Almost everyone has trauma from family, you and I will have it. These wounds keep attacking us, but we only have distress. This is a question in many people's minds: I know I am not good. What can I do because of my background?

The reason why people feel "powerless" about the trauma of being born into a family is because they have no way to start. You only know that you have a "trauma", but you don't know its source. Of course, you don't know how to change. If we want to change and dilute the trauma of being born in a family, we should trace back to those things that have a great influence on us in our lives. You need to start from the following three points:

First, clearly understand the second, learn to accept the third, choose to face it first and clearly understand it.

The most uncomfortable thing about the trauma of being born in a family is not the pain of the wound itself, but that you can't find the wound, and everything is embarrassing.

All misfortunes have one thing in common: I don't know what went wrong, I feel extremely painful, but I don't know why. For example, a couple always quarrels. They know that they are unhappy because they quarrel and have different views on some things, but what is the root cause? They don't know. They are confused. They have no choice but to quarrel, which will only aggravate their misfortune.

When you realize that your emotions or behaviors are caused by "trauma", consciously stop your emotions or behaviors and shout "stop" in time, telling yourself that if you continue, you will probably hurt yourself or others, which is not the result you want to see. And give yourself a psychological hint: I am good enough to be poked so easily.

So, first of all, you should be aware of the "invisible trauma". When you are always quarreling, you should find the point where you quarrel the most, find the thing that makes you angry the most, and then think about why you are so angry because of this, and what is the point where the other person pokes you.

When you feel unhappy and miserable, don't just indulge in emotions, learn to detect deep-seated reasons.

Second, learn to accept.

Acceptance is to dare to face up to and accept the existence of "trauma" and accept that you are an injured person, rather than bleeding to death as a hero.

When you accept your vulnerability, you can become strong. When you become strong, you can have the ability to face suffering and pain. Because only by accepting the fact that you have been injured can you get better treatment.

Stopping emotional outbursts in time doesn't mean keeping your anger inside. You must release your emotions. You can take a few deep breaths in a row to relax your body, and your mood will gradually disappear. Or go back to your room immediately, lock yourself up and hit the pillow hard to vent your emotions.

I will go to the gym to do some exercise to vent my negative emotions, and I can also have a hearty basketball game with my friends, so that all my negative emotions can be vented and my heart can be relieved.

Third, choose to face

When you see the trauma and accept this scarred self, the problem is not so serious, because you have found the specific problem. Then you can dilute the problem step by step and even solve it.

When I successfully stopped my emotions and behaviors, I affirmed myself, strengthened my self-confidence, and told myself that I can do it, I can get better, and I am getting better slowly. And build self-confidence and increase self-worth through other means. The more confident a person is, the less likely he is to be vilified.

Even if childhood trauma can't be cured, we should try our best to reduce the side effects of those scars. What are the ways? One: live in the present and keep mindfulness.

Why live in pain? In fact, it is not because of too much pain in the past.

No matter how painful the past is, it belongs to what happened.

But why are you still suffering?

Because you don't live in the present, you live in your mind, and you recall your childhood misfortunes over and over again, so you will suffer.

It turns out that you have only been injured once or several times in the past, and the number of times is fixed.

But every time you go back to those hurt experiences, it means that you are hurt again. Every memory is hurt again and the feeling of being hurt is the same.

The more you remember, the more you get hurt. The more hurt, the more fond of memories.

Happiness can be addictive, and so can pain.

The best way is to live in the present and keep mindfulness.

Whenever you subconsciously want to recall the pain, you should immediately divert your attention and shift your consciousness from your mind and thinking to sensing your body and breathing.

Always live in the present and keep mindfulness.

Second, cognitive therapy: don't try to change.

Change your cognition, no one will not be brainwashed, and you will be brainwashed yourself.

A lie told ten thousand times will come true.

It's true when it's fake, and it's true when it's not done.

You experienced pain in your childhood, so you have to tell yourself again and again: it is meaningless to recall the pain yourself, and the past cannot be changed.

If the sky is a great task for Sri Lankan people, they must first put up with their thoughts, work their bones and muscles, and starve their bodies and skin.

Maybe without those sufferings, worse things would happen to me. etc

This is cognitive therapy. Why do you always think about your past sufferings? Because you always want to change the past and feel that you don't deserve that.

In this case, just change your perception:

The past cannot be changed, and there is a gift behind the suffering. An old frontiersman loses his horse—a blessing in disguise.

Third, keep learning, not thinking.

Why do you always daydream? Probably because you are too free. You should try to enrich yourself.

Work hard, study, read, exercise and socialize. It will be much better to be busy.

People's brain capacity and heart capacity are so large that people's energy is limited. You should contact more people and things with positive energy, and naturally those people and things with negative energy in the past will stay away from you.

The plasticity of human brain is also very strong. The more you stimulate a certain part, the more active that part is.

Positive thinking neurons are more active. The more depressed the neurons of negative thinking are.

The best way to get rid of a bad habit is to cultivate a good habit, and we should focus on the cultivation of good habits, not how to get rid of them.

Lose weight, lose weight, the more you lose, the fatter you get, because your attention has been on the word fat.

If you focus on how to lose weight, what can you do to lose weight?

Then your whole subconscious will support your idea of getting thinner.

Being born in a family cannot be changed, and the trauma has already existed, but as human beings, we always have the opportunity to turn our destiny around. Being from a family is not an excuse that you are not good enough, because you can really become better and create a better family.