Juzijun recently fell in love with his colleague Lili. Wherever Lili goes, he will chase after her; Jiang Mumu has been very upset recently. His colleagues (younger, one level below him) are madly in love with him and follow him everywhere. Because my brother weighs 230 Jin, oranges always call her. So, I often hear this conversation: A Chen: Do you have a football match today? Why don't you go? Jiang Mumu: I'm not going. Before dating Xiao Lazy on June 9, 2008, she was very gentle and never lost her temper. The worst thing he said was "You have gone too far". After interacting with Xiao Lazy, I was exposed to its influence all day, and gradually became bad friends with my classmates. Early in the morning, Xiao was too lazy to go running with him. Mywood suddenly stopped. Laziness: Jiang Mumu, what are you doing? Jiang Mumu: I am tying my shoelaces. Lazy (angry): You really can't tie your shoelaces. Jiang Mumu: You have gone too far! You run and try tying your shoelaces for me. Jiang Mumu: Well, who? Give that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that ... lazy: fuck off! Can't you make it clear? Who knows what the fuck you're talking about? Jiang Mumu (indignant): You have gone too far. I'm just vague, aren't I? Jiang Mumu: Lazy, can you smell my feet? Lazy: Fuck you. I don't smell it. Jiang Mumu: I just want you to smell your feet. I didn't scold anyone. Jiang Mumu: Come downstairs after work, lazy boy. Let's go shopping together. Lazy: OK, where shall I wait for you? Jiang Mumu: You wait for me at the door opposite the Fourth Ring Road. Lazy: I don't know which is the fourth ring! Jiang Mumu (sit patiently): Then you wait for me at our south gate. Lazy: I don't know which is South. Jiang Mumu (suddenly erupts in silence): Fuck off! Yes! Fuck you%%&; ……* & amp； *&... You're here. I haven't known where the Fourth Ring Road is for more than 20 times. You have lived for seven years, and you still don't know which is the fourth ring? Laziness: ... Orange: Why? The one who put on the uniform of the same size as you and shouted "1 1 I love you"? Jiang Mumu: ... You don't have to talk about it every day. What about you? Why don't you go to the gym today? Doesn't Lili go every weekend? Orange: Well, I don't want to see Lili today. Jiang Mumu: Why? Chen: We changed the network server yesterday. Except me, most of my colleagues don't know how to tune it. So I helped them one by one ... Jiang Mumu: Good, this is a good time for you to show yourself. Orange (hesitating): ... but, but ... Jiang Mumu (doubtfully): What's the matter? Orange: I made a big turn. I just adjusted Lili's pants and took them to my colleague sitting next to her. The other party suddenly exclaimed-your pants zipper is not zipped! Jiang Mumu: ... On July 28th, 2008, Xiao Lazy had a nasty hobby-coughing, that is, Xiao Lazy especially liked to be forced to play sitcoms together. Robot Cat Lazy: Jiang Mumu, let's play robot cat today. Jiang Mumu (readily agreed): Then I'll play the big bear and you play Camfrog. Lazy: Well, Camfrog is Camfrog. Let's get started. Jiang Mumu (punching the lazy man): Camfrog, what did you just do? Lazy: Oh, you killed me. Can't you be gentle? Jiang Mumu: That's how the bear in the cartoon bullied Kangfu. Laziness: ... then be gentle. Jiang Mumu: But that's unrealistic. Are you going to play or not? I went to watch football. Lazy (grievance): OK, OK, let's do it. Jiang Mumu (another punch): Kangfu, who are you playing against? Lazy (grinning with pain): I went to play with Xiaojing. Jiang Mumu (another punch): Mama of, Xiaojing is my girl, and you are not allowed to find her in the future. Laziness: ... I don't want to play. I don't want to play Conway. I want to play the big bear! Jiang Mumu: OK. You play, you play. (Another punch according to lazy arm) Bear, you just need a beating! Lazy (rubbing his arm in pain): Why did you hit me again? Jiang Mumu (punches again): I'm a robot cat. Who told you to bully our Kangfu all the time? ! Laziness: ... Shit, I'll fight you! NO2, Crayon Shinchan Lazy: Let's play Crayon Shinchan, and you choose the role. Jiang Mumu: I choose A Dai. A Dai has few words and simple actions. Lazy: I thought you would choose Nohara to play Xiao Xin's father, and then I would play Meiya. A Dai will be boring. You have to take the initiative before you can play with me. Jiang Mumu: Oh, well, I'll choose due south. Lazy: OK, I'll play Xiao Xin. Due south (with a heavy punch on Jiang Mumu's arm), give me your BearBiscuit. Jiang Mumu: ... Lazy (followed by a heavy punch): What are you doing? Give it to me! I'm getting angry. Oh, dig ha ha! Dynamic light wave! BIU BIU BIU BIU BIU！ ! ! Jiang Mumu (pretending to say to the person on his left): A Dai, Xiao Xin bullied me. You help, and I'll give you half a BearBiscuit. Jiang Mumu (turning to aim at the position where he just stood): I'm A Dai. Don't worry, I'll help you beat Xiao Xin. Jiang Mumu (turning around calmly): I'm in the south now. Nini, Nini and Xiao Xin bullied me. Come and help me. I'll help you find a lot of handsome guys and play house with you later. Jiang Mumu (pretending to face the person on his right): I'm Nini. Don't worry, Zhengnan, I will help you defeat Xiao Xin. Jiang Mumu: Go to hell, Xiao Xin, let's go (fists rain down on the stunned slacker)! Lazy (dumbfounded): ... one person is not allowed to play multiple roles! Third, Romeo! Juliet. Lazy: Jiang Mumu, let's play Romeo and Juliet today. Jiang Mumu: No ... I don't like this. Lazy: Come on, come on. Just play and don't wash dishes for a week. Jiang Mumu (reluctantly): All right. Lazy: Then let's play the scene where Juliet dies. Ah, Romeo, farewell (tilt your head lazily and fall into Jiang Mumu's arms). (holding Xiao in his arms and crying lazily): Pig (Zhu)! Laziness: ... (Continue to cry sadly): Pig (Zhu)! How could you leave me, Zhu! Lazy (black face): Can you stop calling me a pig and call me Juliet! Jiang Mumu: ... Nice nickname, Pig (Zhu). You are too picky. Lazy: Don't call me a pig! Jiang Mumu (helplessly): Well, thank you. I see. Lazy: Then I'll start all over again (lazy committed suicide with his head tilted and fell into Jiang Mumu's arms). Jiang Mumu: Ah ... Juliet. (Staring affectionately at the lazy, taking a deep breath) Me, IP and IC cards, tell me all about it! Lazy: Get out! On February 8, 65438, Xiao Lanhe went out to play. Lazy: Jiang Mumu, I'm hungry. Did you bring anything to eat? Jiang Mumu: No. First of all, I will go home soon. Lazy: Last time we went out to play with Li, he had a bag of peanuts and beans in his schoolbag. Why didn't you bring anything? Jiang Mumu: Next time Li is free to bring any beans, I'll teach him. Li хх: Who offended who when I took Baodou? On October 5th, 65438/KLOC-0, we agreed to go back to Jiang Mumu's hometown Hainan for the Spring Festival and meet Jiang Mumu's parents, so-Little Lazy has been acting a little weird recently. Laziness: Jiang Mumu, will your parents like me? Jiang Mumu: I don't think I don't like it. Lazy (nervously): Hey, will it? What if they don't agree to us being together? Would you like to elope with me? Jiang Mumu: ... No way. Lazy (nervous): By the way, take out your household registration book before your parents see it. What, you have a hukou book? That's a relief. Besides, if your parents want to talk to me alone, you must never say yes. That's what happens on TV. Parents who don't like their son's girlfriend will call the girl out to chat alone when their son is away, and then say a lot of insulting words to drive her away. God, that's terrible. Jiang Mumu: Are you all right, slacker? Lazy (Lenovo ing): Yes, yes, it is very likely that after humiliating me, I will force you to change your card. It may even force you to move. Where can I find you in case we get separated? Let's have a dark contact. I want to see, yes, on the street where we decided to have sex, on that stone step, I'll wait for you there. You must remember. Jiang Mumu: Let's go to the neurology department to examine you first. Lazy! Lazy, what's the matter with you! Lazy! Lazy: ... May 2008 16 Lazy: Can I brush your eyelashes with Lancome Mascara? Without any resistance? Jiang Mumu (black face): ... You are a psycho. Lazy: Please. Didn't you just say that whatever wish you have will help me realize it? This wish is simple. It doesn't even cost you a dime. Jiang Mumu (angry): But it will consume a lot of self-esteem ... Lazy: But since my eyelashes are burnt, they haven't grown. Haven't you been joking about my short eyelashes? You also said that people with curly and long eyelashes would look beautiful and elegant. Jiang Mumu (proudly): Yes, your eyelashes are not one third as long as mine, and you waste so much mascara. What a waste. Lazy (sighing): Please, I want to apply it to your eyelashes, because it doesn't work on mine. Think about it, I used so many kinds of mascara, but it didn't work. But yours is different. You have a good foundation. Turn on the light at night, whether you look up or down, you can cast such a long shadow. Jiang Mumu (more and more excited): That's right. My, uh, colleagues also say that my eyelashes are beautiful. Lazy: Right? However, you said that you are a man who has nothing to do with such long eyelashes. Is it blackmail from heaven? Jiang Mumu: No. When I take a walk at night, flying insects often stop on it to rest ... Lazy (suppressing anger and continuing to persuade): So, you see, I used Lancome mascara this time, Lancome! Famous brand, I scrimped and saved for this mascara, and I didn't eat ... Jiang Mumu (squinting): You seem to be losing weight, right? Lazy: But in order to balance my expenses, I don't have shoes and T-shirts with this mascara. Jiang Mumu: Do you think this will help? Lazy: It's really good, better than other brands. Jiang Mumu: That's good. It hasn't taken effect yet. Lazy: But, but ... think about it, I still can't see it after wearing mascara for four or five times. What effect will it have if I apply it to your eyelashes? Shit, I can't imagine. Please let me try. Okay (coquetry). Jiang Mumu (shivering): Please, I'm a man! A scholar can be killed but not humiliated! Lazy: Er ... Jiang Mumu, do you want to wash the dishes or do you want me to brush my eyelashes? Jiang Mumu: Lazy, I beg you, will you stop seducing me in this way? Lazy: Well, do you want to mop the floor or do you want me to brush my eyelashes? Jiang Mumu: ... Lazy: Do you want to cook or do you want me to brush my eyelashes? Jiang Mumu: orz. ..... Lazy: Jiang Mumu, please, just once, okay? Lazy: Jiang Mumu, today is the first anniversary of our love. You don't want to make me unhappy, do you? Lazy: Jiang Mumu, it's sad that people's eyelashes are so short. You always hit me and make fun of me. Woo-woo-woo, are you so sad to see me? Jiang Mumu: ... Just when Lazy's patience reached its peak and he wanted to tie Jiang Mumu directly with a rope, Jiang Mumu said a word lightly, which made Lazy completely stop brushing Jiang Mumu's eyelashes. Moreover, this sentence led the lazy girl to hold the Lancome Mascara tightly in her hand, and even if she knelt down and begged herself, she would never give it. Yes, this is Lancome, so expensive and wasteful! Little lazy: ... July 2008 17 Little lazy experience: the wicked are hard to do! Colleagues in Jiang Mumu Department can bring a family member to dinner. Little lazy donkey and Mumu went out. It was very pleasant to talk and laugh during the dinner. But when eating salad, Xiao Jing suddenly ate a wire! Too much! Xiao Jing (waving): Waiter, call your manager. Manager: Hello, what can I do for you? Xiaojing (picks up the wire with chopsticks): What is this? Manager (looking down): Oh, I'm sorry, I'll change it for you right away. Xiao Jing: Is this a change? Manager (hesitating): OK, I'll give you another braised prawn. Xiaojing: Is this the delivery of braised prawns? I've been thinking about it all day today, and I want to throw up when I get home. Can't sleep at night. I may have nightmares at night, and I won't be able to eat when I get up tomorrow, and my spirit is not good. Do you think this is about delivering braised prawns? Manager (gnashing his teeth and stamping his feet): Miss, you suggest a solution. If it succeeds, we will do as you say. Xiao Jing: Our table is free. Manager (rubbing hands uneasily): this ... miss, it's a bit too difficult for me. Do you think it's half price? Xiao Jing (frowning coldly): Is this something at half price? (stands up impatiently) There are so many guests in your shop. In case everyone eats something, can you take this responsibility? Half price is fine. You can also solve my mental damage compensation by the way ... Manager (interrupting): Stop it, miss, it's free, all of it is free. Xiao Jing: That's more like it. Jiang Mumu: That's all right. Lazy: Wow, that's awesome! A few days later. I went to eat Mai Molao with Xiao Lazy. When I ate chicken wings, I actually had a long chicken feather on it, and now I feel sick. Jiang Mumu: Lazy, what did you see my colleague do last time? This time, I will leave it to you. Lazy: Why not you? Jiang Mumu: I am a man! Lazy: But I ... Jiang Mumu (waving): Waiter, call your manager. Manager: Hello, what can I do for you? Jiang Mumu (chicken wings in hand): What's this? Manager (bent down and looked at it calmly): Er, this is a chicken feather. God, this line is obviously wrong. She should say, "Well, I'm sorry, I'll change it for you right away." Then we'll say-you say, is this about changing it? At this time, the manager will say, what do you say, and then we say-free! Woo-hoo-hoo ... In view of Mai's failure to follow the routine we set before, the manager tampered with his lines without authorization and even said, "This is a chicken feather", which shocked us. This sudden accident made mywood and I look at each other. Xiao Jing, you didn't teach me this situation. ) Jiang Mumu (thinking): What do you say? Manager: What do you want to do? (Glancing at Xiao lazily): What do you think? The manager turned to Xiao lazily. Lazy: Er, er, er, that, er, (glancing at Mywood) What do you think? The manager turned to mywood. Jiang Mumu: What do you think? The manager turned to Xiao lazily. Lazy: This happens in chain stores all over the country. Too much! I have all day today ... er (changing the subject), Jiang Mumu, shall we go to the movies later? Manager: What did you say? Jiang Mumu (hate iron not to produce steel): Tell me a solution. Manager: Tell me a solution. Lazy (cursed in my heart, damn it, you parrot, stomp your feet): Change it. Manager: OK, I'll change it for you now. Jiang Mumu: Alas. The manager took a box of new chicken wings and left triumphantly. Lazy: Actually, Jiang Mumu, we can totally make her free. You know, I've been thinking about it all day today, and I'll feel sick when I get home. Can't sleep at night. Maybe I will have nightmares at night, I won't be able to eat tomorrow, and I'm in a bad mood ... Jiang Mumu: orz…… ... What did you do early? Lazy man: Alas, the wicked are hard to do ... I married Jiang Mumu on 10/October 26th. About housework-the trick to deal with Jiang Mumu: Little Lazy gradually found that Jiang Mumu was getting lazy. Since he taught Xiao Lazy to cook, he has never cooked or washed dishes by himself. However, it's hard to beat Xiao Lazy, because Xiao Lazy in chinese odyssey soon got the knack of getting him to work. Lazy wants Jiang Mumu to wash the dishes and finish the meal. Suppose the lazy man asks: lazy man: do you wash the dishes or should I? Jiang Mumu: (happily) Of course you do the dishes. Therefore, under normal circumstances, Xiao Lazy will ask: There are three things to do now: First, wash the dishes; Second, mop the floor; Third, clean the table, chair and cupboard ... which one do you choose? Jiang Mumu immediately replied happily: Of course, washing dishes ... will still hurt people, but sometimes I am too lazy, so let him know that Xiao Lazy does a lot of things, and he will help me understand as long as he has a good grasp. But this degree must be grasped well, otherwise it will not work if it exceeds his tolerance limit. For example, after he washed the dishes successfully, Xiao Lazy was a little lazy, so he asked him: There are two things next, first, mopping the floor; Second, clean the table, chair and cupboard ... which one do you choose? Now he quit, pouting and saying, lazy, you are too bullying! June 2008 65438+1October 2 1 I flew to Haikou yesterday and spent an afternoon choosing a wedding photo studio. It's really dazzling Finally, Jiang Mumu and I reached an agreement and chose a chief photographer with a pair of sharp little tiger teeth. Jiang Mumu was dishonest when he took pictures. Photographer: Bride, turn your left shoulder a little more, right, right. Groom officer, close to the bride ... (suddenly attached to Xiao Lan's ear, her voice is very low): I found something wrong with the photographer's teeth. Lazy: Ah, what's the matter? Photographer: The bride and groom should not talk yet. Yes, keep your present posture. Bride, (intentionally making the bride and groom laugh) Look at my little tiger teeth (showing teeth), ok, look at the camera. Jiang Mumu (staring at a pair of 2.0 eyes): His sixth tooth on the lower right side has bug eyes! Lazy: Hahahahahahahaha! Click! Photographer (pressing the shutter and looking at it): The bride laughs too much and opens her mouth too wide. (doubtfully) Am I that funny? Laziness: ... put on court clothes. Photographer (adjusting lens): The groom puts his hand on the bride's left shoulder. Yes, the bride's chin is slightly raised. Jiang Mumu (suddenly attached to Xiao Lan's ear in a low voice): Xiao Lan, shall we play a sitcom together? Lazy: Huh? Jiang Mumu: It takes two days to shoot. It's easier to kill time by taking pictures and performing sitcoms at the same time. Laziness: ... OK. Jiang Mumu (speaking quickly): Let's play Cinderella. You are Cinderella, I am a prince, and you came to my party in glass slippers. We are dancing together now ... Photographer: The bride and groom should not talk yet. Yes, keep your present posture. Bride, turn your head to the right a little, and then turn it again. Okay, look at the camera. Jiang Mumu (with a pathetic expression, speaking quickly): After this dance, come with me to the bedroom and have a baby for me. Did you hear that, you careless woman? Your zipper hasn't been zipped yet! Laziness: ... click! Photographer (pressing the shutter and looking at it): No, we have to start all over again. The bride smiled sheepishly. (depressed) Are you not satisfied with me? Why do I always feel weird? Lazy: orz…… quarreled with Jiang Mumu yesterday on February 23rd, 2008. The reason is ... when I got up yesterday morning, Xiao Lazy was preparing to rush to the toilet at the speed of a leopard, and found that she had ruthlessly occupied the only toilet in the room and was reading a novel by Haruki Murakami with relish. Lazy: Come on, I'm ... I can't hold it any longer. Jiang Mumu: In the past, you went to college first, but I couldn't. I'll brush my teeth and wash my face first, and then I'll go when you go to college. Now it's my turn to go to the bathroom first, and you do something else first. Lazy (dumbfounded): OK, you have to be quick. (impatiently brushing your teeth, washing your face, wearing contact lenses, making up ...) Ten minutes later. Lazy: Hey, Jiang Mumu, I'm finished. Why don't you come out? Jiang Mumu: ... (Keep reading. ) Lazy (short of breath): Don't make me try my best! Jiang Mumu: What do you want? Lazy: I'm going to curse. Jiang Mumu: Oh? All right. Lazy: You, you big rascal, you spent so much time in the toilet in the morning, you have stomach problems, you, you ... you still read Haruki Murakami's books. I know, in fact, you have a crush on him for a long time, and your sexual orientation is problematic. You, you, you, waste other people's time, you, you, you, you, you are heartless, you, you are heinous, you, you are sinful ... you, (tone softens) don't you know that people have three urgency? Jiang Mumu: (absently) Oh, I see. Laziness: I have been dancing in the room like a monkey for a long time. Don't you have any pity? Jiang Mumu: Are you finished? Laziness (gas knot): That's it. Jiang Mumu: Su Xiaolan, I don't think this is a day or two. Even if I grew up at home, it was only two or three times a week, but what about you? You always grow up at home, sometimes twice a day. Can't you learn from me at work? How much toilet paper do you waste for your family? I found out a long time ago that the toilet paper you used was on sale. You used at least one meter of toilet paper last time. If you use it twice a day, it is two meters of paper a day, 60 meters a month and 720 meters a year. How much is this? How many pieces of wood do you have? How many forests have you destroyed over time? ..... Little Lazy decided not to rush him to the toilet next time. There's no hurry to kill Xiao Lazy. On March 8, 2008/KLOC-0, Xiao Lazy was watching a marriage-seeking program. W: If your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, which one would you save? Please answer one, two, three and six male guests. Man 1: Help my mother. Man 2: Well, whoever comes near me will be saved. Man 3: I saved you ... of course. Man 6: I will save the future mother (maybe the mother of the child, maybe your mother after our future marriage). Lazy: (thoughtfully) Have fun. Jiang Mumu came home from work. Lazy: Jiang Mumu, if your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, who would you save? Think carefully before you answer seriously! Jiang Mumu: Huh? What? Fall into the water with mom? Isn't my mother in Hainan? Lazy: I mean if. Jiang Mumu: Why did you two fall into the river? You went shopping with her? Hey, if you go out, walk more. Besides, my mother likes clothes. You can take her shopping. Lazy: I don't want it. Mom doesn't like clothes when she goes to the mall, but she likes top tailors to inspect the work. I don't like people's buttons being badly buttoned, or I think there is something wrong with their cutting skills ... Hmm ... No, I mean, if your mother and I fall into the water ... Jiang Mumu: In the water? This is not right. You can't even swim there. I told you long ago that you should learn to swim, exercise and keep healthy, but you just wouldn't listen. You say, when can I lose weight like this? Lazy: I'm getting thinner. It can't be finished in one day ... No, I'm asking you, if we all fall into the water ... Jiang Mumu: The water quality is really bad now. Mineral water tastes strange. Alas, the air is not good now, which is far worse than our Hainan. You know, in Hainan, you don't have to wipe your face in the morning. Your face is always wet. But ... if you don't apply moisturizing lotion within two minutes, will your face be dry and painful? Laziness: ... Oh. Jiang Mumu: By the way, what did you want to ask me just now? Laziness: ... Nothing ... Enough, landlord.