So is my life. In the face of unsatisfactory work, I suppressed myself for a long time, sulking alone, weeping alone and torturing myself.
I also long for the inner gloom, leave indifferently, and let the dawn of hope warm my heart.
Therefore, taking advantage of the festival of the Year of the Ox, I also bravely opened my own Pandora's Box. It sealed my memory and grew up little by little.
202 1, I want to ask myself, why did I get into the habit of sulking at an early age?
Why? After asking countless times, I silently opened the heavy memories in Pandora's box. Grandma told me something.
There is a village in China called Zhaotang Village, which is located by the Yellow River.
It is also a very common village in all villages.
In the fifties and sixties, it was very poor here. Sometimes villagers are suddenly attacked by the Yellow River. It can be said that ordinary people can't even get enough food and clothing.
My grandmother lives in this village. She was only in her early thirties when her grandfather left because of illness. At this time, my father was not born, only three months in my grandmother's stomach, and my father still had three brothers.
You can imagine this day. Sometimes I eat wheat seedlings, sometimes I eat grass roots, and sometimes I grind bark into powder. Later, after my uncle got married, my father lived in a tent made of corn stalks for seven or eight years.
When my father came of age, he went to work in the county and met my mother. After they got married, although they were hard and poor, they were not lonely.
Later, my parents gave birth to eight children, four men and four women. But some of the four boys fell flat, some fell ill and died, and none of them survived.
This is looked down upon by rural people, because there are no men at home and their status is light. Parents don't know how much humiliation and cynicism they have endured all their lives.
As the eldest daughter, I feel sorry for my parents and take care of my sister. Therefore, no matter how angry my parents are with me, I choose to endure, sulk and secretly shed tears.
Growing up, until today, I have never contradicted my parents once to prevent them from getting angry because of me. Maybe over time, I have formed the habit of being angry only with myself. I dare not resist, I don't want to resist, I just want to wronged myself.
I just want to fight for breath after school, and my grades have always been excellent. There was even a boy who had a crush on him for eight years, but he didn't dare to confess because I didn't have the courage. I keep telling myself that I don't deserve to fall in love. Only by constantly striving to surpass ourselves can parents be satisfied and not suffer.
Later, when I joined the work, I still habitually sulked, wronged myself and tortured myself in the face of unsatisfactory things. Dare not communicate, dare not argue, dare not walk out of their psychological pain zone. It can also be said that it is a painful and comfortable area.
But 202 1, I want to say to myself, don't sulk alone, be brave, and start from the following two points.
Start with reading and writing. In the new year, I write this letter to myself, open the long-sealed memory and want to start healing myself. I can write what I want to express and slowly open this painful and unspeakable heart.
Start with exercise and fitness. In the new year, the most precious wealth is health, and so will the future. I must pay attention to my physical health and mental health, surpass myself bit by bit, grow myself and see if I can live the life I want!
When darkness enveloped the earth, I gently cut off a ray of sunshine, planted it in my heart, and buried hope.
Because hope is the only antidote to pain.
202 1, I want to say to myself loudly, be brave and be free and easy! The last layer of Pandora's box is hope, embrace hope and break through the wind and frost!