not that she's wrong. It's just that two people have different ideological levels and different perspectives. It's normal to have differences.

I think her ex-boyfriend, who graduated from high school, may have a lot of incomprehension about her thoughts. Perhaps, he also felt very painful, so they finally broke up peacefully.

The combination of high education and low education, aside from the power of hormones, the remaining unstable factors are really hard to say.

Two years later, my good friend met her boyfriend who also has a master's degree, and they also have some professional intersections. Now they have a good relationship.

She said the communication was too smooth, and the career they pursued was very consistent with the standard of living they wanted. They are going to get married at the end of the year. I'm really happy for her.

What is proximity means that ideas, viewpoints and values are similar. Then, when external conditions can't clearly judge whether you are close, education can often be used as an important reference factor, and education can also screen out many unqualified people.

I have seen a similar question on Zhihu: What kind of experience is there a big gap in academic qualifications between husband and wife?

One of them spoke highly of my heart.

Based on the summary of the previous generation's marriage mode and the situation of friends around him, he came to such a conclusion:

That is to say, in the demand based on the simplest physiological needs, life communication and other intimate relationships, no matter how big the educational gap is, it will not affect their mutual communication and life at all.

But if we put aside our physical desires, we still need mutual understanding, respect and good communication, so that we can communicate with each other on complex issues and face the ups and downs in life. Love or marriage with a large educational gap often has unreliable risks.

In other words, one of the effects of the education gap on love or marriage is that they can hardly discuss any complicated issues, or the communication cost of discussing complicated issues is extremely high.

Some people may say, "Where are the couples or couples who discuss complex problems every day?"

Psychological research shows that talking about relatively complex topics such as social issues, pan-literature, pan-philosophy, etc. is indeed the realistic demand of some highly educated and high-spirited pursuers.

At the same time, when the political inclination and openness between partners are highly similar, their previous intimate relationship is often better. In other words, talking about these topics is an important indicator to measure the emotional concentration of two people.

The reality is that in daily life, couples or couples often casually talk about these topics, so once these issues are discussed, differentiation will come out.

So, based on the premise of big data, do you still think that education is not important? In other words, do you think that education will not become one of the insurmountable obstacles to your love career and even marriage?

Some people will ask me, wasn't the couple who combined the doctor with the technical secondary school very happy? There is almost no contradiction between them. How do you explain this?

This is equivalent to asking me when I am looking for a job that my education is not important. 985 is no different from ordinary undergraduate courses. In the end, the company only values your ability. I have a classmate who graduated from an ordinary undergraduate course, but he is better than many students in 985.

So, can you judge that education is really not important for finding a job through small probability events?

If it really doesn't matter, why are many ordinary undergraduates mercilessly rejected by the sentence "Our company requires 2 1 1 universities"?

This is also a very realistic and painful problem, but it has to be accepted.

Indeed, Ma Yun only graduated from Normal University, but he is the richest man in China. But if you look at other bosses and entrepreneurs, how many of them didn't graduate from Fudan University in Tsinghua? For example, Huawei CEO Ren, who graduated from Chongqing University in 985, and Liu, the founder of China Renmin University, etc.

After all, small probability events cannot be used as the mainstream judgment, and the importance of academic qualifications in marriage and love is the same.

At the beginning, the doctor's wife played a very important role in this harmonious marriage. Her personality is tolerant and fearless, and she is willing to pay and sacrifice to cover all life at home. However, if she encounters complicated problems such as children's education and life planning, her happiness will still be affected to varying degrees.

At the same time, the doctor's husband doesn't mind that his daughter-in-law has no education, and he doesn't need his wife's help and support for his career, so the sense of the boundary of education is naturally erased.

But can others, like them, make up for the influence of intimacy caused by academic qualifications in other ways? I don't think so.

It is even more difficult to want a partner with high education and low education who meets the above conditions.

Therefore, if possible, I personally suggest that people with similar educational levels should combine and enter the marriage hall. After all, no one wants to be on top, and no one wants to be at a disadvantage in a relationship forever.

In this era, with the weakening of male chauvinism and the rising of women's independent consciousness, women have greater demand for spiritual partners, so the factors of spiritual pursuit differentiation brought by academic qualifications have to be considered.

It is true that the beginning of love is based on emotional and even physiological factors such as hormones. However, the management of intimate relationship needs to consider practical issues such as academic qualifications.

After all, high-quality effective and relaxed communication between partners and high spiritual needs are the key factors for the effective existence of intimate relationships.

Of course, if the spiritual pursuit transcends the difference of academic qualifications, and the party with high academic qualifications can have enough patience and courage to drive the party with low academic qualifications who are keen on learning and progress to narrow the gap between them, then the academic qualifications can of course be ignored.

About the author: Dong Dong, engineering graduate students are studying. A literary young woman who loves words, an inspirational, sunny, enthusiastic, thoughtful, soulful and dreamy fairy. The dream is to lead women in the new era to become better themselves.