My birth
In the winter of 1998, like many people, I was born in an ordinary family. With a cry, a girl in her early twenties became a mother. This poor family, with my arrival, bound my mother, and of course gained more joy. In order to make juice, parents soon left home to work. I was raised by my grandfather. Later, my grandfather was busy farming. Nature has not been taken care of carefully. Later, I was infected with a dry sore. It is said that I looked distressed at that time, but I have no memory at all. I only vaguely remember that I rolled from the front of the courtyard dam to the farmland below, covered in mud.
That's why Grandpa couldn't help Lacrimosa when he saw me. So I spent my childhood under the fir tree with some memories. At grandpa's house, grandma did her best and finally cured my dry sore. In fir tree, when I went out, there were many friends my age. What's important is that there is a river a few steps away, with fish and crabs, which nurtured my short childhood in fir trees. It is the best memory I have left, so I refuse to go back to Dazhuyuan.
Childhood is spent alone in this bustling time. Don't think about anything, don't do anything. Looking back now, it is still a warm picture. Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. Everyone is the same, and we must make decisive dedication and sacrifice for our future. I started my study career for more than ten years, which is the best time to form habits and bad habits.
Primary and junior high schools
The place where I first studied was Maobatou. The school is not big, with only two or three classrooms; There are not many students, only two teachers. Chinese and mathematics take turns, the juniors and seniors are in the same classroom, and the teacher goes to the lower grade in the first grade, or the lower grade goes to the upper grade. At that time, I didn't know what reading was, but eating a pack of spicy strips and playing games with my classmates made me feel very happy!
A harvest, a hard work. Because of poor study, I was interrupted to enter the senior grade, and I went to the junior grade in several places. Finally, after several twists and turns, I went to the garden to finish primary school, started studying in the fourth grade, and never failed again. I have just finished primary school in the garden and made good friends here. Their grades are very good. I can study quietly and imperceptibly in communication and play with them. Mathematics has become my characteristic, and my Chinese is tepid, but I can barely pass. The exams from primary school to junior high school put us in different classes and different places. Like many students, I spent three years in Wenping Middle School.
Just arrived at Wenping Middle School, I met a group of good teachers and made friends. Junior high school is not like primary school. Now I have some different feelings and curiosity, but I am still naive. Junior high school has not only study, but also love, rebellion and online games. Like people in love, I also liked a girl and refused her confession. But the girl I like has never had the courage to confess. Strangely, my friends and I didn't fall in love in junior high school Quietly, we unconsciously got into bad habits and embarked on different life paths. Because of the senior high school entrance examination, we were crossed again. Some people went to high school, some went to vocational high schools, and some went out to work. And I successfully went to high school.
Senior high school career
I spent four years in Dejiang No.2 Middle School. Here, I also met a group of good teachers, especially Yang Jing. But I didn't really meet any friends to talk to, like friends in primary and junior high schools. In these three years, I have encountered problems, troubles and worries that are not found in primary and junior high schools. From the first year of high school, I have a wonderful fear of death, having nightmares and looking a little ignorant. Average grades.
When I was a sophomore, my grandfather died unfortunately, and I lost my family for 1. Because of my grandfather's death, I began to notice his life, which can be summarized in eight words-loyalty to farmers and loyalty to festivals. This made me think about the meaning of life. Later, I met a very good girl. And I've always been very strange. Every time I see her, I feel a little nervous. I wanted to say a few words, but my nervousness ended all my thoughts. I only remember her in my heart. I am as hardworking, pragmatic and diligent as her. Become a better and better self.
Senior year! I don't know whether I am facing the pressure of the college entrance examination, or dissatisfied with my present appearance, or because of frugality. I have fallen into a world of inferiority and negative emotions. It doesn't seem to make any difference to others, but only I know that now I, now my heart, is particularly bad. It's like having a skin, but no soul. I don't know what I think and worry about all day. I am obviously a group that failed in the college entrance examination. Finally, I finished the college entrance examination with 337 points and finished high school. Faced with such loneliness and failure, I began to rethink my future soberly.
A few days after the results of the college entrance examination came out, I signed up for the driving test at the instigation of my fellow villagers. In less than a month, I successfully passed Subject 1 and Subject 2. Because I couldn't make an appointment for subject three, my classmates and I found a job in Dejiang. In the more than 20 days in Hongyun Gym, we changed from the first dozens of people to the last few. I have also gained friends here, but I have more experiences. The brief effort ended in 520. When the universities started one after another, I went to a junior college. Because of the medical examination, I went back to school to deal with the files. It was such an opportunity that I met Teacher Yang again. He asked me which school I was in. To be honest, with the analysis and help of Teacher Yang, I chose to repeat.
For those who have "died" once, cherish this opportunity even more. At that time, I was really confident, and I had no confidence at all. During the tutorial year, although my goal is clear and I am not too worried about other things, even the different life styles in the class are not enough to shake my firm heart. They play with them, they make fun of them, but I can still study hard. But to my surprise, my parents suddenly said they wanted a divorce, which is undoubtedly bad news for me. The original firm heart has been shaken at the moment, is it too much? When I got home and heard different voices, I was at a loss for the first time. My heart can no longer study quietly. I began to hate such a family in my heart. Only school can calm me down. If you have problems with your family in the future, learn to calm down slowly and analyze the pros and cons. My parents had a big fight, and I had no idea what to do. Some voices are ringing in my ears, and some families are divorced because of their children. Obviously, this responsibility falls on my shoulders again. But I don't want to trust others too much. I want to analyze the pros and cons, so I don't talk to other children. In the future, the more they make trouble, the more complicated they become. I'm completely caught in the middle. No matter how to deal with it, I can always hear a voice that blames me a little, saying that I have no ambition, always comparing someone's child with me, and never reflecting on my main contradiction. At first I was angry and emotional. In the face of such language attacks from relatives, I always feel a little sad. After much thought, I decided to leave them alone and let them make trouble. I just study hard for the exam. Later, he ended his tutor career with 409 points and entered the university.
My body
Soon after I went to college, I began to have a physical examination. The body failed the test and needs to go to the hospital for examination. I was examined in the People's Hospital of Guizhou Province, and it was said that there was something wrong with the lungs-suspected tuberculosis. The doctor asked me to go to pulmonary hospital for a specific examination. As I'm new to Guiyang, I'm not familiar with it and I'm not good at asking and inquiring, so I have to find pulmonary hospital on the navigation. Finally, I went to Wudang District People's Hospital and asked the staff in the outpatient hall. They said they could be cured, so they were admitted to the hospital here. A week later, I received blood transfusion and bronchoscopy. As a result, the doctor told me that he was not sure and there was not enough information to prove it. I chose to leave the hospital, back and forth, 7788, and spent five or six thousand yuan.
After the exam, I went home to attend my cousin's wedding and went to Zunyi Affiliated Hospital. I did CT here, and the doctor decisively said it was tuberculosis. The mobile APP I downloaded also showed secondary pulmonary tuberculosis in the right lung. I didn't show any anxiety. I did the examination as the doctor said, prescribed the medicine and went to my uncle's house. They talked about it, you, you ... I didn't dislike it, and I didn't listen at all. Although sometimes the mood is not very good, it will slowly heal. Because I know that mental illness is more terrible than this. Having a healthy body requires not only exercise, but also a good attitude. I'm really bored, so I'll just sleep and wake up. Now, while taking medicine, I do housework, reading books and writing articles. Is my current state of life.
I have never complained about the injustice of fate, nor about the family I came from. For myself, the worst state is that I used to feel a little inferior, looked down on myself, was prone to depression and was not interested in anything. But now my state is much better, and I can treat these negative emotions correctly. Just like garbage is produced in life, as long as we clean it up in time, it can be clean. I think abstract emotions should be the same.
My past is simply summarized in these words. This is a strange state I have experienced. Although it is very common, it is of great reference significance to yourself. Below I will write down my feelings from the years I have gone through.
The influence of parents on their children
My mother didn't go to school, and my father did, but he wasn't "learned". My father is short, lacking in dealing with others, and his life is notoriously frugal. Besides, my mother is not as frugal as my father. As far as I can remember, my father would say a few words to his thrifty mother, so he often accompanied his mouth. Maybe because of this, my mother often says that my father is not good and my grandmother is not good in front of me. Plus, my father doesn't pay attention to his way of speaking, which sometimes sounds bad. Plus grandma sometimes talks a lot, saying things I don't like to hear. I don't like to have too much communication with my parents, and I have an inexplicable resistance to them. I also settled down in Ceng Jing, thinking about their difficulties, their efforts, and their quiet life and communication, but it was always unsatisfactory.
Based on this situation. I've thought a lot and want to know what the problem is, so I have a few questions. First: if my mother doesn't often speak ill of them in front of me; Second: Why can't I communicate with them actively and patiently? Third: Where did my resistance to them come from? I didn't pay attention to the problem at first 1. Until one day suddenly, a friend of mine told me that so-and-so was not good. One day, when I saw that XXX, I got up on purpose. Like to wear colored glasses, there are always some unpleasant thoughts. Think about it carefully, so-and-so in my friend's mouth is not as bad as my friend said. Maybe so-and-so offended his friend, so he has some ideas about him. My conversation with my friends may be unintentional, but because of our friendship, I began to weigh what my friends said. Maybe my mother often says that they are not good, so I unconsciously put on colored glasses here with my mother, and their not-so-good-looking works just fit in and become their subconscious contradiction. If the subconscious of low touch is produced in this way, then the second and third problems are solved.
Parents encounter unpleasant emotions outside or at home. I don't think we should show too much in front of children and let them bear such emotions. Because children are not things, children also have independent life attributes. What parents should do is to induce their children to think. If there is a serious conflict between children's emotions and parents' emotions, they will be very angry. This time can be said to be irrational, and no one wants to go backwards. Isn't the problem getting worse? Educating children well is more valuable than complaining and losing your temper.
It is said that the children of poor families are in charge early, and my understanding is probably like this. A child in practice is doing the same work as his parents, whether it is tired or sunny, in short, he has feelings. Compared with children of the same age, he will think about the current state and the dribs and drabs of life, and subconsciously have the ability to resist pressure, dialectical ability and mature and steady heart. Why is he not better than his peers?
What I learned from my parents can be said to be a whole set of questions. Although they are very kind to me, I know they are not easy, but I have to think about me and my future children. When I say this, I don't mean to blame my parents, because they don't understand education. After all, they have no knowledge. If I stand on their shoulders today and accuse them again, then I must be out of line and my education is a failure. They raised me and sent me to school, and I am already very grateful. But I did learn little from my parents, but they also got little from me. According to my observation, many people my age are like this. And I attribute all this to the influence of parents on their children, not shirking responsibility. Because children have no dialectical ability when they are young, on the contrary, they have strong imitation ability. Parents are the first contacts of children's growth, and subconsciously imitate many things of their parents. If someone finds these problems that are not conducive to children's growth and induces them, the result is self-evident.
Love and marriage
Although I had a brief love, I didn't get the essence of love. The essence I am talking about here is the ideology solved by the problems existing in love. As for marriage, I am even less qualified to talk about it. It's just that in life, seeing other people's marriages makes me think more. Writing this article is all about the views and feelings of the crow on love and marriage.
For people like me, it can be said that they have been in love under the big tree. Whether it is out of true love, or can't stand loneliness, or love for other reasons. If it is true love, it is worth having and should be cherished. As far as the love presented in reality is concerned, not many people really continue to get married. First of all: we are busy with our future jobs now, and everyone hopes to have a satisfactory job and a satisfactory salary in the future. A person who is immersed in planning the future and has ideas will not choose this time to fall in love. 1, no economy; 2. Can't bear the problems brought by love; There are too many uncertainties in the future. For various reasons, for a person who knows how to weigh the pros and cons, he will not gamble on the future and uncertain love. I don't know whether people in love are rational or in a daze together, but people in love know for themselves.
Love in school is different from love in society. For young people, everyone has a dream in his heart. If you choose to fall in love, you must take care of each other's dreams, understand and tolerate each other, and then you can stand on the cornerstone of love. For young graduates, if A is looking for a job in place A and B is looking for a job in place B, who will sacrifice? Of course, there are many situations, depending on how people in love solve them.
Love continues to walk through the marriage hall. Followed by ordinary life, that is, rice, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar tea. The romance that once fell in love was calm and ordinary. There are endless housework, endless breakfast and dinner. Maybe I'm not in the mood at first, but after a long time, you will find puzzling things. At this time, if the mediation between husband and wife is not good, all setbacks will be superimposed with the passage of time, and one day it will break out, which is a serious marriage crisis. It's easy to love someone, but it's hard to love someone all your life. Just like eating, there is always a time when you are tired of eating and want to change your taste. But marriage, after all, is not a meal. How can it change its flavor casually? Marriage is the cornerstone of two people, which needs to be managed together. It is the peace of mind of parents and the meditation of children. If you are emotional because of two people in your marriage, your parents will still worry about you, your children will be sad and you will not be happy.
Marriage is a major event in life, and there is no room for carelessness. Personally, I think that I can't tolerate and understand each other; Can't influence and support each other; Mutual uncertainty, mutual encouragement. Then I think other marriages have not got the essence of marriage.
model
It is human nature to make mistakes; Look at the world, full of worldly desires. Sometimes, we are upset by one thing; Sometimes, we are troubled and worried because of man-made accidents. I don't know, because of the failure of life, we are worried about our young mentality. Many people are not satisfied with the status quo, obsessed with superficial things, and can't see the abstract things they already have, which makes them very painful.
Some things, what we are poor is the pattern. You see, some people just chat together; Listen, someone is discussing together; You, some people work hard together. If you put these different forms of people at the foot of the mountain, you can see them from the top of the mountain. If we compare them, we will have a favorite look in our hearts, just like watching TV. We know who the bad guys are, but the good guys on TV don't. Although the plot is arranged by people, such a plot also comes from thinking about life and presenting life in another way.
Sometimes I think about my past, only to find a lot of embarrassing things I want to laugh at, but I didn't know it at that time. I want to laugh, because watching some things I did in the past is childish, which makes me feel funny and thoughtful now. For example, when I was a child, my classmates and I drew a 38th parallel on the table. Whoever crossed the line would stab him with a pen. When two people are in conflict, they are all trying to win him over, otherwise they will feel wronged and uncomfortable. Now I find that the ways and means of dealing with things in the past are not level, how to block my heart. Where is the solution to the problem? Obviously, it is to find a spell for yourself. If you don't believe me, look at your past. Look at the past pattern with your present pattern, and you will be suddenly enlightened.
Knowing how to let go and know how to make progress is a model; Knowing how to be pragmatic and make progress is a pattern; Knowing generosity and harmony is a model. Correctly handle your emotions, correctly guide your secular desires, and treat your gains and losses normally. Learn self-discipline in a prosperous life, learn to heal yourself in a down-and-out life, never abandon your conscience on the road to making a living, and never lose your dignity on the road to love.
-My feelings are here!
In the future, I don't know what kind of difficulties to challenge and what kind of pressure to face, and I'm not afraid. I will always keep a kind heart, live in harmony with myself, and move towards a better and better self in the future.
2021evening of 20 may