2. Restrictive beliefs are divided into three categories: absolute requirements. It is easy to ask others to do such a thing. You must listen to me and do as I say. When things run counter to your absolute requirements, you are easily angry and disappointed. One is incompetence, and the other is control.
Secondly, it is easy to generalize too much, and it is easy to evaluate the identity of yourself or others if things are a little rough. This part has its own values and is easy to cause contradictions, so it is necessary to replace people with things and evaluate them with facts.
The third is to fall into a terrible state, worthless, helpless and incompetent. In the final analysis, there is something wrong with faith. Growth is a process of continuous improvement. You can accept mistakes, but you can't rest on your laurels for fear of making mistakes.
Knowing these three restrictive beliefs can be used as a trigger. When such thoughts come into being, we need to be aware of them, and then fill out a self-awareness form to help us improve our consciousness.
3. Only by establishing the belief that white rabbits love fat geese can we solve the problem correctly. When a problem occurs, take the initiative to get busy and tell yourself or others that he has done his best at the moment to avoid falling into negative emotions and swearing. The emphasis here is that everyone has sufficient resources, and then more than three effective solutions can be used flexibly to solve the problem.
Ask and answer. A
Student Question Name: Wang
After studying the separation, I feel that I have a deeper understanding of the ego and emotions, and it is no problem to interact with others, but it will inexplicably trigger and detonate emotions for the closest family members. What is the real reason for this? How to adjust and improve?
The instructor replied.
1.？ I said in yesterday's question and answer that being good to others and not good to my family shows that I am incompetent.
2.？ The reason is that there is no consciousness, no ability, and a state of unconsciousness and incompetence.
3.？ How to improve: first make yourself conscious, find yourself triggering your family, and then train your ability to improve your emotional handling and problem-solving skills.
Ask and answer. A
Student Question Name: Small Fish Begonia
It is mentioned in the problem description that effectiveness is more important than rationality. Similarities and differences between validity and rationality?
The instructor replied.
1. In actual combat, many people will struggle with the truth and think that their truth is correct and incomparable. Then there will be all kinds of emotions. For example, does it make sense for parents to teach their children to study hard? Especially. But does it work? Children will be particularly disgusted. Therefore, this belief can help you perceive quickly.
As a junior training camp, I just give a general explanation. Really free training camp, I will tell you how to use it.
Ask and answer. A
Name of student question: No word.
Problem Description Today, you talked about faith in this class. Through the whole class, I also got a preliminary understanding of the power of faith. The problem now is that I stimulate myself to have positive emotions through correct beliefs, but I am still disturbed by various factors in practice. I tell myself every day that I can "read for half an hour every day". The actual situation is: I worked overtime again today, so tired. Unable to control when brushing, resulting in the plan not being completed; How can I break the ceiling of the current action?
The instructor replied.
1.？ First of all, note that not all problems can be solved by faith.
2.？ Your problem is that the goal is unclear, the obstacles are unclear, the guarantee has not kept up, the task has not been arranged, and the plan has not been decided.
3.？ Please solve them one by one according to my five points.
Ask and answer. A
Name of Student Question: crazywwy
Question description teacher, you say mission, how can you find your own mission? I read some books and said that I should keep trying. What do you think?
The instructor replied.
1. Order one for yourself first, then do it.
2. If you are wrong, readjust quickly, and the missions of many large enterprises will be adjusted with time.
Please adjust your belief: don't expect a perfect and correct mission. The focus of the task is whether it is there, not whether it is perfect.
Student Question Name: Alice loves beauty.
Through three days of courses and exercises, I found that the language, emotion and belief triggers about self in separation will cross. Today's class, the teacher also mentioned that the relationship between the three is that faith leads to emotion, and emotional stimulation produces language. Is it so understood that emotion and language are "signals" to compare appearances, and the ultimate way to find the fundamental trigger point is to find the fundamental "false belief" from the trigger points of two appearances and change behavior by changing cognition?
The instructor replied.
1.？ What is given in the table is a trigger. If you are aware of what triggers it (such as language or emotion), then you should check it.
2.？ If you really want to change, start with your beliefs, and then change slowly with the wind.
3.？ If you want to find the fundamental fuse, you really need to find the problem of faith.
Ask and answer. A
Student Question Name: Chu Xiaokang
Question Description What do you think or suggest about my method (the way I treat others)? If a person talks fiercely to another person every day and the other person is never fierce, can the other person accept that the first person talks fiercely to him every day? Genetically speaking, people don't like being fierce by others, do they?
Big background
2065438+September 2005, worked in a company. There are three people in the company, I, the boss and Daming (my colleague's name is Daming for convenience of description). Daming is my superior leader. Daming and I rent a house together. After spending a long time with Daming, I found that he usually talks fiercely and often complains to me (the boss should listen to me on this question, not like that ...). I can't stand this situation. Because no one would let anyone argue with him, I recorded the process of the dispute in detail, analyzed it and found that it was meaningless for me to argue with him. After that, I gradually stopped arguing with him. (I read the book "The Power of Habit" for this method of recording.) Moreover, at that time, I began to "sit back and enjoy the success" (meditation). Although the serious dispute has been solved, he still talks fiercely every day. Whenever I'm under pressure, it's hard to cope.
My coping style
Consciousness-Listening-Understanding-Adjustment-Action
Background At work today, I asked Daming if I could do this. He started complaining ... (too much work, he can't earn money ...) He told me not to do it (I didn't hear this sentence), and then he complained for a while. I did. He criticized me loudly and I was a little angry.
My solution: first of all, try to make yourself think rationally and think about where this gas comes from. I think the source of this anger is: his unhappiness+his habit of treating others+I did something wrong. It is useless for me to say anything about his complaint. Talk as little as possible and say the right things. Adjustment: The next time I get angry, I will think according to this routine. While thinking, I will divert my attention and make myself less angry.
The instructor replied, thank you for your accurate description. You are a great man.
1. defeat its spirit, resolve its disputes, and share its glory. This is my life principle. I am usually very peaceful, even humble, because I think I have nothing to show off, because I grow up very fast. But if someone touches my bottom line, for example, someone maliciously comments on my course, I will resolutely fight back, and I will fight back with what I am best at (see: /archives/2906).
Colleague Daming has tried his best at the moment, and his past experience has left him with only complaints. I can see your Excellence from your feedback. You can use your energy to help him improve. If he blames for no reason, you can directly fight back.
In your question, can you accept that everyone speaks fiercely? Accept it if you want. If you don't want to accept it, you can't. The key is to think about the behavior you want to choose, the risks, and the countermeasures after accepting/not accepting.
Ask and answer. A
Student Question Name: Li Insist
I wonder if the teacher supports talent. For example, some people can't do well in some aspects no matter how hard they try. Can positive beliefs change this state?
The instructor replied.
1.？ Very supportive of talents.
2.？ No matter how hard you try, you just can't do it well. That's because the standard of "good" is not clear. People who usually say this will set the standard very high by default.
3.？ Faith can bring about change. Faith is a necessary condition, but not a sufficient condition.
Ask and answer. A student's question name: BuDidi-Table ~
When I get along with a colleague, she always tells me what is wrong, and I will listen carefully and reflect on whether it is really wrong.
But once she went on a business trip with me (she often went to do the work to be done on this business trip), and she told me that I shouldn't do this and that. I was the first two. I had some ideas in my mind (which proved to be correct later), but I didn't say them, because I did it according to my own ideas once. She was very emotional and told me that I had done something wrong and the consequences were very serious. I almost had a nervous breakdown. Later, I did nothing until the end of this business trip. After I came back, my colleague and I didn't communicate much, but when I finally reported to my superior, she kept sighing. My heart is empty and I don't know what's wrong with my report. After the report, I felt that my relationship with her was also very bad. I pretended not to see her several times when two people met. In fact, I don't know how to treat this colleague, especially when working with this colleague.
Question: 1. How should I continue to get along with this colleague?
2. I can accept that others keep pointing out my shortcomings in getting along, but I find it annoying. Is it my problem?
The instructor replied.
1. This question is beyond the scope of our course. I am still the same sentence: defeat its spirit, resolve its disputes, and share its glory. I can torture in every way at ordinary times, because I don't think your unconsciousness will affect me. If you touch my bottom line, I will hit you directly.
2. There are special plans for problems in the workplace. For example, in the meantime, you can consider tearing her up. The core essence of this problem is: your own boundaries are unclear, and others enter your boundaries at will.
3. For example, if an old employee bullies a new employee, you should put yourself in his shoes and consider asking for an exchange. What must you exchange with him? For example, for your colleague Bichi, you should be clear about the value (why not kill her, what the organization values and what you are planning), clear about the boundaries (your principles and bottom line, do you want to storm your bottom line), and answer blows with blows (if you are strong, deal with the facts, fight back appropriately, and maintain the follow-up goodwill).
4. If you really want to tear it once, please refer to the following process: ① Tear it in front of him, but not in front of everyone. ② Talk about feelings, opinions, the overall situation and the bottom line. (3) Tear up your apologies and be a good colleague. (4) mend it again, and then tear it up.
Ask and answer. A
Name of Student Question: crazywwy
Problem description 1. I listened to a young man's speech and emotional expression at work today. His language includes "I'm bored to death" and "I can't do it". During the day, I think he is not active, it is a kind of self-reinforcement. After class in the evening, I am very confused. The teacher said that you don't know his bad background, so you just comment on others. Is it wrong to think that he was passive that morning?
2. It is the same young man. I always felt that he didn't focus on his work. Today, I shared with him what I learned in the training camp these two days. He replied: you always talk, so you have resistance and don't want to listen. My belief behind this is to control him and make him listen to me and study like me?
The instructor replied.
1.？ You know, you evaluated him. It's your problem. When you realize it, you should realize yourself and whether what others say affects you. Look at the bodhisattva, not at the inside of others. Your evaluation of him is:
This will bring a superior emotional tendency, which is not good for yourself. Everyone is a mirror, and what you can evaluate and compare is yourself. This is a very important spiritual process.
2.？ Yes, it's still a problem caused by superior emotions. Excellence will bring many emotional problems, and you will force the result to happen. If you really expect him to change, then ask yourself what effective way you used instead of reasonable way.
3.？ Remember, he has done his best at the moment.
Student Question Name: Wei Lingling
The problem description just tidied up the contents of the teacher's class, and the dry goods were full. Finally, MengMeng's speech was full of sincerity and emotion. Thank you, teacher. I also want to say: There must be many friends in our group who want to be with you for life! Thank you for your growth and sharing! However, there is a problem when I like to take notes, that is, you mentioned the concept of an identity in a general way. I don't quite understand this point. What do you mean, don't evaluate your identity?
The instructor replied.
1. This is the content of future courses. At the same time, this is also a very, very important keyword in emotional management. Now that you have found it, you have a gift.
2. There are two kinds of people's judgments about the world: fact-based and identity-based. All identity-based evaluations are evaluated by their own values, which reflect the value orientation rather than the facts. Some high-energy people will use their own values to influence others, and some low-energy people will be influenced by other people's evaluations.
3. A key to getting rid of emotions is to see your identity clearly, which will be mentioned in the following.
Student Question Name: Alice loves beauty.
I wonder if the problem description is based on a preconceived understanding of the literal meaning of "separation": separation means that under strong emotions, you can jump out and see yourself clearly, thus controlling your emotions to some extent and improving your personal conduct. I have never been able to fully understand the idea that initiative equals separation in the teacher's theory (the feeling after listening to the preview class is that initiative equals separation). But at the same time, I think it makes sense to define initiative as a choice between stimulus and response. But from my own experience and common sense, the meaning of initiative should be more than "separation". Is it because I haven't figured out the so-called essential problem? If you don't think these questions clearly, you will be confused when using the form. Are you doing the right deliberate training?
The instructor replied.
1.？ Separation? Perception is the foundation of initiative.
2.？ The purpose of the sharing session is to let everyone have an intuitive understanding, and it is not necessary to make it clear, or even set loopholes in the training camp to make up for it. The core purpose is to consider from the perspective of products, not from the perspective of knowledge.
3.？ Take the initiative? =? Have the right to choose between stimulation and reaction, and expand knowledge? +? Perception. Separation is the ability of perception and the foundation of initiative.
Three people grow up very hard-Alice loves beauty (45923432)? 22:32:3 1
Thank you, teacher. When I asked this question, I also vaguely felt that separation was defined as the first habit, probably because it was the most basic habit, but I was always confused because of the lack of relevant knowledge and background. I have probably browsed some articles in the blog before, and I also have the feeling that my knowledge and past experience can't understand some contents. However, although I am confused when using tools, I will always gain something. I understand this harvest because I wrote it down and joined the analysis process, so my knowledge and understanding will rise to a higher level. However, it is a little uncertain whether this is a deliberate training to improve the corresponding ability of two places at once.
Any Yong Cheng 22: 33: 50.
Initiative is the first habit, separation is the foundation, and the core purpose is to point to self-discipline. Training in a free training camp. It would be nice if you deliberately trained your perception.
"Separation Training Camp" is a meta-habit promotion product initiated by Happy Evolution Club. Please refer to: /Productive for details.