"... when did you see the world change with people; With the dream, isn't it even spring days ... "
My thoughts were suddenly pulled back to the depths of my memory by melody. This song named "Ordinary Song", I remember hearing it for the first time, was in junior high school, and it was the opening song of a TV series called "Love in the Blue Sea". Twenty years have passed, and I have long forgotten what I said in the TV series, but this song left a deep impression on me at that time; At that time, copying lyrics was still popular. In that era when there was no MP3 player, several other good students and I were each responsible for part of it, staying in front of the TV set, dictating and collecting the lyrics of Song of Ordinary People. What impressed me at that time was not only the free and easy opening remarks, "You and I are mortals, born in this world ..." The most profound point was "having a dreamy face" ...
At that time, when I was young, everyone envied the beautiful girls in my grade and class. I worried in front of the mirror every day. Why can't I be beautiful? In this way, you can not only get the attention of teachers, but also be sought after by male students. This is probably a little dream in the hearts of "Seeds of Love" and inexperienced girls at that time.
Jonathan Lee, the eldest brother in music, has always been regarded as the best spokesman for urban feelings. Zhang Aijia said, "Everyone has a Jonathan Lee in his heart". The lyrics of this "Ordinary Song" show his refined description of life and fate. The last few words, "when did you see that the world changed with people and had a dream face?" Is it spring now? " Although ridiculous, it is thought-provoking: people live in the world, and it is useless to complain about depression. Even if they have everything they dream of, life will continue as always; Therefore, we only need to face the challenges and setbacks in life with a calm and peaceful attitude.
The reason why I spent some time tasting the lyrics of this "folk song" is because I recently read a book called "Psychology of Success", which made me introspect and observe my "successful" life status and whether I "succeeded". After listening to this song, I felt a lot. The lyrics of an old song with a long history and a large textbook-level reading material with the meaning of "guiding work, life and life" also have different meanings.
I remember when I first heard this song, I was probably 13 or 4 years old. At that time, I was deeply impressed by "having the face I dreamed of". Now, for me when I was young, this is a metaphor for success and dreaming of life. Because for a girl who is not deeply involved in the world, a good face represents the recognition and affirmation of the people around her, guarantees all kinds of good expectations for the future, and means "success". With the growth of age, the definition of "success" is also gradual: get into a good university, find a job that will make you and your family rich, and it is best to have enough time to read your favorite books, travel regularly and enjoy your life after work.
This is the definition of success I can think of, and in today's society, the word "success" has been described by all kinds of "success" books, crash guides and soothing chicken soup. Tens of millions of real estate values, the industry status that can "call the wind and rain" in the industry, the rising status of the workplace, and the children have received good education in prestigious schools ... Are these goals that are tirelessly pursued by tired urbanites really successful? However, the pursuit process is often accompanied by fatigue, confusion and loss, while the goal is always out of reach. In our eyes, "successful people" and "a successful life at will" are just like "other people's children" in the mouth of parents when they were young, just like the moonlight in the mirror, which is always out of reach. Because, "even if you have the face of your dreams, you can't have the whole spring."
So, in Dennis? At the beginning of whiteley's Psychology of Success, the author led us to define our own definition of success and answered "What is success?" This question clarifies your vision for success.
Everyone has a different definition of success, but in a specific social and cultural background, we can still sum up some characteristics about success-
"Success means a lifetime of personal achievement, that is, the meaningful feeling you create in your work and life"; "This kind of success is not given by others and will not be deprived by others; It requires you to take risks, overcome challenges and give full play to your best resource-yourself. "
After understanding "what is-what is success", "how-how to succeed" is even more exciting. Everyone expects to live a happy and beautiful life, which is understandable. Books that teach "Leadership" and "Chicken Soup for the Soul" in the airport bookstore always make the best-selling list. Master Rinpoche's quotations are constantly exploding the circle of friends. The popularity of "going to Tibet alone" and "going to Tibet on foot" reflects the inner confusion and impetuousness of the public in their pursuit of success from another side. Different from this kind of "secret of success" and "chicken soup for the soul" preaching, the book "Psychology of Success" tells the basic psychological principles of success and mainly discusses the ways and methods of success from the psychological dimension. This is because:
"Psychology is a science that studies human behavior, and its main goal is to describe, predict, explain and (in some cases) change human behavior"; "Thinking, feeling and action are interrelated, and our beliefs about ourselves affect our feelings and actions."
After understanding the basic principles of psychology, Psychology of Success introduces seven important elements of success, namely, self-awareness and self-guidance, self-esteem, positive thinking, self-discipline and self-motivation, and positive and harmonious interpersonal relationships.
These seven important elements are psychological tools and research paradigms. In the book Psychology of Success, seven psychological tools are used to create a chapter, which discusses the definition of success from seven elements, stimulates readers' thinking and helps readers apply what they have learned to real life with real cases and stories. In the process of reading, the column "Applied Psychology" left a deep impression on me. In these chapters, some frontier topics such as body image, child psychology and gerontology are also linked with the key points discussed in the chapters, which are easy to understand.
But frankly, when I first started reading this book, it took me a long time to "get into the play". Perhaps it is because the word "success" has been over-materialized and materialized in the educational environment and real life context since childhood. At the beginning of reading, I gradually fell into the strange circle of "everything in the book is right, and I forget it after reading it". With the deepening of reading, combined with many real cases in the book, I often have a feeling of "suddenly realizing". After reading this article, I want to talk about my own experience when reading the chapter "Self-esteem".
In April this year, my position experienced a little unpleasant change. Without communicating with me in advance, the supervisor told me the fact that my boss decided to change my job because of my poor work performance recently, but both the supervisor and the boss were vague.
I couldn't figure it out at the time. At that time, my boss casually gave me a "messy" evaluation of a carefully written research report, which made me even more unacceptable. As a matter of fact, this report was submitted to the superior intact and word for word, and was highly praised. At that time, I used this as a reason to think that job change was the boss's personal "impulse" and "slow down". After days of resentment, I gradually accepted the fact.
I am not a newcomer in the workplace, and I know that I should face setbacks and negative criticisms in the workplace calmly. But I still struggle with the evaluation of the word "chaos". I remember that I even wrote an article to discuss the harmfulness of this "negative evaluation without giving substantive advice and guidance".
When I read the chapter on "self-esteem" about "you and the ideal you" in the Psychology of Success, I had an epiphany:
In this chapter, the author discusses "criticism and self-esteem" in detail: "People with low self-esteem are particularly vulnerable to criticism, especially when this criticism echoes their inner criticism." "The key to mastering criticism is to realize that everyone is looking at a situation in his or her unique way; Therefore, just because someone criticizes your appearance, driving or work habits doesn't mean that these people have problems, you may just be different when dealing with an opinion; It is also possible that your critics are inspired by personal difficulties ... "
Criticism itself can be divided into destructive criticism and constructive criticism. "Destructive criticism is general, it is aimed at your attitude or some of your own negatives, not at specific behaviors; Usually completely negative, there is no useful suggestion on how to do things in different ways "; On the contrary, "constructive criticism focuses on specific behavior, not on you personally."
We need to respond to these two different criticism modes in different ways:
Seeing this, I can't help but think of a teacher I met at the beginning of my job, who was very meticulous, patient and generous to young people. At that time, I studied official document writing with her. For the complacent work reports I hand in, she always fully recognizes my work attitude first, and then carefully modifies the materials I write. In addition, she often writes comments to me at the end of the article, just like a Chinese teacher commenting on a composition, pointing out the problems and details that I should pay attention to in my future writing; Classification, concise, full of "dry goods" realized by a writing material worker for many years.
At that time, I couldn't tell the difference between "constructive" and "destructive" criticism, but I instinctively tended to the latter. Because we all avoid the "rotten tongue" and avoid this simple and rude way; At the same time, our hearts often produce great resistance, and even refute our critics on the spot, just like Michael Jackson's "Scream" has a lyric:
"You told me I was wrong; You said I was wrong;
Then you'd better prove that you are right, then you'd better prove that you are right ... "
After learning the chapter "Psychology of Success", I can't laugh it off if I face similar vague "bad reviews" again, but at least I won't be so excited.
There are countless places in the book that give me similar inspiration. This is the uniqueness of "Psychology of Success": it is not a successful brainwashing sermon in the ordinary sense, but subtly guides our thinking from the psychological point of view, helps us develop a rational and peaceful mentality, and thus faces life and its setbacks with a positive and optimistic attitude. And when you really do all this, success may not be so far away.
Although I have finished reading this book, the knowledge inside needs further chewing and experience in daily life; Success is a process, not a result; The thinking training of "positive thinking", "self-discipline" and "self-motivated" in the book and the "dry goods" of "time management" also need our readers to explore and practice together.
Back to the beginning of this essay, we are all "mortals born in this world". "Since we are not immortals, we will inevitably have other ideas". Let's use the tools and weapons of psychology to go smoothly on the road of success and self-realization.