How to build self-confidence
① Specific methods to build self-confidence.
(1) Pick the front seat.
Have you noticed how the seats in the back row are filled first, whether it's teaching or various parties in the classroom? Most people who occupy the back seat hope that they will not be "too conspicuous". And the reason why they are afraid of being noticed is their lack of self-confidence.
Sitting in the front can build confidence. Try to make it a rule and sit as forward as possible from now on. Of course, sitting in the front will be more conspicuous, but remember that everything that succeeds is conspicuous.
(2) Practice facing others.
A person's eyes can reveal a lot about him. When someone doesn't look you in the eye, you will intuitively ask yourself, "What are you trying to hide? What is he afraid of? Will he be bad to me? "
Not looking directly at others usually means: I feel inferior around you; I feel inferior to you; I am afraid of you. Avoiding other people's eyes means: I feel guilty; What have I done or thought of that I don't want you to know? I'm afraid that once I touch your eyes, you will see through me. This is all bad information.
Looking into other people's eyes is telling you that I am honest and aboveboard. I believe what I told you is true. I have no conscience.
(3) Increase your walking speed by 25%
When David Schwartz was a teenager, it was very interesting to go to the town center. After getting on the bus after all the errands, my mother often says, "David, let's sit for a while and look at passers-by."
Mother is a great observer. She would say, "Look at that guy. What do you think is bothering him? " Or "What do you think the lady over there will do?" Or "Look at that man, he seems a little lost."
It's a pleasure to watch people walk. This is much cheaper and more enlightening than watching movies.
Many psychologists associate lazy posture and slow pace with unpleasant feelings about themselves, work and others. But psychologists also tell us that we can change our mental state by changing posture and speed. If you observe carefully, you will find that the movement of the body is the result of mental activity. Those who are hit and rejected are dragging their feet and have no self-confidence.
Ordinary people walk like "ordinary people" and make a confession that "I'm not very proud of myself".
Another kind of person shows extraordinary self-confidence, walks faster than the average person and likes running. Their pace tells the world: "I want to go to an important place and do very important things." More importantly, I will succeed in 15 minutes. "
Use this "25% faster" technology, strut faster, and you will feel your self-confidence growing.
(d) Practice public speaking.
Napoleon Hill pointed out that there are many people with sharp thinking and high talent, but they can't give full play to their strengths to participate in the discussion. It's not that they don't want to participate, just because they lack self-confidence.
The taciturn people in the meeting thought, "My opinion may be worthless. If I say it, others may feel silly. I'd better say nothing. Moreover, others may know more than me, and I don't want you to know that I am so ignorant. " These people often make a vague promise to themselves: "Wait until the next time." But they know very well that they can't keep this promise. Every time these taciturn people don't talk, he is poisoned by lack of self-confidence again, and he will lose self-confidence more and more. On the positive side, if you try your best to speak, you will increase your confidence and it will be easier to speak next time. So talk more, this is the "vitamin" of self-confidence.
No matter what kind of meeting you attend, you should take the initiative to speak every time, maybe it is a comment, maybe it is a suggestion, maybe it is a question, without exception. Besides, don't speak last. To be an icebreaker, you must be the first to break the silence. Don't worry, you'll look stupid. I won't. Because someone will always agree with you. So don't say to yourself, "I'm wondering if I dare say it." Try to attract the attention of the chairman of the meeting, so that you can have a chance to speak.
(5) grin.
Most people know that laughter can give themselves a practical driving force and is a good medicine to cure lack of self-confidence. But there are still many people who don't believe this, because they never try to smile when they are afraid. Real laughter can not only cure one's bad mood, but also immediately dissolve the hostility of others. If you smile at an Zhan Yan person sincerely, he won't be angry with you. Napoleon Hill told a personal experience: "One day, my car stopped at a red light at an intersection and suddenly" bang ". It turned out that the driver of the car behind me slipped and his car hit the bumper behind me. I saw him coming down in the rearview mirror, so I got off with him and prepared to give him a good scolding. " But fortunately, before my attack, he came over, smiled at me and said to me in the most sincere tone,' Friend, I really didn't mean to.' His smile and sincere explanation melted me. I had to whisper, "it doesn't matter, it happens all the time." In a blink of an eye, my hostility turned into friendliness. "
Grind it and you will feel that the good times are coming again. Laughter means laughing "big". Half-hearted smile is useless. Smiling is effective. We often hear: "Yes, but when I am afraid or angry, I just don't want to laugh." Of course, at this time, no one can laugh. The trick is to force yourself to say, "I'm going to start laughing." Then, laugh. The ability to control and use laughter.
(6) When you have stage fright, you might as well tell the truth and calm yourself down.
Vipassana is one of the main methods to study psychology, which was put forward by William Walter, the father of experimental psychology. This method is to observe your inner situation calmly, and then shake out the observation results unabashedly. If we can imitate this method and express the ever-changing psychological secrets in words, there will be no spare capacity to cause trouble. For example, when you first arrive in a strange place, your heart will inevitably be full of doubts and fears. At this time, I might as well express this uneasy mood clearly in words: "I am almost frozen, my heart is beating constantly, even my eyes are black, my tongue is frozen, and my throat is too thirsty to speak." This can not only dispel the inner tension, but also make the mood calm unexpectedly. Give another very real example. There is a salesman who ranks fifth in the United States. When he was not familiar with this line, he once met the American car king alone. As a result, he was really timid. No choice, he had to be honest: "I am ashamed. When I first saw you, I was too scared to say anything. " As a result, this actually eliminated the fear, thanks to the effect of confession.
(7) If you use a positive tone, you can eliminate the sense of inferiority.
Some women face the mirror, and when she sees her figure or skin color, she can't help feeling some kind of happiness. On the contrary, some women are troubled by inferiority complex. Although the other person's skin color is very dark, confident women will think, "My skin is wheat color, almost comparable to black hair." And she must be secretly happy. However, a woman who lacks self-confidence groaned in pain: "Why, my skin color is so dark." Two kinds of people have completely different moods. Some women lose confidence when they see the mirror, and even break it in a rage. Thus, the standard of value judgment is very subjective and vague. As long as you think it looks good, it looks good. If you feel bored, it doesn't look likable. Especially the inferiority complex is often influenced by language, so negative language is harmful to a person's mental health.
The author of Nature is Lucretius, a great Roman poet. He advised people all over the world to praise women with dark skin and said, "Your skin color is as charming as walnuts." As long as she appreciates each other so much, the woman won't care even if she dresses up repeatedly in front of the mirror or knows that her skin is black. So she can concentrate on makeup and always feel that she is an attractive woman.
Then Lucretius advised us to change "skinny" into "lovely antelope" and "eloquent" into "eloquent". Different languages can completely change the same facts and give people different psychological feelings.
In short, the same fact, with positive or negative words, can be described as the result of a world of difference. It can be seen that the problem of this wording is indeed a magician that no genius can match. In any case, as long as valuable words or narratives are often used, the same facts can be completely changed, and of course, inferiority complex can be dispelled and people can enjoy a happy life.
(8) confidence develops confidence.
Without self-confidence, you will become less and less confident.
When you lack confidence, you should do something more confident. When you lack self-confidence, it is better to tell yourself that you are confident than to tell yourself that you are not confident. In order to overcome negative and negative attitudes, we should try our best to adopt a positive attitude. If you feel that you can't do it and leave everything around you behind, the situation will gradually become what you think. There is a group of students who advocate that college students choose the most modern and beautiful college students every year and hold competitions. The following is what the staff there said. He (she) went to universities and streets and saw beautiful people, so he (she) showed them brochures and invited them to participate in the competition. From the local to the central, all kinds of competitions are held again and again. However, everyone is becoming more and more beautiful, which is almost invisible. The staff there said: "Probably more and more confident!" Exactly. Because of the positive attitude of "I want to take part in this competition", these people look beautiful. "I want to take part in this competition", this attitude of affirming life generates self-confidence and makes these people look more beautiful. There is a Danish proverb: "Even if good luck comes, a fool knows how to invite it in." If you take a negative attitude, even if luck knocks on your door, you won't invite it in. The opportunity has come, you should put aside your negative attitude. Luck comes not only from the outside, but also from the heart. "Don't say bad things all day today." These things seem easy, but they are not simple. But as long as you make up your mind to do it, you can do it. If you can smile in your voice, then life will be better every day. Because, if the voice has a kind smile, people will want to talk to you, and then they will be refreshed through contact with others. When talking on the phone, if you speak in a smiling voice, the other party will feel comfortable and happy. If you are bitter or mean, it will not only make the other person uncomfortable, but also make him unhappy. When you bump into each other with words, you bump into yourself with words, and your attitude towards each other is also your attitude towards yourself. We should build up one by one like bricks and establish our positive attitude towards life. Even if you can't like everyone, try to like more than one person and one person. On the contrary, you will like yourself, and then you will overcome the unnecessary fear of others. Because, self-confidence will cultivate self-confidence. Small achievements will bring us confidence. If you want to do great and extraordinary things at once, you will become less and less confident.
(9) Do what you can.
When you do what you can, your personality will be revealed. It is important to find out what you can do now, instead of desperately trying to restore your image. Knowing what you should do and then implementing it can liberate yourself from self-image. In short, try to write down what you can do at once and then put it into practice. You don't have to take great and extraordinary actions, as long as you can. Because we just want to succeed and can't find anything to do. "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today." If you leave it to the next day, what you can easily do today will become very heavy. If you think, "What a nuisance!" And until the next day, the work will become relatively heavy. If what you can do today is put off until the next day, those postponed jobs will increase your burden. I have never met someone who said, "I will quit smoking tomorrow!" " "There will be smoking cessation. I have never seen anyone say, "Let's not drink tonight! "And give up drinking. The following is a short story of a photographer. Once, the photographer attended a party. On the way to the reception, the photographer said, "I quit drinking" and asked him, "When did it start?" He replied, "I just decided to resign. "He quit smoking and drinking. Most people will answer: "After this reception" or "This reception is the last time." Forever is also accumulated hour by hour, because if you take away an hour, there will be no eternity. Try to make two cards, one of which says "Go! "(Do it), and the other said" Do it later ". Take these two cards with you, and take out one when you are not confident. At this time, you should take it out and write "Go ahead! "That one. We can write "Be confident" on the back first. When you don't know whether to do it or not, you must take out this card. Because today is related to the next day, if you don't do what you can do today, it will become more difficult to do tomorrow.
Running a marathon, because the body will be very tired, so you can't be more motivated every time you cross a telephone pole. However, as long as it is not completely manual work, achieving the goal again and again will bring more motivation to people. Therefore, we should divide the big goal into several small stages to achieve it. Every time it reaches a stage, it will generate new impetus. Then it will inspire the motivation needed to achieve the ultimate goal. I thought, "It's probably hard!" Then people who are depressed give in to their goals from the beginning, and these people will set a goal that they can't achieve, which shows that their hearts have been distorted. A sound soul longs for what it can do. People with immature mental development will constantly adopt a very strong self-centered attitude. This phenotype, once a self-centered person sets a goal, it must be a goal that immediately attracts everyone's attention. Then, because he was obsessed with that goal, he lost what he should do here and now. Finally, he went it alone and did something different. People who like to be unconventional when they are young are prone to depression when they are old, which is why. When I was young, I couldn't overcome my self-expression and self-centered personality. When I get old, I become depressed. There is an old saying: "Swallows fly, turtles stamp their feet", that is to say, people who "can't find what they want to do" should not be like the tortoise in this sentence? Suppose the tortoise wants to fly when he sees the geese flying across the sky, isn't that strange? The tortoise should have something that the tortoise can do but the geese can't.